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* Posts by chivo243

2881 posts • joined 10 May 2010

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

chivo243 Silver badge
Facepalm

Variation on a Dance step

I once had a new user, I mean really new to technology, tried to use the mouse with the cable facing their wrist, instead of away from them....

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: diving headlong into the Registry

@Anonymous Custard

Thanks for finishing El Reg's job. +1

Ads? I never see any. Content filter and ublock origin at work. PI hole, ghostery et al at home... I was shocked when I saw El Reg on a non protected system, bling blam wonka wonka zoom, that a lot of ads...

chivo243 Silver badge
Big Brother

@disk iops

(serious bugs in preview releases being ignored, anyone?)

Of course they ignored any real information in the slurp... M$ won't use any of it, but they will "SELL IT" to the highest bidder, just like Faecesbook et al

chivo243 Silver badge
Windows

diving headlong into the Registry

So, which keys do I need to tinker with? C'mon El Reg, articles in the past would have included this little nugget of wisdom ;-}

Latest Google+ flaw leads Chocolate Factory to shut down site early

chivo243 Silver badge
Boffin

Talkin out the side of their neck

Bla, nobody, blah, data, blhah everything is ok, blahbb

It's the boiler plate statement. No real announcement really. Just closing up shop early....

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

chivo243 Silver badge
Happy

battered?

No thanks, I'll just have my Brussels sprouts boiled for 9 minutes, butter, S&P...

For fax sake: NHS to be banned from buying archaic copy-flingers

chivo243 Silver badge
Trollface

Monty Python fax banning sketch

That's a fax, burn it! No, it's not! Yes it is, burn it...

Amazon robot fingered for bear spray leak that hospitalised 24 staffers

chivo243 Silver badge
Trollface

Hmmm...

Seems the BOFH back!

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2018/12/07/bofh_2018_episode_12/

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: What are the 3 rules again?

are you actually R. Jeff Bezos?

chivo243 Silver badge
Coat

What are the 3 rules again?

See title

yes my coat, with a copy of Caves of Steel off to my cave now...

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

chivo243 Silver badge
Go

Stuck in a Loop

Way to go PFY! I wish I could get away with the endless loop of procrastination.

And why is the BOFH suspiciously absent? And no accidents? Is this some sort of cliffhanger?

Tech support discovers users who buy the 'sh*ttest PCs known to Man' struggle with basics

chivo243 Silver badge
Pint

the sound of Bill rolling his eyes.

I can't upvote the author, but if I could I would! So have a pint on me!

Adobe Flash zero-day exploit... leveraging ActiveX… embedded in Office Doc... BINGO!

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: Flash, ActiveX, Office doc embedding/scripting - should already be DISABLED

Sounds like someone got the band back together!

From Motown to lockdown: Detroit bathroom bung IT exec gets one year in the clink

chivo243 Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Re: The obvious question

@James O'Shea

+1 is never enough for an ED-209 comment.

you owe me a keyboard for the softie bit!

Yet another mega-leak: 100 million Quora accounts compromised by system invaders

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: I tried to cancel my membership a while back...

@David Gosnell

Haish Elementary? DHS? ring any bells? I knew a David Gosnell loooong ago.

chivo243 Silver badge

Quora?

I just started to get email from this site. I don't recall signing up. It's deleted now!

Tesla autopilot saves driver after he fell asleep at wheel on the freeway

chivo243 Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Arrested for being drunk

Just get a Johnny Cab droid for the driver's seat!

Millennials 'horrify' their neighbours with knob-shaped lights display

chivo243 Silver badge
Coat

American Marine

Did they file a flight plan to erect those lights?

Wanna save yourself against NotPetya? Try this one little Windows tweak

chivo243 Silver badge
Holmes

My best Arte Johnson

Interesting, very interesting.

Dog with 'psychotic tendencies' escapes home to poop on his neighbours' pillows

chivo243 Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Cat doors should be only for cats

Actually, there are cat doors\flaps that use the ID chip in the animals neck. Mine works great. I got it because other cats were coming in and eating my cats food, and "marking" everything they could.

