Posts by Captain DaFt 3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007
I've just finished the screenplay for my new movie, on a 1.2 million dollar advance, that has all the bigwigs in Hollywood abuzz with excitement!
If it passes the final OK, then get ready for <drumroll> Naughts and Crosses, The Movie!
(Still fighting over renaming it "Tic Tac Toe Terror", this is a religious film, NOT a horror film!)
Went with the Angel Jobs icon, since Disney is the most interested.
A. If it exists, it can hurt you! This includes all solids, gases, liquids, plasmas, and the various types of radiation in any and all combinations. This includes organic and inorganic alike. It WILL getcha if ya don't watch out!
B. If it doesn't exist, it can STILL hurt you! If you don't believe that, try leaning on a railing that doesn't exist! (Just a quick example)
There, now that that's sorted out, go out, have fun, but as me dear ol' Mater always said; "Be careful, and use some common sense once in awhile, dammit!"
"Here, hold my beer, I wanna try something!"
"Let me show you what happened."
"Nah, I've done this dozens of times, it's safe."
"No need for all of that safety gear, it'll only take me a minute."
"Take the hammer, I'll hold the spike, and when I nod my head, you hit it!"
"Don't worry, they just say "Don't try this at home" for legal reasons."
Coat, because I'm out the door when I hear one of these from somebody.
I agree with you on the donor thing, my cards always updated. But I'm planning on hanging around as long as I can get around.
If anyone can get any use out of my parts after I'm done with'em, more power to them!
Now, as to choice of music for my final send off, what could be more appropriate than BOC's "Don't Fear the Reaper"?
Why would I want to sneak into a town where all the women aren't interested in me?
Now... If you find a village of nymphomaniacs that've sequestered themselves away because they can't control themselves around men, then I'll lay in supplies of vitamins, Red Bull, Viagra, and plenty of fluids, then be on my way at once! (It may kill me, but who wants to live forever?)
That's me in the icon, getting the keys to the lorry full of condoms!
First, for all you "Lunar conspiracy looneys"... ODFO. It's old, it's asinine, and nobody cares.
Second, You can find the same release, nearly word for word, in any public library's archives, FROM 1962!
Think about it, nearly half a decade later, and we're back to square one as far as manned spaceflight is concerned!
By the late 1970s, we had the capability, we had the plans, we were building the spaceship to Mars... and scrapped the whole thing! Since then, it's been unmanned probes only past LEO, with humans frittering away their time in a can that only served as a destination for Soyuz and the occasional shuttle. What happened? Did our alien overlords post "No trespassing" signs? If so, I for one do NOT welcome them, and will lead the resistance when they invade.
Flames, because this missive'll probably qualify me for FOTW.
They make remakes all the time, it's what Movie Studios do. After all, why risk doing something new when you can rehash what works with endless sequels, remakes, and "re-visualizations" over and over and over?
I'm still waiting for the remake of the remake to end all remakes - The Last Remake of Beau Geste ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076297/ )
"What is all this crap about whether or not a machine is capable of running the OS for f*cks sake?
...
When I did Computer Studies (a good few years ago now mind) we learned how an Operating System sat in the background minding its own business for the principle purpose of running user processes. What the hell does Windows 7 need all these resources for just to run itself?"
It's called "Marketing". If the OS just sits quietly in the background, you could be using anybody's OS, and just might, as long as your software works. So they make it it sing, dance, jiggle, flash, paste its name and logo all over the place, and over-ride whatever you're doing to remind you that; "OUR OS is the one that's providing this happy computing experience, and it is very important that you keep using it, because nobody else is as compatible with us as we are, not even our last version! (That POS!). Sad,eh?
But it won't work with me. There were several flu outbreaks during my school days that took their toll on students (local outbreaks, one nearly shut down the school it occurred at.), and there I was was, never missing a day of class for illness. Darn the luck!
(Maybe I was just too bored to be infected?)
"which is of a kind likely to be useful to a person committing or preparing an act of terrorism, or publishes or communicates any such information".
Shouldn't that more accurately be:
"which is of a kind likely to be useful to a person exposing or recording an act of official malfeasance , or publishes or communicates any such information".
Teh real life laws of physics is trampling our imaginary powerz and makes us looks foolish! Make it stops pleez, We feels ill!!
Bunch of midget-minded mental masturbators, pick up a first grade science book and get a clue about how Life, the Universe, and Everything really works instead of wanking off to an antique version of "The Force".
