Posts by Imsimil Berati-Lahn

moving banks is a pain in the pisser

It's a payroll thing.

Money coming out of the account I can handle myself. Direct debits, standing orders etc, piece of cake, no problems.

Sadly / fortunately / otherwise, money coming _into_ the account is mostly dealt with by our company's payroll contractor (whomever that might be today). Changing those details is a balls ache process of filling in about five separate forms, including chapter and verse on proving who I am and that the new account is legitimately mine. Sure I understand why they want these levels of surety, and I want them too, don't want my salary accidentally ending up with someone else, but the fact remains, its a total pain.

For that reason, I change banks only when I change jobs.

Beer, because I feel I need one now just thinking about it... and for the lack of a very generous single malt icon.

Military grade

In my experience this is code for:

# Five times the price

# Four times the weight

# Three times the size

# Twice the power consumption

# But otherwise the same as commercial tech from 10 years ago*.

*with the inclusion of essential features such as:

ability to: withstand nuclear assault, be buried in sand for an indefinite period, be used as a melé weapon, be used as an axle-stand for an armoured vehicle, be operated by an arthritic elephant wearing boxing gloves, all of which account for the forementioned multipliers.

Military kit != Cutting edge tech

I can't be sure but...

Wasn't Marathon the forerunner of Snickers?

I hope they have a watertight disclaimer.

I am reminded of how virtual worlds cause problems in the real ones when the overlapping interaction space is too large.

It might not be too long before somebody scarpers enthusiastically away from imaginary zombies into the path of an all too real oncoming juggernaut.

Imagination, oxygen debt and traffic don't mix well, m'kay.

300 watts per square inch.

All that's required is a nice alumina substrate, nimonic alloy connections, a heatsink the size of Basingstoke and it's happy days.

It doesn't even have gold plated connectors!

You know, the sort which the monobrow sub-estate-agent pond-dweller in electronics retail outlet of your choice describes as "...only letting the clean electrons through." (I kid you not). There ain't arf a lot of toss spouted about hifi. £150 for an isolated DAC, c'mon? Laff, having you most certainly are. Could buy 3 really nice (I mean REALLY nice) dedicated media devices for this wad.

All part of the plan...

It's a simple marketing ploy which has, regrettably, worked in this instance.

1) Tedious broadcast media campaign containing LIES carefully designed to needle and irk the competition.

2) Competition complains to ombudsman about said LIES.

3) Ombudsman upholds complaints, insists that already finished campaign not be broadcast again.

4) Press reports of upheld complaint ensure that twenty times more people get to hear about the product than the original campaign would have reached.

This is why the ombudsman is circumspect about upholding complaints. Because they could very well be part of the original intention to court controversy and gain publicity as a result.

Previous commentators are quite correct that the ASA needs teeth.

Frankly the "punishment" they are able to administer has the same effect as being caressed by a natural yoghurt, to paraphrase Vince Noir.

None of this matters because...

...We will all have been wiped out 2 years earlier by the 2038 bug.

PFS!

New tools required?

I believe that this tool (and from what I read, an utter tool) is mistaking his mid-life crisis and inability to relate to his teenage children as a portent of sea-change in the wider world. Twas ever thus, and yet the balding, be-ponytailed marketeers spin their torment into messianic pontifications in an effort to scratch back something resembling self-worth by selling more snake oil.

Ho hum.

I so want off this ludicrous merry-go-round.

Fined 1000 Euros for posting it...

...but I didn't read anywhere that she was asked to remove said photo.

I suppose it goes without saying, but I'm just asking.

Hands up who's "reliant" on TV

"...only 7 per cent of German households were reliant on terrestrial digital TV, compared to 41 per cent in the UK..."

Does it provide air / food / water for them or something?

Would these people blink out of existence without television?

We're in the frikkin' twilight zone here, man!

10000 isn't even a proper number.

Should by rights have commemorated the 8192nd customer, (or whatever the hell you're on about).

Next stop 16384th, okay?

The fundamentalists are winning.

This story simply represents another protein shake for the increasingly muscular body of evidence that any freedom you care to think of is being eroded and the world will soon be controlled by the McTaliban.

The longest road trip in human history

Of course, the probes have two 8-tracks on board.

One to record data when not downlinking it, the other one for playing "More than a feeling" at high volume whilst solar wind buffets hair / sunglasses.

GCHQ recruiting pawns

Okay, so you've wasted half a day jerking around with what amounts to an uber-nerd crossword puzzle, decided to apply for the poorly paid job because you like the idea of driving around in an aston martin DB5 and shagging anything in a skirt. At the interview, the suits are impressed by your total lack of social skill and need for acceptance; they offer you the job on the spot.

Your career path is thus:

3 months orientation.

6 months tedious analysis of diplomatic missives.

overseas posting. After 1 month doing exactly the same tedious shite except in foreign climes,

"Chance" encounter in regularly frequented bar leads to offer of:

A) Money

B) Sex

C) Money and sex

Deciding that your salary and subsistence barely covers the rent, you opt for C.

The cabinet marked "Top Secret" suddenly takes on the appearance of a piggy-bank in suspenders.

Two years of selling "secrets" pass without any significant incident until your body is found strung up in a hotel room in an apparent auto-asphyxiation fetish gone wrong incident.

Congratulations, you have proven to be a very useful, but dispensable conduit of mis-information for HMG sneaky beaks.

Our condolences to your family.

I'd best get my coat, they've just come through the window and are pointing their guns in a most earnest fashion.

Early experiments in operation Anubis

We have evidence of operation Anubis in action against a powerful Russian adversary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbnySBqioB0

Clearly a prototype, but devastating results nonetheless.

It's not an ostrich

It's a tauntaun.

"Clever" folks required...

...to be strapped onto what's effectively a giant firework.

ohhhhhh---kaaay...

Maybe a definition of the word I haven't come across yet.

Maybe I'm just not 'merkin enough.

Oh how wonderful...

Six more episodes of "Exposition android explains it all"

Colour me meh.

New kind of television...

That'd be a TV with something worth watching on it then?

Can't see it catching on.