* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Brazilian TV show accuses NSA of spying on oil firm based on leaked docs

Captain DaFt

Re: Function of a spying organisation?

"The department does ***not*** engage in economic espionage in any domain, including cyber"

"Then what's in those monthly reports the CIA pass onto the top corporations?"

There you go, The NSA doesn't engage in economic espionage, they just gather data, and pass it on to those that do, like the CIA.

Amazing what a selective telling of the truth can accomplish, innit?

For PITY'S SAKE, DON'T BUY an iPHONE 5S, begs FSF

Captain DaFt

Re: Blah blah blah

"are NOT uploaded via iTunes or to iCloud."

Rather too specific a denial to me.

I'd fell better about it if they said it wasn't uploaded anywhere at all.

Swiss space plane to launch robotic orbital debris destroyer

Captain DaFt

The slow approach, good housekeeping

Most of the junk in orbit now is slowly de-orbiting all on its own, and some is slowly slingshotting itself out.

A stable orbit is hard to achieve, it's all going away eventually.

The best bet is best practices, don't put stuff up without a plan for safe disposal, and carefully monitor what's already up there and co-ordinate with other agencies to make sure collisions are minimized.

It'll be three to four hundred years to clear with this approach, but it beats just flinging stuff up and shrugging, "We'll figure out how to sweep up later."

Of course, while we're waiting, it doesn't hurt to explore how to clean up the mess we've already made.

Microsoft to unveil new Surface slabs at September 23 event

Captain DaFt

Actually I find it surprising it is invite only.

Not really. They looked at lists of previous attendees, Invited the actual diehard supporters first,

then the ones that politely clapped, but otherwise were quiet,

then the ones that only snickered or groaned quietly.

Then to fill the second row of seats... ?

Captain DaFt

New exclusive for 8.1!

All new, touch enabled Microsoft Bob 1.6 with new Modern enhanced graphics!

You Won't Believe Your Eyes!

Crack open those wallets: Microsoft is raising software prices AGAIN

Captain DaFt

Apparently, no one at Redmond's a Star Wars fan.

"The harder you squeeze your fist, the more systems will fall through your fingers."

Captain DaFt
WTF?

Re: more footguns going off in Redmond

Didn't one of El Reg's own writers recently point out that Microsoft would be hard to take down because it was a many-legged beast?*

Well, it seems that Microsoft is bringing itself down by shooting itself in each and every foot!

*Too lazy just now to look up who.

US intelligence: Snowden's latest leaks 'road map' for adversaries

Captain DaFt

Americans safe from... What?

I'm only slightly more at risk from terrorist attack than I am from getting hit in the head with an anvil, Warner Brothers style.

LOHAN cops a faceful of smutronyms

Captain DaFt

Re: Honored

" Wow, just wow. I'm so excited to have my contributions to the decline of humanity recognized on the international stage. Rarely does one receive recognition for aiding a species in its race to the bottom. "

Yes, it is a rare glow of pride to be so honored in the forums of El Reg.*

Maybe they could see their way to a special badge for those of use that have contributed so much?

*My contribution was lauded here: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/09/05/sign_compo_results/

Australia's anti-smut internet filter blueprint lasts LESS THAN A DAY

Captain DaFt

Two types of pedos out there

One wants to abuse bodies, the other wants to abuse minds.

The first ends up arrested, the second elected.

Both cause life-long damage.

I find both Abhorrent.

Boffinry breakthrough OF THE DECADE: Teens 'influenced' by friends

Captain DaFt

Next big revelation:

Rain more likely on cloudy days!

Second-gen Surface and Surface Pro rumored to be minor upgrades

Captain DaFt

So they've dropped the 'RT'

I expect by this time time next year... They'll have scratched the 'Surface' too. >SPLAT!<

(Why does someone always bring tomatoes?)

WIN a RockBLOCK Iridium satellite comms module

Captain DaFt

OK, Last one, I promise.

In such a dire situation, Obviously what LOHAN needs is a:

Harness

Emergency

Release

Option

Captain DaFt

T&A

Terminate

&

Abort

Captain DaFt

Since he's associated with catastrophe and sudden downturns:

E-mergency

L-aunch

O-f

P-arachute

Microsoft buys Nokia's mobile business

Captain DaFt

Re: Meet MSFT's new CEO: S. "Trojan" Elop aka "The Butcher of Nokia" aka...

