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* Posts by DNTP

687 posts • joined 9 Jan 2014

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Donkey Wrong: Arcade legend Billy Mitchell booted from record books amid MAME row

DNTP
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Re: Original Hardware?

Kickstarter.

And then you beg one of the Nerd Rules nerds for whatever is their version of a parity check.

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UK rocket-botherers rattle SABRE, snaffle big bucks

DNTP
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Angel

Re: That's good, but...

SABRE has already been stolen from you guys and successfully commercialized for use by one of the most famous companies in Mexico. I am of course referring to SQUAD and their Kerbal Space Program SABRE knockoff, the RAPIER (Reactive Alternate Propellant Intelligent Engine for Rockets). Then it was ripped off again by myself, personally, in the USA, to produce the JASPRE (Joint Alternate-Sourced Propellant Rocket Engine) for my KSP mod.

Sorry for stealing your stuff Britain, I didn't mean to hurt you that much, if you're in Boston I'll buy you a coke.

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What most people think it looks like when you change router's admin password, apparently

DNTP
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Re: At the risk of becoming tiresome...

Computers are like clotheswashers; you need to be able to figure out what you need to have happen, read a basic bit of information off a clothes tag or manual page, and make some decisions about putting in the correct settings. A mistake will cost a lot of money at worst but generally not death like can happen with cars.

OK, lets poll my laptop's saved Wi-Fi credentials. Parent's WiFi? Verizon default. Work network? Unchanged since 2012. Friend's house? Another ISP default. Yep.

Edit: wow the guy above me posted about washing machines a few minutes before I wrote this.

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'Housemate from hell' catches 24 new charges after alleged nightmare cyberstalking spree

DNTP
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Sigh, Newton's in the news again...

Newton MA is one of the best places to live, but every time it makes the national news it's always weird, messed up stuff like this. We had that British nanny shaking a baby to death in 1997, and that messed up senior scavenger hunt prank in 2002... and that's how people think of Newton internationally.

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Want to terrify a city with an emergency broadcast? All you need is a laptop and $30

DNTP
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ATI systems?

Should have gone with NVidia.

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Imagine you're having a CT scan and malware alters the radiation levels – it's doable

DNTP
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I have been in this exact situation many times- an instrument that costs as much as a house running off a fifteen year old PC running XP, and wondering why we couldn't have a cold standby. It's not as easy as you think, or as it should be, because it's not just a PC.

Sometimes its custom interface boards with proprietary serial connectors that were only produced by the OEM fifteen years ago, no one has made any new ones in the last fifteen years, and no one has spare parts. These days when everything runs off Ethernet or USB (thank god) its more likely to be a software licensing issue.

I wish it were as simple as 'clone hard disk, swap into old Dell, run instrument' but that is really not possible most of the time.

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Nope, you're still a transport biz, top EU court tells Uber

DNTP
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Re: Well so much for my latest back of the napkin idea

Edit: I'm redacting this comment after my coworker said, "WTF, don't make that joke."

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UK 'wife'-carrying champion named

DNTP
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FAIL

The only thing I carry

Is my random "World of Tanks" teammates.

That kinda explains why my "has_wife" flag is set to 0, and more or less locked on read-only.

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Ass-troplastic! Printing parts from p.. er... human waste

DNTP
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Flame

Re: American chocolate

We're used to the important stuff being made out of shit these days so it's perversely comforting. You know, like our private health insurance companies, our chocolate, and our president.

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DNTP
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Re: Plopellent

Anything is a rocket propellant if you can fire it out the back door, the faster the better of course. Now that's not as simple as loading the poor astros' up on Taco Bell and having them point ass out the rear airlock, but fermenting waste into methane and other VOCs, introducing oxygen, and letting it go bang in a rocket chamber might be a reasonably energetic chemical mix.

Given the practical size requirements of a spacecraft designed to support extended human life, I don't think the residents could produce enough solid waste to gain useful delta-v. And of course throwing chemically useful material out of a closed environmental system sounds like a waste of, umm... waste.

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What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

DNTP
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If you can't say 'fuck'

You can't say 'fuck Microsoft'.

People in the medical field use technically correct words for body parts in a clinical context which of course Microsoft will completely fail to consider. I am reminded of a prospective prenatal medicine student from a 'traditional' Asian culture; he simply couldn't bring himself to use any word associated with the female reproductive system.

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First there were notebooks. Then tablets. And now ‘book tablets’

DNTP
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Re: ‘book tablets‘

How about book + tablet = booblet?

