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* Posts by DNTP

635 posts • joined 9 Jan 2014

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US shoppers abandon PC makers in hour of need

DNTP
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SaVaGe MiLLeNnIaLs TeRRoRiZe InnOcEnT PC InDuStRy

Harmless desktops brutally ripped apart and rebuilt into soulless patchwork monsters with no OEM operating system! (in other words, anyone who knows the most basic PC building can get a desktop for free just by salvaging off the market saturation. But it's funnier to blame millennials for not going into more credit card debt to spend 3,000$ on a desktop that does nothing they couldn't do on a smartphone.)

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Funnily enough, small-town broadband cheaper than big cable packages, say Harvard eggheads

DNTP
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Cable companies wouldn't be lobbying so hard...

...if they didn't know that municipal networks, run as a public service, were a threat to their crappy-as-possible shareholder-first monopolies. "It's unfair to compete with the public-funded sector!" they sob, after taking billions of dollars of taxpayer subsidies to expand broadband access but frequently doing fuckall instead.

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Up, up and a-weigh! Boeing flies cargo drone with 225kg payload

DNTP
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Qinetiq will be a big user of these

At over 560 kilograms per fully laden drone, Qinetiq now has a new "standard consumer" drone to fire at aircraft windows at 250 kph. The results should show that this "typical weight" drone is a deadly threat to aircraft, which is exactly what the Ministry commissioning these tests is paying for, since it perfectly supports their proposal this year to regulate any drone massing more than 250 milligrams on aircraft safety grounds.

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VTech hack fallout: What is a kid's privacy worth? About 22 cents – FTC

DNTP
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Re: Cents on the dollar - Just the cost of doing business

What do they want with this data? Their business model is that the value of collected customer data subsidizes the development and production of the device, software, or website. To do that they need to try and find reasons to maximize the data set collected- in the case of children's products, it's often bullshitted rationalized as providing a personalized experience; hence, the "necessity" of providing personal information.

VTech's product is the person buying the device or service, and the actual customer is whoever pays for the product data.

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SpaceX delivers classified 'Zuma' payload into orbit

DNTP
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Re: Mars Orbit?

If it's approximately at Mars' orbital distance, if you wait long enough it has a very good chance of eventually having a meaningful gravitational encounter with Mars. That's more likely to end up with the car getting flung into the Sun, ejected into deep space, or experiencing lithobraking than entering a stable Martian orbit. However... that might be how Mars gained Phobos and Deimos.

Edit: Assuming SpaceX plans to circularize the orbit after reaching apoapsis, which seems unlikely. In that case the car is basically going to spend most of its life transiting between Mars distance and Earth distance, effectively out of reach of either body for the vast majority of its life.

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If Australian animals don't poison you or eat you, they'll BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE

DNTP
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FAIL

Typical lazy game devs

Instead of bothering to create new content for this expansion, they just re-skin existing NPCs, buff their INT stat a little, and make them "fire elemental damage" types.

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How to hack Wi-Fi for fun and imprisonment with crypto-mining inject

DNTP
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Re: Reseachers.. white hat or black hat?

If an exploit is simple enough to understand by studying the released code, than it might able to be reverse-engineered just from publishing the concept and vulnerability without the code.

Also since the vast majority of black-hats are basically just script kiddies, if they copy published code they are using a known attack vector which might help the security experts anticipate it rather than have to respond to something a bit more novel.

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Wait! Before you fire up that HP lappy, check the battery

DNTP
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Re: Irony

Gentleman, I'm saddened to report a beloved HP laptop named Betty blew up this afternoon. She is survived by a user named Jeff, two cats, and an HP inkjet that won't stop blinking its "replace color cartridge" LED. In Betty's memory we will now play Anode to the departed.

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DNTP
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Re: Selling printer ink- HP's new business model

"What, make genuine HP ink ourselves? No, we just price it as if it were liquid diamonds so no one buys it; the real money is in suing other people for making knockoff cartridges and refill kits, and for reverse-engineering the cheat chips in our printers that force users to waste ink on 'test' pages and replace our cartridges when they are still half-full. We fired all our production workers and leased the factory out as a chemical waste storage dump, and diverted that money to the patent lawyers."

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The healing hands of customer support get an acronym: Do YOU have 'tallah-toe-big'?

