Meanwhile on Brontitall...[thank you, Douglas Adams]
WISE OLD BIRD:
Now listen. Our world suffered two blights. One was the blight of the robot.
ARTHUR:
Tried to take over did they?
WISE OLD BIRD:
Oh my dear fellow, no, no, no, no, no. Much worse than that. They told us they liked us.
ARTHUR:
No?!
WISE OLD BIRD:
Well, it’s not their fault, poor things, they’d been programmed to. But you can imagine how we felt, or at least our ancestors.
ARTHUR:
Ghastly.
WISE OLD BIRD:
Precisely. And then one night, the sky boiled…
ARTHUR:
It what?
WISE OLD BIRD:
Boiled, dear fellow, in the most improbable way.
ARTHUR:
Ah.
WISE OLD BIRD:
And this gigantic vision appeared in the sky. A man with a Nutrimatic Machine. You, Arthur Dent. And you said:
RECORDING OF ARTHUR:
Listen you stupid machine it tastes filthy! Here take this cup back!
WISE OLD BIRD:
…and you threw the cup at it! An astounding revelation!
ARTHUR:
It was nothing.
WISE OLD BIRD:
You were sarcastic to it! You said, er:
RECORDING OF ARTHUR:
So I’m a masochist on a diet, am I?!
WISE OLD BIRD:
…you told it to:
RECORDING OF ARTHUR:
Shut up!!
WISE OLD BIRD:
In a moment we realised the truth: Just because the little bitches liked us, it didn’t mean to say we had to like ‘em back. And that night we rounded out every last one of the little creeps:
GUY:
Bring out your dishwashers! Bring out your digital watches with the special snooze alarms! Bring out your TV Chess games! Bring out your Auto-gardener’s, Technoteachers, Love-O-Matics! Bring out your friendly household robots! Shove ‘em on the cart!
ROBOTIC PRODUCT:
What is this? Have we not loved you?
ANOTHER ROBOTIC PRODUCT:
Have we not cared for you?
YET ANOTHER ROBOTIC PRODUCT:
Have we not shared and enjoyed with you?
GUY:
Shut up you little toadies! Get on the cart!
[The robots murmur in concern]
Biting the hand that feeds IT
