* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Files on Seagate wireless disks can be poisoned, purloined – thanks to hidden login

Captain DaFt

Scary thought:

The backdoor was at the behest of our malev... er, benevolent overseers, who, after seeing the lack of interest in the Snowden revelations from the great unwashed masses, just don't give a piss about trying to hide the backdoors anymore.

"But, but, it's obvious, the techies'll spot that in an instant!"

TLA goon: "So? Nobody else cares, and won't listen to them anyway. So stick it in and put a goddam neon sign on it for all we care!"

Microsoft's 'successful' Nokia slurp kills off Lumia photo apps

Captain DaFt

Alas!

It looks like "The Cloud" will last a good long time.

It's made of vendor's servers, so the cloudy bits that quit being profitable will just be dropped to make room for some other cloudy bit.

When the cloudy bit you rely on quits being profitable to its vendor, how unfortunate for you.

MAMMOTH MAMMOTH fossil find with BONUS BISON BONE BONANZA

Captain DaFt

"The find included the aforementioned bison and mammoth bones, along with horse and turtle fossils."

And several empty Sirachi sauce and beer bottles, I presume?

Photoshop for 40 quid: Affinity Photo pushes pixels further than most

Captain DaFt

On the art sites I browse, some artists have switched to Paint Tool SAI.

It's not a complete Photoshop alternative, but quite a few artists like it.

Mind-blowing secrets of NSA's security exploit stockpile revealed at last

Captain DaFt

-told El Reg: "███████ ████ █████████████ ████████ █████████████████████████ █████████ ████████████ ██████. ████ ██████████████████████████████ ████████ ████ ██████.████ █████████ █████ ███████ ██████."-

You forgot to note that this part was not redacted for security reasons, but to comply with "Family Safe" values of language usage.

"████ ██████.████ █████████ █████ ███████ ██████"

Hmm, never mind the legality of such an act, is it even physically possible?

Daredevil Brit lifts off in 54-prop quinquaquadcopter

Captain DaFt

Woo!

It's a useless, dangerous, and mad bonkers insane contraption that looks incredibly fun to play with.

I give it two big thumbs up!

Reg readers select infosec A-Team to save Ashley Madison

Captain DaFt

I can see the ads now

"Hi, My name is John McAfee. Not only am I Ashley Madison's new head of IT & Security, I'm their biggest customer!"

Cognitive computing: What can and can’t we do, and should lipreading be banned?

Captain DaFt

Re: Woah there

"but I think it is very unwise to say something like the Google Car has no AI rather than limited AI."

Agreed. For a ridiculously simple example, take a pocket calculator multiplying 3*7.

Rudimentary and extremely limited, but humans are the only animals on Earth that can compete with it in its limited intelligence.

And before the inevitable, "It's only a basic algorithm!" I'd like to point out that for thousands of years, Humans regarded mathematics as evidence of a truly rational being.

Hell, it's still the "universal language" that's supposed to enable us to recognise ET.

Soyuz docks with ISS, delivers trio of fresh 'nauts

Captain DaFt

"All aboard the 06:45 commuter special express to the ISS, no intermediate stops!"

The missing part:

"Have your transfer slips ready on arrival for boarding flights to the Moon, Mars, Io, annnnd Alpha Centauri!"

Why are Google and 'VW group' having a 'global summit' in San Francisco today?

Captain DaFt

Cool

So, if I print off a sign that says "Maserati Microsoft Group Summit", and drive around with it displayed in my van window, I can get headlined too?

Stench of confiscated dope overwhelms Catalan cop shop

Captain DaFt

Re: General malaise

"Dooood... They haven't shot a cow in weeks!"

Captain DaFt

"I guess no youth has ever smoked skunk from an early age and then gone on to murder people due to mental health issues?"

If you're going to play that tired, old card, I might as well point out that 100% of all murderers, rapists, and people suffering severe psychosis all started out drinking milk.

Return of the Pocket PC: Acer shows off Jade Primo PC Phone

Captain DaFt

Re: "Some Pocket PC devices featured a clamshell design with a keyboard"

Yeah, phone design went from, "pushing the envelope", to, "put it in an envelope with a screen on it".

Jeff Bezos trousers $8m Florida rocket sweetener package

Captain DaFt

Re: Still waiting of FAA approval to whip it out

Almost totally useless to try this:

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/

But maybe with the right publicity? (He asks on media site)

Earth wobbles on axis as Google rebrands

Captain DaFt

Re: I vaguely remember another recent redesign

"Back then, the redesign certainly strongly registered with me in a negative manner; but time has moved on and I'm fine now."

I'm happy you adjusted. It drove me to almost exclusively view the mobile site, which needed a bit of help from plug-ins to render palatable.

Captain DaFt

Re: Rebrand eh what...???

"Not really sure if most people would notice unless they pointed it out."

True, that. People go to Google to search for something, not bask in the genius of the logo's design. At best it only registers peripherally.

Captain DaFt

Re: Sans serif

"Sure, something designed to be displayed on 640x480 screens at 72ppi is really not adequate for today "low resolution" displays well over 200ppi..."

