Massive config page
"Why isn't there a nice graphical config page with radio buttons and check boxes for every option and a paragraph of text explaining what each one does?"
Because it would be a page with a scroll bar that reached to the moon. The paragraphs would either be infuriatingly skimpy, if ever actually documented, or go on forever. Only about half of the entries would make sense as radio buttons and checkboxes. Those that used listboxes instead would require hundreds of entries, using values that are impossible to understand without full documentation. It would take half an hour to open and and an hour to save. No-one would ever go near it.