* Posts by DNTP

726 publicly visible posts • joined 9 Jan 2014

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Sex is great in books, lousy in apps, says Apple

DNTP

OK. Let me be as specific as possible. I put LEGAL PR0N in all formats- written, pictural, video, whatever- on my Apple iPOD. It is an iPOD TOUCH. This is IRONIC because of the word touch and because Apple thinks that banning an "app" will stop my reckless behavior.

SO IRONIC. SO HISPTER.

Intel goes high-fashion with wearable supermodel

DNTP

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like won't assaulted or banned from restaurants…

FTFY?

Govt waves stick at pirate-friendly Google search

DNTP

Copyright infringement is terrorism now. Because… umm… we said so, so it is! Now we can't be bothered getting a warrant, or even finding a law that actually applies here, but get those sites down!

Apple 'fesses up: Rejected from the App Store, dev? THIS is why

DNTP

Re: 100 more flappy birds on the way

"what if I make a "Welsh Moris Dancers" app"

Then you should be locked up somewhere for the good of society until you are willing to change for the better.

End of buttons? Apple looks to patent animating iPhone sidewalls

DNTP

…and THIS new API fills up literally every lateral surface on a user's device with YOUR ad banners.

(Please do not use it to replace virtual volume button interfaces as this will result in deceived, frustrated users constantly clicking your banners by mistake, wasting their own bandwidth on your ads, and generating massive ad clickthrough.)

Tim Cook in Applerexia fears: New MacBook THINNER THAN EVER

DNTP

I openly mock people who constantly, irrationally desire thinner technology and claim its because they need a lighter laptop to bring everywhere.

Look at those small, frail people with fragile birdlike bones that who can't handle an extra two pounds worth of laptop. They are so small and fragile. Like their laptops.

Researchers camouflage haxxor traps with fake application traffic

DNTP

Re: Historically sound practices

Well obviously you'd get written up by either the auditors or the inspectors from your certification authority that you were exposing sensitive information on your network, simply because they wouldn't have anything in their inspection manual that describes what a "honeypot" is, nor allow any kind of "but it is FALSE sensitive information" mitigation. The whole concept is too creative for that type.

Or, possibly, a slightly more technical but equally stupid auditor would attempt to connect to the machine and copy the "patents and patients" folder, and end up swallowing the poison pill himself… it's probably better not to serve out poison, but simply document as much information on an attacker as possible and then let slip the legal beagles of war.

Heartbleed implicated in US hospital megahack

DNTP

Re: A new definition of 'trusted'

It's smoke and mirrors- likely they authorized someone to comment anonymously in order to preempt or discredit any information given out by actual unauthorized disclosures.

I don't see dead people: Twitter to nix some images of deceased folk

DNTP

Hey internet, thanks for proving yet again that an intangible and physically inexhaustible resource like platforms for free expression is still vulnerable to the tragedy of the commons.

Call of Duty daddy considers launching own movie studio

DNTP

I want everyone who made "Guardians of the Galaxy", -and I mean literally every single person who worked on that movie in any capacity- to make the Starcraft movie. Now is the chance. This is the best shot that there ever will be to not screw it up horribly.

Boffins ID freakish spine-smothered prehistoric critter: The claw gave it away

DNTP

Re: Tardigrades

Pro tip: say you are a student learning freshwater microbio in college, and you have a girlfriend at said college who is not a sci major.

Absolutely do not refer to her as "my tender little tardigrade" even if you genuinely believe they are both the cutest things in the world.

You will not be able to explain what a tardigrade is before the lovin' part of the night is lost forever.

DNTP

'“An exciting outcome of this study is that it turns our current understanding of the evolutionary tree of arthropods – the group including spiders, insects and crustaceans – upside down,” said Dr Javier Ortega-Hernandez, the paper’s co-author.'

Much like the original renderings of this oceanic nightmare beast. Turned upside down that is.

'Chinese crims' snatch 4.5 MILLION patient files from US hospitals

DNTP

Nice to know that this company protects their commercial intellectual property better than patient data. That's how you tell a company is going places!

