Posts by hatti

Well this sucks

I hate hoovering anyway, I usually do the dusting

Challenge

So if you manage to hack an iKettle, how do you download the caffeine?

Photo caption

Yes, we've sold one!

Pre Levison

standard issue press tool

Translation

"We take the financial security of our customers extremely seriously and have advanced safeguards in place across our IT systems,"

"We have stopped using work experience noobs and interns and have reluctantly paid for someone who can spell encrypshun and seKuritee to code over the cracks."

So you can mix business with pleasure.

Ah back in the day

You can recreate that nostalgic deluxe cabinet experience today by driving a smart car.

No way

I'm not answering that call.

Lesson from James Bond

I have this picture in my head of Sean Connery strapped to a table in Goldfinger's lair struggling to prevent his privates from being torched.

I'm afraid it will be difficult for me to exorcise this image when I'm in Boots or wherever kitting myself up with shaving supplies in the future.

Even the sexy Shark Lazor Razor packaging and seductive TV commercials suggesting I will get laid more would not prevent my hand opting for a blade only option.

Transparent

FOR

"This judgment is a body blow for parliamentary democracy," said MP. "My constituents have a right to know that their communications with me aren't subject to blanket surveillance – yet this ruling suggests that they have no such protection."

READ

"Oh God no! my expenses claim," said MP "How the hell am I going to claim this amount without anyone finding out."

strong signal

I hope these will be tethered in some way otherwise with the wind doing its thing would they not all just end up eddying over one spot on the planet. e.g. Someone smiling somewhere in the gulf of mexico with a very satisfactory five bar signal.

So the key to longevity is

Lots of bacon and a bag for life at your local [Sainsburys/Tescos/Waitrose/Asda/Lidl/other]* supermarket.

* Delete as applicable

Dodgy exhaust

Sounds like there's some braun VW envelopes being trousered in the Commish

Possibly

Coincided with the launch of the new Fosters website.

Bonus Quiz

I'm going for (e), it's also as accurate as a VW emissions test

Hopefully

DNA repair could assist me with re-igniting the other half of my wit

I wonder if

Tele-traffic also provides software for a certain German automotive companies emissions testing.

Just looks like

Commodore 64 artwork.

Looking forward to...

...The new drink and ride laws, Yaaaaaay, beers all round!

Soup Dragon Algorithm

As a patriotic lean, I thought GCHQ would have gone for the 'Clangers' toolset over the 'Smurf' toolset.

Great!

My toaster will finally be able to answer the phone while I'm busy watching 'Bake Off'

Introducing

The Heisenberg Pentium 20

It's a bloody fast machine but you're never sure where it is

Caption

Factory worker: "I'm sending this picture of you to Bill Gates"

Big cheese: "Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!"

But

Will they be discussing how to 'ZIG A ZIG AHH!'

That's what I want, what I really really really want.

My round

Two flagons of fairy liquid and a bag of porkoid itchings please.

Bzzzt.

Picture reminds me of Jeff Goldblum.

I will fetch my warm woolen front buttoned outer garment.

Dear Mr Lies

My bullshit detector needle just swung into the red zone and made a buzzing noise and I'm pretty certain the device does not have a test mode software setting?

Mailus Primateus

Must have been a Mailchimp

That's not water on Mars!

I for one, bow to our new fluid graph defeating overlords.

Little green men who hate country and western

We come in peace, we are your friends.

Ah hah

So that's where Saddam hid the WMD's.

Autotrader

Low mileage, good runner, only one owner (trembling), slight brownish stain on driver seat. Handy for quick nips to the local takeaway or doing the school run, low insurance group. Emissions test passer and current MOT. Any reasonable offers entertained, no time wasters please.

Scary

So in the future then, say you go out for a meal, you won't need to make a reservation as the restaurant already knows you're coming and your meal will be ready as you sit down. Not keen on wearing the giant clockwork hat though.