* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

'Clippy' coup felled by Microsoft twitterati

Captain DaFt

Uh, nope!

"It is rumored that prior to Microsoft, Clippy was used by generations of academics to organize the pages of the flesh-bound fiendish Necronomicon manuscript."

Not even the feared and dreaded Necronomicon is evil enough to deserve this!

Acer Iconia W3: The first 8-inch Windows 8 Pro tablet

Captain DaFt

So how much for just the keyboard?

A bluetooth keyboard with a cradle to hold a tablet actually sounds like a good idea.

Now, is it compatible with Android or Apple?

Big Beardie is watching you: Lord Sugar gets into facial recognition

Captain DaFt

Re: I predict...

Even better, wear a pair of these: http://craphound.com/images/no-eye-contact-glasses-4250-1239907127-17.jpg

Then the facial recognition will always flag you as uninterested, no matter how compelling the ad.

Asigra's Google Apps backup calms paranoid CIOs

Captain DaFt

"Backupify"

I first read that as "backup-iffy". Hardly a confidence inspiring name.

Emergency alert system easily pwnable after epic ZOMBIE attack prank

Captain DaFt

Are they *sure* the zombie alert was a prank?

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed there's been nothing else heard from Montana since then?

Quantum: You know how EVERYONE's moved to the cloud? Yep... us too.

Captain DaFt

Someone somewhere must have some hardware, right?

Well... there is that big server farm the NSA built out in the midwestern United States.

Big Mike's big package oughta be enough for Dell investors - report

Captain DaFt

How Dare He!

Offering a sane and reasonable price? What kind of shennagins is this?

Obviously, offering a vastly inflated price leveraged with the company's own assets is the best way to do it, since this'll inflate the share's price just long enough to dump it on the poor suckers that'll be holding the bag when it all crashes down.

Doesn't he understand *anything* about how Wall Street works?

Brits: Give us £1m and we'll build a crack ALIEN-HUNTING TEAM

Captain DaFt

Re: Of course we are not alone

It'd be a real hoot if it turned out that the universal communication method is spectroscopic modulation, and all those deep space signals we've been studying to determine the nature of the Universe were really the glactic equivalent of old "I love Lucy" reruns.

Texas teen jailed for four months over sarcastic Facebook comment

Captain DaFt

Re: Divided "threatening a bloodbath" @Lord Elpuss

Yep, now it's come to this.

The "Think of the children" idiots are locking up the children to protect... the children.

"Bigger, Longer, Uncut" was supposed to be a parody, not a how to manual!

Captain DaFt

Re: be afraid

Just remember; the top 1% fear losing control, and therefore, according to them, the other 99% *are* terrorists!

Gotcha: Oz Greens squeeze web snoop law confession

Captain DaFt

" Yes but the other bastards also want to bring it in, you know to stop terrorists and kiddy porn... "

Then vote them out next election, show there's no career in office if they try to push for it.

This is the hard part of democracy most people: "Eternal vigilance." Keep your eye on the bastards and chuck'em out if they misbehave!

And for the American readers: That means quit letting the Reps and Dems take alternate turns screwing over the public. They've been tag teaming the Americans for years, and things only get worse.

Vote *Anyone else*, even if they don't get elected, enough voters turning away from the status quo will drive home the point that "Enough is fucking ENOUGH!"

I'm 'pretty comfy' with PRISM + 'It's Google. What else do you expect'

Captain DaFt

Re: So... European countries are NOT spying on US activities?

" Why not going straight to the point and spy on Washington? "

Spying on him won't do any good, he's dead.

Every Friday is rat-out-your-boss-for-software-piracy Friday

Captain DaFt

Re: I thought the day that most employees had enough would be...

I figure it's revenge motivated. Boss announces you're working the weekend, on friday afternoon, so a quick phone call to give him a two fingered salute.

Win 8 man Sinofsky's 'retirement' deal: $14m shares, oath of silence

Captain DaFt

Re: Eadon hols?

No big mystery there. It wasn't so much the content of the last message (It was the same, shrill anti-MS rant as usual), as it was the sheer number of rants. Literally thousands and thousands!

(Note: I'm using literally correctly here.)

Captain DaFt

re: Sounds like some one knows were the bodies are berried and was paid to keep quiet.

Or knows who the next body buried will be if he doesn't take the money and shut up.

Obama says US won't scramble jets or twist arms for Snowden

Captain DaFt

Re: Fighter jets not required

Headline, July 2:

"Bolivian president’s plane redirected due to fear Snowden was aboard"

You Sir, get a belated upvote for being prophetic!

Captain DaFt

Re: "I'm not going to be scrambling jets to get a 29-year-old hacker"

" The government doesn't have any Lizard-men, do they? "

If you mean reptile-like aliens from outer space, or the bowels of the Earth, or an alternate dimension, or where ever the loonies claim they're from this week, then no.

If you mean psychopaths with the empathy and feelings of a cold blooded lizard, Bad news; All the governments and most coporations are full of'em!

Boston U claims LED patent, files against tech giants

Captain DaFt

Re: Timing?