And screw them saying they didn't put people at risk. A SSN and the other bits will be as good as anything for stealing some identities. An outdated number will still be listed in everyone's records everywhere else, so getting a new number won't protect well against fraudsters. But I'm sure the company has no plans to voluntarily compensate people, that would be taking responsibility and these clowns proved they don't have the balls for that.

Apple BANS 2 chemicals from iPhone, iPad final assembly line

DNTP

Re: Benzene?

When you criticize fracking, you criticize freedom. As part of your court settlement for your cancer treatment costs you are banned for life from discussing anything to do with fracking in public or private.

DNTP

Re: But do I hear the other manufacturers

They don't want to follow Apple's lead on this because then they get sued for infringement.

Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'

DNTP

Whenever a story like this comes out I immediately log in to my google account and perform the exact search related in the news article.

In unrelated news my last performance evaluation noted I am "proactive".

NIST wants better SCADA security

DNTP

This is just unnecessary government interference with our companies constitutional rights as people and a waste of our taxpayers money. If the FREE MARKET demands SCADA security it will happen automatically, just like how every other health, safety, and environmental improvement over the last hundred years has been due to FREE MARKET pressure. Consumers are absolutely capable of being perfectly educated about every issue affecting every company they might patronize, including the importance of SCADA safety, so if they want it to be an issue companies will make it an issue. Or else some startup will gain a competitive edge over the monopolies that normally ruthlessly suppress startups just like the FREE MARKET MODEL predicts.

God dammit the fertilizer plant blew up again! Get some Federal Disaster Relief dollars down here right now, this is a national emergency.

Now even Internet Explorer will throw lousy old Java into the abyss

DNTP

Re: the world is weird now

"Late" is better than never, but it usually sucks compared to "sooner". They should just make the default IE homepage a bunch of links to better browsers and call it a day. Turn IE into a dedicated system update downloader.

'POWER from AIR' backscatter tech now juices up Internet of Stuff Wi-Fi gizmos

DNTP

Re: Available Power

You are right, the Health and Safety people should do something to regulate the output of the Daystar. I don't see why we should pay to maintain such a potentially high level of background radiation when millions of users experience daily outages, for hours at a time even. Who is running this thing anyway?

African samba queen: Don't cut off pirates' net connections – cut off their FINGERS

DNTP

"But we're almost certain that our commentards can think of something to top Monye's suggestions"

How about not mutilating people for a crime more trivial than petty theft because we should aspire not to be barbaric.

Crumbs! Holiday phish based on genuine hotel booking surfaces

DNTP

Re: Covering all bases..

He has never closely examined factual material to self-determine if he is participating in a con, and thus can state no probability that he is or is not participating in a con. (I got this answer from a book on probability in medical genetics explaining different ways patients can be lacking certainty about their own conditions).

Since we're on hotels, here's a question: Why is there a hotel called the "Four Seasons" in Singapore? Singapore only has, at best, 1.5 seasons.

If you ate at one of these PF Chang's restaurants, your bank card is at risk

DNTP

Now I feel financially securer thanks to my habit of not eating at indifferently overpriced mall chain fooderies. Thanks Register, I'm improving my life with no effort on my part.

Facebook goes down, people dial 911

DNTP

Well that explains why the company was so productive today.

Google to feed machines with evidence of human physical weaknesses – and that's a good thing

DNTP

Stupid people use them as vibrators, get them broken/oh no I am bleeding/stuck somewhere private, and then have to go to the emergency room. This either drives up insurance costs for the rest of us, costs the government health plan money, or leaves them broke and of less use to the economy.

FRIKKIN' LASERS could REPLACE fibre-optic comms cables

DNTP

BRB, I need to summon my tube.

Cyber scum pump ransomware at victims from spambot-stuffed websites

DNTP

Re: I may be naive ...

Yeah, that's pretty naive.

They demand payment in bitcoin, not in some transfer that's easy to track. I'm not going to say it's completely anonymous to use bitcoins, but its certainly beyond a lot of police authorities. And they are not going to go to that effort to solve a petty scam either. It's not so much that the cops just don't care about people (although that is usually a good assumption); combined with jurisdictional issues, the technology demand makes it inefficient for them to try and resolve these cases.