Actually, Elop has quite an impressive resume - Pre Nokia jobs:

Elop was a director of consulting for Lotus Development Corporation - Went from #1 to aquistion by IBM.

CIO for Boston Chicken in 1992, which filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 1998.

In the same year, he joined Macromedia where he held several senior positions, including CEO from January 2005 for three months before their acquisition by Adobe Systems.

Then president of worldwide field operations at Adobe, tendering his resignation in June 2006 and leaving in December.

After that he was the COO of Juniper Networks for exactly one year from January 2007-2008.

From January 2008 to September 2010, Elop worked for Microsoft as the head of the Business Division, responsible for the Microsoft Office and Microsoft Dynamics line of products, and as a member of the company's senior leadership team. It was during this time that Microsoft's Business Division released Office 2010, with ribbons being implemented throughout Microsoft Office.

So, every company where he's worked longer than a year has either ended up bankrupt or swallowed by another company, with the exception of Microsoft, where he oversaw the end to end implementation of the Ribbon into Office.

Now that he's back at Microsoft, the question is, will he be there longer than a year this time, and if so, just how badly Microsoft will fare this time.

Captain DaFt

Never ain't as long as it used to be.

" Jun 20, 2013 ... Acquisition talks between Microsoft and Nokia recently broke down with no plans to revive them." - www.informationweek.com/ mobility/ smart-phones/ microsoft-doesnt-buy-nokia-good-news/ 240157016

And now the deal is done less than 2 months later... I guess Lenovo's talks with Nokia spooked them into it.

'WTF! MORONS!' Yahoo! Groups! redesign! traumatises! users!

Captain DaFt

Re: "Modern", "streamlined", what?

> And anyway, what does "we value customer feedback but won't be changing anything" (paraphrased, of course) mean?

It means, " We'll do what we want with it, but feel free to complain, it amuses us."

Baffled boffins 'closer' to finding origins of extragalactic COSMIC RAYS

Captain DaFt

Re: data is a plural word

While tecnically he's correct, nobody uses the singular 'Datum' as it sounds so childish.

"Datums wants a tummy rub?" See what I mean?

Sage 50 activation blackout: Shops sent back to paper age

Captain DaFt

" left the retailers writing receipts for customers by hand and writing down invoices in the books "

I'm surprised they didn't try to charge them extra for the 'enhanced security'.

China confirms plans for first Moon visit later this year

Captain DaFt
Coat

Re: So the first man on the moon could be Chinese then.

Bob... You've got it backwards.

There's a reason the US yanked Apollo 17 home early and pretended to never go back:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1772240/synopsis?ref_=tt_stry_pl

Captain DaFt

Re: Moons gravity to slow down?

" I was under the impression that you would speed up when approaching a gravity "well". "

It's all in the angle of approach. You can aim to get pulled in by a solar body's gravity but not hit it, and that gives you a boost. In other words, fall at it and miss.

Or, you can aim to fly past it, but close enough to let it's gravity drag you back to slow down. in this case, fly by and get snagged.

Or, to get technical, if the angle of approach is similar to the direction of pull, you accelerate, if they're not, you decelerate.

In either case, the tricky part is not ending up in a crater on the surface.

Captain DaFt

Re: A new space race?

I doubt it. NASA has lots of specs for rockets that, so far, always end up cancelled.

But ask them about a manned vehicle?

Spokesman: "There's no funding for it at this point, but one is in the design stage."

Sound exciting! Can you tell us more about it?

Spokesman: "It seats three. 'Five sir.' Ahem, it seats three comfortably, but can be extended to five."

But what's it's intended mission/range? Mars? Moon? ISS?

Spokesman: "It has long range capacity."

Could you be more specific?

Spokesman: "Long. Range. Capacity."

No doubt being researched by 'Top. Men.', eh?

Spokesman: "SECURITY!"

So no, I don't expect any manned missions from NASA in the forseeable future.

Microsoft and Google unite to sue US gov't for more transparency

Captain DaFt

Re: via secret court orders

It may have been narrowly tailored, but as revelations of the NSA show, it's long outgrown that suit and rampantly running amok! (And forbiding anyone to say the new emperor has no clothes!)

