* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Apple in 2007: Who wants a stylus? Apple in 2010: We want a stylus!

Captain DaFt

"This isn't a stylus to write on a device. This is a stylus to write for example on a sheet of paper and having the results transmitted to your computer."

In other words; it's an ordinary computer mouse in a different form factor.

Stale pizza, backup BlackBerrys, payroll panic: Sony Pictures mega-hack

Captain DaFt

Re: So...

"...whoever it is who is currently their head of IT will soon be looking for a job, I reckon."

Or verry quietly about to get a big raise and promotion to keep him from going public with the emails of his own system:

Application for Disaster recovery plan:

DENIED! Too costly.

Funds to ensure server redundancy:

DENIED! Too costly.

Funds to update backups and ensure they're viable:

DENIED! Too costly.

Funds and personnel to do security checks/hardening:

DENIED! Too costly.

Survey: Tech has FREED modern workers – to work longer hours

Captain DaFt

But of course!

'54 per cent of respondents said the internet was "very important" to doing their jobs'

If most office workers didn't have the Internet to distract them from the tedium, they would've risen up in revolt, long ago!

German minister photo fingerprint 'theft' seemed far too EASY, wail securobods

Captain DaFt

Re: Biometrics? Meh!

"Just about any biometric other than DNA can be faked"

Problem is, modern DNA testing isn't that reliable:

http://www.marymeetsdolly.com/blog/index.php?/archives/925-Unreliable-evidence-A-look-at-DNA-forensics.html

Tl:dr: 10 to 13 points is the normally accepted baseline for identity, but that has been called into question.

IRL: it's often impossible to use DNA found at the scene to get more than 9 matching points.

So most courts say 'Good enough.', even though it's only narrowed the match to dozens, even hundreds of individuals.

(Just get an 'expert' to testify, "Totally Accurate!", and the jury accepts that.)

Still Tl;dr: DNA evidence that is used as infallible, actually doesn't prove the accused did it.

Freedom of Info at 10: Tony Blair's WORST NIGHTMARE

Captain DaFt

Re: Why?

True, but it's probably a comedy goldmine!

And where else will you read him admit what a total nincompoop he is?

2014: The condensed conference keynotes

Captain DaFt

The scary thing is, you won't have to look too hard to find a real conference like that these days.

Makers of Snowden movie Citizenfour sued by ex-oil exec

Captain DaFt

Re: This is one of those "Only in America thingies" isn't it?

"houses for the insane and government buildings"

Um, Getting a bit redundant there.

GCHQ: We can't track crims any more thanks to Snowden

Captain DaFt

Re: Suggestion for law enforcement

"Maybe, just maybe, real crime is not the agenda?"

Of course they're after 'real' criminals!

It's just that, in the US at least, there's been enough laws passed to make everything you do a potential felony!

http://www.threefeloniesaday.com/Youtoo/tabid/86/Default.aspx

Therefore, monitor everyone, because they're all felons!

Solar-powered bra maker suffers 20,000 TITSUPs all at once

Captain DaFt
Coat

So they're saying...

That their bras are a bust?

Because they're... <ahem>... Pokemams?

Sucker for punishment? Join Sony's security team

Captain DaFt

It's like advertising for a maid to do general housekeeping because the house has been bulldozed, innit?

Norks' internet goes TITSUP in possible DDoS attack

Captain DaFt

I can just picture Little Un having a tantrum:

"Er Leg site is stirr Borrocks! That's the rast stlaw!" And starting to yank out cables in a frenzy.

Stop Xiaomi, oh stop Xiaomi: Samsung to debut Tizen mobe in India in January

Captain DaFt

>Android waves hand<

"This Tizen't the phone you're looking for."

YEAR of the PENGUIN: A Linux mobile in 2015?

Captain DaFt

Re: Are Canonical still waiting for Intel to make x86 Phablets a "Thing"?

"What tablet computers have they been building for about fifteen years?"

Maxwell Smart voice "Wouldja believe Twenty three years, chief?" /Maxwell Smart voice

http://readwrite.com/2012/10/25/meet-microsofts-first-surface-tablet-from-21-years-ago (two year old article)

And they've tried (and failed) with every version since.

Careful - your helmet might get squashed by a Volvo

Captain DaFt

Re: What a stupid fucking idea....

"The odd thing is that many motorists seem to have difficulty seeing cyclists who do have lights, even though they can spot hundreds without lights."

It's the way the brain interprets things.

You see the road the bike's headlight is illuminating, you see the twinkly tail light/reflector on the rear.

What the brain tends to completely ignore is the bike and rider sitting in the dark right between them!

I knew a guy that came up with a solution that I've tried and it works: Put a second headlight on the back of the bike, facing forward, so it illuminates the bike and rider.

Sounds stupid, but you'd be amazed at much more visible you are as a bike rider at night!

