214 posts • joined 10 Sep 2012
"(How can you tell? All the websites look exactly the same)"
You know when something's been Mirrored...
Internal hard drives with dust, fluff and shit on
Scans perfectly and describes every old HDD I have in my "box o'shite".
SMBs: We don't want to spoil all of this article, but have you patched, taken away admin rights, made backups yet?
Re: Office 365?
In my experience, SME is fairly new to the UK. It was prevalent in the US where SMB was the UK equivalent. Over the last 10? 15? years, it's now become more widely used.
Same goes for Chairman/Managing Director/Finance Director/IT Director type titles being replaced with US style designations (CxO).
HSBC now stands for Hapless Security, Became Compromised: Thousands of customer files snatched by crims
Re: There's no excuse...
"I would change banks if I had to carry around a card-reader or token just to do everyday transactions - one reason I'm ditching Barclays, in addition to their appalling SmartInvestor."
Barclays PinSentry comes as an app on your phone. Nothing extra to carry.
I'm hurting here...
Never mind the security aspect.
El Reg, how could you use the phrase "We've pinged Microsoft, Crucial, and Samsung for comment"? Seriously. Using ping that way is the language of marketers and buffoons.
I am reminded of a painful day in an office where some wag had decided to set the Windows startup sound on every PC to be Robin Williams screaming "GOOD MORNING VIETNAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why pay hundreds of pounds for a personalised number plate when it's cheaper to change your name by deed poll to match your current plate?
CF 52 JFY (Mr).
Why, thank you very much AC!
Tried it. It broke LMI Rescue Technicians console.
Back to 1803 until I can work out what's going on.
I used my sat-nav around Woburn Safari Park.
It said bear left so I looked left, but it wasn't a bear, it was a monkey having a w**k...
Dabbsy, are you channeling Dave Gorman?
Why coffee has ruined tea.
So, in a nutshell, all the major UK banks are equally shit.
Did he have a turnip shaped like a thingy or a thingy shaped like a turnip?
Or patients and staff in some cases.
Tightest of the tight
Many, many moons ago I was the PFY at a large UK Accountancy firm.
We were rolling out Tax software to each office. They had been told what to purchase - Compaq Deskpro 286e for the clients, a 386/25 for the server, Netware 2.15, yadda yadda...
I get to one office to do the rollout (only about 5 PCs) to find no server or clients.
The Partner in charge of that office had decided in his own wisdom that he didn't want to pay the sort of prices involved, so had gone to an auction and bought a load of "PCs and servers" for next to nothing.
When I pointed out that what he had bought were a load of word processors, not PCs and didn't have DOS/Win 3.1 on them, and couldn't be networked he decided to throw a fit and call my BOFH to complain about my ability to "do a simple task".
Turns out his idea of "next to nothing" was about 40% of what he would have paid for the proper kit, which he ended up having to buy anyway. When I revisited the office a few weeks later, the Partner was nowhere to be seen.
"What else would a film called "The Gobbler" be about, after all?"
A man out on a mission to become the champion eater of all the restaurant food challenges.
Starring Adam Richman.
At the risk of a shedload of downvotes...
No Surrender to the IPA.
Re: When does the hunting season
Hopefully it's immediately after the hunting season for the US PTO, who are responsible for half the nonsense patents in the first place.
Not a lot has changed
That GCSE syllabus looks a hell of a lot like the one for my Computing O Level in 1984.
Sir David Attenborough was walking past a second-hand vinyl shop and saw an album in the window - "Wasp sounds of the Amazon".
He asked the shop assistant if he could have a listen. The LP was duly placed on the turntable and a set of headphones passed to him.
After a few minutes, he threw the headphones down in disgust. "I'm Sir David Attenborough! I've spent months in the Amazon! We did a special on the wasps and I don't recognise ANY of this! What's up?"
The assistant turned around and apologised. "Sorry sir, I was playing the Bee side..."
In a complete about face...
I can imagine a few hundred people going to Blackpool and then finding out there's sod all worth hacking.
"Yeah, I fleeced the guy for 30 sticks of rock and a 'Kiss Me Quick' hat..."
