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* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

728 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Static on paper

It don't half give you a belt, does that.

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Yale Security Fail: 'Unexpected load' caused systems to crash, whacked our Smart Living Home app

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: An unexpected load killed my keyboard...

You should try a bidet with a spin cycle!

Wheee!

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Oz to turn pirates into vampires: You won't see their images in mirrors

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: You already know what happens next...

Should have been 6.6.6.6 - the DNS of the beast.

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NASA gently nudges sleeping space 'scopes Chandra, Hubble out of gyro-induced stupor

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: If we extrapolate from the directions they were pointing in when they failed

Doesn't bear thinking about.

What was the pontiff that comment anyway?

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Samsung: Swanky hardware alone won't save a phone maker

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Make anything more than a plain vanilla Android completely optional

And no, I don't mean making previously baked-in crap so you can actually uninstall it; rather dont put it there in the first place. Then, if you feel an overpowering need to get Samsung flavoured crapware, there should be a dedicated SammyShiteShop(TM), where you can go and get all the useless junk you like.

If SammyShiteware is actually good enough to be desired on its merit, as distinct from being foisted on users, Ill be proven wrong by the flood of people wanting to install it.

Won't I?

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Yale Weds: Just some system maintenance, nothing to worry about. Yale Thurs: Nobody's smart alarm app works

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I am

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Facebook's new always-listening home appliance kit Portal doesn't do Facebook

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Does Gerry Anderson's estate get a cut for him inventing this?

Yus, m'lady

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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FAIL

No.

Simple enough?

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Google now minus Google Plus: Social mini-network faces axe in data leak bug drama

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"Could have leveraged"

You are an HR consultant and I claim my £5

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Brit mobe operator O2 asks cut-off customers: Have you tried turning it on and off again?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And don't forget

TalkTalk have just unloaded their mobile biz onto O2.

A sort of self-thickening shitmix

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Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Recycle

Top of the bots

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Fortnite 'fesses up: New female character's jiggly bits 'unintended' and 'embarrassing'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Well

That raised a titter

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Resident evil: Inside a UEFI rootkit used to spy on govts, made by you-know-who (hi, Russia)

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Pint

There are some bloody clever people out there

This is for the good guys >>>

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Take the wheel, Arm tells its notebook-grade Cortex-A76 CPU: Now you're a robo-ride brain

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Two cores? How do you know which one is wrong?

Shouldn't it be a minimum of three cores, voted 2-oo-3?

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Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Yes! I'm affected!

I just HAD to come here to read the comments.

Otherwise, I'm just fine, not actually having an Anusexa.

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Microsoft has a digital coworker it wants in your business: Cortana

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Isnt that already happening with Orifice 365? All your crap belong MS servers.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Can you imagine

An open llan office full of people wittering at their computers and a good percentage of those conversatioms descending into screaming fits?

Sorry but the sooner Cortana is led outside and put out of our misery, the better

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Fat chance: Cholesterol leads boffins to discover world's oldest animal fossil – 558m years old

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Fat chance

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Probably for the best: Apple makes sure eSIMs won't nuke the operators

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@ Waseem Alkurdi

I guess he means summat a bit like Crown House (and one other I cant recall) who run TV transmitters, carring content from the Beeb, ITV, Channels 4 and 5 and th edross broadcasters

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Microsoft: You don't want to use Edge? Are you sure? Really sure?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Don't want to use Edge?

But you can roll it in glitter

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"slimy marketing cesspool crap"

Has Microshaft actually improved THAT much?

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The Register's 2018 homepage redesign: What's going on now?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Nah.

Sucks on a mobile. Too much wasted space. Cant comment on the ads; long since gave them the boot - you only inflict animated/video ads on me once.

I have to agree with previous comments regarding pigs & lipstick

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Fast food, slow user – techie tears hair out over crashed drive-thru till

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Sad times

"How do you tell the clan of a Scotsman?"

Lift his kilt and see if he's a big MacDonald

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Toshiba crams 14TB into another helium drive, this time with SAS boost

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Helium?

Isnt that the gas thats pretty hard to keep in? How long will one of these drives last?

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It's a net neutrality whodunnit: Boffins devise way to detect who's throttling transit

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I thought the issue was the fire dept had an "unlimited" plan, which Verizon decided was actually limited.

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Don't mean to alarm you – but NASA is about to pummel the planet with huge frikkin' space laser

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@ Adam Foxton

Only if you keep carping on about it

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You: 'Alexa, open Cortana.' Alexa: 'Who?'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"to leverage the Echo’s impressive ....."

When folk start talking like that its pretty certain to be wank spank or an HR consultant has gotten out of the secure wing

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Sur-Pies! Google shocks world with sudden Android 9 Pixel push

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: "We’ve built Android 9 to learn from you—

Wot jelabarre59 said. Times quite a lot

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2TB or not 2TB: Microsoft fiddles with OneDrive as competition offers twice the storage

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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So. Kicked in the crotch twice, eigh?

