* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Yahoo! dumps! thing! that! made! it! Yahoo! and! told! to! bed! AOL!

Captain DaFt

Re: odd investment strategy?

My advice to Yahoo!?

Use the billions from Ali Baba to buy back stock and go private, shake off these leeches.

Then, concentrate a bit on letting people know what you already have, and improving that, rather than trying to buy the next 'big thing'.

Yahoo Education, Qwiki and the Yahoo Directory? I've been online for years, actually use the occasional Yahoo! service, and I've never heard of these!

EU operators PLEAD for MERCY, may get roaming rates cut ‘reprieve’

Captain DaFt

"Profits that ate supporting your pension and driving the economy"

Pardon me, Freud, your slip is showing. :)

Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER

Captain DaFt

Re: So,

"big nose, big penis?"

Well... 'Rhinorex condrupus", Rhinorex for 'king nose', but the 'condrupus' sounds like it may have had a 'performance' problem.

Google goes Dutch with new €600 MEELLION DC

Captain DaFt

Re: Grey water?

"Great big steel ships seem to last a long time at sea for some reason."

Great, horkin' bars of zinc or magnesium bolted to the hull. They're called 'sacrificial anodes'.

Without them, a ship'd be a pile of rusty goo within a decade.

(And probably sink before that.)

http://www.gcsescience.com/ex34.htm

NSFW: Click here, watch iPhone 6 being TORTURED

Captain DaFt

Re: Is it just me...

"Show me something which doesn't blend."

Here ya go: http://www.willitblend.com/videos/crowbar

Note the clever way they dodged out of blending it.

4chan outraged by Emma Watson nudie photo leak SCAM

Captain DaFt

Re: Thrown the book at them

Though delicious, the extra weight of an eaten English breakfast would add to the agony of a 'pubic hanging'.

AVOID the Apple Watch. Buy a drone or robot instead, techies told

Captain DaFt

Re: A lot of CEOs said the iPad wouldn't take off...

" Depends if Apple's PR and advertising will sink into the minds of others."

Sorry, but the magic black turtleneck that generate the RDF has gone to China.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/05/business/global/in-china-an-empire-built-by-aping-apple.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Captain DaFt

Re: Any Robot?

Oh hell yeah! Any robot that can down a shot of my favorite, then ask how many gallons I want it make, is a robot I'd shell out the shekels for!

'Space bubbles' may have helped Taliban down 'copter in bloody Afghanistan battle

Captain DaFt

Re: National Security.

"If you can easily manipulate the ionosphere, you probably already know about this effect and are advanced enough of an enemy this is the least of the US's worries."

So that's why the US government impounded all Tesla's equipment!

(The 'Death ray' was just a cover up.)

US team claims PARIS paper plane launch crown

Captain DaFt

I've been tempted to do my own PARIS project

Either:

A. Launch a donkey shaped pinata via balloon.

Paper Ass Released In Space

or

B. Launch a paper, winged pig similarly.

Porcine Aviator Released In Space

What would these make me eligible for, aside from a trip to the loony bin?

Captain DaFt

Re: Cheating YANK BASTARDS

"Who remembers the second flight across the Atlantic?"

Hell, who even remembers the first?

http://www.aviation-history.com/airmen/alcock.htm

First non-stop flight across the Atlantic in an airplane.

Phones 4u demise: 1,700 employees laid off with redundo package

Captain DaFt

Re: Headlines

"My only question is: how can *I* get some of this easy money?"

Easy, Just sell off your empathy, caring, and humanity*, then fill the new vacancies in with greed, greed, and greed, Job done.

* There's rumored to be a firm, Tophet Unlimited, that will take them as a bundle. I believe they call the package a 'soul'.

Home Depot ignored staff warnings of security fail laundry list

Captain DaFt

In other words:

'Executives reportedly told pleading staff that "we sell hammers".'

"We don't understand or care about all that 'security' jibber-jabber, so how important can it be?

Facebook's Oculus unveils 360-degree VR head tracking Crescent Bay prototype

Captain DaFt

"In May this year, Oculus boss Brendan Iribe confessed that true virtual reality - making the brain think it's somewhere it isn't - was at least a decade away."

