* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

May the fourths be with you: Muso John Williams returns to Star Wars

Captain DaFt

Re: Surprised...

" Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like Shaft. "

I suspect that Jar Jar is the reason Disney was able to get its hooks in the franchise...

"Well, you can sell the Star Wars franchise to us for a tidy sum, or we can keep you tied up in court until the heat death of the Universe for ripping off Goofy"

Wii U sales plunge: Nintendo hopes Mario and Zelda will shift some kit

Captain DaFt

Re: Windwaker?? Ooh, the temptation

" bought a 3Ds for Ocarina, with the hope of Majora coming out later , two years later, I'm still waiting... "

And there's the problem, too many burned by 'available soon' that took a year or more... or never came at all.

Most Nintendo fans have a game series that they'd buy the system for, but have learned to wait for the game to be released before plonking down the cash for the system.

Microsoft adds Visual-Studio-like text editor to SkyDrive

Captain DaFt

" Microsoft's at pains to point out the enhanced web app is not going to cut it for serious development chores, but does deem it suitable for personal projects... "

Microsoft: We built an Empire on "Eh, good enough."

Microsoft Surface sales numbers revealed as SHOCKINGLY HIDEOUS

Captain DaFt

Re: "wrote down nearly a billion dollars on its unloved Surface RT fondleslabs"

How about just "slab"? From the figures, nobody wants to fondle one.

Captain DaFt

Re: there is hope...

" you can't polish a turd. "

No but Microsoft's going to try rolling it in a beeellion dollars worth of glitter. Too bad it'll still smell the same though.

Selfridges dreaming of a snot-themed Christmas

Captain DaFt

Re: How long.....

Fnar! Print out one of those, and I don't think it's name you're planning on inserting!

Samsung wins not-so-final 'final' pinch-to-zoom patent decision

Captain DaFt

Re: No mas

Better idea: lock the lawyers from both sides in a small room... and forget'em.

'Wandering Dago' tuck truck ejected from NY race track

Captain DaFt
Coat

A famous person once said*; "Britain and America are two nations divided by a common language".

Ask anyone that's traveled in the US, and he'll tell you that the US is 50 states united by three common languages in 300 sub dialects.

Slang that means one thing in one area, and be completely innocuous, might mean the exact opposite in another and be considered a vile slur.

English is a wonderful language, it's just that nobody can agree what it is! (Not even in its birthplace!)

*Wilde, Shaw, Russell, Thomas, Churchill... take your pick.

British boffin muzzled after cracking car codes

Captain DaFt

" I actually doubt it's head in the sand situation for VW; it's probably more like they haven't a bloody clue how to fix the problem, and even if they did, they haven't a clue how to (a) spin it to their advantage, and/or (b) issue a recall without breaking the bank. "

So just normal ' head up their arse' business management then.

Work with Microsoft's stuff for a living? Its reorg will mean NOTHING to you

Captain DaFt

Begun, the turf wars have.

The biggest problem with a reorg in Microsoft is that there hasn't been a major one in years. Over those years, hierarchies have been established, and every middle manager had developed a fiefdom over which they ruled. Everybody knew where the boundaries were, and how to avoid or bypass them.

My prediction is, instead of the "New workflow' that Ballmer envisages, a mad scrabble for power and position in the new order will effectively overwhelm any cooperation or progress in anything, until the new pecking order is established amongst themselves in the middle ranks,

Ballmer has just set himself to herding cats and putting out brushfires.

Comet ISON seen eructating 300,000km-long methane and CO2 BELCH

Captain DaFt

Re: Dirty Snowball

"We could start calling it a Hot Fudge Sunday."

Given comet's organic compound mixture, 'Rancid snowcone' might be a better description.

Swisscom chief dead in apparent suicide

Captain DaFt

Re: Always on culture

" Does not compute. It may be an erroneous act, but it definitely is not "selfish" as no personal advantage accrues at all. "

Selfish isn't always about personal advantage, it's also acting for motives that only concern you, without regard for how those actions will affect friends, family, or anyone else.

Apache OpenOffice 4.0 debuts with IBM code side and centre

Captain DaFt

Now this is the way of the future of open software!

LO and OO going mano a mano, and actually adding features we want and need!

It beats the hell out of the way OO was the way before the fork, no real competition, just "Yeah, we're all ya got, use us or Microsoft, here's this year's tweak."

