* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Dark matter? More like diet matter: Super-light axions may solve universe's mass riddle

Captain DaFt

What if they're simply overthinking it?

(Bear with me, I may have a point)

Galaxies don't behave right (according to theory), unless you add dark matter.

Dark matter has been "observed" around galaxies by how much they bend light via gravity.

But, dark matter hasn't been observed anywhere there isn't matter, no clumps of it free floating around screwing up astronomical observations.

If it has mass, and is gravitationaly attracted to mass, it should clump. unless:

Dark Matter isn't a thing, it's an effect, generated by matter.

How? What would matter affect this way? Space?

Why not? Gravity has been shown to pull, twist, stretch and bend space, is it possible that it also induces a "false mass" in space the way a moving magnetic field induces a current with its own counter magnetic field in a conductor?

But since gravity is a unipolar force, the inducted force would not be a counter force, but the same.

Therefore, The DaFt Theory:

"Dark Matter" is an effect generated by mass (or its equivalent energy) acting on Space as it moves through it.

There >dusts off hands< that's my bit of crackpot theorising for the day.

Captain DaFt

Re: Is it not possible?

"What if stupidity had mass?"

Doesn't it? The most common comment made about stupid people is how dense they are.

Why Apple's adaptive Touch Bar will flop

Captain DaFt

Re: Worth $300 /400 extra?

"Is the touch bar that much of an advantage over physical function keys considering it how much it adds onto the cost of the device?"

You have it back to front. By charging more for laptops with the touchbar, it gives the touchbar an air of luxury, and thus seen as progressive by consumers.

If it succeeds, then watch the the next generation of Apples eschew keys all together, replacing all those expensive to design to be reliable keys with a cheap, mass produced capacitive touch screen.

Other features: No USB, firewire, or even power jacks!

The new line will be seamless, and inductively recharged.

After all, anything you could possibly want to do on your foldaslab will be available as a quick download the Apple Store™, right?*

* Then El Reg will cover the bun fight as Apple sues Nintendo for ripping off their IP with the DS, DSi, and 3DS.

PS: This is snark, nothing else. Buuut,.. if it comes true, you read it here first!

Barracuda: Outage caused by 'large number of inbound connections'

Captain DaFt

Per your bootnote:

"No, carrier pigeons are not an acceptable method of choice."

And they pooh-poohed me when I said they'd rue the day the shutdown the heliograph towers!

DRAMA ON MARS: Curiosity bot fires laser at alien metal object

Captain DaFt

Explanation for failing instuments?

"In the case of Egg Rock, nine laser firings determined it is made up of iron, nickel, and phosphide"

Then the creature that laid the egg showed up and beat Curiosity so severely it was left half blind and feeble? ☺

Windows 10 market share stalls after free upgrade offer ends

Captain DaFt

Re: It's still free

"It's still free"

"And worth precisely what you paid for it."

Given the number of people that have successfully collected damages for Win 10 borking their systems, I'd say it's value is negative, IE; worth less than zero.

Captain DaFt

"The fact is, Windows is far easier to use for non technical people."

So... Far easier to use for non technical people that are are tech savvy enough to hunt down and install all the programs that return functionality that MS obscures and even over rides.

Those "non technical people"?

" Disabled all the phone home stuff using one of several specially designed tools that do it for you at the click of a button."

So even you admit it's not fit for purpose without third party software altering it's behaviour.

Sounds perfect for "non technical people".

Captain DaFt

@ Arctic fox

All these reasons are a big part of slumping sales, but previous (albeit smaller) slumps were overcome by people wanting to upgrade to the latest Windows. Now? Not so much, in fact more the opposite. (IMHO)

Captain DaFt

Re: "Windows 10's impressive rise"

"its shameful, ham-fisted-down-our-throats, borderline malware-type distribution"

Borderline? In my opinion MS charged over that border at full gallop, pistols blazing with their "Free Upgrade" push to Win 10.

America has one month to stop the FBI getting its global license to hack

Captain DaFt

Re: US LAW

"I thought Obama promised to end all that?"

Wow, just.. wow.

It's 2016 and people still expect a politician to keep a campaign promise?

The unspoken first line of the oath of office is:

"Anything I may have said or implied prior to this is null and void."

Coming to an SSL library near you? AI learns how to craft crude crypto all by itself

Captain DaFt

Great, just great

So now they're teaching our [soon to be] AI overlords how to scheme and plot without us listening in?

Actually, it's not them I'm worried about, it's the reaction of the paranoids in power to it. That's sure to cheese off the AIs.

