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* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

607 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Hey, we've toned down the 'destroying society' shtick, Facebook insists

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Just goes to show

You can't polish a Faece

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BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Friday

Dump in-tray in bin

BOFH

Shutdown (Forcibly: plug out)

Pub

What on God's Earth could be better.

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Level 5 driverless cars by 2021 can be done, say Brit industry folk

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"....people have voiced concerns over the thought of Level 5 automation (completely self-driving cars with no human intervention at all) being deployed on Britain’s roads"

What about:

"a lot of people have concerns over the thought of a human with limited resistance to distraction, a huge capacity for mistakes, limited intelligence, patience, sobriety, ability etc., and downright stupidity, driving a car on Britain’s roads"

The sooner we get rid of the knobheads the better.

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iPhone X: Bargain! You've just bagged yourself a cheap AR device

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Augmented Reality

Where your wallet being reamed really FEELS like a wallet being reamed

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Nah

Still way overpriced tat for worshippers at the shrine of shiny shiny.

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It's artificial! It's intelligent! It's in my home! And it's gone bonkers!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And birds, what about robot birds?

And when a couple escape and replicate, what then? Robo shitters in the trees waiting to crap wingnuts on the next autonomous car than parks underneath

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BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@ George Glass

You're not related to Patti O'Doors, are you?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Happy Friday everyone!

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User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Oh my oh my

Just did exactly the same to my boss THIS WEEK. Departmental meeting in Boss office.

Boss apologises can't bring up workload on big tele as tele has bust and we have to rely on laptop.

I look across her desk, straight at side of said tele, straight at teensy rocker switch, firmly in "off" position.

I say "they work a lot better with power", lean forward and turn on.

It was a much lighter meeting than usual.

Kwality

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Want to provision a new VM on Azure? Get in line

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The Cloud...

Wherein lies Cuckoo Land

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Guess who's now automating small-biz IT jobs? Yes, it's Microsoft

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Clippy is now a Zombie

What will it take to kill it?

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Facebook, Amazon fund new trans-Pacific submarine cable

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Cable Management?

I wonder if they can knit a Fair Isle pattern.

Or even just plaid

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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How about

We now start shoving endless ads at Amazon for subsea cables and all manner of glass fibre products? After all, according to Amazon's inane advertising philosophy, since they've ordered one they'll obviously want a load more.

Won't they?

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Google Drive ate our homework! Doc block blamed on code blunder

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The Cloud

Where Cuckoo Land lies

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IETF mulls adding geoblock info to 'Bradbury's code'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Pint

Raising a glass to Mr Bradbury

Thank you, sir, wherever you are though I do confess that I enjoyed The Illustrated Man and Something Wicked This Way Comes far more than Fahrenheit 451.

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Tell the public how much our tram tickets cost? Are you mad?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Sorry; nothing else is currently passing through my mind than that.

Then why am I now thinking about crisps?

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No, the FCC can't shut down TV stations just because Donald Trump is mad at the news

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Free country?

So long as you compliant with the wishes of all the vested interests

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Hyperbole

I thought Trump was his very own special interest

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The film "Idiocracy"

Is coming true, here and now. Scary

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Look, look, we've done a driverless AI hype paper thingy, says Mobileye

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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BMW

So no need for an indicators interface then

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Ex-TalkTalk chief grilled by MPs on suitability to chair NHS Improvement

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Just

NO!

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Look! Over there! Intel's cooked a 17-qubit chip quantum package

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: 0.02K?

Yeah, but would't looking screw up the result

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Sniffing substations will solve 'leccy car charging woes, reckons upstart

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Access to the Open LV dataset...

Nothing could induce me to lower myself to this level - Although I can Siemens will crumbling from here. Just glad I have the capacity to resist.

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BlackBerry's new Motion will move you neither to tears of joy nor sadness

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"standard Android experience"

Knocking Samsung into a bloated, cocked hat.

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German Firefox users to test recommendation engine 'a bit like thought-reading'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Lemme get this right

Mozilla will soon track what you look at today, yesterday and last week, in the vague hope that you will have forgotten what you were looking at and offer you more of the same, almost the same or a bit similar, in the vague expectation you will find it interesting.

