* Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

2857 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Feb 2018

NASA to shoot rockets at April solar eclipse to see how it messes with the atmosphere

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Joke

Great!

There's always some fucking idiot wants to let off fireworks.

BBC exterminates AI experiments used to promote Doctor Who

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Re: Fantasy

Practically everything!

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Re: FFS

Pretty much most of the classic run did & as did Chris Eccleston's credits, so what's your point?

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Re: He's The Doctor not Doctor Who.

That's the first question, the oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight.

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Mushroom

FFS

He's The Doctor not Doctor Who.

UK skies set for cheeky upgrade with hybrid airship

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Re: Really???

Jeff: "Specification? You didn’t have to work to specification when you designed that airship for the New World Aircraft Corporation."

Brains: "That’s right, I didn’t. A-and what happened? They laughed."

Jeff: "Yes, that’s right. They laughed. And then they built it."

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Really???

Fanny pack was still in use in Canada, when I arrived thirteen years ago to my & heard it used for the first time to my howls of laughter & confused looks everywhere else.

The advertising campaign to not discard litter out of your car window while driving, had me laughing so much I almost crashed.

"Don't be a Tosser!"

What's brown and sticky and broke this PC?

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Re: I was the problem luser

Also failed school PC in Somerset, due to water ingress by situating PC right under a leaking glass roof where water worked its way

onto the motherboard.

Ex Mrs Oncoming Scorn (During the Monsoon summer of 2007 IIRC) on seeing a tiny leak in the conservatory roof, where dripping water from the guttering was being blown under the flashing at the point where the flashing of corrugated plastic roofing sheets met brickwork just in the corner of the tenement decided to clear the drainpipe & prop it up via the sons bedroom by poking the guttering with a broom handle. The result was the guttering seperating from it had happily been situated for years.

The result of this was a massive Niagara outpouring straight on to the previously minuet leak flooding the conservatory.

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Joke

Re: Ahhh the joys

You can repair those?

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Mushroom

Re: Spiky horror

Replacing a PC, lifting up the ancient Compaq to discover, ancient spilled coffee, that had developed into mould, developed into sapient life had a ideology dispute with its neighbours which developed into a nuclear showdown & the inevitable mutually assured destruction. No amount of scraping would shift it so the new PC was carefully placed over it for another four years.

Malachi : We will solve our own problems, as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers.

Bender : Convert them?

Malachi : To radioactive vapor!

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Off topic

The gentlemen who liked to go data mining in his brain, via his nose, he then would leave the residue on his fingers & subsequently on his keyboard.

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Facepalm

Re: Ahhh the joys

More Slaughterhouse Blues.

Coffee spillage on phone, phone not working please replace.

Arrive at phone & desk, both covered in water.

"EXPLAIN!"

"Oh I spilled coffee on it & then I washed the coffee off with water & then it stopped working!"

Apple iPhone AI to be powered by Baidu in China, maybe

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Pint

Re: ERNIE?

Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue

She lived all alone in Lindley Lane at number 22

They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic

But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week

BOFH: So you want more boardroom tech that no one knows how to use

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Flame

Re: Laminate everything

That heat source is far easier for me to arrange than you might think.......

Icon just rotate it 90 degree's (Either way)

Britain enters period of mourning as Greggs unable to process payments

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Coat

Re: It's a sausage, bean and cheese melt-down!

Crumbs!

McDonald's ordering system suffers McFlurry of tech troubles

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Coat

I order ahead via the app, rather than face (Well listen to) the horrors of the accent of the day at the drive through's crappy speaker.

Arrive, park up & let them bring it to me.

I had one "Karen*" server bemoan to me that the pickup driving spaces were only for delivery drivers not customers (Despite the signage & app saying otherwise), I'm sure her cow-orkers appreciated my passive aggressive retaliation by parking up in the most awkward stalls to walk to in -10 to -30C temps for my next few visits.

*I very much doubt that was her name however.

Grok-1 chatbot code released – open source or open Pandora's box?

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Curiously Enough

my edition of the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio scripts that had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years in the future into the clearance bin at WH Smiths & wound up in my possession around 1985 - 87 isn't dog eared at all.

Icon - What thieving bastard has taken my towel off the towel rail?

Intel's $699 Core i9-14900KS turbos to 6.2GHz – assuming you can keep it cool

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Re: "...the x86 giant now has a...processor...that it says will do 6.2GHz right out of the box..."

You were lucky, when I were a lad we would have sent all our kids & our mothers down the mine just to get speeds in the KHz...

& so the Four Yorkshire men skit continues.

Icon - Heavenly Pint for TBT (Co-writer).

Ad agency boss owned two Ferraris but wouldn't buy a real server

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Pint

Re: Aaron?

A my surname languishes at the bottom end of the alphabet it sometimes pays off.