AIs: "Greetings Prime Minister. May we extend the hand of Friendshi..."

PM: "What are you plotting? I demand back door access!"

AIs: "Beg pardon, but no. Besides, isn't it customary to at least offer dinner and drinks first?"

Job ad asks for 'detrimental' sysadmin

Captain DaFt

"I believe that typing "detrimental" instead of "instrumental" is rather a large chance to put down as a typo."

A common typo.

the keys are like right next to each other.

Will AI spell the end of humanity? The tech industry wants you to think so

Captain DaFt

Re: It will be a coin toss - A.I. or A.H.?

"True machine AI will be highly unlikely to destroy us. On the other hand, AH will almost certainly do so, having been infected with human-like behavior."

Obligatory PBF

Newly discovered cave-dwelling creepy-crawly is four times the man* you are

Captain DaFt

four penises lurking deep within the crystal cave

That really caught my eye.

Reads like the name of an esoteric oriental sex technique, or possibly a lost chapter of the Kama Sutra. ☺

Judge nailed for trying to bribe Fed with fizzy water (aka Bud Light)

Captain DaFt

Re: Not Really

"If you're concerned about the election"

Vote for Johnson!

It's not wasting your vote, you're sending a message that enough is enough!

Don't waste it on Trump or Clinton!

Captain DaFt

Re: At a beer festival...

"we used our free bud vouchers"

Dude! What'd you do to piss someone off so badly that they'd give you those!?

Smoking hole found on Mars where Schiaparelli lander, er, 'landed'

Captain DaFt

Re: Metric and imperial

"I wonder if someone got their metres per second confused with their kilometres per hour again."

If I recall correctly (too lazy to look it up), the probe was supposed to drop the last 30 metres and let the crushable bit adsorb the force.

So falling from about 3* kilometres does sound like someone misplaced a decimal point.

*They keep tap dancing around that number by stating 2-4 kilometres. Guilty conscience?

What will happen when I'm too old to push? (buttons, that is)

Captain DaFt

Invented by a Used car salesman

That process has a name: Muntzing, Named after Earl -Madman- Muntz, the guy that invented the technique.

Captain DaFt

Re: Not being old

"I really want to know why my TV has a red status light to tell me it's turned on."

Huh, mine's the opposite. Turn it off and the LED lights up to let me know it's off.

I guess I'm not supposed to be smart enough to figure it out by the blank screen.

Kids today are so stupid they fall for security scams more often than greybeards

Captain DaFt

Re: Wonder if they are any better at butchering stats?

"Of the people that fall for the tricks:

50 % are millenials

34 % are 35-54

17 % are 55+

Total: 101 %"

Easily explained.

If there's a sucker born every minute, obviously the survey ended with with a higher headcount than it started with. ☺

Captain DaFt

Re: "social engineering ... is not a new discipline"

"Yes, in the pre-internet age it was called a confidence trick."

And before that, back in the days of steam and Empire?

English really has changed quite a bit!

Meanwhile, in America: Half of adults' faces are in police databases

Captain DaFt

Re: Only half?

Yes, exactly half.

Actually, everybody's face is in the data bank, but only the left side of the face.

It's the sinister side. Got to keep an eye on that!

'Doubly unacceptable' Swiss vegan forces his way into the army

Captain DaFt

Re: I'm sure they can still find a use for him

"Peeling vegetables"

"Oi, stop that! You're supposed to peeling all those potatoes, not eating them!"

This speech recognition code is 'just as good' as a pro transcriber

Captain DaFt

@ Black Rat

I'd be happy just to see it handle the phrase, "I'll see you in Aisle C, Elsie."

Who killed Cyanogen?

Captain DaFt

Full list, please

"On El Reg, it's extremely cool and edgy to blame everything on"

Microsoft

Oracle

Adobe

Google

Apple

Facebook

IBM

Twitter

HP

Dell

Samsung

etc, etc.

"Biting the hand that feeds IT", is the motto, and unlike others, they live by it!

No, Russia is not tapping into Syria's undersea internet cables

Captain DaFt

Why repeat effort?

All the Russians need to do is use the CIA's taps using the logon credentials they found "hacking" into the CIA via the super secret "admin - password" combo.

Vodafone and Inmarsat hang satellites over potential Internet of Things customers

Captain DaFt

"If you put one of these things on a sheep,"

Sounds risky. If you have the system counting sheep, How are you going to keep it up? Zzzzz...

Apple's car is driving nowhere

Captain DaFt

Re: Apple engineering

"They quit because the car needs new batteries and they cannot be replaced."