Re: Money talks, bullshit walks
You mean Esther Rantzen and her curious shaped vegetables?
Who'da thunk it!
Re: "Nina Pretty Ballerina"
Yup, I inwardly chuckled at the reference.
Tell me about it. Client in Nottingham had issues with their VoIP setup. 3 engineers turned up and did the "No Fault Found because we ran a simple check and couldn't be arsed to hang around for the INTERMITTENT problem to happen." routine. The 4th engineer actually bothered to wait and actually witness the fault happening and then things moved pretty quickly.
Don't mess with raccoons. Pick on the wrong one and you'll have a very angry tree on your case (if the raccoon hasn't shot you first)
... go online to see how good a product is
Yeah, because all the rave reviews of things on the Internet are never likely to be fake are they? And the shit reviews are all people just dissing $Brand by default?
Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...
Re: I wonder if anyone
"Has printed this out multiple times and pinned it to the Atari board of directors, using nails and a hammer"
In a complete about face...
Especially if done in the style of the French knights in Holy Grail.
"You don't frighten us, American pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Eeeee Kaaaneeen"! You and all your silly Whois Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!"
Re: Back in 20001?
Time is an illusion. Lunchtimes doubly so.
In a complete about face...
I think you'll find it was a full-face head-off stone. ;)
$PRODUCT-X blah, blah, blah = $DEVIL.
You should all be using $PRODUCT-Y because = $DEITY.
If you don't you're a $WOSSNAME.
Right, that's a shedload of the Internet covered...
Re: The joke is a reference to the USA
"I give Stallman credit for sticking to his guns."
Sticking to his GNUs, surely?
Re: Short of cash?
Yes he did.
"Which if salty led to an increased thirst."
Which led to a further few spliffs while the discussion about who was going down the shop to get more booze and munchies happened.
"After reading this column for a while I notice one thing. all these cock ups happen in regular industry where the worst thing can happen is a little bit of data loss. maybe important data or a few people dont get emails for a few hours, but lets face it, nobody is getting killed...."
Do you even BOFH, bro?
What you see is what you didn't ask for.
Indeed. If you're desperate to pull the plug on something, pull it from the back of the something.
I go to the pub for beer, music and friends.
Not bribes, but Sophos provided socks as wedding favours for me. MS and HP contributed to the bar, Webroot paid for the boat and Spiceworks paid for the wedding photography.
Well, this one time it got close...
I tell it to Americans all the time - I have business relationships with US companies.
I'll be bleating about it to another one today.
I've also had "fun" (for certain values of fun) discussions with TSA.
If I do business with/in America I am expected to abide by their laws.
If America does business with/in the EU then they are expected to abide by EU laws.
It's that straightforward. Not just for GDPR, but for Employment, Tax, yadda yadda.
An American can't walk the streets of London carrying a gun because he can where he lives.
When in Rome and all that...
Why are people making this so bloody difficult?
Re: I haven't changed the firmware on my router...
*goes to rant*
*spots troll icon*
*goes back to "work"*
Re: Of interest
What if you want to ask about 15 year old Escorts or the best way to fix a Tranny?
Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then
Ah, the episode of the Grand Tour, where Clarkson, Hammond and May drove from Wank, through Kissing, Petting and Fucking until they got to Wedding.
In a complete about face...
That's what she said... ;)
No more transcripts of police conversations with suspects then?
"And the gentleman came up to me and said 'Kindly go away officer, you lady's front bottom...'"
Reminds me of the time the Partners at a Law Firm I was working for insisted on a word filter on all inbound/outbound emails - which resulted in a statement from a policeman being put into quarantine for exactly these reasons. It got released - 2 minutes after the lawyer that was expecting it had left for court.
Re: It's too late for facts
If there is an El Reg lynch mob (which I don't think there is), it would be a minute percentage of the lynch mob that's out there on Twitter/Facebook/Mainstream media sites.
It's like this, mi ducks...
Wouldn't buy me snap from that 'ole.
Especially as there's a Michelin starred place (Sat Bains) less than a mile away from it.
Re: Paying over the odds for less protection than normal...
"If you guy from a company"
How are the ventriloquism lessons going?