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Adobe: New Unified Customer Profile will personalise ads as never before

DNTP
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Re: "beyond just the company that’s known for Photoshop,"

"...and become a company that's known for, admittedly unintentionally, driving previous Photoshop users to download GIMP rather than join the cloud..."

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Cambridge Analytica seeks data protection assistant

DNTP
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Re: Blame allocation form

And here the best I can do is sneaking the MSDS for Tide Pods into our document store every year, "just in case someone tries that thing on site."

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Rhode Island proposes $20 porn tax. Er, haven't we heard this before?

DNTP
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Re: ()Y..

It's ( . Y . )

Oh crap, did I just get baited into getting The Reg blocked in RI?

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DNTP
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I'd rather pay $20 a month for a VPN

Than pay $20 once to support this stupid, stupid idea.

Or, like, use Tor or something. How do you even decide what is obscene in the first place, outside stuff like underage content? Are feet pornography? Pictures of nuns? Stories about being trapped in an elevator with a hot hot older woman from management and being too scared to flirt properly?

Are ASCII boobs porn? You know, the ones you make with a () two . and a Y in the middle? How about the letter 8 followed by an exuberant number of = and then a capital D? In high school this was considered porn, both because we were very lonely and that they suspended people for typing.

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Mayors of America demand net neutrality protections… again

DNTP
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Re: I look forward to Verizon's next-year offering,

I have almost a decade of dealing with Verizon EULAs, an ex-girlfriend reading contract law for a study partner, and a healthy appreciation for the importance of ridiculing entities that hold power over me that don't deserve to.

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DNTP
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I look forward to Verizon's next-year offering,

2nd-Amendment NRA Freedom Access! For an additional $29.95 a month (plus fineprint costs) get a data plan that guarantees any online firearm discussions, purchasing arrangements, or vague threats of use towards ethnic groups, political parties, or educational institutions will be kept anonymous and not reported to the government!* Is less than $30** too much to pay to preserve your most essential freedoms?

*Terms and conditions apply. Contract does not cover warrant/subpoenas, user information collected by mass general surveillance, requests made under general 'national security' premises, or any other similar breach of privacy. See pages 12-732 of your subscriber information for more definitions and details.

**Minimum plan for NRA Freedom Access requires Verizon Premium+ElectrumSpeed2 subscription ($189.95/m), NRA Freedom Access channel surcharge ($29.95/m), Per-device connection fee ($19.95/m), national security mass data monitoring surcharge ($9.99/m), and any applicable state and local taxes.

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OK, who is shooting at Apple staff buses in California? Knock it off

DNTP
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Re: In a related story....

Apple is now publicizing a formerly unreported suit against ammunition manufacturers over trademark and design issues. "Clearly a bullet is literally nothing more than four round corners glued together," said an Apple spokesperson. "However, when we sent out a demand letter requiring infringing parties to surrender their remaining inventory of bullets to our Apple Infringing Hardware Collection Buses, we did not expect at least one party to perform this action ballistically. This is obviously against the spirit of our legal demands."

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Gits club GitHub code tub with record-breaking 1.35Tbps DDoS drub

DNTP
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"Programmers should also think..."

"...can this be exploited to reflect large amounts of traffic from small requests"

To those techies out there having trouble visualizing this concept, just imagine your local beancounter popping into your cubicle and asking, "Could you take a look at my PC? I'm having this tiny little problem..."

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Drones replace models on Dolce & Gabbana catwalk

DNTP
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Trollface

"Plus-sized" for a drone has been legally defined as massing over 250 grams. All the drones in this show are plus sized. This is a great day for the progressive acceptance of larger body types. I expect this social validation will be met with approval from a, hmm... large segment of the IT industry demographic.

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DNTP
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Obviously there were no techies in the crowd.

We won't tell you why, but please turn off anything with WiFi, don't try to connect to anything? Challenge accepted.

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Huawei's Not Hot Dog is possibly the Worst Tech Promo Ever

DNTP
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"Never base a promotional campaign around satire"

Counterpoint: Tide Pods and the Tide Pod Challenge

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You get a criminal record! And you get a criminal record! Peach state goes bananas with expanded anti-hack law

DNTP
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Re: Ahh boomers..

Eh I dunno. You're comparing young and stupid people who mostly have their hearts in the right place, to old and stupid people coasting through political careers on family connections and business kickbacks who have no inclination to change/learn/help society.

