* Posts by Bob Vistakin

1578 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

How a tiny leap-day miscalculation trashed Microsoft Azure

Bob Vistakin
Facepalm

Re: @AC

Watching shills squirm and blame everyone but themselves after being caught out red handed is a marvel to behold. Why, its almost as entertaining as seeing them try to deny Microsoft’s Bing uses Google search results—and denies it: http://goo.gl/Bi0JH

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: Not the first, not the last...

"Later in the year"? Hopefully you're not using one of these comedy calendars - that could mean anything from next week to sometime in the next decade.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: Not the first, not the last...

Well, yeah, sure there are plenty of horror stories around, but is this the first time the British Government chose a partner so clueless they literally didn't know what fucking day it was?

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Even a £5 watch gets the leap year right!

Azure. Clippy. Metro. Bob. Vista. Kin.

Samsung spanks Apple in world's biggest mobile market

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Its AT&T all over again

The person Android owes its dominance to the most is Steve Jobs. Had he not been so arrogant and greedy with the US Carriers at the iPhones launch, he would have cut deals with Verizon etc and Android would have been a minority player, jostling for relevance the way Symbian and WP7 is today. No, the master knew best and was incapable of swallowing his pride, to the extent that when it finally did arrive on those carriers, Android had such traction it was unstoppable.

Windows 8: Thrown into a multi-tasking mosh pit

Bob Vistakin
Go

Windows 8 will shape the future of Microsoft!

I can hardly wait for this to come out - I've never anticipated anything from Microsoft so much! I just hope they stick to their guns and ignore what anyone else says. Go Microsoft! You know best!

The seven types of online commenter

Bob Vistakin
Big Brother

Where do all the shills fit in?

As defined by being paid/gain otherwise to make posts which further the aims of someone using this as part of their online marketing strategy in influential forums? Their own opinion is irrelevant and never seen - if they have one at all.

Metro breakdown! Windows 8 UI is little gain for lots of pain

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: WTF?

The WTF? area is even more sensible on WP7, because as microsofts extensive research into usability has shown, on a small screen like a mobile phone, every pixel counts. So its best to waste a full quarter of it with a great big black column, and then be forced to cut off words half way because there's no space to fit them all in. On the home screen. Before you even run anything. Then feature this prominently in all the ads, and wonder why the sales figures are what Android would dismiss as the floor noise level.

Bob Vistakin
Thumb Up

Windows 8 Consumer Preview is great!

Microsoft - please, please, please launch this exactly as it is now. Don't change a thing. Don't listen to the moaners - we all know users don't really know what they really want until you tell them. Put more marketing into it than you did Vista. Make it simple for users, i.e. ensure they can't go back. Hurry up end-of-lifeing XP and 7 too - clearly they are history now and users will rush to upgrade their hardware once they see the marvels you've come up with this time.

Do this and all the recent uncertainty surrounding your future will be cleared up once and for all!

UK.gov claims it's giving doubled cash to SMEs ... now 13%

Bob Vistakin
Devil

A first class piss taker

During the corruption exposure it emerged Francis Mauds second house in London was yards from his first: http://goo.gl/JWLGt Fortunately, like all the others in the House of Corruption caught red handed, he promised he only did this exactly during the 4 year period for some mysterious reason they were only investigated for, unlike the public who have to keep records for 7 years for HMRC and who can got back indefinitely if required. So, I'm sorry but I didn't read past his name as pretty much any time I see it I just can't get past his open piss taking from the people he promised to serve.

Apple wants ebook price class action suit thrown out

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Huh? Apple are new to the phone business, yet still think they rule the roost with their "we innovated everything" rounded corner shite. Go Motorola (first mobile call 1973), give Apple (founded 1976) a taste of their own medicine!