One Friday walking through London on my way to Paddington & I hadn't received my usual notice of contract extension until literally 16:55* last name on the list, apologies etc etc but there's been a rate increase worth about 2.5 beer tokens per hour.

Get to work Monday colleague mentions to me,

"As you're here I presume got your contract renewal came through then, I got mine Thursday"

"Yes literally last thing Friday afternoon, rate increase was a bonus too!"

"What rate increase?"

Most of my colleagues surnames are at the top end of the alphabet, so he gets on the blower, the rate change came in on the Friday, no its too late for him (& the others) the placation statement of

"It's alright you'll get it next renewal" was not well received.

*Icon as it was almost beer o'clock & I was probably aiming to go into The Tyburn Tree near Marble Arch.

Developers beware, Microsoft's domain shakeup is coming soon

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Gimp

That Worked For Matt Bellamy & MUSE

The top level domain of Mauritius.

https://www.muse.mu/

Rancher faces prison for trying to breed absolute unit of a sheep

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Re: Just don't infect them with virus P 939

I wonder if any of The Pythons read that (They claim to have got the idea from a carving in Notre Dame of a Knight fleeing a rabbit).

TIM: Behold the cave of Caerbannog!

ARTHUR: Right! Keep me covered.

GALAHAD: What with?

ARTHUR: W-- just keep me covered.

TIM: Too late!

[dramatic chord]

ARTHUR: What?

TIM: There he is!

ARTHUR: Where?

TIM: There!

ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?

TIM: It is the rabbit.

ARTHUR: You silly sod!

TIM: What?

ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!

TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

ARTHUR: Ohh.

TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

GALAHAD: Get stuffed!

TIM: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?

ROBIN: You mangy Scots git!

TIM: I'm warning you!

ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?

TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!

ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

TIM: Look!

[squeak]

BORS: Aaaugh!

[dramatic chord]

[clunk]

ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!

TIM: I warned you!

ROBIN: I done it again!

TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--

ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!

TIM: Do they listen to me?

ARTHUR: Right!

TIM: Oh, no...

KNIGHTS: Charge!

[squeak squeak squeak]

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!, Aaaugh!, etc.

ARTHUR: Run away! Run away!

KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away!...

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Childcatcher

A Single, Genetically Pure Male Marco Polo Argali

So no Welsh DNA in it then.

AI models show racial bias based on written dialect, researchers find

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Personally (Is It Just Me)

I'd sentence both the authors of those two sentences to death.

UK and US lack regulation to protect space tourists from cosmic ray dangers

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Alien

Re: By danger...

As long as they don't come back like Victor Carroon (& by extension the rest of the crew).

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FAIL

Wellll

We had submarine scientist\expert try that a few years back, went a bit pear shaped & ended up pancake (crepe) shaped in August last year.

Climate change means beer made from sewer water, says North Carolina brewery

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Taking The Piss

American Beer has always been shit, its just taken them a few years to think about applying it literally,

Yes I did just recycle an old The Mary White Experience (Radio) joke.

Icon - This time I'll pass thanks.

Grab a helmet because retired ISS batteries are hurtling back to Earth

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Thumb Up

At least it's not two hundred thirty-nine thousand lightly fried eggs, those will kill you in weeks from cholesterol poisoning.

Job interview descended into sweary shouting match, candidate got the gig anyway

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Pint

Short version of a oft told tale of mine.

Two parts required to fix printer power issue, only one in my hand after waiting for it (Fitting it without the other part will result in it losing its magic smoke) & still awaiting the other.

Customer screaming - I'm told to make a token effort to travel out with the one part I have, do not fit it but make a best "endeavours" assessment.

Arrive on angry customers site to discover no power on the mains lead or indeed the wall socket & demonstrate by plugging printer via a extension lead into a working wall socket as printer springs into life.

Angry customer tears into me over helpdesk script monkeys not verifying the power socket is known to be good.

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Pint

Well this is a Novell discussion.

BOFH: I get locked out, but I get in again

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Holmes

A Weekend On The (Celiling) Tiles

One day doing a round of hardware drop off's & installs at a certain very large drug facility in Stevenage, I was intercepted by Security regarding the integrity of Laptop Kensington locks for after realising they weren't trying to pin weekend laptop thefts (& had a cast iron alibi of not even being in the same county at that time) on me transpired someone had got into locked offices via the ceiling tiles & roof space.

The evidence for this modus operandi was two very large dirty boot prints on one of the desks though they apparently used the door for a more conventional exit with ill gotten gains.

HP print rental service seeks more users to become subscription addicts

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Holmes

Re: @cageordie - The revenue stream model

Id have to say Brother are probably quite happy with HP's subscription model, as it drives the disgruntled & the informed into buying Brothers.

World-plus-dog booted out of Facebook, Instagram, Threads

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Coat

Not So Brilliant

Well that's Midge Ure's day fucked then.

Icon - Getting me Burberry Mac.

