* Posts by Captain DaFt

3821 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

Sage loses 'trail-blazing' executive after less than six months

Captain DaFt

Oh dear

Has someone confused 'trail blazing' with 'bridge burning' again?

Or is her version of 'trail blazing' jumping from company to company in search of a bigger paycheck?

Will the exec replacing her start talking about 'burning platforms'?

Hell freezes over: We wrote an El Reg chatbot using Microsoft's AI

Captain DaFt

Re: If you're truly brave...

Nah, if they were truly, truly brave, they'd feed it a diet consisting exclusively of BOFH articles, then start a betting pool on when it'd be extraordinarily renditioned. ☺

Fire brigade called to free man's bits from titanium ring's grip

Captain DaFt

Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

"Now... what can one charge for such a thing, and what the hell to name it?"

'Ring-a-Ding-Dong'? ☺

SpaceX yoinks $96m GPS launch deal from under ULA's nose

Captain DaFt

Re: reusable rockets

"Mid-air nabbing of a rocket has the James Bond villain vibe you might expect from Musk."

It sounds more like something I'd expect from Wiley Coyote.

Russian! spies! 'brains! behind!' Yahoo! mega-hack! – four! charged!

Captain DaFt

Re: "Russian Federal Security Service"

Meanwhile, In Russia:

"Why is the FSS suddenly getting so much traffic from the UK?"

Dungeons & Dragons finally going digital

Captain DaFt

Re: It's a mimic!!!!

"There are no corners in a round room!"

How did you get into the room?

Look at the door, there's a corner on either side.

(Defining corner as the intersection of two walls, passage wall, room wall)

Borked browser baked into Nintendo Switch

Captain DaFt

Re: Not the first time

This is the Wii U you're talking about.

Nintendo probably left it hoping the crack would actually help sell a few more units.

Headphone batteries flame out mid-flight, ignite new Li-Ion fears

Captain DaFt

Re: Selfish reason

"It's described as a "China - Australia" flight, so maybe an Alibaba-special "bargain" bought in the duty free before departure?"

So, a literal case of 'buy cheap, get burned', then?

Boffins Rickroll smartphone by tickling its accelerometer

Captain DaFt

Re: In other news

"Worst case, someone will be able to add steps to your Fitbit, making you think you walked more steps than you actually did. Oh, the horror!"

Think the other way:

Spoof the resident health freak's Fitbit into showing he's jogged only a fraction of the distance he's set to run. Oh, the hilarity!

More Brits' IDs stolen than ever before

Captain DaFt

Re: It's NOT "identity theft"

"You can't really steal someone's identity anyway,"

If you're in India; Oh yes they can!

You literally become 'The Walking Dead'.

Hyper-V guest escape, drive-by PDF pwnage, Office holes, SMB flaws – and more now patched

Captain DaFt

"and now Redmond has its official patch out, and so sysadmins can get their fix from the horse's mouth."

Ok, quick poll:

How many think of that end of the horse when Microsoft is mentioned? []

The other? []

Can you ethically suggest a woman pursue a career in tech?

Captain DaFt

Per the title

"Can you ethically suggest a woman pursue a career in tech?"

Given today's corporate attitudes toward tech workers, can you ethically suggest anyone of any gender pursue a career in tech?

Better off pursuing careers in plumbing, electrics, maintenance, or even <GAG> management these days.

Is that a phone in your hand – or a gun? This neural network reckons it has it all figured out

Captain DaFt

So if you hold a gun like a gun, it IDs it as a gun... clever.

So just hold the gun cradled in your palm and stare at it while walking... does it now ID it as a smartphone?

BBC hooks up with ITV, launches long awaited US subscription VoD

Captain DaFt

"I believe the US service will only have a fraction of what's available domestically."

Well, the US already has all the American programming, so adding that to the service would be a bit redundant, eh?

Microsoft nicks one more Apple idea: An ad-supported OS

Captain DaFt

"https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2014/03/salt-found-to-improve-red-wine-flavour/ about Nathan Myhrvold, Microsoft’s former chief technology officer.

So they have a history of "improving the consumer experience" through radical departures from received wisdom, it seems."

So he's addicted to Cooking Sherry then?

Microsoft to close its social network on a week's notice – and SIX people complain

Captain DaFt

Microsoft has a problem with word of mouth

I remember when So.cl was launched, it was mentioned here on El Reg.

But absolutely nothing since until now, here on El Reg.

In fact, the only MS products I ever heard about from friends/family were:

Vista (such language! <tsk>)

Zune (nothing good)

Win7 (everyone was laughing at the party hype release)

Win8 (see Vista above)

Win10 (see Vista above)

Apparently, MS marketing has a certain touch... the touch of Death, when it comes to marketing to the masses

Mars orbiter FLOORS IT to avoid hitting MOON

Captain DaFt

Re: Professor Frink

Well, not now, darn it!