Lately, the improvements have been piling on in both, and MS Office is feeling some heat.

Now if something like this could just happen to Gimp...

Divers nearly DEVOURED by HUNGRY SEA BEASTS

Captain DaFt
Facepalm

Re: Probably not.

" Interesting your link led to:"

Ack! I meant the story you linked to had a link to the Edward Davis story.

(I hope that's clearer.)

Captain DaFt
Holmes

Re: Probably not.

Interesting your link led to:

http://web.archive.org/web/20021015131359/http://www.asa3.org/ASA/PSCF/1991/PSCF12-91Davis.html

Which tends to show that James Bartley was a real person, who toured England with his tale, which was sparked by media interest in a whale beaching ( the Gorleston whale).

It then saw print in a few minor newspapers, and then the tale was used by Pastor Harry Rimmer (I'll bet he got teased in school!) to prove the Bible was literally true science, and scientific theory the work of the Devil.

In essence, a tale oft told by a con man, and spread as gospel far and wide by someone that needed it to be true to support his beliefs.

Fascinating detective work by Edward Davis ferreting out the true tale!

Captain DaFt

Close, 1891: http://www.ycaol.com/swallowed.htm

The encounter left him insane for a month, and permanently bald, blind, and bleached white.

Ad man: Mozilla 'radicals' and 'extremists' want to wreck internet economy

Captain DaFt

"They should put him in a cage so we can all watch him foam at the mouth when we poke him with sharp sticks."

I wouldn't, might get some of the froth on me. Who knows, his inanity might be contaigous.

Captain DaFt
WTF?

Re: @gaz (was: HERE HERE)

"C'mon, man ... that was beneath you"

A bad, snarky pun... beneath a Reg writer?

Uhm, you *have* been reading the articles, right?

Captain DaFt
Holmes

For your edification; I turn to the classics.

And to take a quote out of context:

For it must be greatly inconvenient to thieves and cut-throats, who have engaged in this way of life, and run great risks in acquiring skill in their employment, to be obliged all at once to withdraw their hands, and lay aside picking locks, and apply themselves to industry in other ways, for a livelihood.

Hugh Henry Brackenridge, Modern Chivalry.

Texas man charged in multimillion-dollar Bitcoin Ponzi scheme

Captain DaFt

Re: If the US government did this...

Hence the old saw: "Don't steal, the government hates competition."

Top server host OVH warns of 'multi-stage' hacking attack

Captain DaFt

Rule #1

"In short, we were not paranoid enough so now we're switching to a higher level of paranoia."

It's not paranoia if it's proven that they *are* out to hack you, it's prudence, otherwise known as due diligence.

100-metre asteroid 2013 NE19 zipped past Earth today

Captain DaFt

Re: How long is a football field?

"Discovered just last week, NE19 is said to be the size of a football field"

Yeah, this is really starting to annoy me. When they mention a new asteroid discovered in a safe orbit, you always get a full description, ie: "The asteroid now known as 'Burbank' is a potato-shaped asteroid 380 meters in length, and 120 meters at its widest width."

Whereas, the 'Earth threatening' ones only get partial measurements like these:

linear - '54 meters long', What? Snakes are long, sticks are long, poles are long. Are aliens are chucking big spears at us? Or worse:

'54 meters across' Across implies a width that's small compared to its length, llike 'the road is forty meters across', or 'To fit through the isthmus canal, a ship can be no more than 50 meters across." Jumping javelins! The aliens are chucking Mahoosive spears at us!

Then we gret the ones like in this article:

2 dimensional - 'The size of a football field', or 'the size of Manhattan', or 'as big as a 40 hectare field' Gives the impression that Galactus sized aliens are flicking playing cards at us, no real harm, unless one that hits doesn't stick deep enough and falls over on something important.

But seriously, can't they just give the size in estimated tonnage? It might be inaccurate, but it''d give a better mental picture of what's whizzing around out there.

Laser-wielding boffins develop ETERNAL MEMORY from quartz

Captain DaFt

fusion reactors

"I wish it wasn't so but we're a long way off being on the brink of a practical fusion reactor."

Can't be more than 5 years away... at least that's what they've been saying since the 'fifties!

Boffins: Dolphins call each other NAMES. Not RUDE ones!

Captain DaFt

Huh?

'Oy! Whistle-squeak-whistle! Get your ass over here'

Dolphins have asses? Or was that just a fluke?