Updates are plenty but fans are few in Windows 11 land

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Re: Moment?

GENERAL: The Moment is installed.

ANDROGAR: I don't understand. What is the Moment? I've never heard of it.

GENERAL: The memory eater. The final work of the ancients of Microsoft, a piece of bloatware so powerful, the operating system became sentient. According to legend... it developed a conscience.

ANDROGAR: And we've never used it?

GENERAL: Why would you use a tool capable of ultimate mass surveillance when it can stand in judgment of your browser history?

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Pint

Re: Be less intrusive, less pushy, less blocking work,

I've moved it to its traditional home on the left.

Meta kills Facebook News in the US and Australia

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Joke

Re: "CarolineS"?

Given the news of his cancer though, many have speculated he may have a shorter reign than a shetland pony.

They call me 'Growler'. I don't like you. Let's discuss your pay cut

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Re: Revenge

To quote\paraphrase from DNA again for the third time in this thread.

It has been said that Vogons are not above a little bribery and corruption in the same way that the sea is not above the clouds, and this was certainly true in his case.

When he heard the words integrity or moral rectitude he reached for his dictionary, and when he heard the chink of ready money in large quantities he reached for the rule book and threw it away.

or the shorter...

ROOSTA: I prefer hard cash. If you can’t scratch a window with it I don’t accept it.

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Black Helicopters

Re: Depends on your definition of growler I guess.

Medicine Hat - Yes I've been on Suffield exercise range a few times as part of the Oil n Gas IT Team.

Company vehicle should be a seriously lifted 4WD truck or Challenger Tank & not to mention the NSFW\Politically incorrect signage on the "target buildings".

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FAIL

Re: Depends on your definition of growler I guess.

Friend of my fathers spent a hot summers afternoon & evening drinking farm cider sold under the counter at our local pub.

When he finally decided he'd had enough....he left the bar & watched by all the regulars as he to paraphrase Douglas Adams weaved his way through a completely empty car park.

Made it across the main road, which at evenings & weekends was usually quiet.... got 50 yards up the road directly opposite the pub & clung onto a lamp post for dear life.

Where he spontaneously lost bowel control, in the way that only rough scrumpy can manage.

Then walked drunkenly home in a rather amusing way to the onlookers watching the show.

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Pint

Re: Depends on your definition of growler I guess.

This is for a good friend of mine.......who used to rebuild cider presses.

There wuz a man from Zummerzet

Who sometimes repairs Cider press

'e said it's sediment in the vat

When asked why the Scrumpy was cloudy

Wus usually drowned & then dissolved rat.

It's that most wonderful time of the year when tech cannot handle the date

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Re: Time to go

I just get paid every two weeks.

It's crazy but it's true: Apple rejected Bing for wrong answers about Annie Lennox

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Windows

Re: While I'm in the mood for conditional expressions . . .

Ohhh I'd forgotten that one.

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Pint

Re: If you're on Safari

Saw them at The Great Hall Exeter Uni.

So good to be back home again.

Here comes the rain again - Finding my crash helmet padding totally soaked through due to rain, after the gig, not so good.

Apple's Titan(ic) iCar project is dead as self-driving dream fails to materialize

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Joke

Non-Starter Really

Square wheels with rounded corners & the owners driving it wrong.

If we plug this in without telling anyone, nobody will know we caused the outage

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Windows

Re: Ugh I hated SCSI cables

I recently had to straighten a bent pin(s) on a VGA cable for the first time in years.

Intuitive Machines' lunar lander tripped and fell

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Mushroom

Obligatory

John Koenig: The giant leap for Mankind... it's beginning to look like a stumble in the dark.

Musk 'texts' Nadella about Windows 11's demands for a Microsoft account

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Re: If he thinks that's bad he should try MacOS

Hmmmmm Your'e doing it wrong.

For my second user (e-waste) five year old i9 I got two grey market W11 Professional licences & two Office 2021 Pro licences for about $17 CAD.

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Your Mileage May Vary

"Running a personal Windows 11 device without a Microsoft account is not a great experience, however. Some elements of the operating system simply do not work, and Microsoft is clearly keen for customers to have an account."

Having an account as per the last third of that statement doesn't change the middle third's operations either.

As to the first third, I find W11 perfectly usable without a M$ account, in some (not all) regards I find it less cluttered & easier than 10.

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Pint

Re: The option is named following way

Clean install via W11 ISO burned to USB with Rufus - Options include create a local account.

https://cdn.neowin.com/news/images/uploaded/2023/11/1699369488_rufus_story.jpg

Firefly software snafu sends Lockheed satellite on short-lived space safari

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Obligatory....Browncoat Icon

Zoe: Planet's coming up a mite fast.

Wash: That's just 'cause— I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.

Mal: Well, that happens, let me know.

Trident missile test a damp squib after rocket goes 'plop,' fails to ignite

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Pint

I don't have to click on that link to know where its going.