Posts by PaulK

and another thing...

... anything which might contribute to Blackpool sliding in to the Irish Sea can't be all bad.

From Mars?

...Who saw it set off then?

The TSA is as nothing...

... compared to the true professionals at Ben Gurion. At least the staff are not in need of a gastric band though a sense of humour transplant would not go amiss.

And the answer is...

...Semper fi.

I must be stupid

I got stuck at LHR 2 years running on the same date. Wondering whether to make it 3/3 :-D

To be fair to LHR (which is just shit and not because of the snow) I have been snowbound at Roissy, Munich, Frankfurt, Zurich, Shithole Amsterdam (which is not as bigger shithole as LHR) and Vienna. Oh and Manchester. So we Brits do not have a monopoly on the wrong kind of snow.

Only in Russia and the Nordics have I never been snowbound with impressive amounts of snow - think three feet / 24 hours, not the 3 inches that paralysed the UK.

My solution to it all. Find bar. Drink beer.

I am sad to report...

...the death of humour as we know it. Don't get caught laughing or you risk being summarily judged for being racist, sexist, bigoted, lewd, discriminatory and simply human. You have been warned.

We're the Sweeny...

...and we haven't had our dinner.

Ideal present

For S2BX. Thank you Lidl for solving a dilemma.

twits all round then

The perp was a twit for committing the "offence", the "off duty" manager is a twit for calling the plod. The plod, self explanatory. The CPS, that well known hotbed of common sense and the judiciary, well they are just twits.

Land of the free...

...and the home of the twat.

PLAN or WiFi...

Homeplug or buttplug.

Wouldn't it be easier...

to prevent fookwits from registering domains in the first place? Can't say I'm a fan of the re-reg scam, but FFS, $4.26million! Sweet!

Yet another illustration....

of why rich Arabs come to UK to do their shagging and drinking.

If I was boss of the airline, I'd be holding my head in my hands muttering "WTF!" repeatedly.

"100's of Fanbois disappointed.

Literally hundreds. Jobby don't care about hundreds of thousands so this is a really big deal. Not.

Is there a sad-iPhone or a bomb?

Just curious. I haven't been near anything Apple since I had a Mac Plus.

Want me to carry your phone?

Then expect me to make personal calls on it. Simples.

It is discrimination!

Facebonk users should not have been singled out for ridicule. What about the twatterer?

It will always be thus...

...as long as they give away the handsets.

And the IT angle is...

... it is no 47 in the list of things to do with a dead WinTel server, perhaps?

Greedy bastards

Thank you Vodafony. I was doing very nicely within the 25MB/day limit as I crawl my way around Europe. I am going to be one of those users that gets kicked in the nads with a 400% hike. Value for money, not!

By the way, please could you explain why roaming on Vodafone Turkey is so bloody expensive?

Further proof that...

...marketeers are paid far too much.

Pity Tango was already taken.

Poor Palm...

There but for the grace of... Having been a palmist for many years I have just binned my Centro for an HTC Desire. I have seen the future and it is none of the above.

Paris - I don't need Mrs Palm any more.

I need my eyes testing...

I thought the headline said sphincter cell! Perhaps that is the correct spelling because the Clancy franchise stinks these days.

Time to go down't pit

I'm just abut ancient enough to remember town gas that were made from t'coal and stored in big drummy things. It smelled nasty and you really could see yourself off by putting t'head in t'gas oven.

Them nice blokes in t'NCB used to tell us we had enough nutty slack to last us 300 years. And then t'North Sea farted up a load of methane and t'pits started to close. And then Wiggy Scargill finished 'em off in t'80s. T'UK could burn it's weight in t'coal and it would make sod all difference t't'global warming (if it exists). So let us buy British and stuff't carbon rubbish. And if I am overheard ordering t' coke and a bag of nuts you know it is perfectly innocent.

Easy

Retire everybody above the ranks of Captain (Navy), Colonel or Squadron Leader. Sack all the Whitehall leaches. That gets rid of most of the obstacles.

The whole lot should then be reformed into a unified strike force along the lines of US Marines. They have a single chain of command with land, sea and air assets and none of this inter service rivalry. Save the fighting for the fuzzywuzzies, you morons, not your mate in light blue.

