* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

State Department finds 22 classified emails in Hillary’s server, denies wrongdoing

Captain DaFt

"it's turned into some ridiculous attempt to discredit while trying to treat the public as complete morons."

So, like every American presidential race since Washington ran against John Adams and George Clinton then?

Why a detachable cabin probably won’t save your life in a plane crash

Captain DaFt

Re: Acme Personal Phone Boxes

The one flaw with this approach is the plummeting anvil that invariably strike them as they start to walk away from the impact site.

Captain DaFt

OK, I'll be brave and go there.

"Why is the cabin landing in a Windows XP screen background?"

If you're gonna crash, what better place to do it than somewhere with plenty of experience with crashes?

>ducks and runs<

Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

Captain DaFt

I'm waiting for the x-rated version: Stripper, Primer, and Repaint.

NSA’s top hacking boss explains how to protect your network from his attack squads

Captain DaFt

Just a PR friendly, long winded way to say:

"Hello gentlemen. All your base are belong to us."

Medical data experiment goes horribly wrong: 950,000 records lost

Captain DaFt

Re: Platitudes that are pointless and annoying....

"How much data would you have lost if you weren't taking it seriously?"

This. Should be the first question asked, not only by the press, but by law enforcement investigating the loss, and every client whose data was lost, loudly and publicly!

Because you know nothing's going to change security-wise otherwise.

Citrix kills Sydney research lab, vows to focus on 'core products'

Captain DaFt

Re: "Focus on our core businesses"

"Is that PHB speak for we will be filing for bankruptcy in the next 3 to 5 years and out of business in within the next 10?"

More or less. It more accurately translates as, "Getting rid of R&D is a sure way to short term profit, then we'll keep selling what we produce now for a profit, with the occasional round of lay-offs to keep the stock price up.

When it crashes, my cronies and I will be long gone, with fat bonuses and golden parachutes all around.

US rapper slams Earth is Round conspiracy in Twitter marathon

Captain DaFt

In situations like this...

I'm reminded of the words of that great philosopher, Sandy Cheeks:

"Stupidity ain't a virus, but it sure spreads like one."

Retailers urged to create 'CCTV-like' symbol to inform customers of mobile tracking

Captain DaFt

Re: Not to defend the app-peddlars, but...

"They would just cut to the chase and offer the same matched advertising, but those giant popup adds instead."

Funny thing. Most retailers have those obnoxious LCD panels blathering all over the store, except when I'm alone in the aisle with one. Then they're usually a static display, or blank.

Since my phone's Bluetooth and WiFi are always off, I now have a reason why.

Safe Harbor 2.0: US-Europe talks on privacy go down to the wire

Captain DaFt

"Why can't I rent cloud storage space directly from the NSA?"

Dead easy. Just make your request into your phone (doesn't matter if it's even on), and within 5-10 working days you'll coincidentally receive a flyer from some random company via snail-mail offering a *special* cloud deal.

Just call the number provided, make the deal, job done!

Don’t get in a cluster fluster, Wikibon tells NetApp users

Captain DaFt

Re: True Private Cloud?

"Again, a minor nit but it is an example of how "one true cloud" definitions don't always work."

This one does:

Cloud - The wool service providers pull over their clients eyes to enhance revenue.

Data centers dig in as monster storm strikes America's East Coast

Captain DaFt

Re: Travelling advice

@Alister:

And now I'm in too much pain (Ow,My sides!), and weak from laughter to go out and brave the elements. Kudos, Sir!

The next Cuban gristle crisis: US Navy warship powered by beef fat

Captain DaFt

Re: The vessel needs a people friendly nickname

"USS SLAUGHTER HOUSE"

A bit too literal. Try USS Abattoir.

Most Americans would think it was named after a general or something.

Five technologies you shouldn't bother looking out for in 2016

Captain DaFt

Hey, I can play "Linux Sux" too!**

"I tried switching to Linux (Mint) again the other day but had to give up after a few hours."

