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* Posts by Captain DaFt

3757 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

'Gimme Gimme Gimme' Easter egg in man breaks automated tests at 00:30

Captain DaFt
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Re: Unprofessional bollocks

You do realise clippy was the first instance of AI.

How else did it know you were writing a letter?

Unfortunately, for what passes as 'AI' today, it's still state of the art. :/

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Once more unto the breach: El Reg has a go at crisis management

Captain DaFt
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Re: Where was Marketing in all of this?

And of course the prepared boiler plate statement about "we take security very seriously".... For some reason, every time I see or hear this, I have a mental image of Bozo the Clown delivering it.

I'm happy for you.

To me, the image is that of a gang of thugs in an alley with a gun pointed at me, with one hand beckoning. "We take security, seriously"

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'Urgent data corruption issue' destroys filesystems in Linux 4.14

Captain DaFt
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Re: "This would have been found just as fast in closed source."

It's part of the reason I moved to Linux.

Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water.

There's a work-around - use a 3rd-party tool to copy a file!!

So, your advice is to fix an OS problem by using something else?

Uh, that's what he did, isn't it? ☺

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Microsoft to run VMware on Azure, on bare metal. Repeat. Microsoft to run VMware on Azure.

Captain DaFt
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Vapid Market Talk

"adopting Azure reserved instances will save you big bucks."

Has any company, in the history of Earth, ever said otherwise about their product/services when trying to persuade you to switch?

And how often has it been true?

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Digital minister: We're still talking to BT about sorting crap broadband

Captain DaFt
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"Digital minister: We're still talking to BT about sorting crap broadband"

At the Club:

Digital minister:"I say, how's sorting out that crap broadband coming along? -chuckles-"

Jan du Plessis:"Oh swimmingly! -winks knowingly-"

-Clink glasses and the whole Club shares a hearty laugh-

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HPE CEO Meg Whitman QUITS, MAN! Neri to replace chief exec in Feb

Captain DaFt
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"Hewlett Packard Enterprise boss Meg Whitman is stepping down, and will be replaced on February 1 by company president Antonio Neri."

Might as well have set the date April 1, since she's turned the company into a sad joke.

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The Independent 'live streamed' space vid recorded in 2015

Captain DaFt
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Re: So they admit to lying

What else are they lying about?

Lets make it easier and list 5 things that we're sure they're not lying about:

1. The name of their paper

2. .....

3. .....

OK, OK, so the one thing we know for sure.

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Whew... Toshiba rustles up $5.4bn to avoid delisting

Captain DaFt
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who in their right (corporate) mind would even consider buying Westinghouse Nuclear? no projects, bad purchases of incompetent contractors, a definite stink about them. the A1000 is under question, and the Chinese have a clone of the process underway, and the prospect of underbidding everybody. just because something is up for sale does not mean it's worth taking.

In other News, HP executives bid 60 billion USD for Westinghouse Nuclear.

A lawyer for HP stated: "The prospects for HP entering the nuclear market could rival our purchase of Autonomy. Just think of the lawsuits!"

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Germany slaps ban on kids' smartwatches for being 'secret spyware'

Captain DaFt
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Re: 'sustainable in the long run'

Go Germany even if Munich is killing off LibreOffice... :(

They switched from XP to LiMux, a house developed distro, if I recall correctly.

Now they're switching from LiMux to Win10? With Office 365 on the cloud instead of LibreOffice.?

<sarc>Oh, I get the feeling that this'll go over seamlessly with absolutely no backlash!</sarc>

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Aww: Apple won't be HomePod for Christmas

Captain DaFt
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Hmm, maybe...

It was a little too fashionable?

"Oh, NO! You did not just put me on this tacky table and expect me function, did you?"

"And just who was you decorator? The local skip!?"

"Darling, you're adorable with your kitsch chic, but A� just can't work in conditions like this! *click*"

Cook: "OK marketing, I see what the mean. We'll just have to postpone release until we can get someone besides Jony to train it."

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Massive US military social media spying archive left wide open in AWS S3 buckets

Captain DaFt
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Hmm, I wonder..