One with getting just 1TB anda a second time being saddled with Orifice 365.

Still, I suppose you don't HAVE to use Orifice.

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Fork it! Google fined €4.34bn over Android, has 90 days to behave

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"Google leveraged its platform dominance"

Please. What is wrong with "used"? Has someone escaped from HR again?

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Shouting lager, lager... Carlsberg's beer AI can now tell pilsners apart

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Also from the Register...

Speaking (in appropriately reverential tones) of he who is the BOFH, aren't we overdue for a few episodes?

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FCC caught red-handed – again – over its $225 complaint billing plan

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Swamp

He didn't actually enlarge it. He became the swamp.

"Ego sum palude" - ought to be his motto, I suppose.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: America, oh, America

/Inventor of the Marmite Laser - wiggles ears

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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America, oh, America

Home of the vested* interest.

*If not actually vested, at least in possession of a nice cardigan.

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Sysadmin cracked military PC’s security by reading the manual

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Cars are fun too

Many years ago I had need to ask our graphics/marketing literature deaigner to move the nice Vauxhall Carlton hed bought newish sexondhand off the comaony.

As usual, it took ages for him to appear, by which time Id got bored, found a chunk of parcel strappimg, opened the car and was waiting for him.

His reaction: You camt have done that its an executive range car.

Another time, our admin lassie rang in from town, having locked herself out of her Datsun (it WAS a long time ago). Went to her rescue and managed to spring the catch on the back window then rwach in and unscrew the catch from the glass, open the window enough to reach the hinges, unscrew them, lift out the window and finally get at the door latxh.

Despite the two of us doing thus in the middle of a carpark and making no secret of it, no-one took the blindest notice of us.

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Security guard cost bank millions by hitting emergency Off button

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Coat

Slightly off-topic, but a memory stirred by tales of being shown around places.

We'd been talking to a London hospital some years back about a data collection system to streamline updating bed availability and allocation. We'd been given the Big Tour and seen all the wards with serious amounts of boxen and blinken lighten.

We were doing the handshake bit at the end, standing near the door of a perfectly ordinary ward; no boxen, no blinken lighten, just rows of oldish guys in beds. While I was looking, one of the guys at the far end leaped out of bed and started loudly declaiming the Ode to the Haggis. One by one the other old guys joined in until almost the whole ward was doing it.

I asked our guide what that had all been about and was it some kind of psychiatric ward.

"No" he said. "Its the Serious Burns Unit."

-

Sorry.

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Ignore that FBI. We're the real FBI, says the FBI that's totally the FBI

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Ignore them.

@Gordon Pryra: Add almost any HR department to that list

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Google kills AdWords!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Be thankful for the lack of symbolic explanation

Shutting down into protective catatonia.............

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Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: I miss the old days...

Still didn't tell you where the "any" key was

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MSDN unleashes a fresh round of unintentional innuendo bingo

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Back to School

Children live on one side of despair; the enlightened on the other.

Happy to be childish.

Now just feed me a goodly line that ends with a fnarrr, fnarrr

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Audi chief exec arrested over Dieselgate car emissions scandal

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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What I find difficult to get my bonce around

OK, so VW, with the might of its huge design & development teams couldn't come up with an engine that met emissions regs and resorted to fraud.

Then the brown stuff hit the rotating object.

All of a sudden, a "solution" was found, tested and rolled out. Not only that but the "fix" was, for most engines, a firmware tweak and, in the case of the 1.6tdi, adding an airflow control device (a plastic mesh) in the intake.

Magically, that was all developed and rolled out in next to no time.

One is given to wonder why, if it really was so simple, VW couldn't have got it right first time around

Unless, that is, it wasn't possible to produce compliant engines that would not run a big, big risk of early EGR valve etc., failures - which seems to be exactly what is happening.

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User spent 20 minutes trying to move mouse cursor, without success

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Trackball can be worse....

I refer to mine as a dead rat.

<SQUEAK>

Doffs cap to Mt Pratchett

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Facebook's Trending news box follows fired freelancers out the door

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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See what's trending

I have never understood why I should give a rats arse about what is "trending"

It seems to be associated with organisations serving me ads for more of what I have just bought/looked at/etc.

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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I love this mag

never change.

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Your parents love you, Cortana. That's why we bought you an upgrade

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Die bitch

Linked in is terrible. Period

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10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: "rapid removal of abusive and objectionable material"

Why? No matter how you vote, its always the government that gets in.

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: What an odd way of putting it!

@ hplasm: Gender-unspecific tea refill and asexual mopping of keyboard required

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Boffins bash out bonkers boost for batteries

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Diode or Storage

Why is my bullshit detector chiŕping?

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Please no Basic Instinct flashing, HPE legal eagles warn staffers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And NEVER

Use the word "Leverage" as a verb

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