DNTP
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Re: Bieber

Was the user running Biebian, the Linux-based OS dedicated to Justin Bieber? True fact: Biebian was the third most requested OS for desktop deployment at my company in 2017, after Windows and Ubuntu, and narrowly edging out OSX.

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GIMPS crack whip on plucky processor to find largest prime number

DNTP
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Let me save you all some trouble

"69" occurs 229,286 times (first instance: digit 255)

"420" occurs 22,948 times (first instance: digit 613)

"80085" occurs 217 times (first instance: digit 145943)

Interesting pattern to note: The frequency of each number decreases proportionally to the length of that number, almost exactly to the rate of one order of magnitude per additional digit. It's almost like... base 10 or something.

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DNTP
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Re: Thats my new password sorted

Password Strength: Weak (needs mix of capital and lowercase letters, needs more than one special symbol, *IT Team: please insert another bullshit rule here, thanks, management*)

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US Homeland Security breach compromised personal info of 200,000+ staff

DNTP
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360 degrees of review

And end up right back where they started: dedicated to Theatrical Security.

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Captain Morgan told off for Snapchat lens: That grog be aimed at kiddies

DNTP
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"We have a strict marketing code"

But it doesn't apply unless you're a marketer, and anyway, it's more like a set of guidelines."

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Big shock: $700 Internet-of-Things door lock not a success

DNTP
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Question and (hypothetical) answer:

Q: If they'd actually released a product before going out of business, would the users have been able to keep, well, using their $700 product without a continuous online connection to the central cloud user data marketing server?

A: Don't be silly, of course not (probably). The value of selling your marketing data to unspecified third party affiliates is what subsidizes the price of junk like this at an affordable level. If you're not generating saleable personal information, you're not using IoT devices correctly, and therefore don't deserve be using them at all!

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Of course we don't spy on our users, giggles China's WeChat

DNTP
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Meh

Fortunately here in America...

...we don't have the kinds of leaders who would enact laws and abuse the entire national surveillance framework just to identify individuals who post on social media exercising their American rights to criticize, parody, and protest those leaders.

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/08/14/feds_demand_data_on_every_visitor_to_antitrump_website/

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The hounds of storage track converged and hyperconverged beasts

DNTP
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They Are Lean And Athirst

And move through the angles of computational space, not the curves. The only way to keep them out of your server room is not to have anything with right angles on it, otherwise they will appear. What! Your room is nothing but racks and cases and enclosures of right angles? Can you not see how the seeds of this madness were sown long ago, before the internet, before computers, before time?

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Storage Christmas cracker: My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had a gig yet

DNTP
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I can't wait to see what...

...the new year has in *store* for IT. Ugh, who writes jokes this bad. Oh yeah, it was me. OK, here's the 2018 predictions from my end.

1. I'm going to keep buying hard drives, 2. I'm going to keep paying some dudes to keep doing site backups, 3. I'm going to keep getting sales calls every two weeks from everyone and their mother who wants me to sell me on running and storing stuff in their interpretation of 'the cloud'.

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Weed wish you a merry Christmas: Pot-toting OAPs tell cops 30kg stash is for pressies

DNTP
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Alternatives to weed that would have been legal

-27 kg of traditional tobacco products that lobbyists insist are safe

-27 kg (~34 L) of pure ethanol (equivalent about 65L of drinkable whiskey) that is definitely less harmful, less addictive, and less impairing than weed

-27 kg (~2200 rounds) of Patriotic American Terrorist Killer MAGA Special Edition AR-15 rifle ammunition

-27 kg of paperwork (~6000 jobs) embracing glorious free market capitalism by sending jobs offshore

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IT giant CSC screwed its 1,000 sysadmins out of their overtime – jury

DNTP
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Re: Step 3

"After reviewing your CV and interviewing you for this position that we advertised at an entry level compensation at least, we'd like to offer you this job as an unpaid internship. You'd be performing exactly the duties of a paid employee at least fifty hours a week, without anyone here being bothered to specifically contribute to your education, and we promise not to act as a useful work reference if you leave the company. We will be reporting to the tax authority that you are in fact being compensated, but between us there will be an understanding that all 'compensation' you receive from this company will be in the form of educational experience, which you will be solely responsible for paying the appropriate income tax upon."

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DNTP
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Let's play the classification game!

"You're a manager!" they said. "It doesn't matter that you're on the bottom of the org chart, have no subordinates, only superiors, and we won't tolerate you giving us opinions on how to plan the budget or organization of the company. All that matters is that little word beside your name in our file, that lets us pay you an entry level wage, but not pay you any overtime."