Captain DaFt

Re: "Your helmet might get squashed by a Volvo". F'narr! F'narr!

Reminds me of that old joke:

"That's why I'm divorcing you, Harry. You think a vulva's a type of car!"

You have a 'simple question'? Well, the answer is NO

Captain DaFt

Re: The real answer

Fun Factoid: In Japanese, 42 translates to shi ni, which alternately means "to die."

Pick a superior Christmas No. 1 from El Reg's computer crooning compilation

Captain DaFt

One big, wet raspberry

For the abuse of Reg readers by inflicting Spotify on us!

Tragedy strikes Vulture News Central but details remain scrambled

Captain DaFt

Sad ending, she was a good egg, but the whole concept wasn't what it was cracked up to be.

Feds finger Norks in Sony hack, Obama asks: HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA?

Captain DaFt

Um, you do realize...

Before this security breach hit the news, the only people on the planet that cared, or mostly even knew it existed were Sony, NK, and the studio's investors.

Likely the attackers didn't know/care about it until the flit hit the Shan.

Untangling .NET Core: Open source for Windows, Mac, Linux

Captain DaFt

Re: You like MS Products

"Personally I think the Jury's still out on whether Elop was a trojan horse or just plain disfunctionally incompetent."

Take a look his record, pre-Nokia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Elop#Career

That man's been a catastrophe where ever he's in charge.

American bacon cured with AR-15 assault rifle

Captain DaFt

Re: @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

"OOI what is menudo?"

Mexican style tripe... or a boy band. Not much difference, really.

ICANN HACKED: Intruders poke around global DNS innards

Captain DaFt

Re: Come on - TheReg should know better

Well, 'cracker' is a racial epithet in the US, that's why the press avoids it.

I'd propose calling them 'diddlers' instead, but that has gained sexual connotations as well as its older meanings of time wasting, fraud and tinkering with things.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/diddle

ESA: Venus probe doomed to fiery death on weird planet's surface

Captain DaFt

Somehow, this comic seems apropos:

http://techfox.comicgenesis.com/d/20141124.html

RIP little probe.

Boggling bum babe Kim fails to 'break the internet' – Robin Williams instead tops Google charts

Captain DaFt

Re: Kim k

Agreed. And a quote to back you up:

James Boswell - ”To be perpetually talking sense runs out the mind, as perpetually ploughing and taking crops runs out the land. The mind must be manured, and nonsense is very good for the purpose.”

NASA asks world+dog to name Mercury's craters (back off, 4chan)

Captain DaFt

Vote now!

Crater C: Tater Crater, for Foster "Tater, The Music Maker" Wiley - March 25, 1947 - September 10, 2010

http://www.deltabluesmuseum.org/news-tater.asp

Cool Large Hadron Collider to fire into doubly powerful ring

Captain DaFt

"Everything is exactly as it should be. Not a single surprise! Not a single bone thrown at us!!"

DESPONDENCY!

Nah, that'll just mean they're on the right track, and have to work harder to learn more, instead of throwing out current theory and starting over.

(Boffins are people too, and some people hate the thought of hard work just keeping the same old-same old going.)

Senator: Backdoor for the Feds is a backdoor for hackers

Captain DaFt

Re: Some hopes

"They're supposed to be serving US, aren't they?"

Oh, but they are!

Serving it on a silver platter to the greedy, the paranoid, and the short sighted.

Searching to destroy ... Bing? Facebook JILTS Microsoft

Captain DaFt

Re: The last time i looked there were 10 pages of comments

Ah, but you're not looking at it from a marketeer's angle! (Lucky you!)

Ten pages of comments? Who cares if they hate it, they're interacting with our new interface! Page hits up! More eyeballs to sell to advertisers! Success!

Now, if nobody'd posted a word about it, and hits on the site dropped off like an elephant's arse, the new look would've been history within 12 hours or less.

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Captain DaFt

Re: Still no https? really wide margins

"What do people think that HTTPS is going to hide?"

How about your password?

Seriously, Http for login is really a bad idea these days!

Captain DaFt

http://youtu.be/cDGlN6mluGA

That is all.

Oh SNAP, Microsoft! Asigra steals a march with Office 365 cloudy backup

Captain DaFt

Re: one simple rule...

"the only safe copy is a paper copy"

You mock it, but Sony Media'd be SOL right now without paper, wouldn't they? (Or have they got the system back up yet? Press has been quiet on that.)

And I seem to recall Russian spooks have turned back to paper for security.

Face it, online, or 'The cloud' as they call it these days for fiscal gain, is Murphy's natural habitat.

Microsoft says January Windows 10 build will excite sysadmins

Captain DaFt

Might want to tread carefully there, Microsoft

You declared Win 8 exciting too, and it was.

If people had been a bit more excited when they saw it, there would have been a mob with torches and pitchforks descending on Redmond.