"Massive US military social media spying archive left wide open in AWS S3 buckets"

Or could it be: "How to pull a Snowden without becoming a Snowden?

The timing does seem to be suspicious what with all the "Russians are gaming our elections!!" hype recently.

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Windows Update borks elderly printers in typical Patch Tuesday style

Captain DaFt
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"And would it kill Microsoft to warn users that an update is queued? "

It does. It gives you plenty of warning. And you can set active hours where it wont install. And there is an optional setting for additional warnings if some bs isn't enough for you...

Hey AC, why is it that when anyone points out the short comings of Win10, you're right there, with solutions or caveats that only seem to work on your system, and nobody else's?

Could it be that you work for MS and are actually using Windows 9 ?

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Captain DaFt
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Re: The are still used!

"See the Windows 10 "continuous beta" model."

It's called Windows Insider. And obviously is optional.

No, Windows Insiders get to test the Alpha grade, everybody else gets the Beta.

Up until Win10, once the Beta was nearly production ready, MS scraped it and started all over again.

Win10 is perpetual Beta, because they keep throwing in (or deleting) code to see what breaks.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Dot Matrix ?

Wasn't she a character in one of Mel Brooks's films?

Duuude, not that one, please!

Will the real Dot Matrix Please sing out!

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Tesla launches electric truck it guarantees won't break for a million miles

Captain DaFt
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I'll bet in the fine print that the "won't break down for a million miles guarantee" only applies to hardware, not software.

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Fear not, driverless car devs, UK.gov won't force you to write Trolley Problem solutions

Captain DaFt
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The trolley problem is easily solved,

Actually the classic trolley problem (IE: divert the trolley and hit one person, do nothing and three get hit) is simple:

Do nothing.

That means you are just a spectator at a tragedy, but even just putting your hand on the lever puts you in control of the situation, and makes you a murderer in the eyes of the law. (single or triple homicide, your choice.) Doing nothing keeps the blame with the scoundrel that started the trolley barreling toward the victims, where it belongs.

Of course, this is assuming that you're just wandering by at the time, and not assigned to controlling the lever.

But who the hell would just stand at the switch waiting for a trolley to come along when there's obviously people tied to the tracks? The Hooded Claw?

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New, revamped Terdot Trojan: It's so 2017, it even fake-posts to Twitter

Captain DaFt
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I vant your cash, your stocks and bonds.

"IcedID already possesses some advanced features that rival features experts have seen in older and more complex banking trojans"

At the rate these are evolving, when Skynet becomes self aware, it won't exterminate humanity, it'll just steal all our money! ☺

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'It's back to the drawing board...' Innocent axions found not guilty of dark matter crimes

Captain DaFt
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Re: MOND theories so unfashionable?

It's more likely that dark matter and dark energy exist.

Well, something exists that exhibits what we observe.

IMHO, right now we're at the 'Luminiferous aether' stage, where we're postulating a cause, but in reality the actual cause may be something entirely different that'll look damned obvious to boffins once some bright spark stumbles across it.

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DXC Tech asks staff to profile their skills

Captain DaFt
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Re: Just do....

..a load of bullshit "soft skills" course (the ones that say you completed the course while the video plays in the backgrounds) and you'll be fine.

I'd follow the KISS principle:

Job skills: Indispensable Knowledge of systems. But I am willing to contract at 170X my current salary to come in and fix it when things go south, if laid off.

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US authorities swallow security-free script for pill that knows when you're off your meds

Captain DaFt
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"What could possibly go wrong when drug companies embed into a pill,"

All of them? That's a mighty big pill!

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US Homeland Security says hardly any Kaspersky software left on federal networks

Captain DaFt
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Re: MS' Windows 10 conduited baked-in 'slurped' malware uploads work in exactly the same way.

"Aw, shoot. I just gave them ideas, didn't I."

Not really, you just reinvented Chrome OS.

<conspiratorial tone> Are you sure that Chrome isn't actually Emacs hiding behind a fancy UI?</conspiratorial tone> ☺

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Apple succeeds in failing wearables

Captain DaFt
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I get mine "free" with my work's health scheme to track my every movement.