Flames because these people think that dancing around them chanting does something besides making them hot and tired.
*Stupidity of this magnitude can best be expressed in LoL Speak, sorry about that.
Interoperability.
Think about it, Windows has a nasty habit of simply "Not detecting" any non-Windows hardware/software.
So how long before this conversation during maritime combat?
"How many enemy ships out there, sailor?"
"Windows Sonar shows non sir!"
"What? But I see at least four of the devils in the periscope!"
"The bastards must not be using Windows compatible craft sir!"
"Well, can we at least get a weapons lock on them?"
"No Sir! All I get is `No compatible enemy found, (A)bort (R)etry, (I)gnore'"
"S'truth, We're Buggered!"
Obviously, cartoons have their own laws of physics:
http://funnies.paco.to/cartoon.html
Or, if you really wanna waste a day:
http://images.google.com/images?q=cartoon+physics&sourceid=mozilla-search&ie=UTF-8&oe=utf-8&client=mozilla&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:unofficial&um=1&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=4&ct=title
(And yes, I have my degree in abnormal physics from Acme U.)
"So what possible influence do people think they have over what Microsoft decide to do with it? No amount of blogging, whining, question and exclamation marks is going to change MS's mind."
Maybe when the users leave in droves, they'll pay attention?
Actually, the only users for years now have been the die-hard old timers, newbies, spammers and people just wanting a throw away address to feed the "you must enter a valid email here" line.
Way back when, I had a hotmail address for about a month, and the spam on my other email accounts went through the roof! So I abandoned it, and eventually, the spam dropped back down.
As for the complaints about hotmail's spam filters, I thought they were excellent.
I always found all my legitimate mail in the spam folder, and all the spam in my inbox! (I wish I was joking here, but I'm not.)
"Who wants to be president. Raise your arms :)"
That's a good first step. The second would be to ban anyone raising their arm from ever being President, as they're either too meglamaniacal or incompetent to do the job!
No sane, intelligent person would ever take a job like that!
(Now, let's see if this post makes it on Opera.... Seriously, what'd you guys do to the site this week? It's been crashing on Seamonkey all week and half-assed loading on Opera... all the other sites are fine!)
Or is Microsoft using the "Shotgun" approach to software? It seems hardly a week goes by lately that they're not announcing a new programming language, version/flavor of Windows, new features on existing products, new algorithm based on other's software, etc. It's like they're frantically throwing everything they can think of, hoping that something will stick to the wall. *
Here's a clue Ballmer, put your software engineers to work fixing your big three, Windows, Word, and Outlook, get them to work without sucking, THEN go chasing after everybody else's coat tails!
(Oh, while you're at it, could you at least do something about Xbox's "Red ring of Death"?)
* No chair jokes... Please!
Let's all get up and dance to a song
That was a hit before your mother was born.
Though she was born a long, long time ago
Your mother should know (Your mother should...)
Your mother should know (...know.)
Video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gAGZ630vts
Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Your-Mother-Should-Know-lyrics-The-Beatles/C0D2D62B519D6C7348256BC2001433C9
After all, they are an ad company, the search engine is just the way they draw in the eyeballs to view the ads! Just come up with something that draws the eyeballs, sell ads, PROFIT!
(By the way, check out my new ad sites: Fluffybabyanimals.com, Bigboobsandexplosions,com, and freebeerandtermpapers,com)
"I cannot believe that with a population of almost 300M, these are the best two republicans they can find. They make that useless John Kerry look competent."
The problem is, no one with any intelligence, no matter what their political affiliation, wants to get involved in the circus of idiocy that US politics has devolved into.
So we're stuck with the type of bozo that doesn't have enough talent to be an actor, singer, or professional athlete, but still wants to be a media whore, running for office.
The Paris Icon because yes, she actually has more talent than any government office holder. Explains it all, doesn't it?
Those of you stating that'd you'd want a writable Blue-ray... That's the "Bag of hurt" Job's is talking about! Sony doesn't want the masses to be able to burn their own BD discs, that would lessen their control of the format! Sony just wants read-only capability on the PC, so they can control the content, at a hefty price!
So there's a jungle of licenses, royalties and restrictions for anyone wanting to offer that capability on their systems, and right now, it simply ain't worth the time, money or effort to offer it. (Except for VERY expensive bragging rights, of course.)
Why not just put the cockpit UNDER the nose of the plane instead of on top of it?