Boffins cure BONING PROBLEMS in 'virtual lab'

Captain DaFt

Re: which name did they choose for the process?

Oo, How about 'HAL' - Human Anatomical Logic?

"I'm sorry Dave, that makes me queasy!"

The internet is less free than last year. Thanks a bunch, Snowden

Captain DaFt

Re: Now _that's_ a conspiracy theory!

"Well, lumping all politicians together... Seven braincells total sounds about right.

Pub time for NASA bods? Orion spacecraft test launch called off

Captain DaFt

Re: Should have gone to Specsavers...

"I keep reading that NASA are intending to launch an Onion into space."

Ah, that explains this!: http://flyingonion.webs.com/

Captain DaFt

Re: Why is wind a problem

Here's a simple little experiment that'll give you an idea of why wind's a problem to rocket launches.

Get a broom, and balance it on your finger vertically, brush end up. This is similar to how a rocket balances on its thrust.

Now try this outside on a breezy day... much harder!

It was space vs boat at Orion launch. The boat won

Captain DaFt

Re: Aaand another hold...

"What can be going through a man's mind at this moment?"

"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."

Quantum computing is so powerful it takes two years to understand what happened

Captain DaFt

Re: quantum awareness

Just let me know when it figures out the answer is '42'.

Then I'll worry!

Apple patents NEVERSMASH iPHONE for fumbling fondlers

Captain DaFt

Re: Physics.

"I'm sure you exaggerate. I doubt you're really allergic to harpoons. Just harpoon intolerant..."

Nope, full on allergy triggered by the pointy end.

Symptoms include sudden appearance of holes in the body, outbreaks of streaming blood, and profuse swearing.

Captain DaFt

Re: Physics.

" OK, how about it harpoons your leg, and avoids bounceage that way. I'm sure none of us would mind a small leg wound, in order to save our precious mobiles."

Um, how about a simple lanyard connecting the phone to your pocket?

Then if you drop it, it just ends up slapping your knees.

Most people already seem to use it like a pocketwatch, might as well dress it like one, eh?

I apologize for adding a serious comment to your query, but I value mt epidermal integrity highly, since I'm allergic to harpoons.

(They HURT!)

Microsoft: So sorry for NOT paying Xbox indie game devs on time

Captain DaFt

"Ah, you see... "

"We thought we'd just not pay them, and see if anybody noticed."

"Unfortunately, they did."

Man asks internet for $1k for pebbles. INTERNET SAYS YES

Captain DaFt

Re: Gotta be nuts!

"http://www.screwfix.com/p/hex-nuts-a2-stainless-steel-m20-pack-of-10/38163

There, much cheaper..."

Yes, but be careful, and don't bolt it down!

Microsoft hikes support charges by NINETY TWO PER CENT

Captain DaFt

Re: It isn't extortion, just check your EULA

" I don't expect Ford to rush out and fix my tyre unless I'm in a specific support contract with them."

Funny, a lot of people did. Some died before they got the chance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firestone_and_Ford_tire_controversy

UK.gov quietly slips extra cash to self-driving car trials

Captain DaFt

Re: Unfortunate choice of word

"Just for the record ' They can pry my steering wheel and gear stick from my cold dead hands.'"

Given current driving statistics... They probably will.

Feds dig up law from 1789 to demand Apple, Google decrypt smartphones, slabs

Captain DaFt

Eh, What next? Older laws?

"In as much as the accused witch has writ knowledge most profane and occult.

Then entrusted said knowledge to a poppet that willfully resists the Church and wit of the magistrate to examine such.

The poppet shall be consumed in pyre, and the witch shall be pilloried for not less than three days.

Then should said witch refuse to recant the evil ways and confess. The witch shall be hanged by the grace of God Most Merciful. AMEN."

Sony Pictures hires Mandiant, asks FBI for help after massive cyber attack

Captain DaFt

"So, how long before the movie of this comes out?"

Oh, within a year or two, but I doubt it'll be a Sony film!

Star Wars: Episode VII trailer lands. You call that a lightsaber? THIS is a lightsaber

Captain DaFt

Everybody's bent out of shape over that Lightsabre

But there's worse to fear.

This is Disney.

They have another blockbusting franchise right now.

Think... crossovers.

They're probably planning to have Wolverine in it... With lightsabre claws!

(Nobody knows his true origin or how old he really is... )

Oh BOY! The MICKEY MOUSE Apple Watch is no heart-throb

Captain DaFt

Re: Hamill time

I'm curious, what does fried mahogany taste like?

Turnbull should spare us all airline-magazine-grade cloud hype

Captain DaFt

Re: He's mad

"Or he owns a service provider!"

Or is owned by a service provider, he is a politician, after all.

I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations

Captain DaFt

My head hurts...

I read his post, went back in time to create an account to upvote him, pranged into a police callbox in the middle of nowhen, and now I'm stuck in a loop... HELP!