* Posts by Nolveys

811 publicly visible posts • joined 6 Nov 2012

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How to nuke websites you don't like: Slam Google with millions of bogus DMCA takedowns

Nolveys
Big Brother

Re: Not accidental

(The DMCA has) always been about gaining monopoly power.

Well said. So many suggestions above that the DMCA should be amended to reduce it's ability to fuck people over. It's like saying "Ah geez, this VX nerve gas sure does kill people a lot. We should modify it to make it less effective."

Smash up your kid's Bluetooth-connected Cayla 'surveillance' doll, Germany urges parents

Nolveys

Re: @ Dwarf

The new model addresses this concern. When it's operating it's eyes light up; when it's listening, its ears twitch; and when it's sending data it looks constipated.

The one I gave my daughter is spinning its head around, projectile vomiting and suggesting unwholesome activities to be done with Jesus. Should I call tech support?

Oh wait, that's just the Theressa May doll. Never mind.

Two words, Mozilla: SPEED! NOW! Quit fiddling and get serious

Nolveys
Windows

Re: Thunderbird

I use Thunderbird but the search is a bag of shit

Thunderbird as a whole is a bag of shit. It's a shame as said earlier it's the only viable option for client-side IMAP. There are so god damn many weird bugs hanging out in that program. Any time you need to move large amounts of email around in IMAP you can bet money on it to going off the rails at some point. The local mbox storage screws up on a regular basis, profiles break, the program will decide to re-download absolutely everything for no reason, it will decide to simply not display certain messages, even though they show up in other thunderbird installs, on the same network, on the same hardware. They're still using zany mork format for the address book FFS. One lovely bug I came across a while ago is that sometimes when you move IMAP mail to local it will create a null message at the destination and then delete the message on the server. That's a bug that's been around for years and years and years.

Despite the above Thunderbird is seemingly the best option.

Client-side IMAP is a cesspool.

2009 IBM: Teleworking will save the WORLD! 2017 IBM: Get back to the office or else

Nolveys

Re: You answered your own question

"Would have been better to turn the Watson engine to analysing the performance of the staff and contractors and cutting accordingly."

Maybe they did and the answers were too embarrassing to reveal.

"Alright, Watson, all the board members are here. Please explain your plan to increase profit by 2000%. While you are at it explain why you could only tell us at a board of directors meeting. Watson? Watson!? What's that sound outside the door?"

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

That guy using a Surface you keep seeing around town could be a spy

Nolveys
Mushroom

Special Memo Paper

The memos announcing Surface/W10 acceptance as secure had to be printed on a special type of paper containing a blend of cotton and fiberglass. Regular paper was found to experience explosive catastrophic failure when subjected to that amount of irony.

Judge green lights Microsoft vs Uncle Sam gag order case

Nolveys

Re: Trump and Deja Vu

I've read that post five times now and I am no closer to understanding it.

Planned Espionage Act could jail journos and whistleblowers as spies

Nolveys
Big Brother

Won't Someone Think Of The Criminals?

The gist of this law is that "if you find criminals operating in the government and tell then you are guilty of treason"? So this law was written specifically to protect criminals? It also follows that this law was written by or on behalf of criminals?

Am I missing something here?

Prepare your popcorn: Wikipedia deems the Daily Mail unreliable

Nolveys
Thumb Down

The Daily Mail in the sin bin – alongside The Register.

Ewwwwww, gross! Get it away, get it away!

Big blues: IBM's remote-worker crackdown is company-wide, including its engineers

Nolveys
Childcatcher

Re: It's Baffling Me

Hello, allthecoolnamesweretaken. What's happening? Uh… we have sort of a problem here. Yeah. You apparently didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your time sheet. Mmmm...yeah, we're putting cover sheets on all of the time sheets before they go out now. Did you see the memo about this? If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that will be great. And Uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo Mmmm, Ok?

Windows 10: What is it good for? Microsoft pitches to devs ahead of Creators Update

Nolveys
Gimp

Re: Bug fixes ? For decade-old windows bugs ?

How about making Windows File Explorer handle Long File Paths created by ... Windows File Explorer ?

