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* Posts by Crisp

2852 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

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Want to run your own Apple shop? Start with £70k of German chairs

Crisp
Big Brother

"But customers need choice, they want to be able to try products that work alongside Apple."

There are non-apple products that work alongside Genuine Apple Products?

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Web users: We've got NO IDEA if we're stealing content or not

Crisp
Coat

That question reads like legalese

"How confident are you that you know what is legal and what isn’t in terms of downloading, streaming/accessing and sharing content through the internet?"

Thanks to the IWF, all illegal content is already blocked. So internet users have nothing to fear.

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NASA admits hiding 'really good' news from Martian soil

Crisp

Blue skies on Mars?

That's a new one!

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4chan founder Moot threatens site for using his handle

Crisp
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Re: "whacking the bieber"

I think I've found a new euphemism!

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'Spend police USB stick data loss mega-fine on IT lessons for cops'

Crisp

Unfortunately, A politician will have to suffer before they take this kind of thing seriously.

Hopefully, more than one.

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Lord to sue Twitter users who falsely accused him of abuse

Crisp

The Pedofinder General has found you guilty in the court of public opinion!

It's refreshing to see journalists finally showing a bit of common sense for once.

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'I'm a PIRATE' confessions spew from OED iPhone dictionary

Crisp
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Facepalm

Re: What could go wrong ?- What would be the consequences?

That's because manager types will think that they are getting what they want, rather than what they ask for and then they will assume that everything will go according to plan and nothing will go wrong.

Shortly after this, reality kicks in. Everything goes arse over tit and everyone ends up with egg on their face.

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Black Ops 2 blunder has Mass Effect on buyers

Crisp

Download the game directly from Steam?

That is not a solution!

I want the discs in my hands so that when I eventually get bored of the game I can put them on eBay.

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Virgin Media vid misery blamed on unnamed peering network

Crisp

Even on the XXL internet package

Iplayer and YouTube still buffer slowly and IPlayer is unwatchable at 720p or over.

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SECRET 28 'scientific experts' who Greened the BBC - Revealed!

Crisp
Coffee/keyboard

Oh that's priceless!

Thousands of pounds spent on lawyers trying to do a cover up, only to be thwarted by the Wayback When machine!

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BOSS Bang boffins: DARK ENERGY spreading across the Universe

Crisp
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It's the best theory we have so far

Unless you have any better ideas that fit with the experimental observations made?

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Finns look to bring Phorm style stalker ads to UK radio streaming

Crisp

Good. I hate adverts for things I don't want or need.

But I also hate adverts for things that I do need.

tl;dr? I don't like adverts, much less adverts that have been specifically targeted at me using my personal data.

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Sorority girls gone wild: '1 to 3' casual sex 'hookups' every month

Crisp

Students are having sex?

Is this like the slowest news day ever?

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Goatse.cx opens up again - as an email provider

Crisp

Honestly, it's safe to look at now

Yeah... Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice...

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Top IT bods bail out of new Universal Credit online dole system

Crisp

When asked about Hilary Reynolds IT credentials, a department spokesman simply said...

None.

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US condom rules 'will cause nasty RED RINGS on porn stars' todgers'

Crisp
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Why is it traumatic?

You're buying condoms! That means you'll be having sex in the near future!

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At last, a bionic arm that passes the Beer, Egg and Looks Cool tests

Crisp
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As soon as they do that

I'm getting myself fitted with Wi-Fi

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Crisp
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Re: This is what science and technology should be doing.

It's *my* mouse, and I'll click it as fast as I like thankyouverymuch!

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Crisp
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We've got a robot hand grasping a mans penis here!

Could you be a little more discreet?

I'm sorry, but we don't have a code word for a robot hand grasping a mans penis.

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Crisp
Terminator

This is what science and technology should be doing.

I can only imagine the difference that this arm makes to his quality of life.

I'm still looking forward to the day when I can get an extra third arm fitted so that I don't have to take my hands off the keyboard while I'm using a mouse.

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Judge drops TV ad-block block: So how will anyone pay for TV now?

Crisp
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Re: Just let us pay directly to the producers

Why would they need to pay for distribution? You can already torrent TV shows that you might have forgotten to record over the internet.

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Crisp

I could see Microsoft making a bundle from this.

Rather than use their new technology patent to enforce content licensing, they could use it to make sure that there are people in front of the TV watching the adverts.

Of course, if I ever find myself living in such a dystopian future I'd probably never watch anything on TV ever again.

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BOFH: Can't you just ... NO, I JUST CAN'T

Crisp

BOFH - Just do it!

Would you like to know about the consequences caused by that change before or after I make it?