Ten years away? I've been using them since second grade,

They're called 'interesting books'.

Your chance to win the world's only handheld ZX Spectrum

Captain DaFt

Re: Can we be told ......

Same here. From the 'Terms and Conditions':

"By downloading any of the papers in this library, or by registering for any of the live or on-demand events, you agree that your supplied personal details will be passed on to the sponsor of the paper or the event, and that this organisation or one of its trusted partners may contact you in the future by phone and/or email, "

So one lucky entrant gets the prize, everybody gets spammed silly.

'Trusted partners' = paid for the list of suckers.

Bacon-related medical breakthrough wins Ig Nobel prize

Captain DaFt

Re: Children of the Night...

" found that those awake late at night tended to display greater antisocial tendencies."

From the school of bleedin' obvious. If you don't like people, you're going to be more active when there's less of them awake and about!

Plucky Playmonaut parties as LOHAN hits Kickstarter goal

Captain DaFt

Re: Fantastic

I don't see why that's not feasible, actually... with a bit of a cheat.

Balloon launch. Check

Self navigating. Check

LOHAN II* would just** need solar panels and electric powered propellers to circumnavigate (IE: kind of orbit) the Earth!

*Not the actual name, mind. Maybe something like, JOAN - 'Jaunty orbital aerial navigator?

**'Just' he says, pfah! Yeah, I realise it's lots more complex than that... but still...

Monitors monitor's monitoring finds touch screens have 0.4% market share

Captain DaFt

Re: Time for a new paradigm...

"There'd need to also be a keyboard that could flip out somehow or other... mumble mumble not sure of the details..."

I think this is what you're looking for:

http://www.cnet.com/news/a-keyboard-that-rises-up-from-flat-touch-screens/

The screen actually grows keys when you need them.

Early result from Scots indyref vote? NAW, Jimmy - it's a SCAM

Captain DaFt

Re: What are your predictions?

I predict that either way, the announcement will be entertaining if they follow the meme.

After all, tomorrow is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

(Yar! We be hoisting our Jolly Roger! !)*

*Flag not tended as an insult, just wry bemusement at the (?) coincidence.

Captain DaFt

Re: Not quite true

Only because GCHQ will tell them.

But only after the memo's been misfiled, mislaid, then accidentally deleted.

The official top secret, redacted report should be ready for release sometime in 2024.

Wanna keep your data for 1,000 YEARS? No? Hard luck, HDS wants you to anyway

Captain DaFt

Re: 1000 years?

"Yeah well the Egyptians tried that, and it sure went well... we'd still be gawking at those hieroglyphs if it weren't for those meddling kids the Rosetta stone..."

Considering how determined their conquerors were to eliminate all that 'Heathen' knowledge after ancient Egypt finally fell, I'd say they did a pretty good job of preservation.

No matter how well you future proof your data, if someone is determined to destroy it, you're going to suffer losses.

Hey, Mac fanbois. HGST wants you drooling over its HUGE desktop RACK

Captain DaFt

Obviously

"What vast digital media repository could possibly need 64 TERABYTES?"

The average college student's downloaded pron collection.

Massachusetts shoots down car dealers' Tesla-busting sueball

Captain DaFt

Re: 500,000 Batter Packs

And this is why I'm so reluctant to hit the corrections link.

I'd miss out on lots of this type of banter!

Bank IT bod accused of stealing $40 MEEELLION from employer

Captain DaFt

Pffft, Amateurs!

They ought to do it like the big boys do:

Study finance and business management in college.

Then get hired as a bank manager.

Work your way as high as possible through schmoozing, ass kissing and double dealing.

Then once in position, use every legal/quasi legal/illegal trick to pump them suckers dry for billions!

True, it might take 30 to 40 years to get to the point where you can pull off the heist, but if you're not caught until that point, Instead of being arrested, you'll be given billions more to keep your hosts alive while you keep draining them!*

*Caveat: Does not apply to Iceland banks. There, you *will* be jailed when caught, and the people you robbed bailed out!

(What is wrong with their Government?)