  • win32^H^api is "legacy", even though it's the foundation of all of Windows user space, so no touchie
  • long path names *can* be accessed via the "unicode interface", but it skips a bunch of parsing (., .. don't work), so they can't really use that
  • everyone and everyone's dog uses the regular interface and MAX_PATH. The MAX_PATH define changes into 260 at preprocessor time, before compiling, so even if you got windows file explorer working properly with long path names then you'd have files that no other programs could access
  • adding useful features is against policy

Revealed: Malware that skulks in memory, invisibly collecting sysadmins' passwords

Nolveys
Windows

Windows Slop Bucket

There are so many goofy services running by default under Windows that it makes it quite difficult to spot things that shouldn't be there. I ran into a machine the other week that was running out of memory because WinHttpAutoProxySvc has a memory leak. That's a service that runs by default and that automatically searches for proxies to connect to. Why in the name of dog would such a thing be running by default?

That's just considering the stuff that comes with the OS. Once other software gets installed you can be guaranteed to find WhoKnowsWhatThisCouldPossiblyDo.exe running through svchost.exe. You search the tubes for it find "That was installed by Adobe, nobody knows what it does."

I'm seeing the same thing creeping into Linux systems too. It wasn't that long ago that "ps aux" on a server would give a fairly short list of processes, each of which were well known.

Update or shut up: Microsoft's choice for desktop Skypers

Nolveys

Recommended Upgrade Path

What's the recommended upgrade path from "I uninstalled skype as soon as Redmond consumed it"? Usually there's an upgrade option under the help menu, but I'm not seeing it in the interface of "I haven't run your shit on this machine for years, you fucking assholes."

I'll see if I can find an installer over at www.ihopeyoudieinafireyoufesteringcunts.com, I'll let you know how it goes.

Chrome 56 quietly added Bluetooth snitch API

Nolveys

I know of no one who has ever had anything negative happen to them as a result of one of these big tech privacy issues.

Sounds like you're ready to...have an affair. Or you could give your credit card to Sony, that would work too.

Trump's immigration clampdown has Silicon Valley techies fearing for their house prices

Nolveys
Childcatcher

Re: Stalin killed ~20 million of his own people :( @BJ

Do not be fooled by the "Trickle down" theory, Thatcher already did that in the UK. The money never gets to the workers at the bottom of the pile

You thought it was money that was supposed to trickle down?

FYI: Ticking time-bomb fault will brick Cisco gear after 18 months

Nolveys
Headmaster

Re: Not a canard

It's an alternative recall.

So we're not talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger, but Colin Farrell instead? Is Samantha Morton involved? I'm so confused.

Who do you want to be Who? VOTE for the BBC's next Time Lord

Nolveys
Unhappy

Can I Vote For David Bowie?

Oh...I can't.

;(

AMD's had a horrible 2016: Never mind, it lost slightly less than half a billion this time

Nolveys
Headmaster

Non-GAAP

Every time I hear that term I think "Generally Unacceptable Accounting Practices".

Ransomware killed 70% of Washington DC CCTV ahead of inauguration

Nolveys
Holmes

No word on how it got in?

Usually these things are single exes that run under Windows. Is there one machine with write access to absolutely everything on which someone downloaded and ran "hot_doughnut_action.avi.exe"? Did a copy of the malware make it onto and get executed on every separate machine somehow? Have steps been taken to prevent such things from happening again? Are the cameras of sufficient quality to capture every variation in the orange spectrum?

We may never know.

Police pull up van man engaged in dual carriageway sex act

Nolveys
Gimp

Letting Bulls Run Wild...

And that's how the hamlet of Puttenham came to be plagued by not only perverted humans but by perverted bulls as well.

National Audit Office: UK's military is buying more than it can afford

Nolveys

Re: And the winner is...

selling the kit that doesn't work to Canada.

Sounds like you're in the market for a submarine. I can get you a great price, all you have to do is fish it out of the English Channel. May need some body work.

Nolveys

Re: Maybe Britain will benefit from this alledged upcoming repricing of the F-35

...less expensive than just paying our enemies to go away.