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IBM gives Services staff until 2019 to get agile

DNTP
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IT Angle

Are me agile

I have over a decade of practice in contemporary unarmed combat and HEMA so I reckon I'm agile enough for IBM.

Just kidding, all that gets me at work is being the guy they call to move furniture, fit into crawlspaces and climb up into ceiling access.

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Vatican sets up dedicated exorcism training course

DNTP
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Exorcism is highly effective

100% of the time it results in a situation where no objective evidence of a ghost, demon, or evil spirit (misc) can be detected.

Almost 100% of the time the child even physically survives the process.

In more than half of all exorcisms the child experiences no traumatic mental damage.

Most of the time the priest isn't even sexually assaulting the child and the Church isn't covering it up.

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That microchipped e-passport you've got? US border cops still can't verify the data in it

DNTP
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Just a TSA anecdote

The last time I went through a US airport I decided to re-enact the Ninja's Flute, a story where a pair of ninja infiltrate a guarded palace by arguing about whose flute is of higher quality to distract the guards inspecting them. This is because I am a ninja, even though I mostly use my powers for good. As I handed the TSA agent my legitimate, electronically authoritative American passport, I pulled a water bottle out of my bag, made to hand it to her, and asked her if she thought it was barely small enough to bring on board. Completely distracted by this important security issue requiring discriminating judgement, she closed my passport without even looking at the picture or comparing my name to my boarding pass, handed it back, and took my water bottle for inspection.

So basically... the fact that no one is bothering with working electronic passport authentication is really, really not the important issue here.

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Fun fact: US Customs slaps eyeglass taxes on optical networking gear

DNTP
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Call it high-throughput fiber

Import it as a food product.

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Crypto-gurus: Which idiots told the FBI that Feds-only backdoors in encryption are possible?

DNTP
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Invisible GF from Canada

She's totally real I swear and I'm the only one with access to her backdoor.

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US govt staffers use personal gear on work networks, handle biz docs on the reg – study

DNTP
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Sure is a problem, yup

I'm not employed by the government, but last year's security incident audit identified this issue as one of our site's biggest vulnerabilities. Good! The Specific Vulnerability is an extremely high up Important Person's personal laptop that keeps getting viruses and keeps getting connected to the network. Not Good!

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Who wants dynamic dancing animations and code in their emails? Everyone! says Google

DNTP
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Re: Ends-Means

Google claims AMP is fast for mobile platforms.

Know what's even faster than that? Google simply not permitting advertisers to deliver dynamic content- that no user, in the history of the world, has ever wanted or needed to see- in ads. Guess we'll see that happening, oh, the next never or so.

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FCC commish gobbles Verizon's phone-locking BS, says it tastes great

DNTP
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Gonna start using this as an excuse

to get out of playing "unofficial tech support" at work.

"Take a look at what's wrong with your phone? Sure, I'd love to- wait, that's a Verizon phone. I can't help you do anything with that, it's locked. Not connecting to our VPN? You'll have to take that up with Verizon or their subsidiary company, the FCC."

Or just, like, ask the actual IT group for help.

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From Amazon to Ama-gone: Bezos swings the axe on hundreds at HQ

DNTP
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This is just outrageous

I mean if you expect your employees to get upper body surgery so they can become better archers and swear oaths to defend your company till death and beyond then you shouldn't just be able to downsize them whenever you want oh wait I was thinking about the other kind of Amazons again.

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Data scientist wanted: Must have Python, spontaneity not required

DNTP
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"Analytical Biologist" wanted for bioinformatics role

Must have MS or PhD Biology, 10+ years experience, what we won't tell you is that 100% of this job is coding and we are too cheap to hire a programmer

Starting salary 25-30,000 USD per annum. That's not an abbreviation, our starting offer will be twenty-five dollars a year.

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Now that's taking the p... Sewage plant 'hacked' to craft crypto-coins

DNTP
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Re: This surprises me in what way, again?

This is the story of an airgapped lab computer running a large robot handler that had no network card and locked covers over the USB ports, that was clearly marked "No network access. No internet. No personal use. Misuse may lead to termination." Users of this lab were high-turnover basic technicians and student workers.

Opening Internet Explorer would default to a HTML form clearly repeating these cautions, and instructions that if the user wanted to connect to the internet anyway, in complete defiance of every single direction they'd been given, to enter their university account username and password into the fields provided and click "submit".

Obviously this did not magically grant them network access. It saved their credentials to a text file which we would then use as evidence in disciplining or firing them.

