* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Microsoft loses grip on Christmas shoppers... despite XBox boost

Captain DaFt

Re: "Windows phone = loser"?

"Oh....and change their name - Microsoft - its so 1980's - time for a radical rebrand."

No way that'd turn out well with their branding history:

"We need something catchy and edgy, but familiar, something that links to out best successes, like Win XP and Xbox."

Two years later:

"Ladies and gentlemen, businesses of the world, today the Microsoft era of old passes, and we reinvent ourselves for a new Future. From this day forward, we stride across the world as a mighty colossus of business, a paragon of innovation and technological prowess the world will know as... "

<Orchestral Fanfare, Balloons and doves released over the city as two hundred show jets zoom over the conference in dazzling aerobatics>...

"BRAND X!"

Nokia waves goodbye to device biz as phone sales continue to spiral

Captain DaFt

Re: Sitting On Their Hands

"Nokia must have just sat on their hands whilst the rest of them developed and improved the basic function of a mobile phone"

Um... Ever see one of those cartoons where Daffy Duck gets freaked and runs in ten different directions at once and gets nowhere? That was Nokia just pre-Elop.

All they needed was strong leadership to grab the reins and steer the whole team in one direction. Instead they got someone that parked the carriage on the tracks and cut the horses loose, saying. "No worries, that train'll push us like the wind!"

El Reg preps relaunch of Cash’n’Carrion online merchandise emporium

Captain DaFt

Baby wear?

Snuggies, dummies, booties, and other clothes and accessories for babies.

Of course, this may lead to charges of 'corrupting minors'.

Amateurs find the 'HOLY GRAIL' supernova – right on our doorstep

Captain DaFt

Re: This event that's happening now happened a long time ago

Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

So six years from now, we see a second one go boom?

Reading this headline? You and 9.47 million others

Captain DaFt

Re: And 11% of visits were Eadon knocking Microsoft

"Eadon.... those were the days

or

THOSE WERE THE DAYS"

More like: "THOSE WERE THE DAYS _ MICROSOFT EPIC NOSTALGIA FAIL!!!:"

If you reckon Google will never tap into Nest's Wi-Fi thermostats, guess again

Captain DaFt

Re: El Reg is missing the real story

"He bought a house with with one of this home manager systems already installed. He wants to get rid of it but it isn't his property. It belongs to CPS so they have to remove it. He has been trying for months to get them to take it out."

If he sends them a storage bill for the months it's been in his house since he first asked them to remove it, I'll bet they send someone around to remove it, pronto!

HP sticks thumb in Microsoft's eye, extends Windows 7 option for new machines

Captain DaFt

Re: Ahhhh Vista 2.0.......

Bob 4.0

Rosetta comet chaser due to wake up for final rendezvous on Monday

Captain DaFt

Well, here's wishing them all the success in th... er, out of this world!

NTT DoCoMo says two mobe OSes are enough, so sayonara to Tizen

Captain DaFt

To paraphrase:

"Faint heart never won fair marketshare."

After all, didn't they say the same thing about the iPhone when the market was mostly Nokia and MS?

Mexican drink-driver shopped to cops - by his own gobby parakeet

Captain DaFt

Re: One Parakeet Fajita coming up

Well, if he can round up 11 more, Parakeet pie!

http://www.justgamerecipes.com/gam-0015861.html

(The Gourmand's -AKA- Redneck rule: 'If it's alive, somebody has a recipe for it!')

Bitcoin's so over. We're mining Primeco... Oh SNAP, my box is a ZOMBIE!

Captain DaFt

Two sure ways to get rich mining.

1. Sell supplies to miners.

And/or

2. Rob miners.

Microsoft to RIP THE SHEETS off Windows 9 aka 'Threshold' in April

Captain DaFt

Re: Unnecessary Windows 8.1 Hate

"Actually try 8.1 for a few days after customising it then comment..."

So, you're saying it's great after you fix all the problems?

Have I got a used car for you!*

*(Needs steering wheel, new tires, bearings and, brakes, the engine needs an overhaul... and the car could use some body work and paint, but hey, once you're done, it's a dream car!)

Captain DaFt

Re: the Metro language is going to be fixed and "matured"?

"WTF is that supposed to mean? There is no Metro language."

Switch an XP or Win 7 user over to Win 8 without warning.

You *will* hear plenty of 'Metro' language, and yes, it's pretty mature!

Captain DaFt

WinOne?

At least someone would buy it for the Gipper. :)

Cicada 3301: The web's toughest and most creepy crypto-puzzle is BACK

Captain DaFt

Re: It's certainly very clever.

"It's a very effective way of temporarily getting intelligent people off of 4chan"

I thought browsing 4chan already did that.

Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

Captain DaFt

Re: Ah but there is!