Gave up your freedom for a "free" watch?

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Sure, Face ID is neat, but it cannot replace a good old fashioned passcode

Captain DaFt
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Re: "So how do you solve the problems of people..."

May not survive. Any other ideas?

Use a kendo sword as your clue bat.

Hurts like hell when applied properly, but does no long term damage. ☺

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Boffins on alert: Brace yourselves for huge gravitational wave coming within a decade

Captain DaFt
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In other words,

"Boffins on alert: Brace yourselves for huge gravitational wave coming within a decade"

Surf's Up! ☺

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Amazon to make multiple Lord of the Rings prequel TV series

Captain DaFt
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Re: Running up stairways of falling rocks

I foresee an endless string of mini-plots revolving around elf-dwarf sex scandals, fear-mongering about new wyrms from the north, and all those swarthy eastern immigrants showing up unbidden.

Many shows can be built around such mundane things as Gandalf's annoying pipe weed snobbery, Gimli's out-of-control quaffing habit, Aragorn's racy past coming back to bite him, and Sam's unrequited love for Frodo. It's gonna be great!

So you're saying that the new series will be based on LOTR fan fiction? ☺

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Audio spy Alexa now has a little pal called Dox

Captain DaFt
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Its not going to pick up any industrial secrets, and the first time it raises a suspicion of acting on things its heard rather than been told its fairly easy to have it 'break' and return it for a refund.

I hope you haven't espoused such sentiments within its hearing!

Or else we'll soon be reading a Reg article about 'someone' that tripped over their IOT hoover when their IOT lights unexpectedly went out, and knocked their brains out on the Amazon ordered anvil that was placed in the hallway by the deliveryman when the IOT door lock let him in!

What? Me paranoid?

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Sigh

Accept your lot in life and get six or seven cats...

Bad idea.

There are easier ways to end it all.

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Parity's $280m Ethereum wallet freeze was no accident: It was a HACK, claims angry upstart

Captain DaFt
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OK, let"s run with this. But then what was devops199's motive, I mean apart from just breaking the wallets?

Pure hypothetical speculation on my part:

A. Find a bug that lets you silently empty wallets.

B. 'Accidentally' lock wallets to hide the theft.

C. Patiently wait for time to pass, and hashes deprecated, then 'mine' coins that just happen to match 'lost' ones. ie: Profit!

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ZX Spectrum Vega firm's lawyers targeted by empty-handed backers

Captain DaFt
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"instead of rekindling fond memories of my early days with a computer [has] just left me with a sour memory."

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Seriously. Once when one waxed nostalgic, you'd get together with old cronies (either at the pub, each others homes, or even online) and talk about how it was, and golden days lost to time.

Now it's more like:

"Remember when? You can relive the old days!

Just Umpty-dump $/€/£/¥ and experience it all over again!

That's a mere Umpty-dump $/€/£/¥!! Just send cash/debit/BC/firstborn to Shankem Corp today!

Terms and conditions apply, see our webpage for more details, Shankem Corp accepts no liabilty for anything, ever! Product may not meet expectations, or even exist. No Refunds"

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Android at 10: How Google won the smartphone wars

Captain DaFt
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Re: Horsecrap

Android isn't insecure, it's very secure.

Designed by an advertising company with hooks to every aspect of the device it's on, with the sole aim of gathering and sending data to them.

Then they offer the data gathering APIs to all third party programmers to use as they will.

Then there's the poorly vetted app store, the fact that even the devices they themselves make get poor security support after a very short time, or the fact that lots of third party manufacturers are loath to move to newer, safer versions because Alphabet keeps upping the onus on them with each new version...

<sarc>Well, you can't get much more secure than that, can you?</sarc>

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Jet packs are REAL – and inventor just broke world speed record in it

Captain DaFt
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Re: Duration?

"In flight refueling"

or drag a small fuel cart behind you with a long hose

Similar to this: Jetlev-Flyer ?

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Want to provision a new VM on Azure? Get in line

Captain DaFt
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Re: It is raining, it is pouring

Putting all your eggs in one basket is always the best solution....

Oh, we've learned from the past.