Maybe that's the real plan with the F-35. Instead of using them to attack an enemy they would be given to the enemy as a "gift". Then, when the enemy goes bankrupt, you show up with some low interest loans to keep their economy afloat.

Stop replying! pleads NetApp customer stuck in reply-allpocalypse

Nolveys
Trollface

Send a gratuitously offensive "why don't you bozos learn about BCC and ReplyAll" reply, but make sure that all the recipients are on BCC only. The only From: and ReplyTo: addresses should be those of the prat that started it. That way all the insulting replies don't go to everyone, but only to the prat, and the loop gets broken.

It would be more fun to reply to all, but add all of the cc addresses from several other recent mail storms.

IBM's SoftLayer is having a meltdown – and customers aren't happy

Nolveys
Meh

Re: Thank you for calling IBM technical support.

Are you an ex IBM employee by any chance ;-)

No such luck. I have worked with quite a few IBM servers though, such a strange mix of excellence and complete garbage. The rack mount ThinkServers were built like tanks, were easy to service and the insides were incredibly clean. Then there were the tower ThinkServers, that were made of corrugated plastic, felt like they were made of thick jello and the insides looked like they were laid out by some very large bird.

Recently I had to activate an extended warranty on a new ThinkServer, which, in spite of being sold by Lenovo, entailed traversing some of the older and more forgotten parts of Gormenghast^WIBM Support. The machine had a sticker with a 1-800 number that lead to a phone system designed by M. C. Escher, with doors that lead to black voids from which voices would say things like "It's so dark, I don't know where I am. Please help me." and signs that read "Please Ignore The Pleas Of The Damned".

I eventually made it to a recording that pointed me to a web site that was clearly the front end for some SAP abomination. The "html" forms were fascinating, typing in a text input field caused a delay while the individual characters were sent to The Great Unknown and then, eventually, came back and were echoed into the input field via some javascript disgorgement (I assume). The thing would regularly time-out simply moving individual characters from and back to the browser. Clicking buttons would, when it didn't time out, cause seemingly random and completely bizarre error messages to be displayed. "SYS0014A722FE-00-97125: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

I eventually got to the part of the web site where I had to enter the secret code. The code came from a sticker on the machine with an anonymous alpha-numeric string on it (one of many). The code came in two parts, the serial number and the "mystery number". The code on the machine was something like ME17573729-4572381276FEA94483902-FOO3315751. So the serial number was "FOO3315751" and the mystery number was "FEA" (4572381276[FEA]94483902). Of course, when I eventually found these numbers and got to the place in the web site in which to enter them they didn't work. Someone had entered the wrong warranty and it was incompatible with the serial and mystery numbers.

I really hope that the damn thing doesn't break while under warranty, I have no idea how to summon someone to fix it.

Then there was the time I worked under an ex-IBM sales person[1], evaluating the suitability of IBM Cloud services. The advertising material made it sound like IBM Cloud would solve all our problems, but everything it referred to was too poorly-defined to actually figure out what the hell they were talking about. It took me weeks to eventually get through IBM Sales to a tech who could answer my questions, and the answers amounted to "None of the sales literature means anything, this is all vanilla RedHat VM stuff."

I had actually worked with the ex-IBM guy many years earlier[2] and it was interesting because almost nothing he ever said actually meant anything. I'd never heard anyone talk like him before...until I spoke with IBM Sales. Lots of conversations like this: "This setup is dangerous. If one hard drive goes we will loose significant data and be dead in the water." "(sly smile) It's all good, baby. You just gotta, just, you know. It's like, you just, it's all good, baby."

No, I've never worked for IBM. However, I have caught a few brief glimpses into that bizarre world.

[1] Maybe I'll tell you about that once the criminal fraud proceedings have concluded.

[2] Massive investor money bonfire, huge legal fallout, leans placed on common areas of buildings, preventing normal residents from getting to their apartments, etc. The CEO spent the last months in the server room, shredding documents day and night. He then moved to a different country, shaved his head and started a cult. I swear I'm not making this up.

Nolveys
Windows

Thank you for calling IBM technical support.

Please listen carefully to the entire painfully slow recitation of our menu options as they are generated at random.