Of course there's an IT angle!

Every foo' knows that handguns use a 'point and click' interface!

Panasonic will go Firefox OS for TVs

Captain DaFt

It's not about 'Smarter TVs'

It's just that manufacturers have a wet dream of making televisions that go obsolete as fast as other consumer devices.

Kepler data yields Earth-mass 'gas giant'

Captain DaFt

Gas giant the size of Earth...

At that size it should be a 'Gas Dwarf', or maybe just 'Gas Planet'?

And I wouldn't rule out life, even as we know it. Methanopyrus kandleri has been able to grow and proliferate at temperatures of up to 122°C when under around 20atm.

DNA polymerase can be quite heat tolerant.

Bill Gates is once again the richest man on Earth

Captain DaFt

Re: or to put another way

"enough cash to fill 245 Olympic sized swimming pools or 24,294,764 paddling pools."

Is that in bills or coins? I hope it's coins, 'cause I have the urge to take a Scrooge McDuck type dip!

Hacker backdoors Linksys, Netgear, Cisco and other routers

Captain DaFt

Re: Hmmmmm

"I wonder if Sercomm is funded by the NSA?"

And if so, did they supply parts for UAE intelligence satellites as well? :)

Mars One's certain-death space jolly shortlists 1,000 wannabe explorers

Captain DaFt

Re: Make it compulsory. @Martin

Sir, are you trying to get Earth invaded and taken over by aliens?

There's no way they'd stand by idly while we assault the cosmos with WMIs*

* Weapons of Mass Idiocy.

Captain DaFt

Re: Medical Officer. *Chief* Medical Officer.

"Norbert Kraft, the foundation's chief medical officer and homeopath"

Homeopath!?! Mysteriously, I've suddenly lost all interest in the mission.

You'd think that my dilution of enthusiasm would make me keener, but nope, I no longer give a damn.

Microsoft tries to trademark 'Mod' in the US

Captain DaFt

Re: Back to the 70's

"Mod Squad"? Is that what Microsoft's naming their version of the 'Genius Bar'?

(I keed, I keed... I hope!)

Captain DaFt

" XBox was the most favoured name out of a list of possible names"

"It makes you wonder how crap the real names were that theshiny-pants marketing lizzards proposed."

Given Microsoft's normal naming conventions, I'd dare say that Their marketing dept was wanting to name the original Xbox the 'Windows Gaming Console - Home Edition'.

'New' nova starts to BLUSH

Captain DaFt

Obligatory Zoidberg

Dr. Zoidberg: [voiceover] "As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world couples stood together in joy."

BEASTED: Apple fined $666k in Taiwan for iPhone price meddling

Captain DaFt

Re: The seventh iSeal

Taiwan Judiciary has a good memory, and an ironic sense of humor.

The original Apple went on sale in July 1976 at a price of US$666.66

Feminist Software Foundation gets grumpy with GitHub … or does it?

Captain DaFt

Re: Wrong Tools

Well 'haghub' sounds a bit harsh. How about 'Gitbint'?

Captain DaFt

I'm with the Fems!

To unseat such deeply embedded patriarchy, you've got to pound hard, and thrust deep to get to the root of the problem, if you want to lick it!

We've got to stand tall, get a firm grip on the situation, and be on the ball to bring this to a satisfying climax!

Just one quibble... "0" and "O"?

Surely it should be "0" and "*" if they want more people behind them, right?

James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

Captain DaFt

"there is always somebody out there who will position worst case possibilities as near certainty"

And then there's people like me that'll cherry pick an article that makes their claims look stupid: http://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/comments/no_water_for_25_years/

To wit: Dr. Walter G. Kendall, age 81. A dentist, bicyclist, and horticulturalist, drank a glass of water.

It was the first glass of water he had drunk in 25 years.

He reportedly "suffered no ill effects," and followed it by several cocktails.

IT bods: Windows XP, we WON'T leave you. Migrate? Chuh! As if...

Captain DaFt

Re: unnecessary

Sorry, but the NSA only taps into computers.

If you want to improve your computer's security against intrusion, contact...

Hm, there doesn't seem to be a US agency for that... I wonder why?

Microsoft admits: We WON'T pick the next Steve Ballmer this year

Captain DaFt

How does one even consider themselves "worthy"?

In that sphere of management, there's no shortage of Egos that think that they're "worthy".

But one thing holding up the process is the way the interview is worded:

Board: "Well your credentials are impressive and you know all the right contacts. But can you lead Microsoft?"

Candidate: "One hundred and ten percent certain! Microsoft is a solid company with a fine revenue, and under my guidance, it can only get better!"

Board: "That's the kind of talk we like to hear! We'd be proud to call you the next Steve Ballmer!"

