Posts by Captain DaFt

Re: C. An anal-gazing "Look-to-the-future" exercise,

When someone's head is up their arse...

Re: 500 seats...

"Also, how scared are US citizens of the tax man to pay up like this?"

Very.

Even Death is no guarantee they won't come after you.

Re: Resistance is right!

"They'll probably also set up the machines so killing the antennas kills the device AND voids the warranty"

Nah, they'll just copy the software on the cloud model.

If it can't phone home regularly, it'll refuse to function.

Imagine this message on every item in your home:

"Signal unavailable - please check your internet connection and try again. Your <device> will not function without a proper internet connection. Signal unavailable - please check your internet connection and try again. Your <device> will not function without a proper internet connection. Signal unavailable - please check your internet connection and try again. Your <device> will not function without a proper internet connection."

That's what the IOT's boot stomping a human face looks like.

Re: TalkTalk street hawkers

You really need to learn how to short out what little brains the hawkers have.

-Him "Do you have broadband sir?"-

Me: "Well that's damned personal from a complete stranger! Just because a someone's a bit overweight doesn't give you the right to harass them!" <stalk off indignantly>

Re: Definitely future-proofed this time

"All I saw was urinal cakes. Can you really piss on these?"

At Alphabet Google, urinal cakes piss on you, with ads.

Re: Vanguard, Victorious, Vigilant and Vengeance

How about naming them realistically?

The Rampant, Contract, Costs, and Overrun?

https://iq-research.info/en/page/average-iq-by-country

Hm... interesting correlation between that chart and the one on this site.

Bear in mind, correlation doesn't equal causation.

Re: Wow!

Probably worked along the lines of:

"Hello Apple? I'm Shaun Nichols from the <cough cough Hack> news site and wonder if you could confirm..."

Re: Unless...

"you study the AI by using an AI."

Yo Dog! I heard you like AI, so I put my AI in your AI!

(Now they call themselves Skynet!)

Re: Bad references

"No - if you're asking from a colleague or a "mentor". Since the chap wasn't working for the Uni anymore he's free to tell the truth."

Reminds me of the anecdote about a professor that hated to give bad references.

His reference for the totally useless?

"If you can get this person to work for you, you will be extremely fortunate."

Re: Safety

"And what about if you snap it in half and then put it in a washing machine?"

No need to snap it in half. Most of those 'safe' parameters will be exceeded by most washing machines.

Safety tip: Wash 'smart garments' separately in a laundromat far from your home.

Re: 2B) or not.

-Them: "good news; you're not an axe murderer".-

"Yes, I've always preferred a crowbar."

To be fair, she did launch herself into it, like a bug into a windscreen.

Re: It's the way of the world

- My first thought was, "Is that all he got?" -

Well considering he "was also given a free trip to North Carolina"*, I figure the judge felt he'd already been partially punished.

*Can't help thinking that they threatened to send him again and leave him if he hadn't signed the deal.

Re: Re: "do you know who I am?"

My favorite joke in that genre was the student who continued writing his last exam answer after "pencils down".

The professor refused to take his paper because of it, causing the student to retort, "Do you know who I am?"

The professor replied that he neither knew nor cared who he was, to which the student replied, "Great!", shoved his exam into the middle of the pile, and left.

"Are they so cash strapped they couldn't just SMS everyone?"

Well this: “new three-year growth plan”, seems to indicate the company isn't even sure it'll be around long enough for the standard "Five year plan".

Re: Can! We! Please! Give! The! Exclamation! Marks! A! Rest!

No!, we! like! them!

Note!: "!", not "!"

Re: Americans, again not realising there's a world outside them

"I've been thinking of it more as "Nixon vs. Hitler"..."

Nah, the Nightmare Vs. the Liar... You pick which is which.

As an aside; Anyone for a "Vote Cthulhu, the lesser of three evils!" campaign?

Re: What's an IOT device owner to do?

"I think we should start referring to them as idIOT devices."

Insecurely Designed Internet Of Things

There ya go!

Re: hemi-demi-semi colon

The poor fellow. You shouldn't make him the butt of your jokes.

Re: Really??

"Guess he wasn't as good as he thought he was."

If he was a smart as he thought he was, he wouldn't needed to have altered the grades in the first place, would he?

Re: I heard Cruz

"I heard Cruz last Friday at a Tea Party rally in Kingwood, Texas. He insisted that we would turn the Internet over to international terrorists and thugs over his dead body."

Unfortunately, just another promise he has no intention of keeping.

Re: What is this I don't even

Hackers strongly believed to be state-sponsored

"What does that even mean!"

My take:

Some kid, living in estate housing, bored, with access to a computer.

Re: Good old analog?

"There are so many sensible reasons millions of people use Todo/Tasklist software."

Really? Many? I can only think of one, but it is a corker.

The phone is right there, in my pocket. Whip it out, tap notepad*, make the note, job done.

*that's "notepad", not Notepad™. Also, it doesn't sync, use the web, or anything "cutting edge". It just let's me make notes, on my phone, Which I always have with me.

Re: Fog-infused martini is quite good

"the fanny beer was cheaper earlier, but they've stuck it up since....."

Oh... Just... BOOOOO!

(Have an upvote!) ☺

Re: Windows Update is unbelievably shit

"If it wasn't a dark art it was certainly an Adventure."

Jumping through hoops, avoiding hidden pitfalls, only to be told, "the update you're looking for is in another KB$Number".

Is Nadella secretly a frustrated plumber?

Re: Old dog

"As far as I am concerned smart phones and touch sensitive sceens are not Wow! New! but 'How can we make computers smaller and cheaper and still have some utility in them'"

Touch sensitive screens on phones are actually all about, "How can we cut out the costs of designing resilient, usable keyboards, and make it sound sexy?"

Re: If something is free...

"Or we grew too many courgettes and we're giving away the surplus, Mr. Glass-half-empty!"

Please... NO!

We're just ending the yearly nightmare season here; where if you leave an unattended vehicle unlocked, you're liable to find it full of tomatoes and zucchini when you return!

Re: Fancy that!

Amen! You go to the store, buy product, use product... what part of that requires logging into a passworded site?

What service could they provide, aside from maybe a support group?

"Hi, my name is Ken, and I dye my hair."

"Well DUH! We all do here!"

Re: Bah,

"bananas are radioactive !!"

Meh, just low yield potassium. Now Brazil nuts, on the other hand, can be 33% more radioactive than normal background, due to radium stored in the nut's fat.

Not stopped me from eating them though, they're tasty!

Re: Maybe...

"Next on my list: Submit patent application for wheel."

Get in line.

Quote:"According to a November [2005] Washington

Post profile of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, the agency

has, since 1790, granted about 30,000 patents to people who have

submitted unique designs to improve upon, if not reinvent, wheels."

Re: Hamdogs-

Eh, prior art from the noughties.

Re: Can it handle slang?

Yeah, I'd really hate to see this situation in real life:

http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff2900/fc02860.htm

Re: There was nothing in my horoscope about this this morning.

Well I'm an Ophiuchus*, and believe that no horoscope that leaves out signs can ever pretend to be accurate!**

*Yes, it's really a horoscope sign. It was left out to avoid 'unlucky 13', and to keep the signs from changing months year to year.

**Nah, I don't actually believe any of that mumbo-jumbo.

My ID setup with the bank is simple

If they need to contact me, they send me a letter.*

I show up, show my driver's license and bank card.

Then we discuss things face to face.

I see no need to change things.

*Yes, snail mail.