Behind the candelabra: Power cut sends Britain’s boxes back to the '70s

Captain DaFt

Re: Power Cuts

" Current obessession is waging war on the molluscs in our garden by collecting the slimy sods and drowing them in bleachy water. "

Have you tried leaving a shallow pan with stale beer in it in the garden?

It attracts them by the smell, then they drown in the beer.

Vulture 2 spaceplane rises from the powdered nylon

Captain DaFt

Oh dear!

" And thought, jeez man, that's a lot of charlie. "

So.. if you used *that* to print a few aircraft, would it be a crack fleet?

Facebook strips away a bit more of your privacy – but won't say why

Captain DaFt

Re: Facial Recognition

Ok, I have a zombie mask, now I just need to buy the T-shirt that says, "This product gave me Cancer!", and there's the perfect picture to use on facebook!

Microsoft fattens Exchange Online mailboxes to 50GB

Captain DaFt

Snarking aside

This is actually the way it's supposed to work.

Competitors actually competing with features and price, instead of patents and litigation.

The big question: Are we going to continue to see sane actions from MS, or was this a one time aberration?

(Well, maybe just a wee snark.)

NASA's nuclear Mars tank REBELS against human control

Captain DaFt

Obviously, it found something worth checking out

We've all been diverted from business at hand by something from time to time. (NSFW- naked martians!)

http://www.cuteybunny.com/2012Cals/Curiouser&Curiosity_Lg.htm

Google's Project Glass headman answers most pressing question: 'Why?'

Captain DaFt

Re: Sigh...

one forgotten word: Mundaneum

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/17/health/17iht-17mund.13760031.html?_r=0

From 1865 to WWII, anyone anywhere with access to a telegraph could get any question about anything answered with a small fee per question, or use a yearly subscription.

That's right, a freakin' steampunk Google, started almost a hundred years before the internet was invented! And so mundane*, nobody thought it was particularly noteworthy, because, well, it's civilized times, of course we have access to the world's knowledge.

Google just revived an old idea, and monetized the hell out of it.

*Sorry...

Captain DaFt

Re: email – essentialy a private, mobile telegraph

" In the past, every telegram you wrote HAD to read by someone else. Every phone call you made was listened in on. "

But, nobody stored copies of those that lasted forever and could be accessed at whim by anyone anywhere almost instantly at anytime for 'security', financial, or "Hey I'm bored, let's see what we can find" purposes.

Why Teflon Ballmer had to go: He couldn't shift crud from Windows 8, Surface

Captain DaFt

Or checked ito a rehab clinic to detox.

Captain DaFt

Re: Do you hate Microsoft that much ?

" The only company that I would like to see her join is Oracle. "

She doesn't join companies, she dismembers them.

Captain DaFt

Re: Hehe.

" That 8%-9% rise in the stock is just a knee-jerk reaction by people looking to make a speculative bet on sudden breaking news. "

True that. but what's telling is that it went up instead of down on the news.

If they thought Balmer's exit was bad for MS, it'd've been "Sell! Sell! Sell!" instead of "Buy! Buy! Buy!"

iPad classes for DOGS offered in New York

Captain DaFt

" Anna Jane Grossman ("who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time") "

"I really like to teach things you can do sitting on your couch with a glass of wine,"

So, basically just a dog sitter with a trendy gimmick that lets her charge a fortune, right?

Tesla tops $20bn as Elon Musk claims arm-wave design tech

Captain DaFt

Re: Not Iron, no..

I see someone doesn't know their comics history.

Iron Man has fought several versions of Titanium Man over the years, and it always ends the same;

At some point Titanium Man's suit hits combustion point, and the schmuck inside gets incinerated.

(Once titanium starts burning, It's damned hard to extinguish, and freakin' HOT!)

Loads of mis-sold PPI, but WHO will claim? This man's paid to find out

Captain DaFt

Re: “I read an interesting number the other day"

8675309 most certainly!

What Surface RT flop? Nokia said to be readying WinRT slab for September

Captain DaFt

" allow phone 8 be used on larger screens or merge phone+RT into one version that can be used either on a phone or tablet/laptop "

And ditch the, ahem, 'Modern' screen on Win 8, dump the name 'Windows 8 phone' for the mobile OS, and just call it, oh, I dunno... 'Microsoft Mobile'?