Seriously, the times you need visibility most are landings and take-offs, when you need to see the ground.
In flight, Um, you're in the air, there's nothing over you, a nose under cockpit would still give you a view off to the sides, front, and below. Everywhere except directly overhead, in fact. (Funny, but no one seems to worry about what's coming up from behind up there, unless they're in a combat situation.)
For directly overhead, a camera view should be sufficient for the occasional errant plane, falling space debris, planet killing asteroid, or passing UFO.
(Of course, I'm talking passenger aircraft here, for a fighter plane, an under nose cockpit might make ejecting a tad tricky!)
Helicopter icon, because ejecting from them's a bit tricky too!
Why is it everytime I read yet another article about the DOJ's latest and greatest in weapons tech, I keep wondering if they're getting their ideas from Dr. Grordbort?
http://www.wetanz.com/holics/index.php?catid=4
"Presenting the most audacious gun yet in our line of advanced wave oscillators, Lord Cockswain's weapon of choice - The Unnatural Selector."
We've seen several cock-ups like this make the news because an upstanding citizen found the lost items and notified either the press or authorities.
So... How many times has this occurred and said items fell into the hands of less than honest or just plain apathetic citizens? Odds would tend to say quite a bit, wouldn't they? And we'd never hear of them either.
Mines the one with orange envelopes and cds marked with passwords on them in the pockets. (Got'em in trade for a couple of bottles of cheap wine.)
"Playing the Devil's Advocate: given that these supercomputer simulations failed to predict the current mess we're in, why should we trust them to get us out? It seems the model Bernanke created actually works at some level."
There's the story about some shipwreck survivors on a deserted island that discovered a crate of canned food washed up on the beach.
After their intial elation over the discovery, came the grim realization that they had nothing to use as a canopener.
While they discussed various possible methods to open the cans, one fellow, an economist, kept snickering louder and louder until he was roaring with laughter.
"What's up with you?" aked one of the others, "Why aren't you helping instead of laughing at us?
The economist cleared the tears from his eyes and answered,"Because the answer to the problem is so simple and none of you see it. All you need to do is assume there's a canopener!"
And that is why we're in the mess we're in today. If the projections don't meet the economist's goals, he'll just plug in assumptions until they do, and plow blithely on.
(Two words from the past: "Voodoo Economics" It's kind of a redundancy.)
And where is that WTF? icon?
Will the new DS have Opera built-in? Will it finally have a PDA function? Support downloads?
It looks like they're all "gee-whiz" on the hardware updates, but what's it going to have "under the bonnet?" Seriously, I love mine, but a few more practical functions would be welcome!
"I'm still trying to work out how to set my laser printer to "Stun""
Ok, I'm probably going to Gitmo for revealing this, but all you have to do is:
A> Unplug laser printer's power and usb cables.
B> While carrying laser printer, approach your target from behind.*
C> Lift laser printer high over YOUR head, then bring it down sharply onto TARGET'S head. Mission accomplished!
Or alternatively, you can just use it to print out pictures of goatse and tubgirl, then leave them where your target will see them.
* approaching from behind is highly reccomended as it keeps the target from running away or punching your lights out.
Arr, so there be no IT angle, it still be news, aye?
The Register has been on me bookmarks since the first time I heaved-to and boarded thar internets, The first scurvy dog that touches it, feels the kiss of me cutlass, YARR!
Scurvy dogs, what I said for me bookmarks, goes for me subscription too! Davy Jones locker for the landlubber that touches it!.
It be fine sailin' weather, Yarr. So hoist sail and set sail for plunder, me heartys!
BUT... this skinny'd down webpage be lookin' thinner than a poor seadog marooned on a sandbar! And where be the rest o' me icons, ye bowlegged, landlubbin' bilge rat?
Happy talk like a pirate day!
There's this little gem from the BBC: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7623256.stm
Quote:"Their research, published in the journal Science, indicates that people who are sensitive to fear or threat are likely to support a right wing agenda."
Eh, I was going to rant here, but draw your own conclusions. (Too busy having a laugh at the whole thing, really!)
" Does that mean that the management is actually for sale on eBay?"
Yes, and rumor has it they're tied together in bundles of a dozen and being offered at a "Buy Now" of a dollar a bunch!
(Considering how well they ran the bank, I think that's overvalued!)
Meh, still no icon until they get rid of the Vista rejects
The Register 
Biting the hand that feeds IT
Copyright. All rights reserved © 1998–2024