So, pretty much similar to the banal crap one gets from mindlessly ad-tainted Google "intelligent" search results which are anything but intelligent (We saw you searching for such-and-such and here are some ads for things our marketing idiots tell us are a bit like it) plus Google's and Amazon's mindless advertising (look for a widget and get pursued round the web by idiots assuming you want more widgets and widget-ish things).

I thought Firefox was popular because you could nail on AdBlock, UBlock Origin, Ghostery, NoScript etc., specifically to prevent this kind of crap, crass presumption. It doesn't take a mindreader (Mozilla's or otherwise) to work that out, shirley.

What would a search for "coffin nail" now return?

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Hey, IoT vendors. When a paediatric nurse tells you to fix security, you definitely screwed up

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: But then comes the big problem: the bill.

Other way round, please. Who's going to PAY for fixes when hospitals suffer attacks?

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Patch your Android, peeps, it has up to 14 nasty flaws to flog

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Tip

+1 - it's also a wonderful thing to get away from Samsung's bloatware. Makes the S3 almost a pleasure to use.

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BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I think all one needs to do is

just wait...............

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Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"and limited learning ability"

It IS blond, after all

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Microsoft downplays alarm over Windows Defender 'flaw'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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There ARE PLENTY of users THAT stupid

Like it sez ^^^^

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Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You unutterable BASTARDS!

All of you!

I am now HUNGRY!!

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You forgot that you hired me and now you're saying it's my fault?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Meeting rooms

Should have been Bully Fooked

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Behold, says robo-mall-cop maker: Our crime-busting dune buggy packed with spy gear

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Where's the BOFH whan you really need him

This should be featuring ion Friday

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Rough

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The Pedestrian

by Ray Bradbury

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Why oh why

Can't it look like a proper DALEK!

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Outlook.com looking more like an outage outbreak for Europe

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: "The Cloud" is SO overrated!

"The Cloud" - where cuckoo land lies

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BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Biscuits?

Crumbs!

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Are you spying on us?

And us. We're rebranding - AND being all "digitised". Heck, we've got Orifice365, Shouty sorry, Yammer and intranet applications that are about as quick as a duck swimming through concrete after it has set and as comprehensible a an EU directive

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'Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong', says Google

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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What about "leverage" as a verb?

One rather hopes Google has stamped on that

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User demanded PC be moved to move to a sunny desk – because it needed Windows

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Oh dear

Just watch the film "Idiocracy" - and think of Trump's America.

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Futuristic driverless car technology to be trialled on... oh, a Ford Mondeo

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Why not use a Tesla?

BMWs don't come with working indicators

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Whoosh, there it is: Toshiba bods say 14TB helium-filled disk is coming soon

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Helium is tricksy stuff if I recall correctly.

So, How Long does it take for the helium to bleed out?

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It's official: Users navigate flat UI designs 22 per cent slower

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Putting on my tinfoil hat ...

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity

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British Airways waves Bing dong: At least it's not a tech cockup

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Also does the censor program...

Penis

Art

Rit

In

Sand

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Virtual assistant backlash imminent so buy them anyway

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Gartner has predicted a backlash.

Dear Gartner. It started years ago

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How to build your own DIY makeshift levitation machine at home

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Coat

Thanks for floating this with us

I'll get my coat. Just plucking it out of the air.

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Vodafone customers moan about sluggish data abroad

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Vodafone AKA

Random Number Generator - at least is the unending stream of comments about their billing and customer service on Social Media is to be believed.

A couple of family members have had to endure the unmitigated disaster that is Vodafone. Based on the evidence so far I believe the throttling is yet another manifestation of Vodafone's barrelling incompetence, rather than malice.*

I thank $deity of choice that i am not with them myself.

* though I wouldn't put it past them to be dabbling in that as well.

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Photon scattering puts a shine on CERN ATLAS boffins' day

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Ditto

Unfortunately being thick enough to give pairs of short planks a run for their money doesn't help.

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Blighty’s beloved Big Ben bell ends, may break Brexit bargain

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: We've got modern technology now, how about an official bong app?

Isn't there a bell end that keeps tweeting already?

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