* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

iCloud outage outrage: Look, iPhoto friends, kitty just learned to... NOOO

Captain DaFt

Re: Another Cloud service down.

Actually, I figure it's the NSA pulling their taps to cover up just how far they were into the whole system.

Like all evil things, they hate getting a light shone on them.

Captain DaFt

Re: Fanbois vs. Troll authors - jeez, grow up

Right, El Reg is non discriminatory, they take the piss from everyone!

In fact, since I became a regular here, I rarely have to whizz!

Microsoft fights Google for kids' attention with ad-free Bing for Schools

Captain DaFt

Re: "the automatic blocking of pornography"

" I assume it's just blocking porn in search, the school network is likely to already be filtered. "

If it's anything like my school was, 'filtered' should be 'filled'.

Brazilians tear strip off NSA in wake of Snowden, mull anti-US-spook law

Captain DaFt

Re: size of Brazil

" but Alaska makes the US larger than Brazil. "

But only until it melts!

Captain DaFt

Re: Musings on how to fight back against government intrusion of internet privacy

Or you could join the SPAL*: http://www.crockford.com/wrrrld/anguish.html

It'd mean that your friends would have to read your emails aloud to decipher them, but think of the fun it is just messing around with Google, NSA, et al. trying to parse meaning from the words.

*Society for the Promotion of the Anguish Languish**

** Anguish Languish- An unbelievable number of English words, regardless of their usual meanings, can be substituted quite satisfactorily for others. When all the words in a given passage of English have been so replaced, the passage keeps its original meaning, but all the words have acquired new ones. A word that has received a new meaning has become a wart, and when all the words in the passage have become warts, the passage is no longer English; it's Anguish.

Oh noes! New 'CRISIS DISASTER' at Fukushima! Oh wait, it's nothing. Again

Captain DaFt

Re: Radiation Superstition

"Atomic power is no more unnatural than when I sail my boat on Saranac Lake." Einstein

Oz sawbones extract fork from old boy's todger: Gents, start your wincing

Captain DaFt

OW!

Just how desperate do you have to be for a little action to jam a freakin' fork up there?

Doctor should have tattooed a reminder on the gentleman's tackle, 'No Entry!'

100 million self-driving cars will be sold globally in 2035 – report

Captain DaFt

Re: @jonathanb - Flying cars?

Yes, I can really see it come to pass that instead of Joe Normal buying a car, he just signs up with a company that has a fleet of cars that make rounds, picking up and delivering passengers.

A bit like a cross between a taxi and a bus. Hit the button on your phone's ap, vehicle picks you up at the door, drops you off at your destination. All carefully plotted to minimize distance and travel time of its load of passengers.

This could end up hitting traditional car companies hard!

In case of LOHAN flight emergency, gobble THIS Iridium-Arduino sandwich

Captain DaFt

I love this!

In the unfortunate event something went wrong, the El Reg headline would read:

LOHAN goes AWOL, SPB forced to fire her ARSE.

Court throws out Icahn's demand to stall Dell shareholder vote

Captain DaFt

Kudos to Judge Strine

It looks like some judges are finally tiring of the 'See you in court' method of pocket lining and business gouging.

IT now 10 percent of world's electricity consumption, report finds

Captain DaFt
Joke

Re: I wonder

What did you think was really causing global warming?

Now you know!

Google goes dark for 2 minutes, kills 40% of world's net traffic

Captain DaFt

Ah...

So *That's* what the big red button labled 'DO NOT TOUCH-EVER!' does!

My bad.

China mulls probe into IBM, Oracle, EMC after NSA hack claims - report

Captain DaFt

Re: Deja vu

" You can always fall back to the traditional method of working out if a politician is lying or not - just watch to see the lips are moving. :) "

Nice sentiment, but it needs updating:

"How to tell if politicians are lying, their lips are moving, and/or they're using a keyboard or touch screen."

'But we like 1 Direction!' Rock gods The Who fend off teen Twitter hate mob

Captain DaFt
Unhappy

there are still a hell of a lot of young musicians with integrity and drive, doing the right thing.

It's a shame most of us'll never hear them. Their integrity makes it too hard for the big lables to 'groom' them properly, ie: ripoff with onerous contracts.