BAM! No more confusion, and everyone's happy! (Except maybe the crew that came up with this whole fuster-cluck in the first place.)

Captain DaFt

Re: That would be 'Sirius' as in Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

I was thinking along the lines; "Sirius-ly? You're pulling my leg!"

Google cripples Chromecast third party replay

Captain DaFt

Remember the good old days?

When Google ads were unobtrusive, an evil neccessity that supported the search engine and helped finance new toys?

Now, If it doesn't get ads to the the users, it gets the chop, and the ads, they are everywhere!

Google is now the monster it once fought.

EFF, Lessig battling copyright takedowns

Captain DaFt

Yeah!

It's about time someone took a stand against these 'shotgun' takedown notices!

I hope Lessig wins, and sets a precedent for such notices in the future.

It'd be the icing on the cake if the court sanctioned Liberation Music for perjury in issuing the notice in the first place!

Top 10 Steve Ballmer quotes: '%#&@!!' and so much more

Captain DaFt

Kids rebel

" Ballmer is, however, missing a trick with this one. It's natural and normal for kids to rebel against their parents. With his luck, and this upbringing, Ballmer's brood will end up working for Cupertino or Mountain View. "

More like they'll shy away from business and tech altogether. Expect to see his brood go into anything else; Show biz, art major, writer (Oo! Tell all books!), maybe even move to some backwater country and basket weave for a living.

(OK, that last one's a bit much!)

BALLMER TO RETIRE FROM MICROSOFT

Captain DaFt

Re: Lucky guy

He insisted his kids have Zunes instead of iPods.... therefore, he bought all three of them.

Ballmer's emotional farewell to Redmond: I LOVE THIS COMPANY

Captain DaFt

RETIREMENT!

LOL! But as much as I've gripped about Ballmer's leadership, I hope he has a happy retirement, maybe open that dance studio he apparently always dreamed about. :)

Captain DaFt

Re: MS Best Days?

Of course their best days are ahead, He's leaving!

OK, OK, to be fair, he is a competent manager, the problem is that he has no vision beyond what's profitable now. That led to all the 'Me too' moves that MS has made lately. What I kept calling 'taillight chasing'.

But on the cynical side... bailing after he institutes the biggest management overhall in MS history? Maybe he's just realizing what a world of hurt he set up for himself.

BILLION DOLLAR BALLMER: Microsoft chief makes $1bn simply by quitting

Captain DaFt

Re: Give the guy a break.

Ach! Now you've put the thought in my head that he could be the next Ed McMahon!

Here, have it back!

Oh noes! New 'CRISIS DISASTER' at Fukushima! Oh wait, it's nothing. Again

Captain DaFt

Re: What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World?

The fun's still there. Pick any scenario and people have been running around screaming "OMG!! WE'RE ALL GONNA *DIE* FROM THIS!!" every since Ogg got pissed with Ugg for pissing in the fire and hit him in the head with a rock.

It pays to take a break from all the media once in awhile (after all, it thrives on and drives most hysteria), go outside, take a few deep breaths, look at the stars, count your blessings, and go do something fun.

Funny thing, after a break like that, it's hard to actually get back into the 'We're all doomed mindset', and you find that it's a bit amusing watching all the hysteria over whatever's on the news this week.

Captain DaFt

" could it possible be the metal drums they used to dump Nuke waste in 60 years ago could be failing ..No way that could never happen they are made of the best steel available NOT! "

Um, you do know that those drums were encased in concrete, and the steel drums inside were expected to rupture before the they even hit the sea bed?

The idea was that sea water would infiltrate the waste and slowly dilute it over several years.

That radioactivity's been been long since dispersed, and since Godzilla never showed up, apparently had no long term effects on anything.

Bradley Manning is no more. 'Call me Chelsea,' she says

Captain DaFt

Re: Fair enough.

Bradley/Chelsea: "Looks like I picked a bad day to stop dicking around!"

Nokia's PHAB-ULOUS comeback attempt: Huge WinPho 8 mobe rumoured

Captain DaFt

Re: Sir, I must take exception to your statement

More like a kid's Red Ryder wagon in a ditch with the whells broke off from the weight piled on it because the user was promised that is was a new style of business lorry.