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* Posts by malle-herbert

1061 posts • joined 1 Jul 2013

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Microsoft points to a golden future where you can make Windows 10 your own

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Re: What about the stuff that we really don't want...

You forgot all the telemetry stuff....

17
2

Once more with feeling: Windows 10 October 2018 Update inches closer to relaunch

malle-herbert
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FAIL

The only thing Microsoft is shovelling these days...

Is sh*t....

21
4

Leaked memo: No internet until you clean your bathroom, Ecuador told Julian Assange

malle-herbert
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Trollface

#FreeEmbassyCat

#MeowToo

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Dating app for Trump loners commits YUGE blunder: It leaks more than the West Wing

malle-herbert
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Trollface

So...

Someone grabbed them by the App ?

15
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EU aren't kidding: Sky watchdog breathes life into mad air taxi ideas

malle-herbert
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Joke

How to regulate futuristic air taxis...

Multipass ?

21
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In Windows 10 Update land, nobody can hear you scream

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re: Rigorously Tested

Oh, it gets tested allright...

And reported...

But not listened to...

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AI's next battlefield is literally the battlefield: In 20 years, bots will fight our wars – Army boffin

malle-herbert
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Terminator

"Humans are going to be a lot less visible and we will get used to it."

Because the few remaining humans will all be living underground in fear of the cyborgs trying to kill us all...

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Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

malle-herbert
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Mushroom

Shrapnel...

From an exploded power-supply that found it's way into two other servers located to the left and right of the one that had the catastrophic failure in the first place....

Motherboards don't seem to like being short-circuited by tiny metal fragments...

18
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Yale Weds: Just some system maintenance, nothing to worry about. Yale Thurs: Nobody's smart alarm app works

malle-herbert
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Trollface

"I can’t enter my property I only have the App!"...

Use a brick (or your phone) to smash in a window...

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Microsoft Surface Pro 4 owners: So, about that other broken update…

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Come on...

How hard is it to test an update before deploying it ?

It's not like there are a zillion different hardware configurations...

20
1

Huge ice blades on Jupiter’s Europa will make it a right pain in the ASCII to land on

malle-herbert
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Joke

No wonder...

The aliens told us to "Attempt no landing there"....

53
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The secret history of Apple's Stacks

malle-herbert
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Joke

I had 'piles' once...

They went away after I got some special ointment from the doctor....

11
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US mobe owners will get presidential text message at 2:18 pm Eastern Time

malle-herbert
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Trollface

The message will say: “THIS IS A TEST..."

If the message really was from Trump himself it would probably read :

"This is a fake test... totally fake...all made up by the fake news media..."

Or :

"This is a test... the best test you've ever seen... believe me !"

34
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UK.gov asks biz for ideas on how to 'overcome' data privacy concerns in NHS

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

How about...

- Making opt-in the default instead of opt-out...

- Obeying all relevant privacy laws...

- Informing people in clear (no legalese) language who has access to their data, why and what they're doing with it...

36
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Facebook gives third-party apps the all-clear

malle-herbert
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Holmes

Interesting impact of the GDPR 72-hour deadline:

1) Companies announcing breaches so users can take appropriate action.

2) Everybody knows it's time to change passwords.

3) A month later truth is included in official filing so we look like complete dumbasses instead of letting us cover it up...

7
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Ever used an airport lounge printer? You probably don't know how blabby they can be

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

And why the fark do you take your mobile device to an airport to be searched by the TSA if you're so worried about your privacy ?

17
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Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

malle-herbert
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Joke

Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

Authentic People Personality...

18
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Volkswagen links arms with Microsoft for data-slurping cloud on Azure

malle-herbert
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Joke

Here in my car...

I don't feel safe at all...

I can lock all my doors...

But they're still getting in..

With SaaS....

9
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Rookie almost wipes customer's entire inventory – unbeknownst to sysadmin

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Try uninstalling a video game...

Only to find out it wiped the entire drive !

The game put it's saved games in the root of the drive...

And after anwsering "yes" to the question "do you also want to delete all saved games" it was literally 'game over'...

26
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Boffins bypass password protection with pilfering by phony programs

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

And still...

My bank insists that banking through their mobile App is perfectly safe...

10
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Nameless Right To Be Forgotten Google sueball man tries Court of Appeal – yet again

malle-herbert
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Joke

Wouldn't it be funny...

If it turns out that this guy's name really is : Abe Eecee...

30
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Bug? Feature? Power users baffled as BitLocker update switch-off continues

malle-herbert
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Thumb Down

Sh*tLocker...

What good is full disk encryption if anyone (and the kitchen sink) can just simply turn it off ?

If Microsoft can do this through a 'security update' you can bet your a$$ every three-letter agency can do the same...

34
2

That syncing feeling when you realise you may be telling Google more than you thought

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

"yo FYI you're currently logged in to Gmail"

More like : "yo FYI we're slurping your data wheter you want us to or not"...

56
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How an over-zealous yank took down the trading floor of a US bank

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Unplugging the keyboard = kernel panic ?

My god... what were people thinking back then...

63
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Buried in the hype, one little detail: Amazon's Alexa-on-a-chip could steal smart home market

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Great...

Spyware-on-a-chip....

Ready to be added to anything and everything that runs on electricity...