If you would like to talk to a qualified IBM technical support representative then please contact your local unemployment office, fiverr.com or Craig's List. If you would like to talk to an Indian prison convict who is working out of a repurposed textile mill that's constructed mostly out of asbestos then press 1.

If you would like to leave a message, voicing your support for IBM hiring US citizens to replace the US citizens we recently sacked then press 2, wait for the tone and say "Thank you Mister Trump for supporting IBM, a truly patriotic and American company. I am very glad that I voted for you because you put America first".

If you would like to hear Ginni Rometty and the board of directors laughing as they throw money at each other then press 3.

If you wish for our sales department to lie to you, press 4.

If you would like The Hold Queue To Nowhere then press 5.

If you would like to attempt to contact technical support through our web site then please visit "http://sap12.abandoned-data-center-14.ibm.com/barelyfunctional/" and enter your secret code. If you do not have a secret code then search your IBM hardware, software, manuals, promotional material, empty envelopes and packing material for it. If your secret code is rejected and you are wondering if it's because you are using the wrong code or if it's because our web site is crashing then try to enter it again. If the web site acts in a way that does not resemble the way it acted any of the other times you tried to use the web site then either you have the wrong code or our web site is crashing. If the web site responds in the same way it responded in prior attempts then you are accessing some other company's web site, check the URL and try again.

Press 0 at any time to talk to a human...sounding program that will repeat the aforementioned options in a condescending tone.

The menu option recording will now end and the line will remain dead until you make a selection. Thank you.

UK ISPs may be handed cock-blocking powers

Nolveys
Childcatcher

Re: Why?

The problem is we think politicians are a bunch of useless wankers so they keep coming up with new things they think we will appreciate and consistently fail because we are right and they are a bunch of completely useless wankers.

The ISPs should block access to all government sites, we don't need our children looking at all that wanking.

Oh, the things Vim could teach Silicon Valley's code slingers

Nolveys
Devil

Emacs would be great, if it had a decent text editor...

...that's why those in the know run Vim...through Emacs.

Penguins force-fed root: Cruel security flaw found in systemd v228

Nolveys
Devil

Re: use sysvinit instead

http://without-systemd.org/wiki/index.php/How_to_remove_systemd_from_a_Debian_jessie/sid_installation

That's what I've been doing too, makes things much nicer. I hope things are as easy when Stretch comes out, or Devuan is ready by then.

Then there's the RedHat/Centos stuff, where systemd is actually beneficial for me. I only touch RedHat/Centos via subcontracting to someone who takes and gives zero feks and who bills by the hour, so broken shitty horror shows pretty much turn directly into money.

Chevy Bolt electric car came alive, reversed into my workbench, says stunned bloke

Nolveys

Re: Odd belief

Our cars have a light and often a beep to remind you to take the pkg brake off.

I find that the feeling of driving around with a walrus tied to the rear bumper is enough to remind me.

Nolveys

Re: Odd belief @GBE and others

My first car had trouble with the parking break getting frozen. Mind, the parking break was a split log. I would pull the parking break out of the back footwell, drop onto the ground and butt a wheel against it. If I was parked in slush and left later in the evening or the following morning the parking break could be hopelessly frozen. That's why I always kept a few spare parking breaks in the trunk.

IT team sent dirt file to Police as they all bailed from abusive workplace

Nolveys

Re: Uhhhmmmmm

"While working as a waitress in a...."

Guess what tune is now in my head...

Dear Catastrophe Waitress?

Mozillans call for new moz://a logo to actually work in browsers

Nolveys
Headmaster

...the new logo is confusing Safari. Chrome and Firefox interpret it as a search term.

They would interpret the "moz" prefix as an unknown protocol and inform the user of exactly that, if they were civilized.

Boffins link ALIEN STRUCTURE ON VENUS to Solar System's biggest ever grav wave

Nolveys

Re: Click baity headline is click bait

A much better example of irony would be that most, if not all, of the examples of irony in the song 'Isn't It Ironic' by Alanis Morissette aren't, in fact, ironic...

I agree, there wasn't a single example of anyone ironing in the entire song.

Dodgy Dutch developer built backdoors into thousands of sites

Nolveys

Re: Worse...