Boffins: Searching for ALIENS is like looking for PIZZA among students

Captain DaFt

Re: Hmmmm.

"they have seen enough to know to stay the fuck away from us."

Or they're just following their prime directive:

"Any species that laughable will left to their own development because we don't want to ruin the joke."

Starship Troopers beat Aliens, Robots AND Chuck Norris to WIN in a FIGHT

Captain DaFt

Re: Just wondering

Obviously, Matt Cameron's rendition of 'Puberty Love'!

"Start the record player! Everybody, Cover your ears!"

http://killertomatoes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Puberty-Love.mp3

Not pro Bono: Apple's audio junk mail made spammers' lives easier

Captain DaFt

Reminds me of why we lock our car doors in the summer

If you don't, you come back to a car full of zucchini and tomatoes.

(These could be a tad more welcome than a U2 song popping up on your shuffle mode though.)

Ex-Autonomy execs: HP's latest wad blows apart fraud allegations

Captain DaFt

Sounds like typical buyers remorse.

"How dare, HOW DARE they let me waltz in here and buy this whilst screaming 'Shut up and take my money!', when they knew I was an idiot!"

Go home Google, you're drunk! Desktop Maps says The Shard's TWO MILES from actual loc

Captain DaFt

You won't find me on Google maps

But I'm hardly worried about it, since all the relevant delivery/emergency services know where I am.

Google my address, it points at wrong end of the road. All addresses on this street point to that one house.

Follow Google maps, and the road they show turns up a neighbors driveway and ends. Half the street isn't even shown.

It isn't like this is a new road either, it and several of the houses date back to the eighteen-forties.

Intellifridge terror: Internet of Stuff kit must fend off hackers of the FU-TURE-TURE-TURE

Captain DaFt

Live streaming webcams!

"Intellifridge? What would be the point of that? You'd never be able to watch it with the door shut."

But, You'll never have to open the door with Intellifridge!

Live streaming webcams on each shelf give you a panoramic view of all the contents streamed live to your iPhone (coming soon to Android) where ever you may be!

Plus, with Intellifridge's exclusive app, you get out patented Expiro-meter, which will show you a running countdown to show you just how long you have before each item in your Intellifridge hits its end of shelf life! and then, posts to your Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ accounts to remind you you that Intellifridge has already ordered more, and notified your Intellidoor to unlock so the delivery person can enter your home to clean and restock your Intellifridge without you having to lift a finger!

Intellifridge, It's easy! it's convenient! And of so PROFITABLE for us*.

*Note: By installing Intellifridge, you give us, the CON-glomerate Corporation, exclusive, life long access to any and all data we acquire about you, your family, neighbors and friends, and authourise us to sell it to any and all purchasers at a reasonable price.

City hidden beneath England's Stonehenge had HUMAN ABATTOIR. And a pub

Captain DaFt

Body parts missing?

Yeah, stump the band night was taken more literally back then!

Apple's SNEAKY plan: COPY ANDROID. Hello iPhone 6, Watch

Captain DaFt

Re: Eh?

Mind, I was talking about a real watch, not one of those inconvenient wrist wearable phone accessories with no battery life, day blind screen, and a dozen functions few people'll ever use

Captain DaFt

"So you're saying it should have been 'Digital Knob'??? ;)"

I think that's the normal person's name for 'wearable tech enthusiast'.

Captain DaFt

Eh?

"When you get down to it, lifting your wrist to your face is not much more convenient than reaching into a pocket."

Wristwatch:

1.twitch wrist

2.glance down, see time

Phone:

1. reach in pocket, pull out phone (try not to drop it if moving)

2. activate screen

3. hold phone up to face, see time

4. put phone back in pocket (try not to drop it again if moving)

Um, I think the wristwatch wins this one.

BONEHEAD FANBOIS encamp outside Apple Stores

Captain DaFt

Re: Marketing Hype vs. Desirability

"Nobody could genuinely be such an iDiot."

You'll get far fewer shocks in life by never underestimating the depths of stupidity.

(Hint: it's bottomless.)

Microsoft's Office Delve wants work to be more like being on Facebook

Captain DaFt

Re: Thanks MS

"Productivity keeps going down with each more complex package and OS."