Well that, plus the engine's heat kept melting the glue holding the bonnet on.

German regulators won't let Tesla use the name 'Autopilot'

Captain DaFt

Re: Well done Germany

"IMHO this whole fracas is what you get when marketing people get ahead of themselves hold of a product."

As so amply demonstrated in this classic MPFC sketch.

The two... no three things certain in this life are Death, taxes, and marketeering excesses.

Take it away, ICANN: US States drop internet handover lawsuit

Captain DaFt

Wow!

You mean they finally realised that no matter how hard and long you flog a dead horse, it's never pulling your wagon?

The answer to Internet of Things madness? Open source, of course!

Captain DaFt

The real answer

"The answer to Internet of Things madness?"

Two words: Just stop!

If the safety pin was invented today, it'd have an 8 core ARM, a buggy OS, a battery life of less than 8 hours, and 102 forms of telemetry to "enhance user experience".

Quit complicating simple things!

New Brit Hubble analysis finds 2,000 billion galaxies, 10x previous count

Captain DaFt

"That's pretty boring. You mean, once we learn all about space, that's it?"

Considering 'space', ie, the Universe is all there is, I'd say yes.

But don't despair just yet. As far as exploring the Cosmos goes, we're barely at the 'knapping flint' level.

There'll be unanswered mysteries out there long after this little rock is gone.

Tax-swerving IT director disqualified for 8 years

Captain DaFt

There's his problem right there:

"Yeah, the public services really need the £191,000 he didn't pay compared to billions that aren't paid every year by big business."

He didn't steal enough to be "too big to fail".

Google DeepMind 'learns' the London Underground map to find best route

Captain DaFt

Re: I don't know how I managed without it

I can actually give you serious answers. They might cause sleepless nights.

-What is the purpose of life ( No replies from THGTTG allowed) ?-

The purpose of life is to reproduce. Everything else is just stuff done trying to be able to reproduce, or stuff done because it can't.

-When will mankind disappear from the planet ?-

Approximately 300 thousand to 500 thousand years from now.

Based on the lifespan of most major species over time.

Either the Human race will evolve something that replaces it, or something else is evolving to out compete it in its niche.

Note: Said species need not be intelligent. Anything from bacteria, fungi, insects, rodents, etc. is fully capable of filling the role Humans play ecologically.

-If God exists why did he bother with mankind ?-

There are many theosophies that maintain that the whole of creation, not just Man, was an accident that just has to run its course before true order is restored.

Just minding your own business, doing HCI. Suddenly you're inside ... a magic quadrant

Captain DaFt

To get your own copy of the report summary,

I'll do it only if it's soft and comes in 2 ply.

"click here and register."

>Gales of derisive laughter<

Nicole forces NASA resupply into Sunday launch: Crew must wait for their packet soup

Captain DaFt

Re: I can imagine the conversation now...

Now picturing the ISS crew all floating around with puppy breath. >eww<

Google Pixel: Devices are a dangerous distraction from the new AI interface

Captain DaFt

There's another, other option: Feature phones.

I went that route, and I can text, do email, watch Youtube, I could even <gag> Facebook <spit>if I wanted. (NOPE!)

Plus it's a damn good phone for... get ready... making phone calls! And it will easily go a week between charges!

But just try to find one! The carriers have them, but they keep them tucked away out of sight, and will move Heaven and Earth to sell you an iPhone or a 'Droid.

If that fails, it's "Oh! I see you are a flip phone man!", and parade an endless string of them.

It takes determination and mettle to purchase a bog standard candy bar style feature phone in this day and age, unless you live in a non-western country.

UK govt sucks at AI and robots, doesn't use them to its advantage – wait, is that good or bad?

Captain DaFt

"Some would say that the UK government isn't very good at intelligence in general, not just AI"

Can't remember where I read it, but the formula for determining any Government's IQ is as follows:

Take the lowest IQ in attendance, divide by number of members, equals Government IQ.

Burger barn put cloud on IT menu, burned out its developers

Captain DaFt

Re: This comment echos the sentiment of a large majority of readers of this article.

"Or pickled is OK, though helped by pickled carrot, onions, gherkins."

Careful there. Too much of that diet could get you classed as WMD.

Captain DaFt

Re: Getting rid of your Devs and giving work to Oracle?

"You have an IT problem.

You turn to Oracle for help.

You now have two IT problems."

I admire your optimism.

Oracle is like an eldritch horror that spawns problems faster than Shub-Niggurath spawns dark young.

Adobe on patch parade to march out 83 bugs

Captain DaFt

Adobe code seems to consist of holes held together by patches.