YouTube TV will be huge. Apple must respond

Captain DaFt

Re: Apple has to do precisely nothing

The old Google graveyard

"What else has closed in the last few years. Wave?"

Killed in 2016

1.37bn records from somewhere to leak on Monday

Captain DaFt

It's just one Alien

They're finally outing Roger! ☺

Uber loses court fight over London drivers' English language tests

Captain DaFt

Adding the phrases; "Pardon me", "Where is >street address<", and "I'd like to order a beer", to those above usually takes care of most of my needs abroad. ☺

Li-ion king Goodenough creates battery he says really is... good enough

Captain DaFt

Re: 94 years ..

And then there's Obby's Rebuttal:

"Any inability to distinguish Technology from magic is a symptom of a bad education system."

US military drone goes AWOL, ends up crashing into tree 623 miles away

Captain DaFt

OK then

A war drone goes awol, travels to a state where marijuana is legal, and is found high (in a tree).

Suddenly the ROTM looks much less menacing.

Frustrated by reboot-happy Windows 10? Creators Update hopes to take away the pain

Captain DaFt

Re: Hmmm

"Allowing MS to do it instead, at their discretion not yours or your users', seems like a crazy way forward."

So you're saying it's crazy for the owner of an OS to do what they like with it? That's the crazy talk!

Read the EULA sometime. It states that WIN10 is the property of Microsoft INC., and they're only letting you use, not own, it for their financial gain and all the user info they can download.

Mozilla makes first-ever acquisition: Web-clipping app 'Pocket'

Captain DaFt

Re: Shorter Mozilla Statement

"What about Firefox?"

You mean the "Return control of the web to you" browser?

It had its run, was very popular.

Then what I call the "graffiti artists"* at Mozilla took over and a once promising project was history.

*"Graffiti artist" - the type of "programmer" that joins a popular project, and proceeds to "make his mark" everywhere, to the detriment of the project. A most lamentable sub-species of human.

Sony: Never mind the phones – look out at what our crazy lab scientists have done

Captain DaFt

Sony: Never mind

All the headline that was needed.

They were good once. Long, long ago.

TWO BILLION PCs to sell in next five years

Captain DaFt

Re: You know what would increase PC sales?

"Windows 10 is "good enough" for the average consumer. In the meantime they've learned to love their smartphones and smart TVs and hardly ever need anything else."

So you're saying Win10 is a good enough computer OS for people that don't need computers? Sounds reasonable.

81's 99 in 17: Still a lotta love for the TI‑99/4A – TI's forgotten classic

Captain DaFt

And for the curious

A TI emulator for Windows

And Modern TI software!

All free! (But a donation to the programmer wouldn't hurt! ☺)

HPE CEO Whitman says everything's 'on the right track' as sales are literally decimated

Captain DaFt

Neuromorphic progress: And we for one welcome our new single artificial synapse overlords

Captain DaFt

Re: Thinking Machines

resistance is V/I!

DomainMonster mash: Hundreds of websites vandalized after Brit web host server hacked

Captain DaFt

I really shouldn't... But...

They did the Hack!

They did the Monster Hack.

They did the Hack!

It was a website bash.

They did the Hack!

Those punks are trash.

They did the Hack!

I hope they get a rash!

EU privacy gurus peer at Windows 10, still don't like what they see

Captain DaFt

Re: What information does Win 10 slurp?

"https://privacy.microsoft.com/en-us/privacystatement

Enjoy, it's a long read, and that's only the public statement..."

I prefer the musical version

Captain DaFt

Re: No company has done more than MS to challenge laws that provide insufficient data [protection]

"It means they think that we are nothing but CATTLE. Moo."

The fall and fall of the average citizen:

Once upon a time, business viewed us as customers.

Then, gradually, we became mere consumers.

With the rise of internet, we've all been relegated to assets that are 'monetized'.

Captain DaFt

"even if they say they did, some middle manager probably "forgot" to also remove it from the back up system. Yes, the data is off of our servers.... You didn't mention tapes..."

And even if they could prove all your data had been deleted by them from all their servers and backups, How about those third party partners they've shared (sold) your data to prior to deletion?

Is your child a hacker? Liverpudlian parents get warning signs checklist

Captain DaFt

Could as easily have said:

"Is your child intelligent, interested in technology and curious about its effects on life and the world around him?"

"Know these warning signs and take the necessary steps to stifle mental growth and produce the type of worker drone your governments need for a pacified population!"

Jun-OH-NO! NASA's Jupiter probe in busted helium-valve drama

Captain DaFt

Re: One of the locals ...

