Great!
There's always some fucking idiot wants to let off fireworks.
2857 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Feb 2018
Fanny pack was still in use in Canada, when I arrived thirteen years ago to my & heard it used for the first time to my howls of laughter & confused looks everywhere else.
The advertising campaign to not discard litter out of your car window while driving, had me laughing so much I almost crashed.
"Don't be a Tosser!"
Also failed school PC in Somerset, due to water ingress by situating PC right under a leaking glass roof where water worked its way
onto the motherboard.
Ex Mrs Oncoming Scorn (During the Monsoon summer of 2007 IIRC) on seeing a tiny leak in the conservatory roof, where dripping water from the guttering was being blown under the flashing at the point where the flashing of corrugated plastic roofing sheets met brickwork just in the corner of the tenement decided to clear the drainpipe & prop it up via the sons bedroom by poking the guttering with a broom handle. The result was the guttering seperating from it had happily been situated for years.
The result of this was a massive Niagara outpouring straight on to the previously minuet leak flooding the conservatory.
Replacing a PC, lifting up the ancient Compaq to discover, ancient spilled coffee, that had developed into mould, developed into sapient life had a ideology dispute with its neighbours which developed into a nuclear showdown & the inevitable mutually assured destruction. No amount of scraping would shift it so the new PC was carefully placed over it for another four years.
Malachi : We will solve our own problems, as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers.
Bender : Convert them?
Malachi : To radioactive vapor!
I order ahead via the app, rather than face (Well listen to) the horrors of the accent of the day at the drive through's crappy speaker.
Arrive, park up & let them bring it to me.
I had one "Karen*" server bemoan to me that the pickup driving spaces were only for delivery drivers not customers (Despite the signage & app saying otherwise), I'm sure her cow-orkers appreciated my passive aggressive retaliation by parking up in the most awkward stalls to walk to in -10 to -30C temps for my next few visits.
*I very much doubt that was her name however.
my edition of the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio scripts that had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years in the future into the clearance bin at WH Smiths & wound up in my possession around 1985 - 87 isn't dog eared at all.
Icon - What thieving bastard has taken my towel off the towel rail?
You were lucky, when I were a lad we would have sent all our kids & our mothers down the mine just to get speeds in the KHz...
& so the Four Yorkshire men skit continues.
Icon - Heavenly Pint for TBT (Co-writer).
A my surname languishes at the bottom end of the alphabet it sometimes pays off.
One Friday walking through London on my way to Paddington & I hadn't received my usual notice of contract extension until literally 16:55* last name on the list, apologies etc etc but there's been a rate increase worth about 2.5 beer tokens per hour.
Get to work Monday colleague mentions to me,
"As you're here I presume got your contract renewal came through then, I got mine Thursday"
"Yes literally last thing Friday afternoon, rate increase was a bonus too!"
"What rate increase?"
Most of my colleagues surnames are at the top end of the alphabet, so he gets on the blower, the rate change came in on the Friday, no its too late for him (& the others) the placation statement of
"It's alright you'll get it next renewal" was not well received.
*Icon as it was almost beer o'clock & I was probably aiming to go into The Tyburn Tree near Marble Arch.
I wonder if any of The Pythons read that (They claim to have got the idea from a carving in Notre Dame of a Knight fleeing a rabbit).
TIM: Behold the cave of Caerbannog!
ARTHUR: Right! Keep me covered.
GALAHAD: What with?
ARTHUR: W-- just keep me covered.
TIM: Too late!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR: What?
TIM: There he is!
ARTHUR: Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit.
ARTHUR: You silly sod!
TIM: What?
ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!
ARTHUR: Ohh.
TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!
TIM: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You mangy Scots git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!
TIM: Look!
[squeak]
BORS: Aaaugh!
[dramatic chord]
[clunk]
ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!
TIM: I warned you!
ROBIN: I done it again!
TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!
TIM: Do they listen to me?
ARTHUR: Right!
TIM: Oh, no...
KNIGHTS: Charge!
[squeak squeak squeak]
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!, Aaaugh!, etc.
ARTHUR: Run away! Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away!...
Short version of a oft told tale of mine.
Two parts required to fix printer power issue, only one in my hand after waiting for it (Fitting it without the other part will result in it losing its magic smoke) & still awaiting the other.
Customer screaming - I'm told to make a token effort to travel out with the one part I have, do not fit it but make a best "endeavours" assessment.
Arrive on angry customers site to discover no power on the mains lead or indeed the wall socket & demonstrate by plugging printer via a extension lead into a working wall socket as printer springs into life.
Angry customer tears into me over helpdesk script monkeys not verifying the power socket is known to be good.
One day doing a round of hardware drop off's & installs at a certain very large drug facility in Stevenage, I was intercepted by Security regarding the integrity of Laptop Kensington locks for after realising they weren't trying to pin weekend laptop thefts (& had a cast iron alibi of not even being in the same county at that time) on me transpired someone had got into locked offices via the ceiling tiles & roof space.
The evidence for this modus operandi was two very large dirty boot prints on one of the desks though they apparently used the door for a more conventional exit with ill gotten gains.
GENERAL: The Moment is installed.
ANDROGAR: I don't understand. What is the Moment? I've never heard of it.
GENERAL: The memory eater. The final work of the ancients of Microsoft, a piece of bloatware so powerful, the operating system became sentient. According to legend... it developed a conscience.
ANDROGAR: And we've never used it?
GENERAL: Why would you use a tool capable of ultimate mass surveillance when it can stand in judgment of your browser history?
To quote\paraphrase from DNA again for the third time in this thread.
It has been said that Vogons are not above a little bribery and corruption in the same way that the sea is not above the clouds, and this was certainly true in his case.
When he heard the words integrity or moral rectitude he reached for his dictionary, and when he heard the chink of ready money in large quantities he reached for the rule book and threw it away.
or the shorter...
ROOSTA: I prefer hard cash. If you can’t scratch a window with it I don’t accept it.
Medicine Hat - Yes I've been on Suffield exercise range a few times as part of the Oil n Gas IT Team.
Company vehicle should be a seriously lifted 4WD truck or Challenger Tank & not to mention the NSFW\Politically incorrect signage on the "target buildings".
Friend of my fathers spent a hot summers afternoon & evening drinking farm cider sold under the counter at our local pub.
When he finally decided he'd had enough....he left the bar & watched by all the regulars as he to paraphrase Douglas Adams weaved his way through a completely empty car park.
Made it across the main road, which at evenings & weekends was usually quiet.... got 50 yards up the road directly opposite the pub & clung onto a lamp post for dear life.
Where he spontaneously lost bowel control, in the way that only rough scrumpy can manage.
Then walked drunkenly home in a rather amusing way to the onlookers watching the show.
This is for a good friend of mine.......who used to rebuild cider presses.
There wuz a man from Zummerzet
Who sometimes repairs Cider press
'e said it's sediment in the vat
When asked why the Scrumpy was cloudy
Wus usually drowned & then dissolved rat.
"Running a personal Windows 11 device without a Microsoft account is not a great experience, however. Some elements of the operating system simply do not work, and Microsoft is clearly keen for customers to have an account."
Having an account as per the last third of that statement doesn't change the middle third's operations either.
As to the first third, I find W11 perfectly usable without a M$ account, in some (not all) regards I find it less cluttered & easier than 10.