Now we put all the eggs from several farms in one basket. and leave it out in the middle of the (information) highway. Safe as houses, of course!

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Self-driving bus in crash just 2 hours after entering public service

Captain DaFt
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Re: German Efficiency

Lawyers are definitely a good start, but we need a firmware patch to include account executives, hairdressers, telephone sanitizers and other "middlemen." Consider: It's much cheaper than the "B" Ark but with the same happy outcome.

We all die from a disease from an unsanitized phone?

Well, that's me cheered up. :/

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Captain DaFt
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Re: German Efficiency

Isn't it more likely they'll hide behind a barrage of expensive lawyers (is that the correct collective noun?)?

I always thought it was a leech of lawyers, but a quick check shows otherwise.

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Stop worrying and let the machines take our jobs – report

Captain DaFt
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Re: Vinod Khosla of Silicon Valley VC fame disagrees

Does programming an AI to automatically turn a malfunctioning server off and on again count? :)

Since it was running on that server, you'll still need a human for the "and back on again" part. ☺

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China-owned Opera touts big comeback

Captain DaFt
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"The browser received a makeover in February and now integrates Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp in the sidebar."

Nope. Nope nope nope!

Browser dudes, please quit adding crap, just make the browser browse better with fewer bugs!

Geez, is there a browser out anymore that just browses?

Websites! I mean browsing websites! I don't mean browsing my data to "enhance my user experience"!

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Mythbuster seeks cash for roller skates to wear in virtual reality

Captain DaFt
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Re: Yeah...

Your cat will learn eventually.

But not the way you'd hope.

Mine will carefully avoid getting under my feet, in daylight, when I can see it.

But when it's dark and I can't see it? The murderous little bastard is right there in front of my feet, in the perfect pose to trip me.

I'd expect any cat to soon learn that when you put on the VR goggles, it's the perfect time to trip you.

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Look, ma! No hands! Waymo to test true self-driving cars in US with Uber-style hailing app

Captain DaFt
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Sounds fishy

"Two years ago, the biz completed a fully self-driving trip on public roads, when a blind man traveled from a park to a doctor’s office without anyone in the driver’s seat."

If he was blind, how did he know there was no one in the driver's seat? The driver could have been mute. ☺

And worryingly, if it was driverless, was the blind guy originally intending to go to the doctor? Or had to go after the accident? ☺

Kidding aside, would it have hurt to include a link?

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Parity calamity! Wallet code bug destroys $280 MEEELLION in Ethereum

Captain DaFt
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Re: How many DevOps are we talking about here

One Devops of indeterminate gender. When we don't know (or care) about gender we can use "they" instead of "he" or "she" to avoid guessing.

Rather silly convention if you ask me.

English has a perfectly usable gender pronoun, "it". In fact "they" is the plural of "it".

Seriously, what would be your reaction if you went to see your boss, and when his secretary told him there was someone to see him, he belches out, "Who is they?"

I have never knocked at a door, and heard, "Who is they?", it's just wrong!

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Paradise Papers reveal Apple moved bits of biz offshore

Captain DaFt
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Re: "I fear the reasons for that may be beyond the understanding "

Hm, maybe us poor mortals can understand after all! ☺

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Imagine the candles on its birthday cake: Astro-eggheads detect galaxy born in universe's first billion years

Captain DaFt
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Re: Where are they moving to?

Are they on the edge of the universe? Yes there was nothing and then it exploded, but if they're the oldest galaxies are they the furthest things from us? Is the universe ball-shaped and are we on the inside or the outside of the ball? Where is the centre and where did it explode from?

It gives me such a headache to try to understand it.

Got aspirin? Here's a layman's view:

That galaxy's not at the edge, it's exactly in the center. Just the same as everything else in the Universe, including you, me, and that thing over there. Any point in space is the center of the Universe, because there's no 'outside' or 'edge' to it as far as our understanding goes. (Real brainbreaker: There is nothing outside the Universe, not even the Universe, because it only exists within itself!)

It's all center, but the center is getting bigger!

Oh, and that galaxy's not moving to anywhere.

