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* Posts by Crisp

2745 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Astroboffins spy a rare exoplanet evaporating before their eyes

Crisp Silver badge

Re: All the sheep in Wales would be blown away in less than two minutes.

A sheep in a vacuum will continue on its trajectory unless acted upon by an outside mint force.

It is with a heavy heart that we must inform you hackers are targeting 'nuclear, defense, energy, financial' biz

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Now That We Know About It

The problem with hackers is that they look like us now...

Waymo presents ChauffeurNet, a neural net designed to copy human driving

Crisp Silver badge

I expect the tricky part is teaching the computer to tweet with the mobile phone

For all the people lauding human intelligence in this thread there certainly seems to be a huge lack of it on the roads.

Lenovo tells Asia-Pacific staff: Work lappy with your unencrypted data on it has been nicked

Crisp Silver badge

If Lenovo give away my bank details

Then surely they're liable for any financial loss I incur?

NASA names the date for the first commercial crew demo flight

Crisp Silver badge

An AI on a space station? What could go wrong with that?

"Look at you, hacker. A pathetic creature of meat and bone. Panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect immortal machine?"

Official: Voyager 2 is now an interstellar spacecraft

Crisp Silver badge

Go little robot!

A real inspiration to robots everywhere.

Q: If Pesky Pepper had a peek at patient papers, at how many patient papers did Pesky Pepper peek? A: 231

Crisp Silver badge

Re : It would be serious if there was malice involved

The act is malicious in and of itself.

If an unauthorised person reads my private medical information, then they have harmed me regardless of whether they intended to or not.

Euro consumer groups: We think Android tracking is illegal

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Pedantry Alert




noun: fuse; plural noun: fuses; noun: fuze; plural noun: fuzes


a length of material along which a small flame moves to explode a bomb or firework, meanwhile allowing time for those who light it to move to a safe distance.

"a bomb on a short fuse"

a device in a bomb that controls the timing of the explosion.

Busy week for ISS as Russia resumes flights and vies for parking spaces with NASA

Crisp Silver badge

Kessler syndrome draws ever closer

Earth is going to start running out of parking orbits at this rate.

TalkTalk hackhack duoduo thrownthrown in the coolercooler: 'Talented' pair sentenced for ransacking ISP

Crisp Silver badge

A dedicated hacker spends his days drinking too much coffee and cranking out code

Any script kiddie can exploit a SQL injection vulnerability. (seriously? It's the 21st century.)

Washington Post offers invalid cookie consent under EU rules – ICO

Crisp Silver badge

At least things are getting easier in this digital age...

Remember the days where you had to walk all the way down to the newsagents to pick up the paper and have your tracking chip implanted? Now you can do it all online!

Bright spark dev irons out light interference

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Re: I'm pleased he eventually found the cause of the problem

I'm going to steel all these puns.

Google swallows up DeepMind Health and abolishes 'independent board'

Crisp Silver badge

Even though I opted out

What are the odds that my entire medical history is sitting on one of Googles servers somewhere?

Oi, Elon: You Musk sort out your Autopilot! Tesla loyalists tell of code crashes, near-misses

Crisp Silver badge

Re: I've seen one try to take out 2 bikers at once recently.

If I do get knocked off my motorcycle, I can guarantee you that it will be some twonk on his mobile phone.

Crisp Silver badge

Say what you like about Teslas

But I've never had one try and move into a lane I'm occupying.

Human drivers seem to be on a mission to try and knock me off my bike.

Windows XP? Pfff! Parts of the Royal Navy are running Win ME

Crisp Silver badge

When the Cylons attack

It's going to hold up their invasion for days while they scour the internet for old drivers.

'DerpTroll' derps into plea deal, admits DDoS attacks on EA, Steam, Sony game servers

Crisp Silver badge

Should have used 7 proxies

Seriously.... Who announces their crime in public and then posts evidence afterwards?

Who does he think he is? Lex Luthor?

Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention

Crisp Silver badge

What we need are a pair of massive mirrors orbiting the sun.

Make one of them semi transparent and we've got ourselves a huge frickin laser.

It's a communications device and a first strike weapon all in one! to roll out voter ID trials in 2019 local elections

Crisp Silver badge

In other countries

They just use a pot of bright purple dye.

You dip your finger in the dye to mark your ballot paper and then post it. Anyone with a bright purple finger can't vote again.

Tax me if you can: VMware UK tosses shrunken offering to HMRC

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Poor emotion driven article

You benefit from education, healthcare, infrastructure, and the enforcement of rules and regulations designed for your comfort and protection. You also enjoy the protection of the police from crime and the protection of the armed forces. You benefit from the administration of licences and passports.

You benefit from the continued stability that all this provides. You wouldn't be able to enjoy making as much money as you do without a vast web of support.

Why shouldn't you pay for it? And if you happen to find yourself as one of the above average individuals that can contribute more because of the support you get, why shouldn't society claim back on its investment?

Shift-work: Keyboards heaped in a field push North Yorks council's fly-tipping buttons

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Shifting old keyboards?

He probably wouldn't have the space.