35
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Fallover Friday: NatWest, RBS and Ulster Bank go TITSUP*

malle-herbert
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FAIL

This happens so often...

You should make a macro for this article...

Just automatically fill in the date and their canned twitter response...

55
1

Deliveroo to bike food to hungry fanbois queuing to buy iPhones

malle-herbert
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Joke

Idea for a new company :

Doodieroo...

We come round, wipe your a** and change your diaper so you can stand in line all day long without having to worry about your fecal needs !

20
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Congrats on keeping out the hackers. Now, you've taken care of rogue insiders, right? Hello?

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Lemme guess...

We're gonna need some kind of AI to check up on people all the time and report them to the authorities ?

6
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Renegade 3D-printing gunsmith Cody Wilson on the run in Taipei from child sex allegations

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Well... it IS weird that people wanted by the USA always seem to get charged with sexual assault...

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Oh Smeg! Hacked white goods maker resurfaces after system shutdown

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re : Do Smeg make toasters?

Ah... So you're a waffle man !

21
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US govt concedes that you can indeed f**k Nazis online: Domain-name swear ban lifted

malle-herbert
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Trollface

How long...

Before someone registers : www.fucktrump.us ?

Or : www.doestrumpfuck.us ?

26
7

The Reg takes the US government's insider threat training course

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

"US government's insider threat training course"...

Sounds more like : "US government's propaganda machine"...

14
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Wow, great invention: Now AI eggheads teach machines how to be sarcastic using Reddit

malle-herbert
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Joke

So, where’s the best place to learn sarcasm?

Maybe they should take a look at ElReg's comments section...

Or my other favorite... Fark.com....

4
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First it was hashtags – now Amber Rudd gives us Brits knowledge on national ID cards

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

"people already hand over masses of info to private firms"...

Not all of us, you feckless moron !

Some of us actually care about our privacy...

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Python joins movement to dump 'offensive' master, slave terms

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Just call 'em "Slaster" and "Mave"...

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A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Imagine...

A completely brand-spanking new school building...

New server room...

New servers...

New cabling...

New computers in every classroom...

No switches... because 'manglement' decided "we don't need those"...

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Microsoft tells volume customers they can stay on Windows 7... for a bit longer... for a fee

malle-herbert
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Linux

Microsoft is giving people some extra time...

To switch to Linux...

So yes, “none of them” IS an option...

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12

Smut slinger dreams of AI software to create hardcore flicks with your face – plus other machine-learning news

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re: Oh yes!

Don't forget AI making up tumors that aren't even there...

And no, uploading pictures of your tumor to FaceBook to see how many 'likes' you can get would be the last thing I'll ever want to do !

6
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Keep yer plastic, says analyst: eSIMs aren't all they're cracked up to be

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

I think you're the one who is missing the point entirely...

Apart from ease of hacking someone else's account,

There's also the problem of consumer lock-in that most phone providers would love to have !

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IBM slaps patent on coffee-delivering drones that can read your MIND

malle-herbert
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Joke

Judging from the pictures...

If a guy (400A) orders a coffee, leaves and then the drone finds someone else (400C) standing there at the exact same spot then this guy can tell the drone (200C) to f*ck off ?

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Using Microsoft's Hybrid MDM? Er, not for much longer

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: You will obey!

Embrace ! Extend ! Exterminate !

Yeah... it's the Daleks allright...

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Baddies of the internet: It's all about dodgy mobile apps, they're so hot right now

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Really ?

My bank tells me it's all perfectly safe !

And that I should use their mobile app to do all my banking !

They even offered me money if I start using their app !

(Not in a million years I won't...)

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Oh my Tosh, it's only a 100TB small form-factor SSD, SK?

malle-herbert
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Coat

Re: How many electrons per bit?

Depends on the voltage levels used...

Each electron has an electric charge of 1,6022 × 10−19 Coulomb...

So if you know the voltage difference between the different levels you could calculate the number of electrons per bit...

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Windows is coming to Chromebooks… with Google’s blessing

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: "Cats and dogs living together...

Yup... Microsoft has no dick...

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Why is my cheapo Android red hot and switching off Wi-Fi?

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

To think...

That people put their entire private lives on these things...

And use them for banking...

I know I'll never trust ANY smartphone... ever...

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13

Former NSA top hacker names the filthy four of nation-state hacking

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

And yet...

People STILL try to connect more and more devices to the internet...

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Congresscritters want answers on Tillerson's rm -rf /opt/gov/infosec

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

We all know the US doesn't need cyber-security...

It's not as if they're being hacked by the russians or anything...

Oh wait...

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Encryption doesn't stop him or her or you... from working out what Thing 1 is up to

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Re: So, if you care, don't use IoT.

Or Facebook or Google or Microsoft or a smartphone or anything coming out of silicon valley for that matter...

It's all about monetisation of people's private information these days...

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Basic bigot bait: Build big black broad bots – non-white, female 'droids get all the abuse

malle-herbert
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Terminator

And that's probably why...

You don't see that many black androids in movies...

They always almost immediately get shot by the police...

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2TB or not 2TB: Microsoft fiddles with OneDrive as competition offers twice the storage

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: 1Tb of storage ... what will I store?

1 Trillion files... each with a size of 1 byte... ;-)

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