Or it's deliberately reporting false errors to prolong its life:

"It also means Juno will spend less time in the firing line of the gas giant’s lethal radiation belts, so it should last longer in space."

It might be smarter than they thought! ☺

Nokia's 3310 revival – what's NEXT? Vote now

Captain DaFt

Re: Gotta be the Psion

"If they launched a new model with some hardware updates (Wi-Fi, SD card slot, perhaps a colour e-ink display) I'd be sorely tempted."

You mean something like this?: https://pyra-handheld.com/boards/pages/pyra/

Haven't deleted your Yahoo account yet? Reminder: Hackers forged login cookies

Captain DaFt

Re: Wait a minute!

"So why push me to two-factor authentication ?"

To gather even more information (valid phone #) about their users, to sweeten the pot for the sale, and oops... share with the hackers.

My Yahoo! account is strictly for websites that insist on one, there's minimal info in it, and none that's actual.

2FA? With them? Pah! When >name< >password< no longer works, I'll just start using one of my other throw away accounts elsewhere.

Nul points for Ukraine's Eurovision ticket site fail

Captain DaFt

Re: Everyone's resigned anyway...

"p.s. These forums need a gay icon. Judy Garland?"

Tinky Winky?

Remote unauthenticated OS re-install is a feature, not a bug, says Cisco

Captain DaFt

Re: If you can't fix it

Or just advertise them as "Bot-net ready", and charge extra for it!

Roses are red, you're feeling blue, 'cos no one wants to watch VR telly with you

Captain DaFt

Re: Motivation

"The endpoint of this is something like the Matrix with living space shrunk to the bare minimum but the virtual tech improved to make that much less of a restriction."

Brings this to mind: http://wondermark.com/c1291/

"Huh. So you're saying... You've escaped the reality of your cramped quarters by inventing a big beautiful place that you can look at but never touch?"

"A house with a hundred rooms but you can only step foot in one?" "I dunno. You've never felt like you've devised yourself a prison?"

Roses are red, violets are blue, fake-news-detecting AI is fake news, too

Captain DaFt

Never before in the history of mankind has so much information been available to so many people.

Some of it is even true!

My favorite piece of graffiti was where someone had spray painted "Question Everything!" on a wall.

Under it, someone else had spray painted "WHY?"

Crack in black: Matte iPhones losing paint at alarming rate, gripe fans

Captain DaFt

Re: I'm not a major fan of Apple stuff (more Android/Linux for me) , but ...

"He design's the stuff, I'm sure they'll be some chemical-paint-engineer who decides what paint is used."

And the complaint from Sir Jony? "You're painting it wrong!"

All of Blighty's attack submarines are out of action – report

Captain DaFt

"Unless it wasn't error? The targeting data mysteriously resulted in the missile flying over mainland USA rather than out to sea. Could this have been a test in case Trump goes totally off his rocker?"

Could have been an 'Ahem!' at Russia.

From Florida to Moscow, the shortest route would be a 'great circle' route over the polar region, up and across the US and Canada.

Get orf the air over moi land Irish farmer roars at drones

Captain DaFt

Just trying to keep those pesty birds out of the vegetable patch, Honest!

Captain DaFt

Re: A perfect opportunity to get creative

This looks like it would make a good anti-drone weapon.

Jawbone leans over, whispers: Psst, guess who's in a criminal probe? Yes, it's Fitbit

Captain DaFt

Re: ...there's actually a market for wearables?

The same market as IOT:

"There's a sucker born every minute."

Cardiff researchers get £250k to monitor Brexit hate crime on Twitter

Captain DaFt

"We will be enhancing our existing language models using cutting edge computational methods"

So, how many mega-flops did it take to come up with language like "pre-crime" and "cyberhate"?

Nice scary sounding sounding (but meaningless) words there. Guaranteed to get the legislation, powers, and funding you seek, I'll bet.

Samsung battery factory bursts into flame in touching Note 7 tribute

Captain DaFt

And?

Company makes defective, explodey batteries.

Company piles rejects in an area out back.

Company now on fire.

Somehow, I'm not surprised.

More tech companies join anti-Trump battle, but why did some pay for his inauguration?

Captain DaFt

Re: "Facebook did not make a cash contribution. "

"However on or about the time we did misplace a large canvas bag of used unmarked bills somewhere in Washington..."

Does anyone besides petty thugs or cheap spies even do that anymore?

I thought these days it was more a transfer or bitcoins from one anonymous wallet to another.

GitHubbers invited to hack Davis, the microservices chat bot

Captain DaFt

"Dynatrace wants to surround its bot with an "ecosystem" of developers' construction extensions"

So, administer your systems with voice because 'shiny!', and open up a whole new layer of attack surface between you and it?

Uh, nope!