Posts by hatti

Canoeing test

I'm wondering if there's an on the spot test for a suspect canoeist such as paddle in a straight line for 20 yards without rolling over, get in and out without it going all wobbly and carrying it along the bank without hitting anything.

80% fail rate.

Fantastic Voyage

I think it would have been much more fun sending in a crack team of shrink rayed Playmobil figures to retrieve said cone rather like in that old film Fantastic Voyage. They could have been kitted out with jumpsuits, backpacks, ropes, saws, lasers and hard hats to complete the job. I'd pay money to watch that.

I thought a Jazz Mag was something to do with cool music with Saxaphones until I discovered Playboy

Call me old fashioned

I'm not keen on the idea of changing batteries at 33,000 feet.

IMHO

Thick brown envelope delivery for a Mr. Khan?

Bloo

Is there a helpline number to call if your bath water temporarily glows blue?

It's a pitta he didn't run his business honestly

I was in the middle of composing this comment when one of El Reg's sponsors alluded to a tasty treat called a McChicken Legend, that smells better to my untrained nasal passages than a polluted hard drive.

Off for a McDrive

inconsistent

After initially claiming he had dropped Wall off at the port before the craft suffered a malfunction that caused it to sink.

no mention of the accident with the hatch at this point then

cut n paste

"We take the protection of customer data extremely seriously and have always had a robust security programme in place which we continually reviewed and updated to meet the latest online threats," CeX said in a statement.

I'm sure I read this statement once before coming from a certain D. Harding. 'Tis the standard, "it wasn't us gov" cut 'n' paste data protection blurb.

You swines

Scratching around for stories.

Good braking

I wonder what happens when a puppy suddenly runs out in front of convoy Lorry number 1.

I do hope the software has allowed for this scenario

Checkered flag

The winner will empty a family bag of Doritos and a tube of Pringles over the fans as a champagne substitute

A little knowledge

Just because we can does not mean we should.

Blind curiosity will be our undoing unless there is a balanced assessment of ALL potential outcomes.

Second picture?

Is he using stray cats as a cheaper alternative to £20 notes to test the ATM, I sincerely hope not.

Crack penis image analysis team

I'd love to write some of the AI image cleaning code for that...

if( true == looksLikeKnob ) {

coverWithSand();

} else {

showDefaultSand();

}

returns dept

I'm sending mine back, just as soon as I can feel the receipt.

No surprise

And astoundingly, Talk Talk wonder why subscriptions are down. Double face palm

Job creation

At least they put them out again, the one I have a problem with is the one that is not being put out.

Zut alors!

Oh mon dieu, Ciel net!

The essential ingredient

The Full English Breakfast always tastes better with a hangover.

At the exit

Complete with overpriced souvenir shop I'll wager.

Perhaps

The elephant in the room here must be the hack a couple of years ago and Talk Talks dreadful lack of ensuing support on the issue.

That would prevent me clicking the big green SIGN ME UP button and I suspect one or two others.

I'll be there drectly

Proper job!

Bought one on Amazon

Can you imagine the customer reviews though...

Five stars

yes Yes! YEs! YEEEESSSSSS!

I find it odd that a machine equipped with all manner of navigational and gps transponder equipment (let alone a black box) has not yet been located. Earlier reports were able to trace the path of the plane, but subsequent searches all drew a blank. More to this story I feel.

Just wondering

The teddy must be for venting frustration, it's legs look broken?

Ahhhh!, I love the smell of shoddily made, far eastern products in the morning

Worried about all this? you may be interested in purchasing one of my lead lined laptop cases very reasonably priced at £500. The first one hundred customers will also receive a free tin foil hat (RRP £400).

Never mind

I was going to put someone on fire out, but my phone is nearly flat.

Mobile breakfast

It's like sitting down to eat only to find that someone has moved the table and changed the menu, plus the waiter keeps shifting your plate each and every time you attempt a toothsome forkful. If only I could come up with a catchy phrase to encapsulate this :(

Yikes

SSCL is a joint venture between the Cabinet Office and French outsourcer Sopra Steria, intended to shift departments' back office servers and ERP systems into privately owned shared services centres.

Just reading like a disaster movie script.

Brilliant, I'll tap him up for a new wardrobe, mines falling apart.

Consumating the marriage

Not tonight, I have updates to install

Make sure the part is for the correct year, make, model and registration of space station otherwise mounting brackets may not align. :(

I think this is a very reasonable fare based on some of the prices commuters are having to pay for peak hour travel.

Pork scratchings from a sustainable free range source

Putin and his team may try another hackathon