It's a matter of scale. Those old 640x480 screens were normally 13 inch diagonal, the new screens (Up to 4K now!) are as small as 5.5" and even still many at 3.5" on feature phones.

Lay in a supply of sugar cubes to train the pissants to read your phone for you.

Self-driving cars? Boring. We want self driving, lizard dodging golf carts

Captain DaFt

Golf carts? Cute.

Let's cut to the chase here.

We've had self flying aircraft for years, so the obvious question is, "Where the Hell's my self driving flying car?"

Falcon 9 fireworks display grounds SpaceX

Captain DaFt

Re: Relying on subcontractor self-assessments

I'd hope they were following rule #1:

Never take parts for in house testing from the top layers in the box.

Microsoft backports data slurp to Windows 7 and 8 via patches

Captain DaFt

Re: 10 update

"are Microsoft going to refund his £5?"

Yes. He can expect the check about the time Satan needs earmuffs and a wooly scarf.

NVIDIA reveals GPUs for blade servers, Linux desktop support

Captain DaFt

"folks investigate the new Tesla GPUs fro jobs other than VDI."

Aaand now I'm envisioning video cards with bushy black wigs.

(I know, I know, corrections button. But there's none on the mobile site.)

Another chance to win a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive

Captain DaFt

No! More to the left,little buddy, move left, and hurry! That back itch is driving me crazy!

Google robo-car suffers brain freeze after seeing hipster cyclist

Captain DaFt

"I would have gotten out and knocked the wanker off his bike."

Oh yeah? Talk to this guy.

Motorola monsters Apple's swipe-to-unlock patent in German court

Captain DaFt

Re: Great...

Old joke:

What's the difference between lawyers and prostitutes?

A prostitute will screw you if you pay them.

A lawyer will screw anybody else if you pay them.

Manhattan-sized iceberg splits from glacier – and spotted FROM SPACE

Captain DaFt

Re: when measuring things in terms of Manhattans

"Robert, when measuring things in terms of Manhattans, one should use a standard cocktail glass."

"See, that's the sort of thing that results in space probes crashing into the sides of planets: mixing units of volume with units of area. Here, have one on me for spotting that."

But it was an area of volume; The area of Manhattan, 300 feet deep.

*sip* That's a lot of Manhattans!

land area of Manhattan - 59.1 square kilometres

300 metres

Manhattan cocktail glass - 4.5oz - 0.0001 metre cubed

(Looks at numbers, has mild panic attack)

59100 * 300 = 1730000 / 0.0001 = *Error, limit of liver exceeded!* er, 1,730,000,000 Manhattan Cocktails

DAMN! That's a lot of cocktails!

Caveat: The above was done by a dyscalculiac with a phone app, accuracy not guaranteed.

Samsung smart fridge leaves Gmail logins open to attack

Captain DaFt

Ahem

"Protecting our consumers’ privacy is our top priority, and we work hard every day to safeguard our valued Samsung users.”

BULLSHIT!!

If that was true, they'd have done the proper testing to ensure glaring mistakes like this weren't in the product before it went to market.

The real message is: "Protecting our profit is our top priority, and we work hard every day to safeguard our valued Samsung brand. So, here's some feelgood bullshit to placate our consumers.”

Embracing the life-changing qualities of USB power packs and battery extenders

Captain DaFt

Re: Super Model fallacy

"Free advice: With all due respect to the fairer gender, girls typically get thicker with age (as do we all, to some degree). So you have to, ahem, 'lead your target'."

/sarcasm And worth every penny paid for it /sarcasm

"Please excuse the indelicate nature of the topic."

"No. Twat."

Upvoted

Captain DaFt

Re: No substitute for a big battery

"Did you drop it many times, was the battery too hot, or was the back made from paper that you exposed to heavy rain?"

Probably similar to me, dependable phone, does what I need after nearly eight years of use*, and sees no need to change it.

*Had a nice chat* with the provider about four years ago, when they tried to discontinue service due to it being an old model, no other problems since.

**No, really! Rather surprising.

Win8 inventory glut? Yep, it's all Microsoft's fault, says HP

Captain DaFt

Re: Glutten Free?

"Consumers are waiting for glutten free PCs?"

"Gluten free, privacy free, it's all the same to the masses, innit?" - says an anonymous west coast source.

(Yes, it's sarcasm, for those too jaded to notice.)

Salesforce back in the red, reviews future black ink orders

Captain DaFt

-Its because they have to spread the revenues on the software licenses so as they grow they will still be showing losses - they are generating net cash so they aren't losing money. Its normal for growth license businesses to not show a massive amount of bottom line movement but they can still be net cash generating-

Tricksy, tricksy beancounters! Gollum hates them, Gollum hates them forever!

Spotify now officially even worse than the NSA

Captain DaFt

NASA dismisses asteroid apocalypse threat

Captain DaFt

Re: Show me physical proof god exists

"Duh! Look around you. See any gods?"

Look! Look right here, an image of Christ on a tortilla!