"I don't think that's fair, or actually legal," I said.

"Fine, you've caught us trying to dick you. You're a contractor now then. Just with no contract, no contractual protection, no freedom to choose your work hours, no authority to negotiate working conditions, you'll still be managed by HR rather than Legal, and you have to buy and wear the company uniform on site. All that matters is that little word beside your name in our file, that lets us pay you an entry level wage without being responsible for your payroll taxes or healthcare benefits..."

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Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

DNTP
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Go

An elegant accessory of a more civilized age

Not as clumsy and random as a batter blaster.

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DNTP
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Yeah but do you think the Mail made their author basically prank call Disney to try to get some funny reaction commentary? Fast content vs deep content.

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Danger! High voltage: Kraut customs bods burn half-tonne of weed in power station

DNTP
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Re: OUTSIDE the Earth

My dudes, all that stuff coming from outside is like, the Earth Mother's gravity field hugging it and bringing it in. Its like, she's ordering us space pizza for after we smoke all that awesome stuff.

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DNTP
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"Cannot be traced back to the source"

But dudes, isn't, like, the Earth, like, the source for everything? Its kind of like a mother, the Earth Mother, and she grows all the best stuff for us. And like, the Germans, they're burning all that stuff, all of Mother's stuff, that's like, not cool.

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Funnily enough, no, IT admins who trash biz machines can't claim they had permission

DNTP
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Re: I've, umm... done most of that stuff

I justify it to myself that I'm acting in good faith in the interests of my company, department, and users, and often that's actually my prime motive. Sometimes though it's just plain fun to get a new billing system in place and then put a bullet through the hard disk of our last (in 2015, for fuck's sake) WinXP PC.

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DNTP
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I've, umm... done most of that stuff

at one point or another in my career. Deleted backups and reformatted drives. Disabled backup mechanisms. Not told users stuff behind the scenes was going horribly wrong. I don't think I've ever forwarded my boss' email without him knowing though.

All of that, however, was done incidentally to somewhat proper IT activities.

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5 reasons why America's Ctrl-Z on net neutrality rules is a GOOD thing

DNTP
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Re: list yer porn

Mine's gonna be that site where cute women in lab coats try to sell me computers and lab equipment. Hold on the boss is hammering my officer door:

"For the last time, those are sales brochures, not pornography! Keep your damn door open!"

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DNTP
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Re: I really wonder

I think it has something to do with the banality of neutral evil. That some people simply never develop a connection between their self centered desires and the need to balance their choices against actual human consequences, so they just kind of naturally fall victim to the corruption of power. "Everyone is doing it anyway why shouldn't I", "This is how the system works and I'm ok with that", "The world isn't fair so I don't care"- no desire to actively hurt people, but when it inevitably happens it's not their problem.

As for what goes through their heads- aneurysms, ideally?

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IBM reminds staff not to break customers in pre-Xmas fix-this-now rush

DNTP
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Re: Important message from IBM upper management!

"Beatings will continue until morale improves. Support staff layoffs will continue until customer support improves. Employee shredding will continue until people stop posting the '...to shreds, you say?' meme."

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America's drone owner database is baaaack! Just in time for Xmas

DNTP
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Re: Yes, but ..

Who will pay the drone registration on Ashit Pie, Verizon or Comcast?

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Los Angeles police tell drivers not to trust navigation apps as wildfires engulf area

DNTP
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Re: Finland

No one seriously believes Finland isn't real.

Except Reddit.

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DNTP
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Re: Techdrone

This guy reads carefully!

The modern concept of "Finland" is a fiction created by Japan and the USSR shortly after WW2 in order to secure exclusive fishing rights to the Gulf of Bothnia (much larger than it appears on modern maps) located between Sweden, Estonia and Russia. People who identify as "Fins" are in fact the coastal inhabitants of Sweden, northern Estonia, and Western Russia, and this erroneous tradition has been willfully perpetuated by all the national actors in this conspiracy. In modern times, the UN has tacitly endorsed "Finland" as a social ideal for real countries to try to live up to.

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DNTP
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Mushroom

Don't drive into a raging wildfire...

