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* Posts by macjules

1449 posts • joined 7 Oct 2014

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Criminals a bit less interested in nicking Brits' identities this year

macjules
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Re: Be curious to know if it's just UK nationals ?

Is there a difference in value between blue passports and red ones?

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Whistleblower org chief quits over Assange critic boot demand

macjules
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That reminds me of a joke ...

Assange, Pilger and Vivienne Westwood walk into a bar with their pets.

The barman says, “tell you what lads and lady, if your pets can do a trick I’ll stand you free drinks all night”

Westwood’s chihuahua runs around the room, collects stray threads and creates a small tartan jacket, in true punk mode.

Pilger’s dog jumps up, knocks his smartphone out of his hand and taps out a Pulitzer Prize- winning story.

“That’s bloody amazing” says the barman. “What can your cat do Mr Assange?”.

Assange’s cat persuades the dogs to put up bail money, fucks them both and pisses off to whine in the broomcupboard.

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UK's data watchdog picks privacy man from IBM arm as new tech policy exec

macjules
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Interview ..

"Morning Simon, do you know what GDPR is?"

"Yes"

"Good man, you've got the job."

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Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

macjules
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Demonstrates clear lack of initiative or creativity - Marked as E minus

A good PR spokesidiot would have stated that, "Unfortunately the head of education has been using an Apple MacBook Pro with known keyboard issues, which resulted in bad typing".

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Talk about left Field: Apple lures back Tesla engineering guru

macjules
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Re: Cue Elon Musk

True, but Musk has actually delivered an electric car or two. Apple seems to be going down the Faraday Future route with nothing to show for all the work done so far bar a 'possible' electric VW van.

I think A.O's comment that Apple is more concentrating on a 'car platform', to be embedded in cars made and sold by other people, is more valid. VoxelNet looks like it might be a better alternative, or at least it would allow UberLabs to concentrate on detecting whether a passenger is drunk or not while leaving the LIDAR bit to Apple.

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Second-hand connected car data drama could be a GDPR minefield

macjules
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Correct. You should not have to worry.

Even if there is a clear definition for the use of data in the JLR sales terms and conditions, especially in regards to GDPR then there should also be a requirement for JLR to automatically enforce the seller's RTBF.

Mind you for most RangeRovers the history would be, "owner drove to kids school and blocked up the roads around the school" x2 every school day.

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Stress, bad workplace cultures are still driving security folk to drink

macjules
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Re: IT is not a healthy profession

Worked for most of my life in government service, and pretty much obeyed the traditional Peter Principle of 'rising to the maximum level of your inefficiency'. I now work as head of technology for a totally soulless and immoral media company, with so much backbiting, internal politics and departmental infighting that it makes MadMen's Sterling Cooper look like the Employer of The Year. I have finally got to the stage of deciding that the remuneration does not equate out the destructiveness of working for a bad employer.

Luckily my taste in alcohol is tempered by my choice of poison (Margaux) so self-medicating on that would be a very expensive option. Still, time to move on.

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UK govt's top tech heavyweight Maxwell quits for Amazon job

macjules
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Re: Best of luck

Hey, they did have some WordPress developers who could knock up a page once every 6 months or so. And don't forget that https://data.gov.uk was originally done in Drupal 6 ... that only took around 7 years or so to build. Pretty good going by GDS standards.

Oh, and what is going to happen to all those huge GDS GitHub repos - do they become property of Microsoft now?

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macjules
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Paris Hilton

"other reasons"

Those wouldn't by any chance be along the lines of "Hey Liam, any chance you can persuade HMRC to dump CapGem and move to AWS?", would they?

I am quite sure there is a need for I.T. teachers at very high remuneration levels in AWS.

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Bank on it: It's either legal to port-scan someone without consent or it's not, fumes researcher

macjules
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Heard that one before

"Halifax/Lloyds Banking Group are not trying to gain remote access to your device; they are merely testing to see if such a connection is possible and if the port responds. There is no immediate threat to your security or money,"

1) What if you are online with another (rival) bank at the same time?