Burger-rage horse dumps on McDonald's: Rider saddled with fat fine

Captain DaFt

>one steaming pile of Mc-road apples on floor<

cashier: "You want flies with that?"

Only 1 in 5 Americans believe in pure evolution – and that's an upswing

Captain DaFt

Re: @COG (was: I believe ...)

I believe COG was referring to that carbonated rice water that most American corporate mega brewers try to pass off as beer to all and sundry.

Planetary paparazzi snap candid pics of Earth, Moon from space

Captain DaFt

Here's a thought

To drive home the point of just how small and vulnerable the Earh is, all such pictures should have this caption under the arrow:

"You are here. All of you."*

*Yes, that includes the crew on the ISS too. In those shots, it's part of the same pixel!

Troll loses 'we own the Web' patent appeal

Captain DaFt

Re: Repeat after me

Aw, can't we feed them to the sharks? They need the energy to carry those frikkin' lasers!

(Uhm, wait a minute.. Trolls *are* edible, right?)

Titsup Apple Developer Centre mystery: Database interloper fingered

Captain DaFt

Attention Apple App Developers!

Prepare to be spammed with offers from Microsoft to develop/port apps for Win 8, RT, and Win Phone platforms!

Surface RT: A plan worthy of the South Park Underpants Gnomes

Captain DaFt
Facepalm

Re: Surface RT not a bad product - distribution was the let down

Meh, the dain bramage kicked in, I meant Office.

Captain DaFt

Re: I think I've spotted..

Consumers! That's what they're called, and it's their job to buy what we put out!

Lazy bastards, they're wrecking us! Get HR on the phone, tell them to fire those lazy SOBs!

Captain DaFt

Re: Surface RT not a bad product - distribution was the let down

Distribution was only one of the problems. That could be overcome if the product was useful... it isn't.

MS rushed to get Windows on the tablet, and it shows.

What do you get when you buy RT? A touch tablet, Win RT, two incompatible versions of IE, a version of Word that's only liscensed for private use, a few apps that are versrsions of, or similar to, apps on Apple and Android, and... that's it.

No compatibility with any of the thousands of existing software that runs on Windows, no way to effectively interface with existing Windows products, and it all came at a premium price on hardware that was well behind the competition.

The big problem that led to this mess? Ballmer's vision. He looked at what the competition had at the time, and ordered, "Make Windows do this!" Problem is, it took time to do that, and when they had the product ready, the competition had already moved on to faster, better products.

He really should've asked "Where do I want Microsoft to be in two years?, How can I make it exciting, useful and competitive?", but unfortunately, he can only see what the other guys are doing, and yell "Me too!"

That Retina display iPad mini delay scuttlebutt? Fuggedaboutit

Captain DaFt

Idiot yells "Lookkit ME, I'm a iSwami!", gets mentioned all over internet.

Title says it all, It's not even about Apple products, its all about "What can I say that'll get the click throughs?"

Then all the other blog... er, excuse me, News sources perk up their ears and say "Hell, I want a piece of that action!" and pass it on in a frenzied virtual circle jerk.

Then idiots like me gripe about it in the comments section and it's 'Mission Accomplished!"

US town mulls bounty on spy drones, English-speaking gunman only

Captain DaFt

Missing the point.

Typical backwoods American tongue in cheek humor combined with the entrepreneurial spirit.

Obviously, from the way the law is worded, they don't expect anyone to actually try to shoot down a drone. (Seriously, down an aircraft at 1000 yards with birdshot?)

This is just their way of telling the Federalistas what they think of the way they're running the affairs of state.

Plus, it helps their little burg get national attention, and maybe even raise a little revenue,

Hell, I might just scrape up the $100.00 bucks to buy a permit just to show my support.

ROCK ON, Deertrail, you crazy bastards! You've certainly livened the start of my weekend!

Microsoft's earnings down on slow Windows sales, Surface RT bust

Captain DaFt

Microsoft Cruises with your Captain, Steve Ballmer.

Welcome aboard, ladies and Gentlemen, to The Good Ship Microsoft. We regret to inform you that our launch has been delayed while the deck chairs are being re-arranged, But once that's been accomplished, and we can figure out which direction we plan to sail in, the voyage will begin.

In the meantime, the purser will be passing out Buzzword Bingo cards to you, so feel free to pass the time playing, using this memo that I, with some pride, have crafted for your enjoyment.

