* Posts by Imsimil Berati-Lahn

221 publicly visible posts • joined 27 Oct 2010

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Cameron eyes 'non legislative options' for more spook snoop powers

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
WTF?

Seriously, WTF?

"...95 per cent of serious crimes involve the use of communications data."

Yeah, also 100% of serious crimes involve the use of oxygen.

I'd be intrigued to know how the remaining 5% of serious crimes involve NO use of communication data.

Not even a phonecall? Seriously? WTF?

Perhaps they organise themselves with the use of Ouija boards and scrying mirrors?

Unemployed? Ugly? Ugh, no thanks, says fitties-only job website

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Childcatcher

We have all seen the future.

Are these people Eloi or are they Morlock?

You decide!

Phone in now on 0898 6031769*

*(pre-recorded show, phone lines now closed).

TOO GOOD! Groupon ex-boss to drop, er, 'motivational business album'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Stop

This is the number one song in heaven...

Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide... etc...

First against the wall, come the revolution...

Why do I find such pious self belief annoying?

I don't even know the guy, why would I hate him?

I'm sure he's just a regular person really, isn't he?

Makes my f#ckin' skin crawl though, it does, it really does.

I guess that's my problem, not his.

US boffin builds 32-way Raspberry Pi cluster

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Happy

Fnarr fnarr...

"http://www.titanuscomputers.com"

hehehehehee... he said "tight anus"

Life on Mars means subsisting on grim diet of turd-garden spinach

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Hmmmm.

"Earthbound farmers are known to be at "high risk" of suicide,"...

Statistical anomaly caused by easy access to lethal chemicals and firearms, I'd venture.

'Liberator': Proof that you can't make a working gun in a 3D printer

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

If we can print and ACTUAL Liberator, then I'm interested.

You know, the groovy alien space ship from Blake's 7.

I want mine with fully functioning Zen computer and teleport bracelets too, if you please.

Mine's the one with the perspex rod 'blaster' in the gunbelt.

"Down and safe."

Thousands rally behind teen girl cuffed, expelled in harmless 'explosion'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coffee/keyboard

Re: OOPS! @Psyx

"obstinate wankery..."

FPMSL.

New keyboard please!

Why next iPhone screen could be made of SAPPHIRE - and a steal...

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Go

Re: I saw what you did there... All I have to say on the matter is...

All irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension.

Trans-uranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life.

Medium atomic weights are available.

Gold, lead, copper, jet, diamond, radium, sapphire, silver and steel.

Sapphire and steel have been assigned.

CURSE you, EINSTEIN! Humanity still chained in relativistic PRISON

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Thumb Up

Re: Stupid question

With this ASCII art you are really spoiling us.

Reg hack to starve on £1 a day for science

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Go

Best of luck!

I hope your challenge goes well.

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO: NASA rovers scrawl giant willy on Mars

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Childcatcher

We academics are above this sort of thing...

...and yet we still make mention of it.

http://www.space.com/20813-mars-penis-spirit-rover-tracks.html

Whilst shaking our heads and tutting (and trying >hard< to stifle a smirk).

DARPA looks for a guided bullet with DEAD reckoning navigation

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Go

Re: Reference position?

Simple:

They measure the angle between a number of celestial bodies and the horizon and determine the offset angle between their position and the ground point of the chosen body by referencing almanac data for the chosen body against an accurate time reference then finding the intersection of the offset angles. Oh yeah, probably the easiest way to get an accurate time reference these days is from the GPS constellation, but hey ho.

Game designer spills beans on chubby-fancying chap with his stolen Mac

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Paris Hilton

Isn't it obvious what's going on?

Plumpy is a Mason.

Bottomless, unsatisfied Xbox widow cuffed after boyf flees nookie

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Childcatcher

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

Thanks (I think) for the link. Nightmares etc...

They BOTH of them look like Matt Lucas characters to me.

Please annotate such links as not suitable for minors.

Paying a TV tax makes you happy - BBC

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Black Helicopters

Re: I stopped paying the TV License in 2008 and haven't watch TV since.

Me too.

Not 100% happy though, but never have been.

As a result of giving up telly I have 50 - 60% more time, 65 - 80% more energy, 24.6% more suspision of statistics.

And I do always enjoy the (now yearly) visits from our friendly neighbourhood Gestapo agents checking to see why I'm not taking my regular dose of government approved conformance indoctrination hypnosis treatment.

I would happily (gladly, willingly) pay-per-view for a program that I really wanted to watch. However such a service isn't available from the Great Organ, (they just decide to give it away for free post broadcast... seriously..? WTF Beeb? Really didn't understand this move, at all.), but regrettably there isn't any content which I consider worthwhile anyway so it's something of a moot point.

It's all jolly good fun though, isn't it.

Ten serious sci-fi films for the sentient fan

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Thumb Up

twopenneth of Waaah!

Here's my Waaah for what it's worth.

