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* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

735 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Facebook's Trending news box follows fired freelancers out the door

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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See what's trending

I have never understood why I should give a rats arse about what is "trending"

It seems to be associated with organisations serving me ads for more of what I have just bought/looked at/etc.

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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I love this mag

never change.

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Your parents love you, Cortana. That's why we bought you an upgrade

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Die bitch

Linked in is terrible. Period

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10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: "rapid removal of abusive and objectionable material"

Why? No matter how you vote, its always the government that gets in.

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: What an odd way of putting it!

@ hplasm: Gender-unspecific tea refill and asexual mopping of keyboard required

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Boffins bash out bonkers boost for batteries

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Diode or Storage

Why is my bullshit detector chiŕping?

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Please no Basic Instinct flashing, HPE legal eagles warn staffers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And NEVER

Use the word "Leverage" as a verb

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SpaceX Bangabandhu-1 launch held up while Dragon splashes down on time

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Worse still

Bunga McBungaface

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Even worst ..

Pai Dirt

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New Monty Python movie to turn old jokes into new royalties

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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No-one expects....................................

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FCC shifts its $8bn pot of gold, sparks fears of corporate money grab

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Its

Pai Day!

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My PC is on fire! Can you back it up really, really fast?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Capacitors

Many years ago: It wasn't unknown for a 22uf, 63V electrolytic capacitor to find its way, wrong way round, across the 12V power supply rails in some of the printers and terminals we often had on test. They were too small to have a vent but big enough to make a very satisfying bang.

Happy days.

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Fresh fright of data-spilling Spectre CPU design flaws haunt Intel

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"new ways to leverage Spectre"

Please. Stop the twaddle

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Typical cynical Brits: Broadband speeds up, satisfaction goes down

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Wanky McWankface?

Just wondering

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Democrats need just one more senator (and then a miracle) to reverse US net neutrality death

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Pai a backhander

Works every time, so long as the backhander is big enough

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Double double, soil and trouble, fire burn and heat shield bubble: NASA cracks rover, has dirty talk with ESA

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Come back Lester Haines

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Why aren't we digging deep for signs of life?

Controlled explosion? No such thing. Have you ever TRIED to stop one halfway through?

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Facebook furiously pumps brakes on Euro probe into transatlantic personal data slurping

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Methinks they doth protest too much

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TSB outage, day 5: What do you mean you can't log in? Our systems are up and running. Up and running, we say!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I, too, would Effect a transfer if I was one of the Affected

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Facebook privacy audit by auditors finds everything is awesome!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Nuke it from orbit

Then nuke it twice more

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Size does matter, chaps: Oversized todgers an evolutionary handicap

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Willie Heckaslike

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Having ended America's broadband woes, the FCC now looks to space

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Just

Pai the backhander

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Boffins find new ways to slurp private info from Facebook addicts using precision-targeted ads

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Does the data provide ENOUGH resolution?

For instance, would it identify someone who, when presented with targeted advertising - or, iindeed any of the mindless trash that gets hawked around - would be quite happy to rip the authors head off and defecate down their neck?

We might be on to something

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My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You just described an iPhone

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German sauna drags punters to court over naked truth

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Did you

See the SIZE of those pineapples in the foreground of the video start frame, on the homepage?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Stamp it out.

This IS The Register. Stories like this are what make El Reg special. It's all about balance

That and an occasional goodly helping of fnaaarrr, fnaaarrr.

So there

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'Our way or the highway' warranty scams shot down by US watchdog: It's OK to use unofficial parts to repair your gear

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Will no one think of the printers?

Shirley, the attitude of "you'll use ONLY our ink and we've chipped the cartriďges to make damn sure" comes under just this heading

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Microsoft Office 365 and Azure Active Directory go TITSUP*

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Orifice shagged?

Great! Now I might get some real work done

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*Thunk* No worries, the UPS should spin up. Oh cool, it's in bypass mode

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Creative Purchase Orders

Made a note of that. I'm sure it'll strike a cord somewhere and stave off future problems, so long as I can be sharp about it.

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Elon Musk's mighty erection fires sperm at orbiting space station

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@TRT: Puts new meaning to bungee jumping

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2001: A Space Odyssey has haunted pop culture with anxiety about rogue AIs for half a century

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: In dreams...

And re-reading 2065

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Amazon warns you have 30 days before Music Storage files bloodbath

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Aaaahhhh... the Cloud...

Wherein Cuckoo Land lies

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Adobe: New Unified Customer Profile will personalise ads as never before

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Adobe dons dirty mackintosh

Stalks people.

Gets its face punched in

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More ad-versarial tech: Mozilla to pop limited ad blocker into Firefox

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Adblocking is stealing

Would you pay to receive unfranked mail that turned out to be marketing crud? Ditto accepting collect phone calls from marketers? For those with metered Internet, ads ARE stealing.

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Uber's disturbing fatal self-driving car crash, a new common sense challenge for AI, and Facebook's evil algorithms

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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WTF?

Why didn't the woman see an approaching car, which was traveling <40 mph with headlights on

Ànd wait till the road was clear before crossing

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User asked why CTRL-ALT-DEL restarted PC instead of opening apps

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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All together now:

640k ought to be enough for everybody

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Windows 10 to force you to use Edge, even if it isn't default browser

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Dear Microsoft

An acrostic, if I am not mistaken

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Fancy a viaduct? We have a wrought Victorian iron marvel to sell you

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And for one that is still in use

How about the Pontcysyllte Aqueduct - Taken a boat over that a couple of times and walked across a few more, for good measure. A truly impressive thing.

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Intel: Our next chips won't have data leak flaws we told you totally not to worry about

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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So

How do I go about getting replacements out of Intel for the Intel chipped PCs I own that have manufacturer built-in faults

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Sacked saleswoman told to pay Intel £45k after losing discrim case

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Its the 360 thing

It's funny, isn't it, that àn employee can be asked for some kind of reference for a colleague and be expected to give an objective assessment, yet if that company's HR department is approached for a reference, all they will do is to confirm so and so worked there from ddd to ddd, for fear of being sued for giving a degrading opinion.

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Stephen Hawking dies, aged 76

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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That's a bummer of a way to start a Wednesday

What a guy!

Hope the new radio continuation of Hitchhikers goes well. He now knows whether 42 is the right answer

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Android P will hear no evil, see no evil, support evil notches

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Parkin

Mmmmm

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Will the defendant please rise? Utah State Bar hunts for sender of topless email

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Well

That raised a titter

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UK data watchdog's inaugural tech strategy was written with... *drumroll* Word 2010

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Not so much about keeping up with the cutting edge

More like one of the last iterations of Word, or indeed Orifice, that is actually anywhere near as usable as 2003 version.

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'Quantum supremacy will soon be ours!', says Google as it reveals 72-qubit quantum chip

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The three states of Schnroedingers Cat

Alive

Dead

Bloody Furious

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UK watchdog Ofcom tells broadband firms: '30 days to sort your speeds'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Wasn't there a similar opinion once upon a time?

640k ought to be enough for everyone

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Vatican sets up dedicated exorcism training course

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Need their contact info ...

Would an old demon get a succubus pass?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Does this course incur a fee?

Anyone else wanting to launch a frightfully clever pun: please only spook when you are spooken to.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@sisk

Which, of course, begs the question: are there any Jewish ghosts and, if so, what does the Pope suggests one does about them?

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Batteries are so heavy, said user. If I take it out, will this thing work?

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Re: Food and booze

Divide by cucumber error

Reboot universe

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