Nokia issues another Lumia 800 battery fix

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Its user will be so pleased

And the author of the only app in its app store will too, since he'll be getting his first sale. Oh, wait, this is one of those freaky cut-the-words-off comedy efforts, better re-lay that out the way microsoft tell everyone they now have to get used to:

And the au

this is on

everyone th

Yet another iPhone patent lawsuit

Bob Vistakin
Devil

Microsoft has been trying to paint itself as a patent “good guy”.

Splutter.

How much more than the $5 per Android handset they extort would it be if they behaved otherwise?

Tony Blair closes RSA 2012, denounces WikiLeaks

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Was he born evil, or did the absolute power corrupt him absolutely?

Traditionally you could sum up each major party in 1 word, which was basically your choice at elections; Tories=Corruption, Labour=Incompetence, Liberals=Clueless.

"New" labour stole the tory corruption element, whereas with the current Tories in power it's the other way round.

Britain needs another prime Minister who lies to start wars for his own personal financial gain.

Britain needs another Chancellor who is happy to send soldiers out to die in some desert for a pointless cause, and to make sure this happens refuses to pay to equip them.

Britain needs another Home Secretary who fiddles their porn.

Britain needs another Borders and Immigration minister who fiddles his tampons.

Britain needs another Childrens Minister who fiddles his poppies at remembrance ceremonies,

And Britain certainly needs another Prime Minister who promises, on the day he is elected, to "not only be whiter than white, but to be seen to be whiter than white". So, how did that work out for you then, Tony?

G-Cloud guru slaps down Cloud Store critics

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: Perfect example of G-cloud failure

Nick "Tuition fee" Clegg signed a pledge in great big letters in front of all the cameras that "all is well with our choice of cloud provider".

Or are you saying there's something you don't trust about him, Cast Iron and Microsoft getting together this way?

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

After choosing Microsoft to run its G-Cloud services

The Prime Minister gave him a Cast iron guarantee he had his full support.

Microsoft's Azure cloud down and out for 8 hours

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Go Google!

Right, we've played it the usual way where for unknown reasons microsoft mysteriously win yet more major governmental work. Now we've all suffered the inevitable car wreck the Nokia rapers have inflicted on everyone, it's time to do it properly.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Who on earth is suprised by this?

Merely days after announcing the G-Cloud will be based on Microsoft garbage, it suffers the same Kiss of Death Ford experienced when they used the beasts crapware in their cars: http://goo.gl/t7FPB

Raspberry Pi signs big-name sellers

Bob Vistakin
Pint

If RS really do them at the promised $25 I'll use WP7 for a week

And Vista on my home PC.

Apple issues invitations to March 7 iPad roll-out

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Nah- this is the iPad 2S

Had you all going again didn't they? Last years October letdown forgotten already, where what Android users would have considered a mere software update was released as an entirely new phone, and to take the piss even more not even the promised iPhone5 the sheep had been baaing for for so long?

Windows Phone armed with 'military-grade' email upgrade

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: Wow

Almost as shocking as if you'd seen the phrase "Nokia's desperate attempt to become relevant to mobile again", at that time. And yet, they think microsoft will somehow help them with this ;-(

Microsoft 'fesses credit cards exposed by Indian store hack

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Tut tut tut

Tut. That is all.

Reading this? You're probably planning to skill up on HTML5 in 2012

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: C# and .NET in mobile?

.NET? Going the way of Silverlight, about which microsoft mentions nowadays as much as vista. They have a rich history of spreading FUD, so here's some back with a delightful picture of some Hannibal Lecter lookalike, presumably because cannibalising their own products is the new strategy: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/jun/14/microsoft-windows-8-developers

41-megapixel MONSTER mobe shutters Nokia knockers

Bob Vistakin
Devil

That's what every socialist said, from the commies to "new" labour.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Re: Technology leader

What's Apple doing now? Getting ready to sue anyone who brings out NFC, a full year after they "innovate" it for the first time on their next iPhone. Until then, its the usual line - "Our users don't need that".