It and everything else in the Universe is moving away from everything else. (Re: The center is getting bigger)

Space is expanding at (apparently) an ever increasing rate, but matter remains the same size it was when it was formed, so there's always more space between the big lumps (galaxies) than there was before. (stars and stuff in galaxies are close enough for gravity to hold them together despite expansion.)

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Seldom used 'i' mangled by baffling autocorrect bug in Apple's iOS 11

Captain DaFt
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As an Apple user I believe that i is an overrated letter anyway. No need for it. Excellent work, Apple.

Yeah, iPad, iPhone, iMac, sooo passe!

Long live the A☐Pad, A☐Mac, and A☐Phone!

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Apple hauls in $52.6bn in Q4, iPhone, iPad and Mac sales all up

Captain DaFt
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Re: What is the point of the cash pile?

Apple's R&D spending had grown year on year since Jobs' passing, though evidently not enough to make a dent in their cash pile.

Some of that increased spending will be due to the law if diminishing returns (more effort to make what appear to be minor improvements)

Say what you want about Jobs, he did have imagination and insight into what users wanted, and steered R&D that way.

Computer sales flat against MS? How about a user friendly MP3 player with access to a music store stocked with popular music? *ker-ching!*

Mobile phones are a pain, how about about expanding that user friendly player into a full fledged phone that can be as smart as a computer, with a readily accessible app store? *ker-ching!*

Now that people are used to the UI, do an end run around MS's stranglehold on netbooks by releasing a computer tablet that can use the phone apps? *Ker-ching!*

As for Cook? Uh, What gimmick can we come up with for iPads and iPhones this year?

The Mojo's lost.

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OpenSSL patches, Apple bug fixes, Hilton's $700k hack bill, Kim Dotcom raid settlement, Signal desktop app, and more

Captain DaFt
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Yep, you'd think that news of the first truly secure smartphone would get a bit more press. ☺

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Equifax execs sold shares before mega-hack reveal. All above board – Equifax probe

Captain DaFt
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Re: "the draining of the swamp"

"the draining of the swamp"

Hey, once it's drained he'll be homeless.

Actually, the bigger the gator, the more it's in favor of draining the swamp.

Forces all the fish to move into the lake with him where they're easier for him to get to.

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For fanbois only? Face ID is turning punters off picking up an iPhone X

Captain DaFt
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Re: Real data?

I know that I can enter the password but then what's the use of having something of to save me from entering the password when I can't use it all of the time like I could with the fingerprint ID?

But the face ID doesn't require extra hardware to work like fingerprint ID. It's all just done in software.

Apple's stance seems to be "if it can be done in software, screw the hardware! Hardware costs real money! Not just in the costs of the parts, but the costs to design, test and implement.

It's why they've ditched the keyboard, buttons, ports and jacks.

it's also why the battery is sealed in, one less part to design and integrate. (The battery cover)

Just think of how much money they save per year on the phones ditching every conceivable part they can do away with!

It's why every other phone maker emulates Apple, "How much can we save this year copying them?"

Apple's genius here is spinning cost saving measures as "trendy and hip" features to the consumer.

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Birds are pecking apart Australia's national broadband network

Captain DaFt
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Re: Why have unprotected cables there at all

Or some contractor saw dollar signs. They told them that it would be cost savings knowing they would have4 to be dug up and relaid .

Reminds me of what happened here back in the noughties.

New highway project awarded to the lowest bidder, started falling apart as soon as it was opened.

Mo problem, call in the company contracted to do repairs.

Guess what? Same company.

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Oh, Google. You really are spoiling us: Docs block cockup chalks up yet another apology

Captain DaFt
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"The process does not involve human intervention."

So Google is admitting that the reptoids no longer trust them and are accessing the data directly? ☺

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My #95Theses of #Digital

Captain DaFt
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Re: #66

If you want a pay increase at regular intervals, do not work in IT as demands for an increase will lead to the job being offshored ...

Was that number chosen deliberately?

Because now I'm imagining a cackling CEO putting on a robe, pressing the intercom button and ordering his secretary to, "Execute order 66!"

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Captain DaFt
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Sorry iBong!

But 4chan beat you to it.

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