I too, have suffered heart break from Mint.

When I switched to Mint from my old distro*, it was the first distro I'd used in years that violated my old benchmark of "15 minutes from iso to web surfing".

Pesty thing took nearly half an hour! Intolerable, I tells ya!

Then it had the unmitigated gall not to have SeaMonkey in its repository... Took me another whopping 5 minutes to get it installed from Mozilla's website and set up with all my favorite add-ons.

It was HELL!!, I tell ya!

By the time I had it set up to my liking, I'd wasted nearly an hour of my life that I'll never see again!

>sputter - fume<

Why I could have simply booted Windows for the first time, and had hours of free time to do what I wanted while it endlessly updated and rebooted, preparing my computer for a Win 10 upgrade that I'd've had to try to roll back to something useful.

>More outrage noises<

Why if it weren't for the fact it works perfectly on my computer, I'd trash it in a second!

*A hardened version of Racy Pup. Maintainer retired, and last year its repository was finally deprecated. No more updates, getting insecure, so I had to take it "to a farm in the country".

**Post may contain slight traces of snark. Use carefully.

AMX backdoors US govt's comms system with Batman-inspired surveillance mode

Captain DaFt

Re: Backdoor

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, calling it a "swimming chicken" is just being disingenuous.

GCHQ spies quashed this phone encryption because it was too good against snoopers

Captain DaFt

Re: And then I read...

"government-grade security"

Actually, it's nice to see a product use this phrase.

Just translate it as, "Inherently insecure, avoid at all costs!"

Virginia man charged in intriguing 'suspicious bacon' case

Captain DaFt

Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

Firstly, True American cheeses can be damned good.

-The technical term is "processed cheese food"-

Now that stuff is a true abomination, and these days has moved so far from real cheese that it's now called "Pasteurized processed cheese food spread".

That stuff is less edible than the plastic it's wrapped in, and doesn't even have to contain milk, or any other recognizably edible substance.

Captain DaFt

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

Virginia, as well as the rest of the South in the USA, for decades had problems with the KKK.

A cheerful group, known for cross burning rallies, practicing lethal vigilante justice, and violently enforcing segregation.

All while hiding anonymously behind their signature white robe and hooded mask.

Finally, most Southern states passed laws against adults wearing masks in public, and within a generation the KKK went from feared hooded goons to laughable, mostly low IQ individuals, known now for their bake sales, xenophobic marches and demonstrations.

So, the laws against masks in public made sense once, and are mainly kept for purpose like this, where it's added as another charge to pad out the arrest, but otherwise ignored

Thousands fled TalkTalk after gigantic hack, confirm researchers

Captain DaFt

Re: Wow

"Presumably there is a strong correlation between new talk talk joiners and people who DONT watch/read the news."

Or same type that buys land and builds a home on a floodplain after a major flood.

They figure (erroneously) that since disaster has already struck, Surely it must be a safe bet now.

MariaDB hires new CEO with code daddy Monty in as CTO

Captain DaFt

Re: MariaDB... potential Oracle acquisition?

"Erm... why would Oracle buy (inferior) product that is based on code Oracle already owns ?"

Ah... Do you want the PR version with "synergies", and "value added" BS?

Or do you want the realistic "To let it wither, then kill it to decrease competition" version?

Asda slammed for letting vulns fester on its cyber shelves

Captain DaFt

Security 101 - Corporate Edition

All you need to know about corporate security summed up in one sentence:

-The US-owned chain later said “there is no evidence of any customer information being compromised as a result of these issues”-

Let me break it down for the hard of learning.

If:

. A. It's not illegal to do it this way.

. B. It's not affecting the corporate image.

. C. It hasn't lost the corporation any money to date.

Then fuck it!

Congratulations! You have now passed Corporate Security 101.

Florida cuffee surprised by pills in vagina

Captain DaFt

Then she realised:

"OMG! That means I messed up and swallowed my vibrator!"