YouTube Wars: Microsoft cries foul as Windows Phone app pulled again

Captain DaFt
Coat

Re: Some toy throwing going on here.

" In addition to M$ fragrantly abusing the YouTube API "

So you're saying something smells rotten in the towers of Redmond?

Boffins claim Voyager has already left the Solar System

Captain DaFt

It kind of makes sense

Put two magnets near each other, and their fields line up, reorienting the magnets positions.

Kind of makes sense that eventually a star would orient its field to the galactic one.

After all, isn't the galactic field just the sum of all the fields of the stars, neutron stars, magnetars, quasars, what-have-you, anyway? And all those fields'll be seeking equilibrium.

Microsoft to fund Blake's 7 return as Xbox Live exclusive

Captain DaFt

can you provide links

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1uTqA9jWWE

Part one of 'Red Dwart USA'... You watch it, I wanna liiive!

Microsoft: That $900m Surface write-down is smarting

Captain DaFt

Re: @ robert_raw -

" they made a big song and dance (almost literally for generous definitions of "dance") out of the fact Angry Birds: Star Wars is on Windows 8. "

" Win8 or Win/RT? "

And right there is the problem with Windows 8. Three different versions, bodged to look the same, and utter shite communication about which can do what, run what, or even how they interact with each other.

No wonder the 'consumers' are staying away in droves.

Superstar cluster-Zuck as Facebook tries out celeb-only edition

Captain DaFt

Define a celebrity?

Well, I've heard rumors... rumors mind you, that in southern California there's a farm devoted to breeding B list celebrities to keep up with demand.

Some of the more inbred culls are used to stock the Republican and Democratic parties.

It's all just rumor, mind you...

YouTube app returns to Windows Phone

Captain DaFt

Toldja so!

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/2/2013/01/03/microsoft_claims_google_undermining_winphone/#c_1678361

Obama appoints intelligence boss to run 'independent' review of NSA

Captain DaFt

Rule of thumb...

The louder and longer a country yells "Democracy", the less likely it is one.

Captain DaFt

" I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public.... "

Already have plenty of those in the US, they come in two brands, 'Republican' and 'Democrat'

Silly voters get'em by the bushel every two years and keep electing them!

Google: Cloud users have 'no legitimate expectation of privacy'

Captain DaFt

Re: Now I get it...

They just didn't publicise the last part of that statement because they thought it'd be off-putting.

In full, it reads: "Don't be evil, we're watching you."

Data protection bods Bocada list dog on senior management team

Captain DaFt

Just more proof...

That working in a small company can be a dogs life. :)

Keep Landsat flying forever, says US Academy of Sciences

Captain DaFt

Re: Hosted payloads?

Well... One of the TLA snoop spooks might have some room on one of their launches, but they'll never tell.

India, China, Russia, or Japan might have some space to spare on one of their launches.

The ESA or Elon might spare some room if they asked really, really nicely.

Or if they're really strapped for cash, Kim might spare some room on his next 'Definitely not a missle test' launch.

(Isn't it odd that everyone else seems to able to fling a bird into orbit without help these days, but NASA just seems lost unless they're aiming at anything but Earth orbit?)

Leaked photos of iPhone 5C parts portend ugly Google legal battle

Captain DaFt

AHEM!

The blue, green, and yellow buttons are OK, but I believe that red buttons are the property of this gents estate:

www.imdb.com/ name/ nm0000999/ bio

(Well, if El Reg can take the piss, so can I!)

New York State to investigate 'Wild West' Bitcoin industry

Captain DaFt

Forget the scare talk.

it's all about; "How can we manipulate a 'free' economy if people shun the almighty dollar for something else!?"

Xbox 180: Microsoft scraps mandatory Kinect policy

Captain DaFt

Meh

I'll believe it when you can buy an Xbox one *without* a kinect included.

Otherwise, they can always 180 again, can't they?

Elon Musk unveils Hyperloop – the subsonic tube of tomorrow

Captain DaFt

Yeaaarrrggghh!

It's getting to me... Everytime I hear 'Hyper Loop Highway' this is what goes through my head:

https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=SzZ24kAjCxU

Mobe-slurping Wi-Fi SPY BINS banned from London's streets

Captain DaFt

Re: ...high-tech rubbish cans - which *display adverts*...

