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* Posts by malle-herbert

1092 posts • joined 1 Jul 2013

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Windows 10 or Cisco Advanced Malware Protection: Pick one

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

Advanced Malware Protection ?

Refusing to let Microsoft install Windows 10 build 1809 ?

I'd say it's working just fine...

AI snaps business titan jaywalking

malle-herbert Silver badge
Big Brother

And my friends and family are wondering...

Why I don't do social media...

Everytime they ask I point them to crap like this...

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

Why ?

We allready have Rick & Morty !

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

Someone should have told him...

That the warnings come AFTER the spells...

Tech bosses talk kids' books! Could they show a glimmer of humanity? You only get one guess

malle-herbert Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: A more relevant book comes to mind...

What about 1984 ?

Groundhog Day comes early as Intel Display Drivers give Windows 10 the silent treatment

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

You're updating it wrong !

I'm sorry... got a little confused with Apple there....

Talk in Trump's tweets tells whether tale is true: Code can mostly spot Prez lies from wording

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

Why not just...

If mouth=open then lies=true;

Works for almost any politician...

Influential Valley gadfly and Intel 8051 architect John Wharton has died

malle-herbert Silver badge
Coat

Re : A conspiracy theorist might see a pattern emerging

Well... Charles Babbage and John von Neumann are dead too.. .so...

Microsoft sysadmin hired for fake NetWare skills keeps job despite twitchy trigger finger

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Had it the other way around...

As a Netware guy I was asked to administer a Windows-only network...

Didn't even know what a domain controller was at that time...

But the boss figured that since I was working with Windows all day anyway Windows server wouldn't be too much of a problem to figure out...

Holy moley! The amp, kelvin and kilogram will never be the same again

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

And as usual...

There's always an appropriate xkcd...

Mi 8 Pro: Xiaomi early buyers wait for modern firmware

malle-herbert Silver badge
Big Brother

Does it come...

With all the mandatory Chinese spyware ?

Because I don't want to upset my social credit score...

'Frontline workers' of the world, unite! And grab yourselves a Surface Go White Van Man edition

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

I think...

Microsoft needs something better than a surface tablet to lure people into their white van....

Upgraders rejoice! The 2018 Mac Mini heralds a return to memory slots!

malle-herbert Silver badge
Thumb Down

I really don't care that much about upgradability....

But I DO care about getting my data back after the damn thing dies !

Instead of the RAM they should have put the SSD in a socket...

This just in: What? No, I can't believe it. The 2018 MacBook Air still a huge pain to have repaired

malle-herbert Silver badge
malle-herbert Silver badge
WTF?

Wow... do you work for Apple or something ?

If the engineering is so great then why not engineer devices to be easily serviceable with easy to replace parts ?

UK rail lines blocked by unexpected Windows dialog box

malle-herbert Silver badge
Holmes

"Why a copy of Office is needed on a PC tasked with showing line information is anyone’s guess"

Powerpoint ?

Bill Gates joined on stage by jar of poop as he confesses deep love for talking about toilets

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

"Reinvented Toilet Expo"

Or as we call it : "Windows 10 developers conference"....

Which scientist should be on the new £50 note? El Reg weighs in – and you should vote, too

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

What about Tony Blair ?

Inventor of Weapons of Mass Destruction ?

Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?

malle-herbert Silver badge
Coat

Scary ?

Try working in a building that's still under construction....

After being told to install a couple of computers in a couple of offices located at the other side of the bulding...

I found myself walking down a darkened hallway...

At the end of the hallway was a door I thought led to another office...

After opening it... taking a step forward... and being blinded by sunlight...

I suddenly realised there was no floor underneath my feet...

Only a 60 foot drop onto the concrete pavement...

It turned out it was a fire-escape door... and the ladder wasn't installed yet...

Luckily I managed to firmly grasp the doorhandle and pull myself back in...

Now THAT scared the crap out me !

5.1 update sends Apple's Watch 4 bling spinning into an Infinite Loop of reboot cycles

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

You're...

Updating it wrong !

We're Zuckers for a sequel: Brit MPs' battle to grill Facebook boss continues

malle-herbert Silver badge
Coat

Zuck just doesn't give a...

F*ck...

Maybe they could ask for him to be extradited for questioning ?

Microsoft to staff: We remain locked and loaded with US military – and will keep adding voice to AI ethics debate

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Likely outcomes

The update would most likely delete all your files ?

Top AI conference NIPS won't change its name amid growing protest over 'bad taste' acronym

malle-herbert Silver badge
Coat

Sexist ?

Men have #NIPSTOO...

From today, it's OK in the US to thwart DRM to repair your stuff – if you keep the tools a secret

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

But how are...

Those poor companies going to make any money selling their overpriced crap that only works together with all their other overpriced crap ?

Oz opposition backs the 'regulatory hallucinogen' of anti-piracy laws

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

"primary effect test"

So... is Google in trouble now ?