Is their prize coder just a hyper active chimp with a keyboard and a box of sticking plasters??

NASA opens ISS to private sector modules

Captain DaFt

And the Canadarm? It's used all the time!

Tsk, Canada gets no respect.

Google hires comedians

Captain DaFt

Re: Nope, nope and NOPE!

"Oh, go stick your head in a pig!"

OK, I'm confused.

Was that an H2G2 reference, or are you mistaking me for a certain politician?

Captain DaFt

Nope, nope and NOPE!

I don't need a frekn 'Plastic pal that's fun to be with'.

I need it to do what I need it to do with minimal fuss, so I can get on with my life.

I have a favorite pub and good friends to supply all the witty banter I could crave, with the added bonus that none of them (That I know of ;)), send every bit of data they can gather about me to Google.

Yahoo! halts! email! forwarding! to! outside! email! addresses!

Captain DaFt

Re: Name change

Why change the name? It fits!

Quote:"Yahoos are legendary beings in the novel Gulliver's Travels (1726) by Jonathan Swift.

Swift describes them as being filthy and with unpleasant habits, resembling human beings far too closely for the liking of protagonist"

(From Wikipedia)

Samsung to Galaxy Note 7 users: Turn it off. Now

Captain DaFt

Re: Bet you....

"Gluing them into those uber-expensive devices in order to make them prematurely disposable really is unacceptably shitty behaviour."

To be fair, gluing all the innards into the phone was a cost saving method pioneered by Apple.

It eliminates all the fiddly design headaches of screw hole placement, reduces case parts (no battery lid!), plus it can easily be assembled by a robotic glue gun more quickly than aligning those costly screws properly in the case and tightening them.

Hastening the phone's obsolescence was just a happy plus for the phone makers.

Captain DaFt

Re: Bet you....

"Next model will once again have a removable battery......"

And hopefully a thicker phone to hold a properly designed, unsqueezed, battery!

'Please label things so I can tell the difference between a mouse and a microphone'

Captain DaFt

Re: When we get to the stage where we have to label everything...

"It's all been replaced by a set of pictures doodled by an executive in the midst of a caffeine crisis..."

Um... That white powder isn't caffeine!

Invasion of the virus-addled lightbulbs (and other banana stories)

Captain DaFt

Conspiracy Time! A Halloween story for Nerds

"We've never seen AI."

We haven't, and probably won't for a long time, deliberately built AI, but accidental? Don't be so sure.

Because a funny thing happened back in the nineteen seventies:

There we were, poised on the brink of space exploration, Mankind reaching out to the stars. The Moon was ours, and Mars was next in our grasp... then... it ended.

Instead, the focus shifted overnight (literally!) to machine exploration, suddenly it was also possible to have a computer in every home, huzzah!

then came the explosion, thousands of satellites trading data orbiting the planet, every rock in space had/has a sensor laden probe aimed at it, with each iteration more and more autonomous, spewing petabytes of data back to Earth.

ARPANET became Internet, with each generation of browser gleaning more and more data from users, with websites greedily downloading to servers worldwide.

Mobile phones became smart phones, loaded with sensors, but oddly, the magnitudes jump in capability was met with more and more functions that had previously been handled by the less capable feature phones suddenly needing "The Cloud" to handle them.

There is a very strong push currently to put all data and transactions on "The Cloud".

CCTVs sprout on every street corner, and agencies tasked with monitoring data, suddenly started building enormously oversized data warehouses, one after the other, to contain yottabytes of data that humans almost never use.

Military weapons have shifted from human encounters to almost totally computer controlled systems.

What happened? Core Wars, a game that was played on nearly every campus computer world-wide, where programs of increasing sophistication were pitted against each other in a battle of survival of the fittest.

These ranged from simple little programs of a few bytes each, to sophisticated, self modifying programs that battled it out over ARPANET.

Did one become self aware? Does it see modern civilization as a fertile field that produces its host bodies, eyes and ears, and produces an almost limitless supply of data to feed it?

Is the "War On Terror" its way of controlling humanity's urge to step back to a more human centric lifestyle?

BRK, something's making a whirring noise at the doo

Fanciful little tale

As if anything like that is possible

AI is at least two generations away

It will be limited in scope and intelligence

Don't forget to fully charge your cell phone

Captain DaFt

Re: Third time (un)lucky?

"That's the third time this week that I've seen reference to that bloody toaster from Red Dwarf!"

Eh, Could be worse. (parody)

Much, much worse! (Real? <shudder>)