This 'video advertising everywhere' is going to prove a boon to muggers!

It's already been shown that people quickly learn to 'tune out' advertisements blaring at them.

So in the near future, you won't even notice that guy coming at you with the lead pipe because he's announcing something like, "Tired of high food bills? MegaStore has low, low prices everyday!">THWAP<

It'll be the ultimate urban camoflage!

Juniper under bribery investigation by US regulators

Captain DaFt

So....

This is what happens if you don't comply with the NSA?

Big Mike shoots email to Dell staff: My backers and I are your best bet

Captain DaFt

Stand by...

" sacrificing short-term gains for long-term competitiveness and profitability. "

Icahn's next move is to have Mr. Dell committed. Obviously, to Icahn, this kind of talk is just incomprehensible gibberish!

NSA gets burned by a sysadmin, decides to burn 90% of its sysadmins

Captain DaFt

Re: I have a prediction

" Pre-announcing that you are going to eliminate 90% of the people that run your systems? I predict that this will not end will for the puzzle palace. "

Everyone here is overlooking the obvious. They have problem people, Too moral and ethical to do the job, but devious enough to appear compliant.

So, what better way to smoke them out than to announce you're culling 90%, then closely monitor them to see who does what in response?

Devious, on a rather primitive level. Futile, because it just spurs the less bright and revenge motivated to action, but the ones that they're after will just play along... waiting.

2 in 5 top Brit biz bosses expect IT dept to drive 'technical innovation'

Captain DaFt

No 'I' in team

Back in high school, the phys ed coach gave the cliched "No 'I' in 'team' " speech.

Being the snarky sort of kid (Haven't changed much), I pointed out that there was an 'M' and an 'E'.

Got my lowest grade in phys ed that quarter.

Don't trust us? Try these Office 365 stats, says Microsoft

Captain DaFt

Re: Cloud services you can trust...

Yep, a bit ironic that as MS finally nears the cusp of defeating the Insecurity demon that's been hounding them for years, the NSA pops up and declares, "You WILL be insecure by default!", and somebody tattles.

Patching Xerox's number-changing photocopy phlaw will take weeks

Captain DaFt

Re: Manual?

Or, you know, instead of labeling it "Normal setting", they could have labled it "Lo res" with a note that accuracy would be diminished.

Seriously, what normal Joe's going to be making a copy, and not figure that "Normal" isn't... well, normal?

Publishers stand behind Apple in ebook price-fixing fight

Captain DaFt

" few car dealers have the clout "

"few car dealers have the clout to cajole all car manufacturers into fixing the prices so no other dealer could sell at a lower price."

No, but all the car dealers in a state can ban together to push through legislation that forbids *all* car manufacturers from selling direct to the public, cutting out the middle man and saving buyers thousands.

http://tv.msnbc.com/2013/06/28/tesla-vs-the-auto-dealers-of-america/

Cognitive computing: IBM unveils software for its brain-like SyNAPSE chips

Captain DaFt

You fools, You've doomed us all!

Why couldn't they have emulated a dog brain instead? Dogs are loyal and obedient!

Cats on the other hand, do whatever they want, even if it kills us!

US taxmen told to hush up shadowy drug squad unit laundering NSA intel

Captain DaFt

Border? Crashed it like a runaway freight train!

So it's common knowledge among the officials involved that this is going on.

How long (happened already?), that a feeble fake backtrail is used to railroad an innocent someone that has offended certain parties.

The judge allows it because he got the "wink and nod" that the real trail was classified, when the whole thing is a sham?

How can you tell the difference between, "manufactured back trail" and "outright lie"?

You can't, without a proper clearance, and a "need to know*", can you?

The terrifying tech behind this summer's zombie assault

Captain DaFt

Re: Not All 3D Vision comes from Stereopsis

For most people, there are two forms of stereo vision; the objective and the subjective. The second is rarely discussed because it is , well, subjective, and hard to quantitize, and impossible to mass produce.

Objective: what eveyone is taught that stereo vision is, two images from different angles that are combined to form a 3D image. Almost everything with two eyes uses this.

Subjective: It is rare that both eyes focus equally. usually each eye has a different focus. for example, one eye can be 20/20 and the other 20/35, or any other combination.