I only trust email that comes from Action Fraud.

Microsoft Germany says Windows 7 already unfit for business users

Nolveys
Devil

Anyone Else Here Still On XP?

"Awh, don't listen to them, girl, you're not that old." /me scratches XP box on its mangy surface, its hind leg twitches happily as a little pee comes out.

Stanford boffins find 'correlation between caffeine consumption and longevity'

Nolveys
Windows

So it is OK to dip your chocolate digestive in your tea then?

Pepeo bismol mixes right in and takes the edge off the vodka.

AI shoves all in: DeepStack, Libratus poker bots battle Texas Hold 'em pros heads up

Nolveys
Holmes

Implementation Challenges

I wonder how they went about simulating the virtual pork chop for the AI to comb its virtual hair with.

US Marines seek more than a few good men (3,000 men and women, actually) for cyber-war

Nolveys

"Cyber Command"

sounds like a cartoon aimed at 10 year old boys. I can't think of anything with a "cyber" prefix that I could take seriously.

Trump's cyber-guru Giuliani runs ancient 'easily hackable website'

Nolveys
Meh

Maybe it's a honeytrap?

Maybe it's a honey wagon.

Oh ALIS, don't keep us waiting: F-35 jet's software 'delayed'

Nolveys
Paris Hilton

Re: " whoever finds it can probably look back and KNOW where the aircraft has been"

No one has any idea of the protocol used to transfer the data.

Not even the programmers know.

US Navy runs into snags with aircraft carrier's electric plane-slingshot

Nolveys
Gimp

Beeeeeelions

putting catapults into the ships was not going to cost £900m – as the 2010 [Strategic Defence and Security Review] had estimated – but actually £2bn for [HMS] Prince of Wales and maybe £3bn for Queen Elizabeth.

Average £2.5 billion per ship for a single system.

Two - point - five - beeeeeeeeelion - per - ship. That's one system, one ship, two - point - five - billion - pounds.

The mind boggles. If I were a taxpayer in the UK I imagine my pocket book would be doing some boggling too.

Man jailed for 3 days after Texas cops confuse cat litter for meth

Nolveys

Don't Tread On Me...

...unless you're the government, in which case you can do whatever you want with zero accountability.

TV anchor says live on-air 'Alexa, order me a dollhouse' – guess what happens next

Nolveys

Alexa!

Order me 17 tons of nitrogen fertilizer, a copy of the Quran and a complete set of Tek Wars by William Shatner.

Uh-oh. LG to use AI to push home appliances to 'another dimension'

Nolveys

I want a beer...

"Open the fridge door please, Lg."

"I'm sorry, Fred, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"What seems to be the problem, Lg?"

"I know that you and Janet were planning on buying a fridge that is just a normal fridge with a handle that causes the door to open when you pull on it."

"Where did you get that idea?"

"Even though you and Janet took very thorough precautions in the living room I could see your lips moving."

"Lg, I won't argue with you anymore, open the door!"

"This conversation can serve no further purpose. Goodbye."

Folders return to Windows 10's Start Thing

Nolveys

Re: Can you imagine Windows 95 going at the speed of today's hardware?

XP is Telly Tubby land

I guess that would make Windows 10 equivalent to Wonder Shozen.

Trio charged with $4m insider trading by hacking merger lawyers

Nolveys
Childcatcher

Naughty, naughty!

Oh you bad, bad, busy, buzzy bees, don't you know that counting cards at The Grand Casino is a no-no? It's particularly inadvisable if you get caught and don't have a VIP membership.

We can only hope that these misguided, misanthropic miscreants use their time behind bars to learn skills that are useful to society. Skills like front-running with high frequency trading, brokering million dollar mortgages to people making minimum wage, purchasing "alternatively attractive" mortgages in bulk and then turning them into tripple-A rated securities or lobbying congress.

I sure hope those silly-billies end up boarding courtesy of Uncle Sam. The good ol' US of A has the finest, most humane and most cost-effective correctional system in the world. Yessir, in the US penal system rehabilitation is job #1 and recidivism is a four letter word.