Soylent green should've been in the list...could've got rid of 'Apes to avoid a Heston O.D... Anyways... Waaah :'-(

Oh, and also the andromeda strain... Waaah... etc.. etc...

Many thanks, though for the hitlist. I've been re building my collection since the flood and this fine article has been superbly nourishing for such consideration although potentially deleterious to my credit rating given my newly fortified resolve to build the definitive must-see collection.

Each one of the films listed is worthy viewing.

Reg readers brew up the ultimate cuppa

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

Standard teapot not referred in standard.

Disappointed that the standard brewing receptacle is not cited as the Utah / Newell / Melitta 1.5 litre white porcelain teapot. Perhaps that's only for a virtual real-tea environment.

Strategic SIEGE ROBOTS defeated by 'heavily intoxicated' man, 62

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Mushroom

Re: Valid tactics

Indeed so.

It's difficult to get inside a guy's OODA loop if it happens to be on a totally 'nother frikkin' planet.

Star Trek saviour JJ Abrams joins the dark side: Star Wars VII

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Meh

McFilm sandwich with a side order of McSpecialeffects, McPlot and McMerchandise

Whenever you start to hear story titles alongsie the word "franchise", you can be sure that you're going to get centre-of-the-bell-curve, appeals to all the spending demographics, adequately entertaining, entirely inoffensive, but ultimately unoriginal and superficial cinema fodder.

Shiny, shiny! The window's behind me...

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Gimp

Re: Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather...

Another one here humming Venus in furs.

I guess we've have rather darker sensibilities than would permit hazy fantaizi to appear at all relevant.

'Better than Adobe' Foxit PDF plugin hit by worse-than-Adobe 0-day

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: Eugh.

2001 called?

Did you warn them about the September 11th attacks?

Drop that can of sweet pop and grab a coffee - for your sanity's sake

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Meh

But... Brawndo has got what your body craves...

... It's got... electrolytes!

Here is my worthless opinion:

Tea=stimulating and tasty beverage.

Coffee=bitter tasting medicine useful for getting through dull meetings without snoring.

Soda (or Pop as I prefer to call it)=a drink best enjoyed at birthday parties with jelly and crisps.

Search engines we have known ... before Google crushed them

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Another notable omission

Surprised Northern Light didn't get a mention...

Meh well.

Forget fluorescents, plastic lighting strips coming out next year

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Pint

There's a lot of emotion here regarding something so mundane.

Really, government could have worked their way around this ludicrously emotive issue by a simple type approval specification. For example, an industry standard stating that devices for providing artificial illumination should have a visible light energy output to input energy ratio of greater than 0.7 if they are for individual sale on the open market. This should be in addition to something along the lines of... should have a rated MTBF of greater than 5 years continuous use, have a manufacture energy consumption of less than XXX Joules per unit. The toxic chemical specs are already covered by the likes of RoHS and other similar legislation.

Hats off to the bio-lumo-panel johnnies! Well done. I look forward to tiling my ceiling in inexpensive and efficient illumination units.

John McAfee 'captured'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

Are we sure he's not gone doolally?

I just mouse-overed the McAffee icon and it said:

"McAffee status: OK"

So all is well with the world.

Ten badass brainy computers from science fiction

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

notable omissions.

Wildfire facility computer, the andromeda strain.

And in a similar vein; the red queen, resident evil.

Assange needs to get some sunlight and fresh air, say Ecuadoreans

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
IT Angle

Publicity whore needs to score.

Pretty much everybody had forgotten about him.

No tabloid inches. Not even tabloid milimetres.

Hey! I know! Let's do a press release to let everyone know I'm still here.

What's the angle?

Oh, I don't know... Tell 'em I've got a cold. No, wait... call it a chest infection. Sounds more dramatic.

Later: Daily feature in the Mirror: Julian's stools. Thursday 6th Dec: Soft, umber, hint of corn-chips.

They'll print any old shit.

Texan schoolgirl expelled for refusing to wear RFID tag

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Facepalm

Re: Christ (oops!) bloody religion again???

Okay, so according to the (translated, transliterated, probably largely MUNGed) legend,

"The Mark of the Beast" (*tm) is applied to:

A) The right hand.

B) The forehead.

Taking into account the difficulty in translating Sanskrit / Arameic into English, this plausibly implicates mobile phones, wristwatches, baseball caps, gloves, jewellery, hair, inoculation scars, lobotomies etc... etc... as "The Mark of the Beast" (*tm).

Given the way a lanyard is worn, it's a weak argument at best, to deny that all these other contrivances could be "The Mark of the Beast" (*tm) and cry foul over this one thing which (quite rightly) makes you feel uneasy.

Don't know where I'm going with this, but, yeah, anyway.

Down with this sort of thing!

Both the unneccesary surveillance and the mumbo-jumbo.

Worried dad invents pepper-spray iPhone case

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Flame

How handy!

Just the ticket if you're on a date and the pizza restaurant has skimped on the spicey >again<.

Mines the 14" barbecue chicken w Dorset Naga and mushrooms.