Again, my sincere apologies or the delay, but I assure you that eventually, we'll be enjoying tropical breezes... or stunning glacial views... or maybe even the delights of the Mediterranean... or Caribbean... or Gobi... Somewhere exciting, I assure you!

[Note: I originally intended to post the infamous Ballmer Memo here, But El Reg's website screamed and cried so piteously, that I took mercy, and settled for a link:]

Link to Dottech.org's ballmer_microsoft_bloatware gif

Microsoft DENIES it gives backdoor access to Outlook encryption

Captain DaFt

Re: Oh fuck...

"Oh fuck...

... that means they've got my plans for World Domination."

Geez, doesn't anyone read the Evil Overlord Guidelines?

Following their advice, I swapped my plans with Granny's chocolate cake recipe...

In hindsight, I should've just substituted her recipe instead of swapping them though.

The last time she tried to bake a cake, she nearly overthrew Nictenstien! (Thanks for finding the flaw in the plan, Gran!)

Worldwide smartwatch shipments predicted to top 5 million next year

Captain DaFt
FAIL

Re: Ah, just like 3D TV

Standard phrase for whatever the Hell they're pushing this Quarter.

"Smart watches will be the most important new product category in consumer electronics since the iPad defined the market for tablets,"

Eh, Any clown can just stand up and announce that 'X' will be the iPad killer. Funny though, these are the same type of guys that said the iPad would never sell. "There is no market for touch tablets in the PC market"

Pwn all the Androids, part II: Flaw in Java, hidden Trojan

Captain DaFt

Re: less than 64K in size

My first computer was a used Commodore 128, got it about the time Win 3.11 was getting its legs on PCs.

It came with several 64 and 128 floppy drives, one of which was a 3.5 floppy ( 1581, if i recall correctly.)

Any way, it formatted to 1.8 Meg, and at the time, held all all my software and data on one disc!

These days, it wouldn't even hold one decent mp3 or png.

IQ test: 'Artificial intelligence system as smart as a four year-old'

Captain DaFt

Re: half way there ...

" Next step is to mate it with an animatronic head and Fox News, here we come .. "

Network execs at FOX will never go for that. A four year old mentality, even a slow one, is still too high for their demographic audience target!

T-Rex tooth find shows dino may have been a pussy

Captain DaFt

Re: Safety in millennia (No, not that Mall in Orlando)

Normal T-Rex hunters these days use a brush, a trowel, a handpick, and a good eye to bag their prey.

Google and fellow ad-slingers PROMISE to starve pirates of oxygen

Captain DaFt

Business as usual then.

Ads get sub-contracted out to sub-sub-sub-contracters, original partys deny knowing where their ads are being run, take the money and look innocent.

Captain DaFt

Re: "principally dedicated to selling counterfeit goods"

Ha! You were taken! Should've gotten genuine "ClSCO' and 'DEII'!

Beijing offers cons reduced sentences for friendly Tweets

Captain DaFt

An intersting point

How would they feel about mis translations to English? Note: NSFW, language

http://adult.engrish.com/2012/12/21/glorious-bastard/

Planet-busting British space bullet ready to bomb ice moon Europa

Captain DaFt

Re: monolith

Phytonesque General: "Attempt no landings here? The bloody cheek! Roight! They dint say nothin' about an artillery bombardment did they? FIRE!"

Google Glass going to the dogs: FIDO project computerizes canines

Captain DaFt

Just great

"Jackson said the team is investigation if the dogs could power their own devices using peizoelectronics to generate current from the hound's movement. Given the vigor with which dogs scratch and lick themselves, this could be a potent form of power."

As if the two sequels weren't bad enough, now the Matrix has officially gone to the dogs!

JPL wants to fire a laser at MARS!

Captain DaFt
Mushroom

BBC Headline: British space penetrator passes icy test

Well, the UK seems to have its eye set on shelling Europa:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-23281423

Captain DaFt

" JPL wants to fire a laser at MARS! "

Doesn't everybody? Why? Why not!

Linux 3.11 to be known as 'Linux for Workgroups'

Captain DaFt

Re: Hahhaha, reminds me of the later, "32-bit extensions and a graphical shell" definition...

Hmm, apparently no one's ever had that "Explaining the joke, ruins the joke" chat with you.

DARPA uncloaks unTerminator for $2 million robotics challenge

Captain DaFt

Eh, Atlas doesn't hold a grudge, he just shrugs it off.