Candidate: "Me known as the next Steve Ball... Aw gee, look at the time, and I left a cake in the oven, gotta run, talk to you later, bye!" <door slam>

Board: "That's the third one today... What is it with these guys and cakes, anyway??"

Security guru Bruce Schneier to leave employer BT

Captain DaFt

Re: writing for you

Big deal, Christopher Lee kicks Chuck Norris's ass!

As if there was any doubt, Mr. Lee rules!

NSA alleges 'BIOS plot to destroy PCs'

Captain DaFt

It's called the 9/11 Rule:

"9/11 will be used to justify any government offense."

Captain DaFt

Re: NSA is just jealous

"They didn't think of it first!"

Are you sure they didn't?

Agent Paranoid: "RED ALERT! Somebody's bug is overwriting our bug!"

Agent Waffle: "Can we still monitor the affected PCs?"

Agent Paranoid: "Nah, it's like trying to read a brick!"

Agent Waffle: "Alert the media; "Terrorists Bricking PCs!"

El Reg's contraptions confessional no.3: the Apple G4 Cube

Captain DaFt

Re: Time they bought it back

"You forgot the mandatory ultra sharp spike placed on the top corner. :)"

That'd make a great place to put a hi-gain wi-fi antennae!

Jupiter moon Europa spotted spraying WATER into SPAAACCCEE

Captain DaFt

Re: Geezers

Tacky, tacky, tacky... But I laughed anyway. I'm a bad person!

US military's RAY-GUN truck BLASTS DRONES, mortars OUT OF THE SKY

Captain DaFt

Re: Doesn't stop a kinetic attack

LOL, it would look bad to have millions of dollars of high tech equipment taken out with the equivalent of 18th century fire power, wouldn't it?

Captain DaFt

Re: Reflective Shell ?

"So why is the mirrored bumper still hot despite being a highly reflective surface?"

Because the chrome only reflects about 80% of the light. That still leaves about 20 percent to be converted to thermal energy.

It actually compares well with most solar panels efficiency in converting light to electricity.

Google tells EFF: Android 4.3's privacy tool was a MISTAKE, we've yanked it

Captain DaFt

Nope!

Until the NSA is brought under proper control, I trust no US company online!

Oz couple get jiggy in pharmacy in 'banned' condom ad

Captain DaFt

Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

"( We wear Kilts for a reason, lol)"

Lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won First prize!

"The Scotsman" http://www.allerdice.net/scotsman-song.htm

Los Angeles' weather is just like Mordor, says Brit climate prof

Captain DaFt

Re: Mordor = LA???

And here I thought the true Modor was in Russia.

The Last Ring-bearer by Kirill Eskov. The Lord of The Rings from the Orc perspective. Free E-book English translation available here: http://ymarkov.livejournal.com/280578.html#

Quite a good read.

It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources

Captain DaFt

"I can do that already with Start8 (one of many third party fixes available). Why wait?"

Remember the good ol' days when Windows was playing catch-up (badly) with Apple?

Now it's reduced to playing catch-up with add-ons to itself... sad.

Captain DaFt

So.. Three different versions of Windows... one for the Home desktop, one for enterprise, and one for slates and phones.

Is this as well as, or instead of the current Slate and Phone versions?

Is there a migration path if it's replacing those?

Will it be a simple upgrade from current versions, or a product by product roll out?

... I'm getting a thoroughly Modern headache!

Creepy US spy agency flings WORLD SLURPING OCTOPUS into orbit

Captain DaFt

Re: I bet I could find an example of hateful propaganda that used kittens.

Here ya go; the perfect kitteh logo for our oh so nosy overlords:

http://i1.cpcache.com/product/228573265/ceiling_cat_is_watching_you_mini_button.jpg

Microsoft researchers build 'smart bra' to stop women's stress eating

Captain DaFt

And she said;

"Of course I'm stressed! Not only is my bra killing me, it keeps dieing on me! Got a USB port handy?"

Martians yet to retaliate after Curiosity's 100,000th laser strike

Captain DaFt

"Keep blasting, brave Curiosity! We're all right behind you!"

Well of course we are! Wouldn't wanna get zapped by standing where it could see us!

Ford says Microsoft CEO target Mulally not going anywhere

Captain DaFt

Re: Computers are not that different

"When it comes to running a company, the basics of business analysis are really not much different whether you're making computers, cars or fizzy drinks. You're still dealing with customers, marketing, product development etc."

Yeah, This guy said almost the same thing when he took over Commodore.

He's remembered as 'The End of Commodore'.

World's OLDEST human DNA found in leg bone – but that's not the only boning going on...

Captain DaFt

Re: All lies

"As any bible lover will tell you there is no such thing as evolution and the earth is only 6,000 years old."

As if I'd believe anything from some dude with the pages of his Bible stuck together... Ick!