And the snoopers at the Fed level won't help. It's not their problem, and they don't want to reveal their capacity to track darkweb activity anyway.

Secondhand Point-o-Sale terminal was horrific security midden

DNTP

Obviously the solution is to ban the resale of POS terminals to security researchers.

Price cuts, new features coming for Office 365 small biz customers

DNTP

Re: Price Metrics

#DIV/0! whenever you have a big project due tommorrow.

Microsoft: OK, Office 365 sellers – you can be customers' 'first contact'

DNTP

Re: With added Leap Year support...

Actually you will need to pay for Office366 (henceforth "The Product") annually, which grants you the right to use The Product during a year that contains 366 days. Should a year contain less than 366 days, a full license to use The Product is still required. As The Product is licensed as a single package, no licenses for 365 day use will be issued. Users maintaining a license for Office365 will have their subscriptions updated automatically in the background. This upgrade will take place during the first year containing 366 days in the cycle and will not inform the user at all during the upgrade process. As the year of upgrade application will contain 366 days, Office365 users who resist the upgrade will have their licenses expire on a random day of the year, and our cloud system will do its best to irrevocably delete their documents. And buying an Office366 license 'post facto' will not bring them back.

Nothing in the above should be implied as a suggestion or hope that our authentication servers will actually be available for use 366 days a year.

Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

DNTP

Re: Cracking response time frm the local PD

This is exactly how every police department in every jurisdiction I've lived in would have responded to this.

Any call about noisy sex or a college party would have a dozen shirts there in minutes. Burglary in progress? Half an hour. But the time a drunk guy was using a bat to try and bash open the door to the apartment building? "Go tell him to go away, and call us back if he actually breaks it down."

To be fair, I didn't feel like confronting him myself and he never actually broke in. Just did a hundred bucks worth of damage to the foyer and the door. Way to go cops.

Amazon begs Feds for drone test permission slip

DNTP

Re: Ah, we thought of that, Grumpy!

"…a battery of useful sensors covering non-visible wavelengths to determine sales viability assessments of diverse items such as replacement toaster ovens, extended warranties on game consoles, and of course your usual range of sexual assistance products."

Ham-fisted farmer fear: A peanut-butter-and-iPhone sandwich

DNTP

A word of safety advice for all you phone owners out there: If you drop your phone into a grain silo DONT GO IN TO LOOK FOR IT.

You will die and not get your phone back.

Islamic terror peril hits US giants' phone wallets

DNTP

COMRADES join me in glorious nation Arstotzka to fight decadent and corrupt government. We call ourselves Arstotzka Terrorism and Triumph (or AT&T on really small leaflets).

GLORY TO ARSTOTZKA

Wannabe Startup CEOs Hate This Guy: Potato Salad man and the $60k

DNTP

A healthier perspective is to think of this guy as an entertainer. He's like the guy playing that guitar in the subway or doing improv in the park. He's not founding a startup and recruiting capital, he's just funny enough being himself that a few thousand people were entertained enough to give him a few bucks, without having to actually be "sold" on any kind of "value". Which is actually a pretty uplifting message about the value of creativity to society.

IDC interview: The five stages of business mobility

DNTP

There is no 5th stage, it goes from zero to 4, where zero is a company that doesn't know, care, or need business mobility.

AVG: We need laws to stop biz from tracking our kids

DNTP

Re: Two juggernauts colliding ...

You forget the rest of that tagline at your peril:

"Whoever wins, we lose"

Lindsay Lohan sues Grand Theft Auto V makers for 'using her image'

DNTP

A person who LIVES as a parody of society should understand about fair use and such… but then is suing over it being MORE or LESS in character?

Amazon sues former employee who took Google cloud job

DNTP

I left a job as a long term contractor- with no noncompete clause in my contract- and the company asked me to sign a six month noncompete on my last day there as "a standard formality we do". Of course there was no consideration, so no incentive for me to actually sign the thing.

