* Posts by DNTP

726 publicly visible posts • joined 9 Jan 2014

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We'll probe Pluto's moon cracks for mystery ocean – NASA

DNTP

Thank you for your interest in the Early Access distribution of Charon. Current features include procedural texturing, comprehensive orbital information, and close integration with our Pluto app, also available for Early Access. Future development may focus on upgrading the interior functionality of Charon, including dynamic fluidics, as crowdsourced funding permits.

Please visit our Charon kickstarter page to support this project and take a look at these awesome rewards:

$10 Postcard sized print of Charon

$50 T-shirt of cartoon Pluto saying "WEAK!" to protest planetary declassification

$650 Million Your own space probe to Charon please allow 9 to 10 years for delivery

Net neut supporters CRASH FCC WEBSITE with message deluge

DNTP

See, this proves that net neutrality activists are really all terrorists, banding together to hack government websites. The internet is too important to be left under the control of anyone other than large, responsible corporations.

Titsup Russian rocket EXPLODES, destroys $275m telly satellite

DNTP

I just recreated this incident using Kerbal Space Program.

Every day that I've played it, usually multiple times a day.

Win XP security deadline: Biz bods MUST protect user data – ICO

DNTP

Wooooo happy April 8 everyone, %50 of my machines are running XP, we're taking this baby offroad!

(and off the network, and duct taping over USB ports to keep stupid people from flashdriving these babies)

Seagate brings out 6TB HDD, did not need NO STEENKIN' shingles

DNTP

Re: Actual usage

MMMM ohh yeah soo big fit all the things in

I'm talking about the 6TB drive of course.

Apple poking at idea of bayonet phone fittings

DNTP

Lacking bayonets

I'm sure I'm not the only one who was momentarily excited about being able to mount a bayonet on an iPod, and then sadly crushed like an iPhone 5C under the cruel rifle butt of reality.

Screw it, there's an iPod Touch in my pocket and a knife in my office desk. Gonna break out the rubber bands and make a combination that's "highly unstealable" and "cause for arrest." BRB

GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

DNTP

Re: Speed and intelligence

Lets play this game. Which would you rather be hunted by, a giant turkey demon with catlike speed and high intelligence, or a car sized frog that acts as an ambush predator?

One of them will try and chase you down, but having no knowledge of "shotguns" means this is a battle humans might win. The other sits invisibly buried in mud and bushes, until you take one careful step and it infallibly nails you with a twenty metre long paralytic stickytongue.

Edit: one of my friends almost got his paladin killed the second way playing D&D. GM ruled that an Infravision Helm wouldn't give a detection bonus to a cold blooded animal in the mud...

EA games web server was hosting PHISHING SITE – securobod

DNTP

Ahaha like I'd be scared of malware hosted on an EA SERVER. It'll be down half the time, and refusing to let you log in even to play single player mode the other half. Then they'd expire the license, switch off the server, and then no one could use it ever again ever!

Scam emails tell people they have cancer to trick them into installing a money-stealing Trojan

DNTP

Dear commentors,

We have been sent a sample of your thumbs for thumb analysis research. During the complete thumb count (CTC) we have revealed that giving me thumbs up is low and unfortunately we have suspicions of missing or negative thumbs.

Thunmbs up: not enough

Thumbs down: don't plz

Other fingers: Unknown

We suggest you thumbps up this posts so further thump research can confirm that you have thumbs (the up kind not the down kind).

Thank you,

Dr. DNTP

Morrisons supermarket hit by MASSIVE staff payroll data robbery

DNTP

The way to fix staff payroll data theft is fire anyone whose data gets stolen, as long as they are just someone who works there and not important to the company. This is because data theft is against the Company Policy and if a worker's data is stolen it must be their fault because it was their data. Then they are no longer an employee so no laws about employee data security have been broken.

Anyone who complains about this rule also gets fired. Anyone who makes fun of this rule is also fired, unless they are the boss telling a joke in a meeting, in which case everyone who doesn't laugh is fired, unless this was actually a company loyalty test, then random people are fired (for laughing, or not). Everyone taking legal action against the company is fired, not in retaliation, but because if they are talking to lawyers they are not at work, working. Everyone consulting with a lawyer is fired, since the company is paying them and it is against the rules to spend company money on lawyers that don't work for the company.

Everyone in IT is fired. There will be no more IT. IT will be run by one guy from payroll who knows Office and once upgraded Windows on his home computer. If he doesn't work overtime for no extra pay he will be fired.

Boston court confirms Peeping Tom's right to upskirt

DNTP

Our legislature here just passed a law banning photographing underneath a person's clothing, and its off to Gov. Patrick to sign (protip: he probably won't be vetoing this one).

Massachusetts frowns on vigilantism, but I don't think any jury in this state would actually convict a woman who nailed an upskirter in the crotch. Assuming there is corroborating evidence (like pictures on his phone, security cam footage, past history, etc), it would probably fall under reasonable provocation, or mitigated as reasonable defense against a sexual assault.

(Not a lawyer, just someone who follows criminal law in my state, so don't go hitting people who deserve it.)

New 4G router pitched at biz bods sick to death of titsup networks

DNTP

It doesn't have a skull on it so you don't need to get it.

Seriously though, I expect some idiot to order an IT department to install one of these, get an "unlimited data" 4G contract without reading the fineprint, have their wired provider go out for a day or two, and then get hit with a huge bill for all the company's traffic for that time going over 4G.