Classic game 'Elite' returns … on Kickstarter

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Go

Count me in!

I'm chucking in a tuppence if they keep random hyper-whoopsies into Thargoid witch-space... Bring it on!

007 hardware: Gadgetry, spyware and things that make you go Boom

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

Re: MI5?

Didn't he work for MFI at one point? Bond takes a gap year or something like that.

Pastafarians: Get your noodly appendages off that Facebook suspect

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Happy

Re: dammit typo

Ah well.

Typo aside, (actually, didn't notice it mate).

PMSL at the documentary style delivery of the noodle doodle commercial

Thank you.

Made for each other: liquid nitrogen and 1,500 ping-pong balls

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Happy

Hooray for Polytechnic Southwest!

The old alma-mater.

Last news I heard from those guys was the business school getting a media roasting for their degree course in perfumery which required completion of a smell test as an entry requirement.

Good to see them getting better press for blowing stuff up.

I wonder if they managed to sort out that concrete cancer on the Babbage building.

HTC's 4G patent beef could get iPhone 5 BANNED in US

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Meh

M E H

MEH. meh and an extra pint of MEH for the weekend.

I have been motivated into such a furious state of apathy by this heinously tedious bun-fight over which mooing prole enticement logo is better, A or B. Liliputians and Brobdingnagians have nothing on you guys.

Can anyone come up with a new argument FFS?

Your's with extreme indifference,

Lahn.

Build a bonkers home cinema

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Meh

Well sir, we saw you coming.

Usual prerequisites apply, we presume.

5000 sq ft floor space, plenty of anechoic panels, a honking great aircon to pump out the 8 odd kilowatts of heat this kit generates, personal substation and medical grade power filter system.

... and now, sir, might I interest you in our autumn line of acoustically inert furniture.

You can be assured of the best seat in the house with our FugBeeGon5000 range.

...extended warranty, sir?

REVEALED: Everything Everywhere new 4G logo ... a SNAIL?

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Ooooh

New keyboard please!

In fact, good job I'd just been or I would be invoicing you for a new chair too.

Someone somewhere won a bet with that logo, no doubt.

Everything Everywhere to be Nothing Nowhere in rebrand

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Meh

New name for EE?

They should just call themselves ZTE and be done with it because that's who will own all the comms companies in 10 years time anyway.

Anonymous takes down UK government websites in Assange attack

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Happy

Re: So fucking what...

Praise be to the Anti-Nowhere League!

ah 1 and ah 2 and ah 1, 2, 3, 4

I've been to Brighton, I've been to Hastings, I've been to Eastbourne too...

Beautiful hymn.

Fair stirs the soul.

Boffins create 100,000 DPI image

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Childcatcher

Standard data sets: 2D vs 3D

Can't help feeling sorry for the 3D computer modelling people though.

These 2D boffs get comely Slavic totty.

The 3D crew have to make do with a teapot.

First, Google goggles - now the world gets self-censoring specs

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: There are times...

We're still searching for a nam-shub which doesn't cause more problems than it solves.

Chinese man's six-ton balls save lives

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Trollface

Re: fatal floods?

Oh yes... They float, Georgie.

(troll cos no pennywise-the-clown icon, more's the pity)

Anonymous hunts down Voldemort for hacking hungry kids' charity

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

I'm sure I saw him recently...

He was there, floating around, menacing a little girl in a theatrical hospital bed at the Olympic opening ceremony. They should've booked him then and there to set an example.

Outlook.com launch a gold rush for jokers, spammers

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Windows

Re: Win8 minimalism

Henceforth known as Winimalism.

Lords call for the end of TV transmissions

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Impressive

@Dave126:

New keyboard please. Tea and half-chewed snickers bar on this one now.

"sleepy ermine-clad overlords" PMSL.

Gamer fails STAM roll, dies after 40-hour Diablo III stretch

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Stop

Dehydration / attendant multiple organ failure probably.

48hrs, no food? No problem.

No sleep? No problem.

No water? Hmmmm, I reckon that'll do it.

Condolences to friends / family though. Tragic way to go. Tragic.

Move over Raspberry Pi, give kids a Radio Ham Pi - minister

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
WTF?

Wireless DVD player???

WTF?

Seriously? Radio makes my DVD player work? Light is, I suppose, electromagnetic radiation, but it really is straining credulity to call it radio.

Chess algorithm written by Alan Turing goes up against Kasparov

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: "Ever heard of pseudocode?"

Psuedocode is for the benefit of psuedo-programmers, "managers" as they're otherwise known. Any attendant benefit to the person actually bashing the bits is pure coincidence. However, this generalised hand-wavey overview is useful for letting the poor over worked, under fed, under housed and generally poverty stricken executive board who signed off release of capital for development know that they're more-or-less getting what they've forked out for without them needing to understand the finer elements of actual code.

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: "Ever heard of pseudocode?"

For some reason this springs to mind.

Step A: Steal underpants

Step B: ? ? ?

Step C: PROFIT!

Gotta love those gnomes.

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