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UK Home Office grilled over biometrics, being clingy with folks' mugshots

DNTP
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Re: This is B@*&£$%!

No one here is stupid enough to bet against you here, or so I'll wager my next paycheck.

I mean they have millions of images on file- in some kind of database, classified, tagged, and computer-searchable. Not just shoved into a directory on a Windows desktop. But next I expect to hear from these liars "These files are flagged 'read only' and none of us know how to handle that!"

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Lenovo literally has a screw loose – so it's recalled flagship Carbon X1 ThinkPads

DNTP
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Everyone screws up, but it looks like Lenovo is being proactive about getting these things tightened back down here.

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Bluetooth 'Panty Buster' 'smart' sex toy fails penetration test

DNTP
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Make sure you are open enough to be inserting this commitment into your schedule. Otherwise you'll be stuck with something that doesn't fit your lifestyle but requires serious intervention to remove.

Medical Intervention.

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DNTP
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Openly accessible on the internet

I dunno, maybe market it to exhibitionists?

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New click-to-hack tool: One script to exploit them all and in the darkness TCP bind them

DNTP
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"Just because you can do something etc"

Also, don't hire elvish contractors to evaluate whether your IT systems are secure, because they will say both yes and no.

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Crowdfunding small print binned as Retro Computers Ltd loses court refund action

DNTP
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Re: Honestly....

To me it'd be a bit like losing a third leg, right? They're gonna have to call me "bipod" after that one.

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I'll torpedo Tor weirdos, US AG storms: Feds have 'already infiltrated' darknet drug souks

DNTP
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Re: The War on Drugs hasn't failed

And in many ways, that's exactly what this newest darknet enforcement initiative is really meant to accomplish. The "drug warriors" don't give a damn about drug abuse as a health or criminal or social issue; but it's a great platform for them to normalize the destruction of online privacy.

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DNTP
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The biggest troublemakers are not on the darknet

They are sitting in doctor's offices, with lots of prescription pads and a shaky grasp of medical ethics, and kickbacks from drug companies to do their distribution dirtywork- effectively, to prescribe overstrength drugs and get users patients addicted.

They are meeting with representatives mostly from a specific political party over $500 lunches, talking up the need to prosecute a tiny percentage of darknet sales to distract from their company somehow finding a market for millions of high strength painkiller pills in a town of less than 3,000 people.

They are lobbying for their companies in DC, emphasizing that the darknet is so dangerous, their company is willing to contribute money towards the election of anyone who promises to fight it.

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Fancy coughing up for a £2,000 'nanodegree' in flying car design?

DNTP
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Re: universal basic qualifications

Hello fellow Thunderwood College graduate. Go Woodies!

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DNTP
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Look inside your wallet. Is there money?

Now imagine your wallet with no money in it. Congratulations, you've just virtually simulated the industry standard development and investment process of flying cars. Respond to this comment to prove you've completed this training course, and I will personally award you a picodegree.

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Perv raided college girls' online accounts for nude snaps – by cracking their security questions

DNTP
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The very definition of "security by obscurity"

Your pet's name? Your city of birth? Your grandmother's middle name? All of this is great security. Until you or anyone connected to you puts it up on Facebook. How do people who know anything about what social media is still insist on relying on this kind of security by obscurity authentications? Oh, right, administrators and managers.

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Brit escorts: Without the internet to keep us safe, we'd be totally screwed

DNTP
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I got a destroyer escort, but I think that's because of too much playing "World of Warships" and because historian geeks basically have no lives.

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France gives les citoyens the right to cock up official paperwork

DNTP
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Re: "ne-c’est pas?"

Sorry, my hovercraft is full of eels.

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Hawaii governor: I wanted to tell everyone nuke alert was fake – I just forgot my password

DNTP
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Twitter account managed by staff

I want a world in which Twitter accounts registered to public individuals or positions (ie, Governor of Hawaii) were only open to use by that specific person, and not their staff or PR office. Corporate Twitter accounts would have to be the CEO only, accept no substitutes! I think this would bring these people closer to the public, with predictably entertaining and cataclysmic results.

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Aut-doh!-pilot: Driver jams 65mph Tesla Model S under fire truck, walks away from crash

DNTP
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Re: Every time I read one of these articles

This was re-enacted (along with many other mythical, yet plausible scenarios) for the best documentary film ever to star Winona Ryder, appropriately titled "The Darwin Awards".

The guy in question is being orally entertained by his wife instead of driving at the moment of impact, hence removing his reproductive potential and qualifying for a DA.

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