" It was likely a facepalm moment - when while researching patent trolling, they realized they could get in on the action themselves. "

Of course, what with the funding cuts to education and research to help finance the War on Terra... I mean Terror, Universities have got to make up the shortfall somehow.

El Reg encounters mObi: R2-D2 for retailers

Captain DaFt

Re: Now all we need

No no, no! Just add a pair of arms, and name it 'Jeeves'. (And hurry, elst my tea'll get cold!)

Modern-day Frankenstein invents CURE for BEHEADING

Captain DaFt

Re: How to get ahead, errr a head

" True, and I imagine they'll be eyeing up Death Row in certain parts of the world as a ready source of donors. Yuck. "

Don't need'em, just clone a headless version of yourself, and good to go! Of course, it'll be an adult head on an infant body, but you'll grow up, again.

Headless clones:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,138483,00.html

Yahoo! slurps! up! auto-shorteur! vidapp! Qwiki!

Captain DaFt

Poison pill?

The only two scenarios here that seem likely are:

A. Someone has their eye on a hostile takeover of Yahoo!, and Yahoo!'s accumulating debt to make themselves a less attractive target.

B. Yahoo! is in full panic mode and aquiring anything and everthing to see what sticks, like a drowning victim flailing around and grabbing at straws.

I really hope it's the former.

Windows 8 apps pass 100K, Windows 8 passes Vista

Captain DaFt

Wow... Just... wow

So Win 8 beats Vista now. Any word on how many of those sales are actually Win 7 machines with shiny Win 8 discs included in the box?

Of course, it still looks rosey for MS. Forcing the box shifters to pay for both OSs to sell a machine just means that MS gets two checks per machine, way to double-dip, guys!

Microsoft's murder most foul: TechNet is dead

Captain DaFt

Re: correct response

"Microsoft are wankers who have been stealing and extorting money for the last 18 years or so - steal the software from them. They deserve it."

>BZZT< Wrong answer!

Why? Because piracy has always been MSs backup plan. From their point of view, if you're not paying for it, you're at least still using it and locked in.

Their worst case scenario? People looking for answers outside of MS, and realising that MS isn't really needed,.

Captain DaFt

Re: Sign the petition

"Maybe if enough people speak up they'll change this terrible decision"

MS doesn't hear people. it hears cash. They only backed down (slightly) on Win 8 after months of poor sales, and "flipped the switch" (which they claimed didn't exist) on Xbox one's DRM scheme when the cancellations swamped them and PS4's orders sky rocketed.

I'd guess that in 4 months to a year (depending on how stubborn they are this time) that they'll back off of this when it actually starts chewing into the bottom line.

HP confirms it's back in the smartphone business

Captain DaFt

What I heard (read)

"Now that we've killed Webos deader than a doornail, MS is pressuring us to release a Winphone."

Apple 'iWatch' trademark filing hints Cook's make-or-break moment looms

Captain DaFt

Maybe not a wrist watch?

Apple has shown a tendency to develop 'in house' software, and then drop extenally developed software with the same function.

Standing by for Apple to announce that they're dropping support for NSA snoopware.

(I keed, I keed... I hope!)

Adobe marketing cloud now to rain spam following Neolane slurp

Captain DaFt

Re: Terrific!

" No, they will give customers richer customer profiles, greater activation of social and mobile data, better definition of highly valuable customer segments, and more sophisticated automation and execution platforms... wait, what did I just say? "

You said, "Marketeers will be even more invasive into internet users privacy, for theirs and our mutual profit. - Adobe"

Yahoo! announces last hurrah of ancient AltaVista search

Captain DaFt

Re: AltaVista

Babelfish gone? Then what's this? http://www.babelfish.com/

It ain't Yahoo!, and it may be in name only, but it's still kicking.

Voyager 1 'close' to breaking through to DEEP SPACE - boffins

Captain DaFt

Re: It's all fun & games until

" It hits the wall, Truman Show style... "

Might that not be the problem? It's like a fly trying to go through a window pane:

"It's about to leave the solar system." <bump>

"No, now it's about to leave the solar system." <bump>

"Ok, this is definitely it." <bump>

"Finally closing in on breaching the heliosphere." <bump>

"This time, For Sure!" <bump>

"Auggh! We'll keep looking and tell you when." <bump> <bump> <bump>

Live or let dial - phones ain’t what they used to be

Captain DaFt

Re: You lucky git ...

Still better than me. Even groomed and coifed, in a tux I look like a homeless person someone dressed up for a laugh.

German engineers demo ROBOT APE

Captain DaFt

Well at least they put a head on this one.

Now the Martians'll know which end to threaten!

MSX: The Japanese are coming! The Japanese are coming!

Captain DaFt

Re: Too late to the party?

The article mentions that everyone saw 16 bit as the wave of the future (of the time.)

So why did MSX decide to standardise on an 8 bit architecture? Seems odd.

LOHAN cranks up old-school clockwork failsafe

Captain DaFt

Just a suggestion

You might want to shop around any local industrial suppliers for a Phenyl methyl silicone based lubricant for the clock work. water repellant, and good for extreme cold.

Something to keep the gears turning and ice free.