So, they're succeeding in being more like Facebook then.

MS finally gets one right!

3D scanning made easy: Reg man ponders terrifying Xmas pressie

Captain DaFt

Re: I've Grown Accustomed To That Face

I was mentally picturing a Walking Dead chess set.

With the living on one side and the properly decaying zombies on the other.

Limits to Growth is a pile of steaming doggy-doo based on total cobblers

Captain DaFt

Re: Doing More With Less

Ironically, around the turn of the last century, it was the automobile that was praised as the end of city pollution just because of this.

http://www.banhdc.org/archives/ch-hist-19711000.html

Petrol stations miles apart to replace those stables on every corner, fields now available to feed a growing human population instead of feeding horses, and millions saved in waste disposal and disease prevention because cars only produce exhaust that disperses on the wind instead of tons of manure.

Of course, 50 years later, the auto had become just as bad as horses, and the nostalgic and clueless were pining for the good old days of horses everywhere.

Want to buy a Woz-made Apple I? If you need to ask the price, you can't afford it

Captain DaFt

Re: Meh @goldcd

"No way he can get identical parts today"

No? Then What's this?: http://www.willegal.net/appleii/apple1-kit.htm

Kits, parts, and likewise.

Captain DaFt

True nerds don't buy old computers

They copy them!

NASA finds ancient films that extend Arctic ice record by 15 years

Captain DaFt

Re: And yet...

Well, to be fair, he'd look a lot less like an idiot if he wasn't constantly buzzing about the planet on chartered jets to tell people that they need to reduce their carbon footprint.

(Oh, if only someone had invented some type of network to disseminate information globally from a single location!)

Captain DaFt

Re: Ancient?

"From 1964? Ancient? Thanks ever so much, I'm ancient too!"

Well, to be fair, technology ages a lot quicker than us mere mortals.

A 25 year old human is just hitting its stride, while some 25 year old tech needs archeological forensics to decipher.

YES, I have ridden the Unicorn: The Ubuntu Utopic unicorn

Captain DaFt

Re: why?

Not all investments are good ones.

Video: Dyson unveils robotic tank that hoovers while you're out

Captain DaFt

Re: Still missing critical feature

Seriously, can't they put a pop up flap on top, and design the charging station to insert a duct to.. well, hoover out the robo-hoover while it's charging?

DREADNOUGHTUS: The 65-TON DINO that could crumple up a T-Rex like a paper cup

Captain DaFt

Re: I have to wonder what exactly this beast ate!

A personal theory of mine is that some dinosaurs must have had a gut flora similar to that of termites that helped break down cellulose into something more manageable.

Apple Fanbois (and girls) already lining up for NEW iPHONE

Captain DaFt

Interesting contrast here

A Reg article about the innovations and improvements on Samsung's new phones, followed by an article about Apple fanbois paying thousands for the honor of queuing up to by an iPhone they know nothing about (literally, they don't even know for sure if it even exists).

I... really don't know what to say, actually.

CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Captain DaFt

Re: Misuse of Word

"We the congoscenti will either have to find an alternative to replace the original meaning of hacker. How about code artiste or vim jockey or extreme keyboarder or even god forbid programmer?"

Well, I've always liked the sound of Kludge-meister!

It's official: Brit parents want their kids to be just like Steve Bong

Captain DaFt

Re: incoherent and annoying?

Most adults as well.

BBC: We're going to slip CODING into kids' TV

Captain DaFt

Re: *All* TV programs?

"OK, I'll bet that the 'code' shown was nothing to do with the story,"

Sometimes, it was actually the code that was run to generate the screens graphics:

http://moviecode.tumblr.com/post/74145306311/from-classic-doctor-who-episode-the-twin-dilemma

From the site:

"From classic Doctor Who episode The Twin Dilemma. The source is BBC Basic, and it controls what is on the screen later in the scene. "

In those low budget days, it was, "Waste not, want not".

iCloud fiasco: 100 FAMOUS WOMEN exposed NUDE online

Captain DaFt

Trust your data to the cloud they said

It'll be safe and convenient they said.