Its so funny that this newbie (even today, they've only been in the phone business 5 years) got all big and tough getting Android banned because they had round corners and shit, all the while the inventor of the mobile phone (first call 1973), like a sleeping giant has been sitting back letting them strut their stuff with their (quite literal) toys. But woken up the giant they have, along with - what a surprise! - its new owners. Now, they have in turn fought back with a ban which relates to genuine technical innovation (wireless push) and not just some mere carbon copy of a device with this vague look and feel crap as ripped directly off kit seen in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The Motorola bitch slap kind of puts things into perspective - Apple values prettiness above all, functionality comes second. Yet its a fucking *phone*. You play nice with the real pioneers who nailed all this years before you jumped on their bandwaggon or it doesn't connect. End of. And Apple are certainly never going to get away with trying to treat the established players the way their treat their gullible users.

So clearly you're right to ask what Apple is doing now: probably preparing more frivolous lawsuits- they are plumb out if any more tech ideas.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Next up, the Nokia Android everyone really wants

WP7, like socialism, was an interesting experiment whilst it lasted.

Microsoft Tangos into cheap smartphones

Bob Vistakin
Facepalm

Re: Re: Huh?

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=microsoft+promise+more+with+mobile+windows+8

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Huh?

I thought they'd given up with 7.5 and were telling everyone to wait for 8? The same way they told everyone to forget 7 and wait for 7.5, and 7 before that. Don't see many sales numbers being banded about, and its been out long enough now to establish what the punters who have actually heard of it think of it. Anyway, its not all bad news - when Ballmer heard 850k Androids per day were being activated the stock price of every Seattle furniture repair shop jumped.

Leap-day Visual Studio beta provokes 'passionate' response

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

VB devs gave a passionate response, too

Just as m$ dumped on their years of investment and trust, so it seems history is repeating itself for the shiny new world of HTML5 and JS, so its no wonder those gullible enough to fall for it again are giving "passionate responses": http://tech.slashdot.org/story/11/06/13/194254/devs-worried-microsoft-will-dump-net

Apple fanbois forced to go on the pull by Motorola patent

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Real Karma is when bullies get bullied back, but harder

Didn't moses come down from the mountain holding tablets with round corners? Never mind real innovation such as wireless push, THATS what I call stupid and oh dear, the bully is getting back 10x more than what they started, what a shame.

Microsoft apes Google social search master plan

Bob Vistakin

Re: Re: Does this mean they'll use their own search engine at last?

Gosh, you'd have thought Google would have taken it down by now then with such sound, reasoned arguments as yours, i.e. facts become instantly invalid the second they are over 12 months old. Use WP7 much?

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Does this mean they'll use their own search engine at last?

It's about time. The current effort isn't much more than a wrapper a script kiddie could throw up in half an hour with a random background image to attempt to fool those with single digit IQ's, such as WP7 users. Don't believe it? Here we go: http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/microsofts-bing-uses-google-search.html

Microsoft blasts 'web video killer' Motorola Mobility in EU gripe

Bob Vistakin
WTF?

Re: Lets look at the time line a bit shall we

Yes lets.

Stage -1: Apple claim to have invented rounded corners so block few Android sales.

Stage 0: Microsoft claim $5 per handset from Android sales

Then Google retaliates and they are suddenly evil?

Bonkers MS security update flags Google.com as malign

Bob Vistakin
WTF?

Ahem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

We made a wrapper round Google

And serve its results to you

http://goo.gl/4oPvL

Googorola's desire for iPhone royalties will upset Apple cart

Bob Vistakin
Unhappy

"Microsoft doesn't mention any percentages in its statement either..."

"We're so late to the mobile party, and our comedy token offerings are so crap, that we gave up competing fairly on merit years ago. Our mobile strategy now is to rape Nokia for its patents so we can extort the others even more, when Elops mission to bust it is complete, than the $5 per handset we take now".