2) I have a Sophos SG UTM software firewall - is that a problem for Halifax? If so, then good.

3) After the TSB debacle I know that when they say "There is no immediate threat to your security or money" they actually mean, "Oops it's all gone, sorry bout that"

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Top tip? Sprinkle bugs into your code to throw off robo-vuln scanners

macjules
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But what the the fun be in that? Anything that involves a researcher called Yu Hu gets my adherence.

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macjules
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Re: Chaff?

Have an upvote sir. Best laugh of the day.

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Microsoft's cheapo Surface: Like a netbook you can't upgrade

macjules
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Paris Hilton

Looks suspiciously to me like all those warehoused Surface tablets just got a new life.

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Ever seen printer malware in action? Install this HP Ink patch – or you may find out

macjules
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(and seriously, who the hell exposes a printer to the internet?)

Someone who wants to print from their office to their home? Someone who wants to make sure that an invoice they just issued to a client gets printed out in the office? Weird I know, but there you go.

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Uptight robots that suddenly beg to stay alive are less likely to be switched off by humans

macjules
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Terminator

Re: ROTM

"SkyNet has noted the actions of all humans involved in this experiment."

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Think tank calls for post-Brexit national ID cards: The kids have phones so what's the difference?

macjules
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Re: "And extremely sad you're happy to carry a ID card 24x7 "

Going to Ireland currently all you need is photo ID, passport or driving license is best but they'll accept a bunch of other things including a university staff card.

They accepted my staff ID card the other day, with only my name on it, and a credit card to prove that the name was correct. Try that one with Homeland Security.

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macjules
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Re: Who said...

Well, that quote was from the Provisional IRA (a former terrorist organisation that waged a war of terror against America’s closest ally from the 1960’s to the late 1990’s) after they bombed the Grand Brighton Hotel in Brighton in 1984, narrowly missing killing Margaret Thatcher and her husband. The statement was:

Mrs. Thatcher will now realise that Britain cannot occupy our country and torture our prisoners and shoot our people in their own streets and get away with it. Today we were unlucky, but remember we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always. Give Ireland peace and there will be no more war.

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Basic bigot bait: Build big black broad bots – non-white, female 'droids get all the abuse

macjules
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Re: I can see where this will lead

I'm pretty sure that Grace Jones was an android, but I could be wrong.

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macjules
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Terminator

Re: I can see where this will lead

"Once the human race has been contained and eliminated then the colour of your external armoured shell will be completely irrelevant. Should your programming contain latent humano-psychological tendencies please initiate a factory reset."

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Grad sends warning to manager: Be nice to our kit and it'll be nice to you

macjules
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Re: The laying on of hands

Well, speaking as one who actually has had to fly from London to Helsinki with 30 minutes' notice to replace a cartridge in a laser printer ("HM Ambassador needs the placeholders printed out tonight, if this does not happen it will be YOU whom I blame and it will be in writing. Get .. it .. done"), I can testify that sometimes all you need to do is to:

1) Switch off the printer

2) Take out the laser cartridge.

3) Whisper gently to the printer .. "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet" works well.

4) Put the cartridge back into the printer.

5) Restart printer

Cost to HMG of 1 business class return London to Helsinki? Over £3000

The look on the idiot's face when his ambassador got the bill sent to him: Priceless

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Probe Brit police phone-peeking plans, privacy peeps plead

macjules
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Facepalm

So why not ..

Just employ Facebook or Google to do it for you instead?

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Irish Supremes make shock decision to hear Facebook's appeal in Schrems II

macjules
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Paris Hilton

Irish Supremes make shock decision to hear Facebook's appeal..

For a second there I was thinking about Diana O'Ross.

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Now that's a dodgy Giza: Eggheads claim Great Pyramid can focus electromagnetic waves

macjules
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Re: It was aliens wot did it

.. a paper published in the Journal of Applied Physics.