No... wait a minute, that's Willy Nelson... Nevermind...

Ashley Madison wide open to UK privacy lawsuits, claim lawyers

Captain DaFt

Re: Might not be as easy as that...

-Can you sue someone for having lax security in this area? When even the most secure organizations are susceptible to betrayal from the inside?

If you disagree, consider the name "Snowden".-

Yes, But... A company that refused to delete sensitive information, even when paid to do just that?

They're screwed.

Captain DaFt

Re: Wait a minute

Class action Lawsuit's already started, led by a widower:

http://jist.news/ashley-madison-member-exposed-as-a-widower-leading-lawsuit-against-the-site

Oi, Google! Remove links to that removed story, yells forceful ICO

Captain DaFt

Re: Out of interest ...

"About 0.001% of Internet searches?"

99% of which are "Blobbo Baggins and his inflatable friend"

Captain DaFt

[link to link about post]

Captain DaFt

Re: Please remove the link...

Obviously, the only way to be sure that Google will never provide any link to Blobbo's indiscretion ever is:

if search.query contains "Blobbo Boggins", then return "No results found".

Huzzah! We're on our way to creating "non persons"!

Microsoft will explain only 'significant' Windows 10 updates

Captain DaFt

Re: The seem to be going in an unsavory direction...

"And reduce the functionality of your PC as soon as you go to Linux....."

Well, yes, If by "reduce the functionality of your PC", you mean "severely hamper others from using your PC to monitor you."

Geeks on quest for world's most pointless YouTube video

Captain DaFt

Re: Hell, it's pretty much ALL pointless now, isn't it...?

"hell, any actual interesting or useful content left on there is pretty much drowned out by all the friggin' bullshit."

You've pretty much just described all media, haven't you?

Captain DaFt

Re: But surely...

"In fact I think I'm going to order some packing supplies and then film an unboxing."

Still not as bad as a cartoon character, badly drawn in MS Paint, repeating some tired meme over and over in a ten hour loop while masturbating.

(My remaining vestiges of humanity prevent me from providing a link. Google at your own peril.)

Computer Science GCSE male dominated, but geekettes are ready to rise

Captain DaFt

Re: Sex

-"persons of the contradictory gender." You mean the distaff side.-

Well I was going to question whether computer sciences needs more naysayers of either sex, but that works too.

Yet another Android app security bug: This time 'everything is affected'

Captain DaFt

Well since they all seem to get used to put in backdoors, how about a Framer of Flaws?

Captain DaFt

Re: Why not call it a Google?

-Something else identified with Google. A beta of flaws, a hipster of flaws?-

Flaws+ of flaws? Naw... <ponders>... <inspiration!> Smedley, drumroll please!

A Corporation of flaws! Neat, and succinct.

The Ashley Madison files – are people really this stupid?

Captain DaFt

Re: Blocking dating sites has too much fallout

Upvoted for the laugh, but no, single.

Pro tip: You're more likely to score at the supermarket or laundromat than you are at a pub or online.

You'd be surprised by how many rather good looking women have almost no social life.

Captain DaFt

Re: Blocking dating sites has too much fallout

Plus, it's not possible to know about all the sites (and more coming online every week), unless you're the living embodiment of Leisure Suit Larry.

Until the news of the hack, I'd never heard of the site.

Microsoft turns on Windows 10 file backup to Azure

Captain DaFt

Re: the chance to store data for 99 years.

"Seriously, go back 99 years and see how many tech companies from then are still going now."

The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Company - founded June 16, 1911. They later changed their name to the International Business Company, IE: IBM

Bell Telephone Company, a common law joint stock company, was organized in Boston, Massachusetts on July 9, 1877

New York and Mississippi Valley Printing Telegraph Company merged with New York & Western Union Telegraph Company in 1856 to become Western Union

Edison General Electric Company which was incorporated in New York on April 24, 1889, later shortened the name to General Electric

It's amazing how long some companies have been around, gobbling up the competition.

Camera-carrying DOLPHIN SPY caught off Gaza

Captain DaFt

Boffins raise five-week-old fetal human brain in the lab for experimentation

Captain DaFt

-The brain is at the same stage of development as a five-week-old fetus and contains 99 per cent of the same cells that you'd find in an in-utero equivalent.-

Plus totally sensory deprived. Still probably smarter than most politicians.

Apple: Samsung ripped off our phone patent! USPTO: What patent?

Captain DaFt

Re: The US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) IS THE PROBLEM!

"Kill The US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO)."

A bit extreme, and what's to say that what replaces it won't be worse?

Simple fix: A handling fee, based on the company's/individual's net worth, that gets refunded if the patent is approved. If not, the USPTO adds it to the budget.

Now, how often do you think they'll approve a patent from US Megacorp if it means refunding a multi million dollar handling fee?

A magic bracelet that unlocks PCs, dancing robot spiders, and more in Intel's circus

Captain DaFt

Re: I think...

And how long before someone makes an app/gizmo that monitors the handshake between PC and bracelet, then fakes the bracelet when you're away?