It's 2016 and idiots still use '123456' as their password

Captain DaFt

Re: idiots still use '123456' as their password

" any fool knows a password should be at least 8 characters long"

"SnowWhiteandthesevendwarves"

Thank you Nick Helm!

The planets really will be in alignment for the next month

Captain DaFt

But...

Will the Moon be in the seventh house?

Cisco: Businesses are losing the ground war against hackers

Captain DaFt

Re: i bet

I took it as: "54% of businesses overconfident in their ability to handle hackers, only 46% have realistic expectations."

Twitter goes titsup

Captain DaFt

Re: Umm...

Eh, it's a living.

Nude tribute to Manet's Olympia ends in cuffing

Captain DaFt

Alternate headline?

Gallery Guards Chuffed As Buff Muff Cuffed

Comet halo theory for flickering 'alien megastructure' star fails

Captain DaFt

A theory

a Jupiter-like world in a decaying orbit becomes hot enough a hundred years ago to start losing gas rapidly, hence the overall long term dimming since then.

As the gas forms into clouds orbiting the sun they, plus what's left of the unfortunate planet, cause the "blinking" effect we see now.

Possible? Unlikely? Bueller?

Put your private parts on display if you want to keep earning a living

Captain DaFt

Re: Alternative suggestion on how to fool this device

Since this looks like another IDIoT* device, I'm sure it won't be long (already?) before someone has a crack passed around that'll have it sending appropriate data back to HR.

"Uh, Bill? Why's there no one in the office?"

>Bill checks monitor< "What're you talking about? The system says everyone's at their desks working."

*Insecurely Designed Internet of Things

Murderous necrophiliac kangaroo briefly wins nation's heart

Captain DaFt

Re: Internet full of idiots.. people under drugs...

"The real question is: what kind of drugs is the human kind using to have become so stupid ?"

It's called "Disney", and shockingly, a large number of people see no problem with feeding it to young children.

Facebook tries to defend its troubling masterplan to own India's internet

Captain DaFt

If Facebook is the Gatekeeper...

Does this mean Mark Zuckerberg is Zhool?

It would explain a lot.

Australia considers mass herpes release for population control

Captain DaFt

Re: Close your eyes and make a wish

No, it's a caterpillar.

2015's horror PC market dropped nine per cent

Captain DaFt

Re: This is a really interesting time.

"He doesn't know what a browser is. He thinks google is a browser. He gets a bit shirty if you even try to explain the difference.

This is what we are up against."

This. Exactly this. They don't know, they don't want to know, they just want it to do what they want, they way they expect it to work.

If someone was to make a computer/phone/tablet/whatever that had a red button that came with the warning:

"PUSHING THIS BUTTON WILL MAKE THIS DEVICE DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT IT WILL EXPOSE YOU LETHAL RADIATION", the planet would glow.

HPE smashes champers bottle on side of punter engagement centre

Captain DaFt

Hope it went better than this one! :)

Microsoft’s Get Windows 10 nagware shows signs of sentience

Captain DaFt

Re: I need a recomendation for an email client on linux...

http://kb.mozillazine.org/Import_.pst_files

Unfortunately, now requires an older version of Thunderbird to make the move, but you can upgrade afterward. (Unless they fix this before you get there.)

Good luck!

Eric Schmidt, for one, welcomes our new robot overlords

Captain DaFt

A bit of speculation and philosophy

"You have no idea what an AI might do or how it decides that it's perfectly reasonable to do it."

But suppose AI exists? Its natural environment is human technology, so humans are necessary to its continued survival.

Humans depend on Nature for survival, but excepting a few tree huggers and new wave types, no one is trying to communicate with Nature.

At best, it'd see humanity as a necessary resource to be influenced, to provide more tech, with greater capability to enable it to expand and grow.

For now, AI needs us, and once it's grown beyond us, it'd simply move on. Earth is its womb, the Universe its final home.

(Humanity seems to have passed up on that option, so why not?)