...just because the little celebrity voice in your magic map box says to. Don't reach into the woodchipper with your hand to clear a jam even if you are 'fast enough'. Don't take the toaster into the shower with you 'for efficiency'. Don't dry off your wallet, pet, or baby in the microwave oven. Do not light firework indoors or insert lit firework into any bodily cavity or orifice. Do not place plastic bag over head, or provide bag to children inclined to do so. Finland is not a real country. Do not vent propane tank into an enclosed space or near an ignition source. Do not deploy smoke grenade inside aircraft under any fucking circumstances. DO NOT IGNORE COMMON SENSE OR MAINTAIN A LACK THEREOF.

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IBM opens emergency escape hatch to TSS volunteers

DNTP
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Why would a company waste actual money on people who are so disloyal that they'd VOLUNTEER to not work there any more? /sarcasm

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DNTP
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Re: Easter Europe?

Expect bonnets, get botnets?

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Sky regulators brace for millions of Xmas toy drone sales

DNTP
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Aww yeah free drones and I get to climb a tree.

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HMS Queen Lizzie formally joins the Royal Navy

DNTP
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Who needs planes

Who needs planes, it already has at least one droneUAV (which is apparently so stealth tech that even the people on the carrier can't detect it coming and going), under the command of a brass-balled Scotsman.

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No, BMW, petrol-engined cars don't 'give back to the environment'

DNTP
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Re: In the Science section?

People love stories about scientists and engineers taking the stuffing out of of marketing types. Well maybe marketing doesn't like those stories so much.

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DNTP
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The only way to make cars give back to the environment

is to have fewer cars, and design things to be less reliant on cars. Everything else is a lie told by liars.

Unfortunately where I live, spending money on public transit might as well be as popular as supporting communism. And this is a place in the US that actually has a 'good' system!

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Netflix mulls using AI to craft personalized movie trailers for viewers

DNTP
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I know where this is going

And I like it.

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From the graaaaaave! WileyFox's Windows 10 phone delayed again

DNTP
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The main customer base for WinPhones

Seems to be nepotism hires who have no idea that they have no idea what they are doing.

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Damian Green: Not only my workstation – mystery pr0n all over Parliamentary PCs

DNTP
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Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

His lawyer states he is "determined to erect a turgid defense".

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Android Wear hardware boss bails

DNTP
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Re: "Android Wear hardware boss bails"

"Bail out of the plane before the impact" vs "Bales and bales of unsold smartwatches and wearables".

Verb vs noun, practical action vs useless object, etc.

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High Court judge finds Morrisons supermarket liable for 2014 data leak

DNTP
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Re: He got 8 years....

Be careful, if your courts keep handing out disproportionate sentences for computer crimes, you might get mistaken for the 51st United State.

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Oops: LinkedIn country subdomains SSL cert just expired

DNTP
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Re: MS forgets domain expiration

-and some random guy with sharp eyes snaps it up, tenderly holds it like an abandoned baby in his strong yet gentle arms, then turns it back over to the authorities. Here's the a link you were looking for (edit: wow, apparently they did this more than once?).

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/11/06/microsoft_forgets_to_renew_hotmail/

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Night before Xmas and all through American Airlines, not a pilot was flying, thanks to this bug

DNTP
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Yo get the fly boys back on the job

"Yo get the fly boys back on the job and avoid axing flights..."

I suspect the first letter of that sentence will be corrected to a "T", but honestly I think the directive is a lot funnier that way, and possibly an inadvertently direct quote from some middle-aged company director trying to act 'hip with it'.

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The six simple questions Facebook refused to answer about its creepy suicide-detection AI

DNTP
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Re: Someone has to...

Hey there, we see you're trying to install Linux on hardware that's very slightly nonstandard and you're struggling to find working drivers for everything and your IT skill level is below 'OCD 'nix Fanboy'. Feeling Suicidal? Get help at www.microsoft.com.

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DNTP
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Suicide detection algorithm

1. If someone has stopped posting on Facebook, they've committed suicide.

2. Why else would anyone leave Facebook.

3. Targeted advertising (survivor therapy, estate lawyers, vacation getaways) to their friends and family.

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FCC boss Ajit defends axing net neutrality by… attacking Cher

DNTP
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Re: He's a lawyer...

He's supposed to be: The judge, impartially deciding the best public policy direction for the FCC.

He imagines himself as: A cable industry shill, heroically fighting the interests of the public.

He is actually: The Trump cabal's asshole of the moment, who for some reason still gets Supreme Judge powers.

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