Like frozen burgers, 'Bigfoot' DNA samples have a touch of horse

DNTP

Re: Of those, 20 turned out to be glass or plants or were not suitable for analysis

This is solid evidence of triffids and also that baller story I wrote in middle school about a stained glass golem that haunted a church. DID THEY TEST FOR GOLEM DNA are they trying to COVER UP THE TRUTH and the bigfoot stuff is MISDIRECTIONS.

Catch cack-handed baggage handlers in the act with Ericsson's SPY SUITCASE

DNTP

Re: Lady in the first photo

I bet she gets randomly picked for the TSA patdown EVERY TIME.

SPACE: The FINAL FRONTIER. These are the TEN-YEAR images of star probe Cassini

DNTP

You can see the Polar Hexagon in the Saturn picture.

Cambridge's tiny superconducting magnet breaks strength record

DNTP

OK which one of you jokers stuck this thing on the fridge. We can't pry it off.

What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

DNTP

I can't wear a huge hunking watch because it would interfere with either the wrist crossbow or the pneumatic grappling line launcher, depending on which wrist.

Sorry, replace most of that sentence with "because I'd rather keep things in pockets so they are out of the way instead of clunking around strapped to my wrists bumping into keyboards and knocking over test tubes and catching on machine innards when I have to reach in there."

'Our entire corporation cannot send or receive emails from Outlook'

DNTP

When you think about it the Cloud is already a quantum computer, because you never know if its being up or whether your data is there until you are doing the need of it, and then that indeterminate state is a good chance of collapsing to either of probability.

Physicist proposes 1,000-foot state-sized walls to stop tornadoes

DNTP

Re: Being American..

Bombing a tornado will only work if it is also a tornado full of sharks. One might even call it… a sharknado.

But not government bombs, they have to be improvised like you would in a video game and not a terrorist because that is cooler. And dropped from a helicopter, but not just any copter, it has to be commandeered, but in a legit way because we have to or no one else will.

Freeze, Glasshole! Stop spying on me at the ATM

DNTP

Re: Randomise the keypad keypad

This is a great idea, but ATM operators will never go for it because the number of people who accidentally lock themselves out after entering the wrong code too many times will increase by at least two orders of magnitude. Also, the never ending stream of people who will call up screaming in frustration WHY DOES IT KEEP CHANGING ON ME.

Personally I prefer to use bank ATMs since no fees (this is the States) which I figure keeps the chance of dodgy gimmicks a little lower. And I cover the pad with my wallet when entering my PIN because I've been conditioned to do that by the mother since I was 12.

US marshals leak list of possible Bitcoin buyers

DNTP

Re: Guilty?

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/drugs/special/forfeiture.html

Yes they can. If assets are suspected to be connected to drug dealing, then they are "tainted" and are just as illegal to possess as drugs themselves. So fortunately there are honest and honorable officers to help relive people of these illegal burdens.

Since department funding and officer salaries come directly out of the sale of seized drug assets, and some departments even have seizure quotas, and police officers are all unprejudiced public servants… well you can see where this is going.

Hubble space telescope seeks new encounter for Pluto-bound spacecraft

DNTP

Re: Give the Hubbles popularity

Well you know the problem with funding science, it doesn't measure up to a completely arbitrary standard of profitability.

Vodafone buys into Internet of Stuff, sinks fangs into Cobra

DNTP

Imagine my excitement and then disillusionment when I thought that Cobra was a service that if your car was stolen, you could push a button on your cell to remotely release the snakes hidden under the seat cushions.

We'll probe Pluto's moon cracks for mystery ocean – NASA

DNTP

Re: "the one-time planet (now characterised as an a "dwarf planet")"

While we are getting all bothered about classification, can we please stop calling Jupiter a planet? The barycenter is outside the Sun, so Jupiter isn't the Sun's planet. They are a binary system according to this single and arbitrary definition.

Actually I think you are correct that Charon fits the official definition of a dwarf planet, and therefore is part of a binary system, but the committee that rules on these things hasn't said so yet. But arguing that things are not satellites based on barycenters can lead to some funny extrapolations.

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