Britain will not have an effective defence strategy until this is taken care of. Deep down you know it is right - this will save far more than Gordon Broon could ever dream of give the UK a force worthy of the 21st century. Our forces are admired today as hard bastards and complete nutters (what you want in a front line troop!) because they go into battle with peashooters and cloth caps. Just imagine how hard they would be if they had the right kit and effective leadership.

I do not abuse alcohol!

For instance, if asked "What would you say to a small drink?" I would not say "Fuck off you homicidal gin!" No, I would be far more likely to say "Hello, small drink!" Before consuming said drink.

I would like to know if...

...the people who vote against the posts that accept the new machines and implore those who are against them to fuck off; have they ever flown? When you fly about 100 times a year, you would welcome anything that expedites your passage through the airport. privacy be buggered. All I want to do is get to the lounge and get pissed. Now go away.

Not PC.

This ad contravenes equal opportunities legislation. I am prepared to accept that there may be some miserly Yorkshiremen with sweaty DD moobs, but it is stretching a point...

Paris, obviously...

HMG says "No!"

Because they use it to spy on you all.

Don't Like It?

Then don't fly! Easy, innit?

Can I have the one with...

... the optional http server! Sweet.

Paris because I need some more smut.

Get a grip!

I am well hacked of with this hysteria.

The body scanner is a useful tool for passenger screening, but it is not the panacea some politicos and megalomaniacs have suggested. Combined with explosives sniffers (canine variety included) and passenger profiling, we could create a smooth and mostly hassle free security process. I am afraid that the rubber glove search has not been replaced so if you are Iqbal from Islington, you should bring a change of underpants. This is not racist - it is a fact that Iqbal is more likely to be a threat than Granny from Grantham. And if you are Nigerian with a recent Yemeni stamp in your passport - forget it.

There are those that say that it is illegal to scan under 18's because this constitutes "making an obscene image" of a minor. Some are worried that the operators might be kiddy fiddlers even though they all have to have the same CRB check as teachers and swimming instructors (OK this only proves you haven't been caught...)

And then there are those that argue the use of these devices constitutes an invasion of privacy - OF COURSE IT DOES - THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT - but it is not a breach of your human rights! What is worse? A virtual strip search or an actual strip search?

Get a grip people and lets have an outbreak of common sense. To those who feel threatened by racists, paedophiles and losing their privacy, remember this: you don't have to fly. The majority of the put-upon law abiding passengers who suffer all this in silence,if not gladly, have the right not to be blown up in mid-air or crashed into a building.

Footnote:

to all those bumbling idiots who take 10 minutes to divest themselves of coats, laptops, boots, belts, phones, money, chav jewelery, etc., at the baggage xray and then still set the arch off, I despise you with all my heart.

Yank disses Scouser

What's wrong with that? There's 50,000 Scousers slagging off 2 Yanks every week! Why don't they all fuck off.

It will of course be...

TANGO

That explains why...

...I could not check-in on-line and get a decent seat for my flight to LA. BA check-in at Ringpiece was overloaded due the knock-on effects of the fog cancellations my arse feels like I was sitting on a rock for 11 hours and it's raining in LA. Bah humbug.

Britain gives you wings...

Literally. Does anyone for one moment truly believe that the Airbus will leave the wing plants in the UK now that there is no British shareholder? Of course not, unless the government stumps up billions in incentives to keep a few beards in work, which is becoming increasingly hard to justify. Airbus owns the technology, they can do what they want with it. I always thought it was crackers to transport the wings by barge and big fuck off plane to the final assembly line. It's the equivalent of building a boat that will not go through the door of your shed. The wings should be built at the assembly site and in a few years time, they will be.

Think yourselves lucky!

If you can't book a collection, the fuckers can't take your money and then not bother to collect.

Took me weeks to get my money back off the incompetent twats. Waste of oxygen they are.

Your photographs can't hurt me...

...my section 44 is like a shield of steel!

Batfink is a twat, too!

Just Typical...

This is typical arse faced politicing. The real problem is that generating capacity is decreasing because we don't dig our own coal out the ground any more and it is otherwise too dirty to burn, we haven't committed to clean gas burning power stations and we've no fucking gas anyway and our nuclear reactors are about to fall apart and the closest we've got to replacing them is to sell the industry to a bunch of frogs who don't give a stuff about a bunch of unwashed swampies. So the govvy response is to tax the fuck out of it or ban it and now we have direct load management.

Knobheads.