Re: "Windows phone = loser"?
"Oh....and change their name - Microsoft - its so 1980's - time for a radical rebrand."
No way that'd turn out well with their branding history:
"We need something catchy and edgy, but familiar, something that links to out best successes, like Win XP and Xbox."
Two years later:
"Ladies and gentlemen, businesses of the world, today the Microsoft era of old passes, and we reinvent ourselves for a new Future. From this day forward, we stride across the world as a mighty colossus of business, a paragon of innovation and technological prowess the world will know as... "
<Orchestral Fanfare, Balloons and doves released over the city as two hundred show jets zoom over the conference in dazzling aerobatics>...
"BRAND X!"