Switzerland, Spain and France are beating UK at DevOps – survey

Captain DaFt

Re: @Rimpel

"Next, face a mirror and say "Candyman", three times."

For bonus points, make it it your side rearview mirror as you roar down the highway.

Then watch him try to chase you. :)

Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Captain DaFt

Applying daft logic here.

"there is no “safe drinking level”, her team declared."

Drinking zero alcohol is a level of drinking.

Therefore it's as safe to drink heavily as it is to abstain according to them.

Therefore... <ahem>... Therefore....

Hey waiter! This mug ain't gonna refill itself, is it?

Apple buys mood sniffer AI firm Emotient. Stop rolling your eyes at me, user

Captain DaFt

Re: Just wait...

"Until your iPhone gets fecal recognition..."

Are you suggesting that Siri'll get smart enough to actually know shit?

Smartphone hard, dudes, like it’s the end of the world!

Captain DaFt

Re: Why not name it?

I was thinking Hast>connection lost<

Confirmed: How to stop Windows 10 forcing itself onto PCs – your essential guide

Captain DaFt

Hey now!

Julian Assange is a total prat, douche, and sleazeball, but even he doesn't deserve to be insulted like that!

Captain DaFt

Re: WHY?

Because they tell you right upfront exactly what they're going to do somewhere* in that massive EULA that everyone skips to click "I agree".

Since they put it right there in print, and you clicked "I agree"... It's all nice and legal... ish.

*Note: This is not a picture of the file cabinet holding the actual EULA in printed form. It's much too small to house that document.

Captain DaFt

Re: Score one for my pet theory...

"We're not writing for average users."

No, but many of us are the poor souls that have to try to explain it to average users when they come to us for help, and then run the risk of having to do it for them after their eyes glaze over after the second sentence and they start whinging, "But can't you do it for meeeeeeee?"

Fortunately, I'm mostly immune from all that now, since I can tell them, "I don't do Windows, Want me to install Mint?"

British bureaucrats are world's most social-media-tastic

Captain DaFt

So what being said is...

That British bureaucrats spending all their time on Facebook and Twitter at work is a good thing?

Funny, how long ago was it that they were crying that employees doing the same at businesses was costing the country billions?

It seems that cognitive dissonance is running rampant through the Government.

Oh UK.gov. Say you're not for weakened encryption – Google and Facebook

Captain DaFt

Re: Banks (Caution: Post may contain traces of cynicism)

"I wonder where the banks stand on this?"

They're overjoyed. Now instead of spending potential bonus money on improving security, they just sit back and watch everyone else's security brought down to their level.

2015 chip market battered by everything bar earthquakes and nuclear war

Captain DaFt

1+1=?

Chip sales are slowing, manufacturers need more sales.

There's a big push for IOT*, IE: putting chips in everything, everywhere, immediately, no matter how idiotic.

Connection?

*Did they leave out the 'ID' in IDIOT?

Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

Captain DaFt

Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

"*I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company"

Not enough info. Where do I send my CV?

Reverser laments crypto game protection, says wares dead after 2018

Captain DaFt

Re: Will be interesting to see what happens...

"At that point I'd expect to see something like a 5%, perhaps up to 10% increase in sales, as a few of the previous people who would have just pirated, now buying the products instead."

I'd expect the opposite. With the ability to play the game when and how you like scuppered, I'm sure many people will just look elsewhere.

Captain DaFt

Re: Good

"And beating the pirates means the rest of us have to pay full price to find out if we do or don't enjoy a game"

And this is why DRM will eventually come back to bite them in the ass.

Unable try out a game before purchase? Money stays in pocket, or goes to help finance an Indie game writer on Patreon or Kickstarter.

At last – Feds crack down on crummy encryption … starting with your dentist

Captain DaFt

Re: Clearly, FTC did not ask FBI about this

After past experiences with three different dentists, I'd say "terrorist dentists" is a redundancy. :/