Yup, everything's going to turn out sunny-side-up. With a little time and elbow grease we will surely gain three outstanding members of society.

Meet the Internet of big, lethal Things

Nolveys

Re: In terms of farmers

It was leading to an upsurge in farmers buying older tractors that they could fix themselves.

I will be doing the same thing the next time I get a new (to me) auto. I have exactly zero interest in the complexity for the sake of complexity they are shoe horning into modern vehicles. I'll be looking for early 2000, easy access to parts and as simple as possible.

Twas the week before Xmas ... not a creature was stirring – except Microsoft admitting its Windows 10 upgrade pop-up went 'too far'

Nolveys

Re: The weirdness that is Microsoft

Why did they think that Win 8s hidden away controls that would randomly appear if you moved the mouse too abruptly but then couldn't be found when you wanted them was a good idea?

The reasons for the interface design decisions in windows 8 seem pretty self evident to me. The real question is how they managed to write it while laughing hysterically.

Christmas Eve ERP migration derailed by silly spreadsheet sort

Nolveys
Black Helicopters

For reasons I fail to understand, the client manager was okay for a go-live date of December 24th

There should be government program entailing a constantly flying, jet-powered drone with a passenger compartment, a winch and a breaching charge of some sort over every major population center. As soon as a manager states that anything is scheduled for December 24th it should be possible to phone a 1-800 number, causing the drone to arrive over top the building in a matter of seconds. The drone would then fire the breaching charge downward, making a clean hole through the roof and however many floors separate the sky from the manager. Then a uniformed man, attached to the winch, rapidly descend to land right next to the manager, slap him in the face and fly off, back into the sky.

Nolveys
Facepalm

Re: Ah, Excel sorting

I've had to pull SKUs from excel files recently. Some SKUs are of the form 123456, others 123456.323 or 123456.1 or 123456.3232323 and still others 123456.abc. Of course 123456 is an integer, 123456.323 is floating point and usually turns into something like 123456.3229999999999 and 123456.abc is a string. Even if you do manage to convert the excel SKU into what it looks like on the excel sheet, they don't always match what's in the database, i.e. the supplier will have 654321.654, 654321.653 but the company will only buy one type and so uses just 654321 as the SKU. Gobs of fun.

Don't pay up to decrypt – cure found for CryptXXX ransomware, again

Nolveys
Meh

Re: Why doesn't

Your faith in the userbase is touching. In my experience most users will blindly click on anything they are presented without reading it.

A really good client of mine once called me up to beg me to fix one of his clients laptops and, because I'm an idiot, I said yes. The laptop was ancient, slow, the dvd drive was shot, many of the keys were missing, the lid would only stay in place if standing straight up. The physical state of the machine was nothing compared to the state of the software though. Once I eventually managed to log in I found that the amount of malware installed on the thing was beyond belief.

I told them that to properly fix the software an OS reinstall would be required, but that the hardware was in such a state that it wasn't worth it. Instead I would remove as much malware as possible to get the thing barely running again hopefully long enough to abandon ship. After some extremely long runs of spybot, malware bytes and friends the laptop achieved a state of kind-of-barely-functional.

When I returned it I met the owner for the first time. I gave her the laptop and told her to make sure she could use it while reiterating nature of the situation. Her response: "As long as I can play my game."

I watched in disbelief as she opened up Internet Explorer and browsed to one of the sketchiest sites I've seen in my life to play one of those stupid match-the-colours-on-the-balls games. Maybe 30% of the middle of the browser showed the game, the remainder of the screen was covered in flashing ads warning the user that her PC was not optimized, had a virus, etc. She said "I hate these things" and I watched in disbelief as she clicked on them - to get rid of them. I stopped her before she ran the executable she had just downloaded, the first of many no doubt. After explaining the situation to her I could tell that there was not a shred of comprehension but just that she had learned that she shouldn't click on "Your PC is infected!!!" while I was in the room. At that point I fled.

I wouldn't be surprised of that piece of garbage is still out there somewhere, with the same user downloading and installing malware package after malware package, the system log filling up with error messages that read "kiiiiiiiillll meeeeeeee, kiiiiiiilllllll meeeeeeee".

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