Apple threatens ANOTHER Samsung patent lawsuit

Captain DaFt

Ya gotta love diplomatic legalese!

"they consume considerable amounts of the court's time and energy, which takes time way from other parties who also require and are entitled to the court's attention."

Translation: "Fuck off and stop wasting my time!"

'Do the right thing and tell on a pirate' - software bods

Captain DaFt

Re: One in four programs pirated?

"Is he a) mad, b) a liar or c) misinformed?"

Yes. He is mad to lie like that, and misinformed if he thinks it'll do more than push potential customers away.

"Or does he consider any software which is free or which is not developed/sold by his members "pirated"?

Yes he does. Any money that exists and that they aren't getting is obviously 'stolen' from them.

HP StoreOnce has undocumented backdoor

Captain DaFt
WTF?

Launch all zig. For great justice!

The first thing that sprang to mind when I read the article was: "AYBABTU"

Microsoft: Half of all organizations will use 'Facebook-like' tools

Captain DaFt

Re: I seem to recall seeing this movie before...

Yep, same ol' story; Microsoft buys hammer, declares all problems 'nails'.

PRISM leaker strands hacks on booze-free flight

Captain DaFt

Re: the press had to endure a long flight with no alcohol

Hey! There was barely enough for the flight crew!

Oracle puts database, middleware, Linux on Microsoft Hyper-V, Azure

Captain DaFt

Re: EPIC MICROSOFT ORACLE FAIL!!!

Of course, History has shown that if you shake hands with Microsoft, don't bother counting your fingers or checking your watch to see if they're still there, check your sleeve to see if you still have an arm!

Snowden dodges US agents in Moscow, skips out on flight

Captain DaFt

Just a supposition on my part

The NSA has much, much bigger problems than Snowden, and that's why they want him so badly.

All those files that he's leaking just didn't fall into his lap, They've even admitted that he didn't have the authority/clearance to access them.

So, IMO, somebody higher up has misgivings about the types of things the NSA has been up to, but is working to take down the NSA from the inside, rather than fight it from the outside.

Whether it's one well placed individual, or a cadre of like minded employees fudging a clearance here, covering a leak there, so that someone like Snowden could pull the coupe he did, who knows? And the NSA is dying to find out.

That's why they're so keen on getting him. Names, leads, anything he knows that could expose the source.

Whether they get Snowden or not, there's a good chance the events, or even suspicions of events is going to cause the NSA to implode, and the big guys at the top need something, anything to cover their asses when it does. and right now Snowden is their best key.

Telly psychics fail to foresee £12k fine for peddling nonsense

Captain DaFt

obligatory XKCD. two for one special!

http://xkcd.com/628/

http://xkcd.com/808/

Captain DaFt

Re: How about homeopathic 'remedies' next?

Yeah, it would have been funnier if you went with:

"The main ingredient of homeopathic medicine is 'activated' dihydrogen monoxide! OMG,Think of the childern!"

Cuba bound? Edward Snowden leaves Hong Kong

Captain DaFt

Re: I'm becoming rather anti-US. @ Don Jefe

The biggest problem is the great lie of "Wasting your vote", ie; if you don't vote for one or the other, your vote is wasted.

Actually, the reverse is true. If you only vote along the lines they've dictated, your vote is a complete waste, since the two major parties only real concern is remaining in power with the fewest concessions to the populace possible.

If Americans want their votes heard, they have to vote for *any* third option available, to drive home the point that "business as usual" is no longer tolerable!

Captain DaFt

Re: Sadly

"Other than a drugs charge or assault charge, is there anything I can do to be refused entry and put on the first plane back home?"

Tweeting that you're "planning on having a blast!" seems to have worked in the past. :)

Leaked docs: GCHQ spooks secretly haul in more data than NSA

Captain DaFt

Re: So *that's* what "Mastering the Internet" meant

"We can only intercept (data) calls where they are talking to someone abroad"

Interestingly, The NSA and GCHQ share data that they gather, and the US and UK are 'abroad' from each other.

So... Don't actually spy on your own, just let your buddy do it and pass along the data, right?

Tokyo beak rules against Samsung in Apple 'bounce back' case

Captain DaFt

Re: Score?

Score:

Lawyers: Billions

Apple/Samsung: Due to appeals, undecided

Everyone else: Boned

Wake up, Uncle Fester! Huawei’s nattering about BUYING Nokia

Captain DaFt

Re: "the Winfanboi niche"?

Strangely enough, yes.

I've actually met a few, and they consider Windows "a real computer" as opposed to everything else.

It's an odd mindset, but you'd have more luck shot-putting Gibraltar than you would convincing them otherwise.

Captain DaFt

Re: "What Would Ballmer Do?"

Did it have a picture of a flying chair?

Microsoft's canceled 'Project Brazil' took aim at Amazon, eBay

Captain DaFt

"Project Brazil apparently just wasn't the right knife to slice it with. "

Or, more likely, MS is too hamfisted to be allowed to handle a knife?

Microsoft caves on Xbox One DRM and used-game controls

Captain DaFt
Gimp

Re: Well, halfway there

Or... instead of buying something that I need to zip into a gimp suit when I want privacy, I could just spend my money elsewhere.