* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

1300 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Astroboffins spy a rare exoplanet evaporating before their eyes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: This should be an object lesson

And ban vapourware

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Mint Force

Keyboard meet coffee

Fraudster convicted of online banking thefts using… whatever the hell this thing is

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Coat

Re: Hmm ...

Or just "bollocks" for the non-artists amongst us.

Mines the one with paint stains down the front

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

And what about

Chestnut stuffing. You can take your sage and onion and shove it. Sideways.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

@vir

In other words, humans were never intended to eat sprouts!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Sprouts

Gently cook for precisely 9 minutes and 30 seconds, drain then serve in a bone china bowl to someone else, preferable someone you don't particularly like and with whom you have no reason to expect or hope for a cordial relationship.

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

What about TalkTalks technique?

After a good half dozen calls, give an answer (barely) that is completely unrelated to the original question and close the ticket.

Follow that up in 2-3 months time with a call to ask if you are happy with the solution to the completely unrelated problem.

'Say hello to my little vacuum cleaner!' US drug squad puts spycams in cleaner's kit

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

That just sucks

MAMR Mia – it's not just WD: Toshiba's popped to the microwave too

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

But will that be enough for Windows 10 AND all the patches?

Adobe Flash zero-day exploit... leveraging ActiveX… embedded in Office Doc... BINGO!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: leveraging ActiveX

@steelpillow

Screw that

Total Inability To Support User Phones: O2 fries, burning data for 32 million Brits

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Your ability to spell

Seems to be affected

Waiter, what's this? SpaceX delivery delayed for a day by moldy food

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

SQUEAK

With eternal thanks to Mr Pratchett

OneDrive is broken: Microsoft's cloudy storage drops from the sky for EU users

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

With a brick

Amazon's self-driving AI robo-car – THE TRUTH (it's a few inches in size)

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Shortly to appear, somewhat repurposed, in a BOFH episode or two.

Come to that, where is the BOFH?

What the #!/%* is that rogue Raspberry Pi doing plugged into my company's server room, sysadmin despairs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I love this place

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: LOL Reddit

Marmite lasers are neither calm nor rational.

Beware the blinding beam of brown

Merry Christmas, you filthy directors: ICO granted powers to fine bosses for spam calls

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

£500,000 - per call?

No chance but wouldn't that be cool?

It's November 2018, and Microsoft's super-secure Edge browser can be pwned eight different ways by a web page

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"to leverage the vulnerabilities"

You are an out of work HR consultant and I claim my £5

Scumbag who phoned in a Call of Duty 'swatting' that ended in death pleads guilty to dozens of criminal charges

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

All that just confirms my opinion that America is a third world country.

If that wasn't enough, I further opine it is rapidly heading for categorisation as a banana republic.

Huawei Mate 20 Pro: If you can stomach the nagware and price, it may be Droid of the Year

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

It may be a £899 phone

But with a £2.99 UI plus bloatware and nagware as described then just: no thanks.

Bloke jailed for trying to blow up UK crypto-cash biz after it failed to reset his account password

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

It could still be the end for you

Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

You missed

Anyone using "Leverage" as a verb

Anyone using the word "Empowered" and its derivatives

Unsure why you can't log into Office 365? So is Microsoft

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Ah, the Cloud

Wherein lies Cuckoo Land

Memo to Microsoft: Windows 10 is broken, and the fixes can't wait

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Bing?

Qulity?

Oxymoron

Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Static on paper

It don't half give you a belt, does that.

Yale Security Fail: 'Unexpected load' caused systems to crash, whacked our Smart Living Home app

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: An unexpected load killed my keyboard...

You should try a bidet with a spin cycle!

Wheee!

Oz to turn pirates into vampires: You won't see their images in mirrors

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: You already know what happens next...

Should have been 6.6.6.6 - the DNS of the beast.

NASA gently nudges sleeping space 'scopes Chandra, Hubble out of gyro-induced stupor

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: If we extrapolate from the directions they were pointing in when they failed

Doesn't bear thinking about.

What was the pontiff that comment anyway?

Samsung: Swanky hardware alone won't save a phone maker

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Make anything more than a plain vanilla Android completely optional

And no, I don't mean making previously baked-in crap so you can actually uninstall it; rather dont put it there in the first place. Then, if you feel an overpowering need to get Samsung flavoured crapware, there should be a dedicated SammyShiteShop(TM), where you can go and get all the useless junk you like.

If SammyShiteware is actually good enough to be desired on its merit, as distinct from being foisted on users, Ill be proven wrong by the flood of people wanting to install it.

Won't I?

Yale Weds: Just some system maintenance, nothing to worry about. Yale Thurs: Nobody's smart alarm app works

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Facebook's new always-listening home appliance kit Portal doesn't do Facebook

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Does Gerry Anderson's estate get a cut for him inventing this?

Yus, m'lady

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
FAIL

No.

Simple enough?

Google now minus Google Plus: Social mini-network faces axe in data leak bug drama

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"Could have leveraged"

You are an HR consultant and I claim my £5

Brit mobe operator O2 asks cut-off customers: Have you tried turning it on and off again?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

And don't forget

TalkTalk have just unloaded their mobile biz onto O2.

A sort of self-thickening shitmix

Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Recycle

Top of the bots

Fortnite 'fesses up: New female character's jiggly bits 'unintended' and 'embarrassing'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Well

That raised a titter

Resident evil: Inside a UEFI rootkit used to spy on govts, made by you-know-who (hi, Russia)

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

There are some bloody clever people out there

This is for the good guys >>>

Take the wheel, Arm tells its notebook-grade Cortex-A76 CPU: Now you're a robo-ride brain

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Two cores? How do you know which one is wrong?

Shouldn't it be a minimum of three cores, voted 2-oo-3?

Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Yes! I'm affected!

I just HAD to come here to read the comments.

Otherwise, I'm just fine, not actually having an Anusexa.

Microsoft has a digital coworker it wants in your business: Cortana

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Isnt that already happening with Orifice 365? All your crap belong MS servers.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Can you imagine

An open llan office full of people wittering at their computers and a good percentage of those conversatioms descending into screaming fits?

Sorry but the sooner Cortana is led outside and put out of our misery, the better

Fat chance: Cholesterol leads boffins to discover world's oldest animal fossil – 558m years old

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Fat chance

Probably for the best: Apple makes sure eSIMs won't nuke the operators

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

@ Waseem Alkurdi

I guess he means summat a bit like Crown House (and one other I cant recall) who run TV transmitters, carring content from the Beeb, ITV, Channels 4 and 5 and th edross broadcasters

Microsoft: You don't want to use Edge? Are you sure? Really sure?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Don't want to use Edge?

But you can roll it in glitter

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"slimy marketing cesspool crap"

Has Microshaft actually improved THAT much?

The Register's 2018 homepage redesign: What's going on now?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Nah.

Sucks on a mobile. Too much wasted space. Cant comment on the ads; long since gave them the boot - you only inflict animated/video ads on me once.

I have to agree with previous comments regarding pigs & lipstick

Fast food, slow user – techie tears hair out over crashed drive-thru till

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Sad times

"How do you tell the clan of a Scotsman?"

Lift his kilt and see if he's a big MacDonald

Toshiba crams 14TB into another helium drive, this time with SAS boost

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Helium?

Isnt that the gas thats pretty hard to keep in? How long will one of these drives last?

It's a net neutrality whodunnit: Boffins devise way to detect who's throttling transit

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I thought the issue was the fire dept had an "unlimited" plan, which Verizon decided was actually limited.