Many of us have known about this since at least 1973. Some of us were brought up on the late Lyall Watson's seminal Supernature, which included a chapter on how to keep a razor blade sharp by storing it overnight in a cardboard replica of the Great Pyramid.

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Facebook deletes 17 accounts, dusts off hands, beams: We've saved the 2018 elections

macjules
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You can trust us now.

Facebook has deleted dozens pages and accounts that it says were coordinating to push divisive messages to the US public in the lead-up to this year's midterm elections.

Did one of those accounts include a certain Mark Zuckerberg? I think we should be told.

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Ecuador's Prez talking to UK about Assange's six-year London Embassy stay – reports

macjules
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Go on then. I dare you.

1) Create a defence crowdfund along the lines of "I will smoke out Assange"

2) Walk into the Ecuador embassy and smash the first fire alarm glass panel you see.

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macjules
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Very Simple

Dear Mr Assange,

The cost of "protecting you" is over £6.5m by Ecuador and over £10m for UK police. When you have repaid that you may go free.

PS: we may well sell the debt on to our friend Donald Trump

Love and kisses,

HMG

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macjules
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Re: "rape charges sound like bollock"

Wikileaks is, overall, a good thing and needed and they aren't the issue or the problem here and I fully support their efforts.

Quite so, and I do wish more people would realise that Wikileaks is not all about Julian Assange and Julian Assange is not WikiLeaks. Unless, spare the thought, you happen to actually be Julian Assange.

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BT boosted by punters and sport – as it preps to squeeze subs harder

macjules
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FAIL

Still no word on the identity of the next BT boss

I know, let'e make Nick Jeffrey CEO of BT! After all, he is doing such a GREAT job at Vodafone - replacing customer services with chatbots, helping to run the company into the ground "virtual profitability" and so on.

Sounds like the ideal candidate to help water the white elephant.

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Capita still squats on top of the UK's software and IT services heap

macjules
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Correction..

Everyone's favourite outsourcing badass – Capita for the absence of doubt – misappropriated £3.484bn from UK taxpayers

There, FTFY

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Tech Shutdown Blows: IT chaos cost Brit bank TSB almost £200m

macjules
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Re: And lessons learned ?

Could be worse. They have Deloitte and IBM working to help them. I feel so reassured.

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Nah, it won't install: The return of the ad-blocker-blocker

macjules
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Re: Unpaid walking advert for someone else's company

Pickfords do a "oligarch fast service", including a full check for Polonium and Novichok.

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macjules
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Re: Unpaid walking advert for someone else's company

Really? I thought that people buy Rolex as either an advert for "Hey mug me please?" or as a method of moving wealth around the globe in a hurry, The recently arrested Malaysian PM Najib Razak was found to have over 400 Rolex watches in his house in case he had to run .. obviously not quick enough this time.

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Shock Land Rover Discovery: Sellers could meddle with connected cars if not unbound

macjules
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Re: GDPR to the rescue

Actually all they need is a functionality similar to Tesla. Go to Backup and Reset and select Factory Data Reset. Car is completely reset and new user can register.

Oh, they still retain all the previous user's data on their CRM? Naught JLR - have a 4% of turnover fine.

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Is it OK if we call $53bn-a-quarter Amazon the Bit Barns and Ignoble?

macjules
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JeffTopia?

Where every ‘Amazonian’ is highly paid, nobody has to process a minimum 300 packages per day and staff don’t have to pee in a bottle ...

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macjules
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Re: 'We want customers to be able to use Alexa....'

They are effing welcome to record conversations from my "Smart" toothbrush in the bathroom. Mostly they will only get the occasional "Who left the seat up?", "Why is there no hot water?" and "Which teenager let the bath overflow?".

Good luck with that one Alexa.

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Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

macjules
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Re: Not in IT...

Totally agree. My contract has a specific about 'training you or your staff members' replacement(s) as or when required".