Because the primary reason I use Google is to search for torrents....

Should a robo-car run over a kid or a grandad? Healthy or ill person? Let's get millions of folks to decide for AI...

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

So...

The car would rather kill someone with skills and years of experience...

Someone whom society has invested a lot of money in to educate...

Someone who is actually capable of providing value to society...

Instead of some selfie-taking, facebooking, instagramming twerp ?

Worrying Windows 10 wrecking-ball weapon weirdly wanders wildly on worldwide web

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Windows 10

The gift that keeps f*cking up your computer !

Euro eggheads call it: Facebook political ads do change voters' minds – and they worked rather well for Trump in 2016

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

Re: Idiocracy

Somehow i am "not sure"...

F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Just tell 'em...

To smeg off...

Microsoft Azure looks to make cloud-native payments SWIFTer

malle-herbert Silver badge
Big Brother

I'm wondering...

If all of this is just a prelude to Microsoft slurping people's banking details...

All through the house, not a creature was stirring... especially Samsung smartwatches: Batteries empty at 3AM

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

How about disabling the "drain battery" option....

It's under the "Settings" >> "locked filing cabinet" >> "disused lavatory" >> "Beware of the Leopard" menu....

Microsoft points to a golden future where you can make Windows 10 your own

malle-herbert Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: What about the stuff that we really don't want...

You forgot all the telemetry stuff....

Once more with feeling: Windows 10 October 2018 Update inches closer to relaunch

malle-herbert Silver badge
FAIL

The only thing Microsoft is shovelling these days...

Is sh*t....

Leaked memo: No internet until you clean your bathroom, Ecuador told Julian Assange

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

#FreeEmbassyCat

#MeowToo

Dating app for Trump loners commits YUGE blunder: It leaks more than the West Wing

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

So...

Someone grabbed them by the App ?

EU aren't kidding: Sky watchdog breathes life into mad air taxi ideas

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

How to regulate futuristic air taxis...

Multipass ?

In Windows 10 Update land, nobody can hear you scream

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Rigorously Tested

Oh, it gets tested allright...

And reported...

But not listened to...

AI's next battlefield is literally the battlefield: In 20 years, bots will fight our wars – Army boffin

malle-herbert Silver badge
Terminator

"Humans are going to be a lot less visible and we will get used to it."

Because the few remaining humans will all be living underground in fear of the cyborgs trying to kill us all...

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

malle-herbert Silver badge
Mushroom

Shrapnel...

From an exploded power-supply that found it's way into two other servers located to the left and right of the one that had the catastrophic failure in the first place....

Motherboards don't seem to like being short-circuited by tiny metal fragments...

Yale Weds: Just some system maintenance, nothing to worry about. Yale Thurs: Nobody's smart alarm app works

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

"I can’t enter my property I only have the App!"...

Use a brick (or your phone) to smash in a window...

Microsoft Surface Pro 4 owners: So, about that other broken update…

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Come on...

How hard is it to test an update before deploying it ?

It's not like there are a zillion different hardware configurations...

Huge ice blades on Jupiter’s Europa will make it a right pain in the ASCII to land on

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

No wonder...

The aliens told us to "Attempt no landing there"....

The secret history of Apple's Stacks

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

I had 'piles' once...

They went away after I got some special ointment from the doctor....

US mobe owners will get presidential text message at 2:18 pm Eastern Time

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

The message will say: “THIS IS A TEST..."

If the message really was from Trump himself it would probably read :

"This is a fake test... totally fake...all made up by the fake news media..."

Or :

"This is a test... the best test you've ever seen... believe me !"

UK.gov asks biz for ideas on how to 'overcome' data privacy concerns in NHS

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

How about...

- Making opt-in the default instead of opt-out...

- Obeying all relevant privacy laws...

- Informing people in clear (no legalese) language who has access to their data, why and what they're doing with it...

Facebook gives third-party apps the all-clear

malle-herbert Silver badge
Holmes

Interesting impact of the GDPR 72-hour deadline:

1) Companies announcing breaches so users can take appropriate action.

2) Everybody knows it's time to change passwords.

3) A month later truth is included in official filing so we look like complete dumbasses instead of letting us cover it up...

Ever used an airport lounge printer? You probably don't know how blabby they can be

malle-herbert Silver badge
Big Brother

And why the fark do you take your mobile device to an airport to be searched by the TSA if you're so worried about your privacy ?

Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

Authentic People Personality...

Volkswagen links arms with Microsoft for data-slurping cloud on Azure

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

Here in my car...

I don't feel safe at all...

I can lock all my doors...

But they're still getting in..

With SaaS....

Rookie almost wipes customer's entire inventory – unbeknownst to sysadmin

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Try uninstalling a video game...

Only to find out it wiped the entire drive !

The game put it's saved games in the root of the drive...

And after anwsering "yes" to the question "do you also want to delete all saved games" it was literally 'game over'...

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