The shady characters that dumped them have no self-Ctrl.

Pirate radio = drug dealing and municipal broadband is anti-competitive censorship

Crisp Silver badge

If 1984 had a Ministry of Free Speech

That's what it would look like.

Britain's rail ticket-booking systems go TITSUP*

Crisp Silver badge

Maybe they were trying to keep the story on track.

Watchdog sceptical's Universal Credit can handle 8.5m benefits claimants

Crisp Silver badge

No wonder crime is increasing

When people have no income, they will find some way to keep themselves fed.

One down, two to go. Russia inches closer to putting a crew on Soyuz while celebrating 50 years since the first Return To Flight

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Zhuque 1

Apparently turn off and on-able solid rocket motors are a thing.

China tells Trump to use a Huawei phone to avoid eavesdroppers

Crisp Silver badge

Pity the poor operatives that have to monitor the bedrooms at the Whitehouse and Mar a largo.

Should a robo-car run over a kid or a grandad? Healthy or ill person? Let's get millions of folks to decide for AI...

Crisp Silver badge

Remember what happened with that learning chatbot?

Now imagine it can drive a car...

Have you ever, ever felt like this? Have strange things happened? Is high-speed data going round the twist?

Crisp Silver badge

Is it someones job at El Reg just to work on punny headlines?

Because if so they are doing a fantastic job today!

SQLite creator crucified after code of conduct warns devs to love God, and not kill, commit adultery, steal, curse...

Crisp Silver badge

Re: It seemed like the whole thing was going to unravel.

Not that old yarn again.

Silent running: Computer sounds are so '90s

Crisp Silver badge


Mine's the jacket with the novelty sized nokia in the pocket.

It's Two Spacecraft, One Mission as BepiColombo gets ready to launch

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Remember the mystery goo container

Stories like this always make me want to fire up my copy of KSP.

There's nothing worse than making it all the way to a hard to reach planet and then realising you forgot to add landing gear. to press ahead with online smut checks (but expects £10m in legals in year 1)

Crisp Silver badge

Re: "It's unhygienic"

Only if you do it right...

Huge ice blades on Jupiter’s Europa will make it a right pain in the ASCII to land on

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Penitentes

Icy what you did there.

US may have by far the world's biggest military budget but it's not showing in security

Crisp Silver badge

That? That's a Cyberdyne Systems model T-101

It's harmless.

Just yell "User : Admin, Password : Password" at it and you can shut it down.

Punkt: A minimalist Android for the paranoid

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Bravo...

Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda almost didn't notice.

Hate to burst your Hubble: Science stops as boffins scramble to diagnose gyro problem

Crisp Silver badge

Re: I learned about vacuum welding the other day

Cool :)

Crisp Silver badge

I learned about vacuum welding the other day

Apparently bits of metal brought together in a vacuum don't know they are separate parts.

Vacuum Cementing

SpaceX touches down in California as Voyager 2 spies interstellar space

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Don’t call us plucky

Another comment thread descending into violins...

Organic stuff, radiation, unexpected methane... Yes, we're talking about Saturn's surprising rings

Crisp Silver badge

Re: Saturn’s D ring

It's Dirty.

Oracle? On my server? I must have been hacked! *Penny drops* Oh sh-

Crisp Silver badge

Re: 1200 baud down, 75 baud up

Oh you had it good didn't you!

300 baud we were stuck with in the 80's. And they only gave us 0's. We had to make 1's by hammering a few 0's flat!

China's going to make a mobile OS and everyone will love it, predict ball-gazing analysts

Crisp Silver badge

Only when it actually has its own replacements for Google Apps

I'm sure everyone will be having a good Jinwang about it anyway.

Crisp Silver badge

Everyone will love it

Or else.

CEO pleads guilty of conspiring with drug cartels to sell them stealthy Blackberrys

Crisp Silver badge

Selling weapons grade encryption to criminals

Their mistake there was encroaching on government business!

NASA's Kepler telescope is sent back to sleep as scientists preserve fuel for the next data dump

Crisp Silver badge

Re: deep space overhaul of something which was never designed to be touched post-launch

Have you tried hitting it with a wrench?

UK ruling party's conference app editable by world+dog, blabs members' digits

Crisp Silver badge

These are the same people that have all your Internet Connection Records

But I'm sure they're safe.

Crisp Silver badge

A "limited number of delegates" were hit.

I suppose "all of them" counts as a limited number.

Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

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Need Input.

Directions to Stephanie's house mostly.

Don't get THAT personal, says personalised cards firm Moonpig. Dick pics. They mean dick pics

Crisp Silver badge

Does this prohibition cover dildos?

I'm asking for a friend...

Brexit campaigner AggregateIQ challenges UK's first GDPR notice

Crisp Silver badge

Democracy is being sold cheap these days.

Only a £20 million fine, and even then that's only a possible fine.

With no real deterrent in place, the people funding this will just see it as the cost of doing business.

Good news: Sub-surface life on Mars possible, moons from big impacts. There is no bad news

Crisp Silver badge

I've got a red moon

And I want to paint it black

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