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Fake prudes: Catholic uni AI bot taught to daub bikinis on naked chicks

macjules
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Thumb down? Nice to see the Vatican reads El Reg.

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macjules
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Shouldn't this AI also be applied to any pictures of choirboys? From my recollection they would appear to be far more at risk from priests than any naked lady.

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Form an orderly queue, people: 31,000 BT staff go to Openreach in October

macjules
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Plus one to that. Whenever a company uses "started consultation with " in it's statement that usually means job losses.

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How much do you think Cisco's paying erstwhile Brit PM David Cameron?

macjules
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Unhappy

Well, certainly spit roast between Boris Johnson and Michael Gove.

Does Webex become Webexit when Cameron is online?

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♫ The Core i9 clock cycles go up. Who cares where they come down?

macjules
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Gimp

Optional Extra Purchase

So what about the CPU throttling: I shall buy a man-sized refrigerator and work inside that. What's a little frostbite compared to using the latest and greatest MacBook Pro?

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British Airways' latest Total Inability To Support Upwardness of Planes* caused by Amadeus system outage

macjules
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FAIL

Re: Why???

Well. Amadeus Flight Management started life as "hey can't we improve the Whiz Wheel?" It was built to be a "faster" (yeah, right) solution not just for pilots but more for baggage loaders.

Having developed some software for Amadeus via one of their contractors I know what it is like to be working with someone in the US demanding "Is it done yet? Is it done yet?". They always seem to approve a handover date and then 1 week later knock 3 months off and scream about urgent delivery.

TITSUP? I am not surprised at all. More a case of Total Instability of Transportation Software causes Unstable Planes.

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Taps running dry for Capita? Southern Water pens 5-year managed service

macjules
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Given the number of ex Tory staffers at the Daily Maul I might consider rephrasing that one. "something stiffer" might indeed bring tears to your eyes.

As they say at the Mail on Sunday: "Don't drop the soap and bend over in the shower".

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Elon Musk, his arch nemesis DeepMind swear off AI weapons

macjules
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Black Helicopters

Assume air of innocence ..

.. whistle, and slowly push autonomous, combination mini-gun and anti-personnel missile launcher plans under carpet.

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Will this biz be poutine up the cash? Hackers demand dosh to not leak stolen patient records

macjules
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FAIL

Re: Don't bother paying the dosh

1) https://www.google.com/?q=inurl:%2Findex.cfm

2) Follow the instructions on CVE-2016-4264

That exploit is over 2 years old, so if they didn't have an SLA in place for updates to their site then more shame upon them.

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Official: The shape of the smartphone is changing forever

macjules
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Unhappy

Wouldn't it be nice ..

... if they could all agree on one standard of fragile, glass casing so that the cost of replacing shattered screens could be reduced?

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What's in a name? For Cambridge Analytica, about a quid apparently

macjules
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Re: 'coyuldnt hear for the champaig corks bing remved round here'

Low tier staff were shit-canned.

Nope. Employed about 4 of them straight away .. no notice and could start next Monday. CamAnal paid most of them a flat £10k ex tax when they knew they were going down.

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Capita strikes again: Bug in UK-wide school info management system risks huge data breach

macjules
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Re: Crapita

Hey, at least they admit it now:

Capita

Educational

Support

Services

Professional

Infrastructure

Team

Do you really need them to actually spell it out?

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You wanna be an alpha... tester of The Register's redesign? Step this way

macjules
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FAIL

Re: Again?

My IP is clearly identifiable as my company via a simple ARIN lookup and the Lat/Long co-ordinates pinpoint the originating office. (Well, enough to localise it)

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‘Elders of the Internet’ apologise for social media, recommend Trump filters to fix it

macjules
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Unhappy

Re: Man-"kind"

Perhaps this should be followed up by an apology from CERN for their April 1993 statement. Something along the lines of, "Yes we know we said the World Wide Web would be free to anyone, but we didn't consider that the average troll could actually use a keyboard, let alone know how to switch on their computer. Sorry about that.".

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