So, please everyone, as usual find some trivial spelling mistake or point out my posting history - anything but deal with the point I made.

Revealed: Apple's plea for fairness in mobile patent war

Bob Vistakin
WTF?

This would destroy Microsofts entire mobile strategy!

They make more money using patents to fleece the good guys $5 per handset than from their own comedy attempts at handsets.

Nokia axes 4,000, shifts smartphone manufacturing East

Bob Vistakin
Unhappy

Elop end up with nothing? Come off it, once he completes the assignment Ballmer sent him on he'll scurry back to Redmond to count his shares.

BT Vision throws Microsoft Mediaroom under a bus for Linux

Bob Vistakin
Happy

I'm shocked. This will never do!

BT get something right. What on earth is the world coming to?

Nokia Lumia 710

Bob Vistakin
Mushroom

How MWC 2012 could have looked

All eyes turn to the two Android giants as the rumour mill goes into overdrive regarding new handset announcements. 2011 saw a fantastic year for both Nokia and Samsung, who saw their greatest ever profits and smartphone shipments as Android accounted for 52% of the market with Samsung just edging it at 28% to Nokias 24%. Both have blazing dual-core large screen Android successes on their hands with their top end 2011 models, now the industry waits with bated breath to see what marvels they announce here - largely, the spec is expected to be quad-core, 1.6ghz devices with 4.2" or larger screens and 12Mp cameras, running the latest ICS Android release from the start. The runaway success for them both looks to continue unabated as they both build on their quality handset heritage to deliver exactly what customers want.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

"You’re quickly into the dregs"

Exactly.

Ex-staffer: Apple assigns new workers to made up projects

Bob Vistakin
Devil

Its true

All those wasted months in the triangular corner team. I often looked across the hall at the squared off corner guys, wondering how the look and feel of their designs would sit with the work we were doing. Until ... Bam! Secretly, in another building unbeknown to either of us, the round corner team announced their work could at last be made public and the rest, as we all now know, is history.

Dumb salesmen are hurting us – Nokia CEO

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Wise words indeed. So in fact the techies are all wrong and should take a look at how WP7 is doing in the actual market, rather than in some la la land of their own invention. Oh, wait...

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

"It's not too late for Nokia to start knocking out some decent Droids."

You mean when Elop quits and scurries back to Redmond? You do realise he's just Microsofts puppet - in fact he was their 8th largest individual shareholder on the day Steve Ballmer assigned him the Nokia mission.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Watching microsoft fail with this turd is freaking hilarious!

It's the gift that just keeps on giving. Keep on wasting all that marketing money polishing it Steve, as long as you believe you can make it shine one day we're all here enjoying your comedy antics.

Bob Vistakin
Devil

Going back to the Elopaclypse...

You gotta wonder if Nokias smartphone market share would be less than the 2% it is today had they gone with Android.

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Microsofts victims over the past 30 years are sending them a message: paybacks a bitch.

Facebook sheds light on Nokia's Lumia sales

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Turds cannot be polished

Who'd have thought it. - m$ stuffing unremovable bloatware on users kit. Except this time they have a choice, as these sales figures show.

Apple's Dutch Galaxy Tab ban shot down by The Hague

Bob Vistakin
FAIL

Whats the Beatles record label got to do with all this?

Or is this some other "Apple" you refer to which clearly hates copying so much.

One that, err, copied their name.

Intel chieftain outlines broad tablet, smartphone blitz

Bob Vistakin
Unhappy

"What Intel giveth, Microsoft taketh away"

Long true for decades on PCs - will this old adage be carried over to the tablets desecrated with m$ bloatware too?

Woz praises Android, blasts iPhone limitations

Bob Vistakin
Happy

Its just about game over for the rest

The way things are heading there won't be much to tell them apart anyway, especially as its looking more and more like these two will clean up 80%+ of the smartphone market, leaving the losers behind to scrap amongst the dregs.