The individual's brain then compares the difference in focus, and uses that along with the objective method to generate a 3D image of the enviroment. The advantage is that it enables a deeper field of 3D than objective stereo vision.

Most people don't realize that they use the subjective method because they've never heard of it, and really it doesn't matter until you try to watch a "3D" movie.

Then the brain borks out because the objective version is telling it one thing, and since the two frames are at a set distance and focused equally, the subjective is telling the brain something entirely different.

The result? Headaches, eyestrain, even nausea.

'Look, give us Snowden' - this Friday's top US-Russia talks revealed

Captain DaFt

Re: My contempt and hate of everything Obama is growing...

Really? You fell for the hype and promises?

Anyone that ignored that and looked at what the two did *before* they were groomed to run for POTUS would have found the only real differences between Obama and McCain was their stated political affiliation and skin tone.

Report: NSA spying deals billion dollar knockout to US cloud prospects

Captain DaFt

Well, no surprises here.

The US was outed, and everyone's looking elsewhere for cloud services.

Problem: The US was caught, but as any paranoid foo knows, All the major governments are doing it in one form or another, aided and abetted by most major corps.

We've finally discovered what The Cloud is; just another name for Spy's Reading Room.

Microsoft cuts Surface Pro price by $100

Captain DaFt

Re: Let me know

" When it is cut TO $100 and the bootloader key is published. "

" The page bearing the new offer says it expires on August 29th."

So... Dumped to to the bargain centers in September... should have the bootloader hacked before Christmas!

(I know, I know, I'm just cynical that way.)

Rockmelt! Melts! For! Yahoo's! Millions!

Captain DaFt

Re: What was really said...

Yep, I'm convinced as well that Yahoo! is just somebody's cash sinkhole.

Their 'new' Yahoo.com loads as a jumble of text and buttons down the left side of the screen on my browsers.

Any attempt to give them feedback on it just leads to a round robin of useless links.

I finally googled for a feedback link (By this time, I was just curious if there *was* one), but it crashed with a "Cookies must be enabled on your browser' message as soon as I hit enter... Um, hello? I actually *do* have cookies enabled.

Proof: It knew who I was and greeted me by name on every page! ('bout the only thing that *did* work right!)

Base stations get high on helium, ride MUTANT kite-balloons at the football

Captain DaFt

Re: Why?

" What is the advantage of the "extra lift" from a kite design? "

Simple, the balloon keeps it in the air... except when it's windy.

Balloons tend to drift with the wind, and the tether causes them to swing low to the ground.*

With the kite part added, it now lifts into the wind and maintains a more vertical orientation.

*Had an incident near here with a new car dealership's grand opening a while back. Large balloons holding strings of pennats aloft as an attention getter. Wind picked up, and the balloons pulled their tethers nearly horizontal across the highway, into traffic. Not pretty.

Latvian foreign minister speaks out against giving up alleged Gozi writer to US

Captain DaFt

Re: Sorry America

" Rounding up large amounts of it's populace into death camps based on raci...Oh wait, no, no they don't do that. "

Well... not since the 1920s anyway. And it's not like they were ever closed either, now they're just called 'Indian nations'.

Mobes, fondleslabs, web sending Brit families back to THE FIFTIES - Ofcom

Captain DaFt

Hardly surprising

The TV long ago, for most families, became a comforting background noise for whatever activities they're actually engaged in.

Practically everyone I visit has their TV on, but no one's paying it any attention, except the kiddies if it's a cartoon.

Icahn sues Dell's board over Big Mike's buyout bid

Captain DaFt

Translated to Icahn speak:

"How dare that Dell guy interfere with my god given right to easy money by trying to save a company? Blasphemy!"

Big blue Avatar movie spawns THREE SEQUELS

Captain DaFt

Re: Great

" but as long as these stories are as good as the Star Wars prequels "

Talk about setting a low bar! Is this what they call; "damning with faint praise?"

'Steve Jobs killed music biz', but Bon Jovi don't mind Google Glass

Captain DaFt

What are we supposed to call them then?

Well... a toughie... They have an overwhelming need to try out the latest gadget or shiney with total disregard for how it helps the Paranoids in Power by eroding their own privacy and the privacy of everyone around them...

How about 'unwitting collaborators'?

(Geez, this sounds so paranoid... but it fits with the times.)