Hey, man. You hear NASA just figured out something about our neighboring planet that's been not only unknown but impossible to have been known since before homo sapiens branched off from the evolutionary tree of apes?
Cool. What was it?
I don't fully understand, not being a scientist, but the gist is that ancient water in a river on the barren planet of Mars once flowed across an area that now shows similar properties to dry riverbeds on Earth, where the mud crac....
Wait, did you say mud?
Uhh...yes.
Stop right there. I've got my headline. No more information necessary.
But, dude, we work for a major publication. Shouldn't we know a little more before writing the headline? Especially since that's all most people read?
Nah, screw the readers. They won't get it as is, and we fired the science editor a few weeks ago.
You are a disgrace to journalism.
Yeah, but my click commission is buying margaritas tonight.
Okay. Fuck science. Write it up so we can get out of here.