Then of course recklessly fire lawsuits around because its the American way, and as a bonus we get to make fun of them!

Chicago cabs embroiled in debit-card breach claim mystery as bank tells folks: Pay by cash

DNTP

Someone really cynical would say this was engineered by the Taxi Union to get more people using cash, because the drivers get better tips from cash customers. But the real conspiracy is probably just companies being too cheap to have proper IT, and no regulatory agency caring enough to audit properly.

We test Intel's 730 480GB SSD Skulltrail scorcher

DNTP

It has a skull on it so you need to get it.

It's a BLOCKBUSTER: Minecraft heads to the silver screen

DNTP

I want a Minecraft Movie with at least one female character in it so I can see how the art style of Minecraft illustrates breasts.

OK, Rule 34 tell me that the answer is, in fact, square breasts.

Battling with Blizzard's new WoW expansion and Diablo revamp

DNTP

I played WoW mostly casually since its release, and quit when Mists of Pandaria came out. Cataclysm had its moments, but it was easy to see where the trend was going, and it didn't seem worth it to spend money and time on the next installment.

The scary part is, I still have dreams about playing WoW and the fun times with the guild and other stuff, and sometimes I daydream about going back, but I don't want to. Fortunately the mental health counselor here says "you can't be addicted to a computer game, get over it" so I'm safe.

Energy firms' security so POOR, insurers REFUSE to take their cash

DNTP

"Systems not connected to the network are a network security risk because we at IT can't see what you are doing with them on the network"

The argument I had every year with my old company's IT department, when they inspected the air-gapped, equipment-dedicated computers in my lab.

DNTP

Re: Typically ignorant management response

When insurance is cheaper than security, its generally a no-brainer for management. Limbs, lives, and livelihoods are abstract liabilities that can be insured away if someone is willing to underwrite, but the bottom line, now that's a hard, sacred reality.

Weird to be boosting for an insurance company, but if refusing to cover someone with dangerously bad security practices gets an improvement that's in the public good, I don't care whether they decide on principle or policy profitability.

Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

DNTP

If you can stick it in a dark room and it will terrify children I think it counts as art. But even though some people might want to be remembered as boogymonsters I somehow don't quite think its the correct approach for Steve Jobs.

'No representation without taxation!' urges venerable tech VC

DNTP

I'm glad that this wealthy parasite may cease to spread his plague in a few years since his suggestion is basically a personal attack on my lifestyle and ethics.

I work for a nonprofit. Our goal is to help people get diagnostic healthcare and advance science. Over the last seven years I've turned down three offers to work for other companies, which would have paid a much higher salary for easier hours. So Perkins is basically saying that I should have %30 less voting power since I am trying to work for society and not a CEO.

So screw him and his ilk. They already have access to an army of mercenary lawyers and lobbyists, which is buying votes in all but name. I feel like I've gotten a fair bit of luck and it's my choice to pay it back, but that bastard got more than %99 of us and just wants to keep taking.

Verizon jumps into wireless discount punch-fest with 'More Everything'

DNTP

price cutting? not for everyone

I use Verizon for 4G internet and nothing else, no text or phone calls. I pay $50 for 5gb/month which I find reasonable. So I look at the new plans they are offering me which they say are price cuts and getting more for less.

The lowest price that they are offering me on the website is $30 for 4gb/month with a $20/month "device access charge" for the same 4G modem I've had for three years. Still no texts or voice. But you'll notice its EXACTLY the same price as my current plan, but for %20 less data and nothing else.

Fortunately they have an option that I can keep my current plan, but I'm going over to the Verizon office this weekend to ask them what exactly is up with this and see if they have anything to offer me.

Million-dollar new disk tech could be USELESS for array vendors

DNTP

The problem with selling helium drives to upper management:

"But it doesn't FEEL as heavy as the other kind of thing so it CAN'T be as good."

"Helium is too flammable and we shouldn't have that in the computer room."

'Demon Killer' who tied SD card to cat pleads not guilty

DNTP

Thanks to this article I now have the search term "Enoshima" in my search history.

And of course "cat" is there too but I suspect this is true for 99.9% of internet users.

That's some two pieces of circumstantial evidence right there, when can I expect the Japanese to try to extradite me. If they should get around to it I will of course confess to any crime they want since it would be a dishonor of their noble investigative efforts to protest.

9,000 heads to roll at Dell? Tosh. It'll all go down in Feb and it's THOUSANDS more - insiders

DNTP

Re: WHAT MEMORIES....

Why did you have to remind me Alienware might vanish.

It's like losing the part of my teenage years that went to lots of LAN parties and thought Alien Wares were the best because of not knowing any better.

Hosting outfit goes PERMANENTLY TITSUP after 'lifetime' plans kill biz

DNTP

I'm sure the company had a CYA clause in the contract, where the customer agreed that if a certain amount of time passed and then the company went under, then that would end the "lifetime" plan at no liability to the company.

No sign of Half-Life 3 but how about FOURTEEN Steam Machine makers?

DNTP

Re: 65 million users, but all of them already have a PC with Steam installed

Just because people have a PC with Steam doesn't mean they are not hardware-limited. The only computer I have right now is a laptop... which means there are things on Steam I might want to play but can't run sufficiently. I have zero interest in building and maintaining a desktop PC but if the price is good enough on a Steam box I'd consider it.

One of the weird things about getting older and having jobs and careers and things is that when it comes to build vs buy for things like gaming PCs you start to (hopefully) realize that your time is now too valuable to justify the savings of building your own computers.

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