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App designed for safe sending of naughty selfies is rife with risks

Crisp
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Re: Marketed towards teenagers...

Don't tell him what an ephebophile is. You'll make his tiny brain explode.

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Apple removes apology-hiding JavaScript from UK website

Crisp

The courts obviously lack teeth.

Which is why Apple are playing silly buggers with them, They've obviously no respect for the court or the decision.

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Scotland Yard arrests female computer hacking suspect

Crisp
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Re: Point in case.

She got off bloody lightly!

Someone with that level of disrespect for the law has no intention of ever driving safely!

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Crisp

Woman Arrested!

Hold the front page!

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Adobe Reader 0-day exploit surfaces on underground bazaars

Crisp
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Re: Post recyling time.

In that case. You can have a recycled upvote.

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Crisp

PostScript Rendering should be a solved problem.

But no. Adobe have to continually update their product with interactive "features" :(

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Habitable HEAVY GRAVITY WORLD found just 42 light-years away

Crisp

So....

Any chance of putting together an interstellar probe to take a look at this a bit closer up?

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Judge denies move to ban ad-skipping DVR

Crisp
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Buy Planders Pretzels

They're jolly good!

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Crisp
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Re: I wish I had been touched by jimmy savile instead it would be less traumatic.

I find that a liberal application of vodka helps suppress memories of annoying meerkats.

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Crisp

But not watching adverts is like stealing TV!

Won't someone think of the poor greasy advertising executives?

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Psst: Heard the one about the National Pupil Database? Thought not

Crisp

Wont someone think of the children?

By not collecting every piece of data available on them?

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BBC in secret trial to see if you care about thing you plainly don't

Crisp

Is the spectrum released by shutting down these transmitters going to be made publicly available?

Or is it going to be auctioned off to the highest corporate bidder?

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Microsoft patents spy-TV to check you've paid for content

Crisp
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Re: The only thing that camera will see

If the hardware doesn't detect a face watching it, then does that mean you get to watch for free?

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Crisp

They just wont give up will they?

They just wont stop before they can charge you every time you even think about your favourite TV show.

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The genetic button that could turn a WOMAN into a CHIMPANZEE

Crisp
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Pint

Re: The genetic button that could turn a WOMAN into a CHIMPANZEE

After a bit of independent research. I have discovered something that can make something that looks like a chimpanzee look like a gorgeous woman.

See Icon.

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Crisp

The genetic button that could turn a WOMAN into a CHIMPANZEE

Now if we could only turn a chimpanzee into a gorgeous woman.

*That* would be progress!

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Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

Crisp
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Coat

Re: SHOCKED!

NAVELS!

Everyone has one of those?

You sir, have warped my fragile little mind.

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Crisp
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Re: SHOCKED!

I thought that it was a bit of paid for advertisement by El Reg.

I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples.

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Crisp

Coffins haven't been this sexy since vampires were invented.

I'm normally against plastering half naked women all over stuff to sell it. But this works for me.

If anything is going to take the sting out of having to buy a coffin, this is.

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Theresa May DDoS case: Man cuffed by eCops

Crisp
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Pirate

Re: Cybercrime IS serious!

"The random SSH spam hitting your server isn't really denying service, just a nuisance. And, yes, it's also illegal."

IANAL, but using a system as it is intended to be used is not illegal.

http://strowger-net.telefoonmuseum.com/tel_hist_phreak.html

Check out the last paragraph about the Old Bailey trial. 3 Oct. 1973

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Firm-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's tax dodge profit shift? Totally legit

Crisp
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Re: We do. It's called VAT

VAT is the tax that the consumer pays. The company then passes that VAT on to the government.

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Crisp

If there's nothing we can do, then we need to change the law

We need to put corporations on a PAYE system. Tax them at the point of sale.

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Mysterious galactic glow caused by Hitchhikers' Krikkit style stars

Crisp
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Coat

Re: "Sund. explns."

Has anyone ever managed to sneak this on to an invoice?

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Mystery robot-bringing UFOs sighted by Indian troops on Tibet border

Crisp
Big Brother

It's a weather balloon.

It's always a weather balloon.

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Classic game 'Elite' returns … on Kickstarter

Crisp
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Re: The spectrum autopilot cheat...

I always prefered dropping out of hyperspace halfway through a jump and entering witch space.

Thargoids a plenty to destroy and a full cargo hold of alien artifacts to sell afterwards.

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Crisp

I think I speak for everyone when I say

David Braben,

It's about damn time!

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Windows Phone 8 has a secret feature which may activate at any time

Crisp
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Coat

Re: Eeek!

It's ok. The packet scanning software on my network only forwards details of people with £10,000 or more in their current account.

You might want to get some hydrocortisone for that rash though.

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