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: Cat doors should be only for cats

@AC

Not getting out much?

https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2018/11/16/where_to_implant_my_employee_microchip_i_have_the_ideal_location/

Have a chuckle in the comments!

Take my advice and stop using Rubik's Cubes to prove your intelligence

chivo243 Silver badge
Pint

Jezibel syndrome

I had a cat named Jezibel, she only came around when 'she' wanted something. Sounds surprisingly like being a consultant.

Mystery sign-poster pities the fool who would litter the UK's West Midlands

chivo243 Silver badge
Boffin

Lately

I've been thinking a lot about littering\pollution, and how it's worse now than back in the 70's. Anybody remember the crying Native American when someone in a car tosses trash at his at his feet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Suu84khNGY

I think it's time to hold manufacturers accountable. I've also been thinking about how we can get away from disposable plastic packaging. Could making these packing receptacles be made to be reusable? Like beer bottles in a crate? I know there are some niche organic stores that are exploring the possibility of reuse-able containers for stuff like flour or sugar, or wash liquid.

Make the consumer responsible for reusing or returning the receptacle with a monetary deposit just like beer bottles...

In the end, rich board members or C or D levels don't give a shit about the environment, only how fat their bank books are. If the change doesn't start at the top, we're doomed.

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: Hell is other people

@Potemkine!

I've been there... My headphones are broken. Make the visit only to find the headphones are plugged into the MIC jack! That was a quickly closed ticket! That was long ago, and the user is still sheepish when I have to assist ;-}

What a meth: Woman held for 3 months after cops mistake candy floss for hard drugs

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: How many constitutional rights were violated ?

@JimmyPage

Hey Gomer, "Do ya think this is drugs or sumptin?"

"I don't know Sarge, how far behind are we on da quota?"

She clearly deserves to win, and some TALL cash too!

3ve Offline: Countless Windows PCs using 1.7m IP addresses hacked to 'view' up to 12 billion adverts a day

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: "3ve" (pronounced "Eve".)"

How about Thi-eve? Sound pretty close to the mark!

The antisocial network: 'Facebook has a black people problem,' claims staffer in exit salvo

chivo243 Silver badge
Boffin

faecesbook is a cesspool

Let's take a stroll down memory lane here... Wasn't FB originally a way for white, rich over privileged shit heads to rank females at the same mostly white American Uni? Nothing has really changed at FB. Now for a Phil Collins anti-quip

Turn it off and turn it off again!

Doctors join wombats in sh!tting bricks to help parents relax about kids chowing down on Lego

chivo243 Silver badge
Childcatcher

For once

I'm glad there are no pictures, I'll take your word it happened!

Facebook spooked after MPs seize documents for privacy breach probe

chivo243 Silver badge
Happy

It's time

That the neighborhood bully took Marky out on the playground and stole his lunch money, for starters. Reg readers please feel free to add insult to Marky's injuries

1. Steal his lunch money

2.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

chivo243 Silver badge
Meh

Done right

This reboot, rewrite, regurgitation might be OK?

chivo243 Silver badge

Re: Did'nt

@Boris the Cockroach

I think you're thinking of History of the World? And it never got finished?

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

chivo243 Silver badge
Facepalm

Spoilers in Tech Docs!

For once I wouldn't mind a spoiler, instead of instructions that read "but first.... " after you've already taken a first step!

Oh, I wish it could be Black Friday every day-aayyy, when the wallets start jingling but it's still a week till we're paiii-iid

chivo243 Silver badge
Happy

Re: the Netherlands ... an early adopter of "Survival of the First in Line".

I learned early on to count the number of people in the room, these days anything remotely important with a queue has a paper chit with your number on it. Perhaps you forgot to take a number?

chivo243 Silver badge

Queue Jumping

Ever been to the Netherlands? I think they were an early adopter of "Survival of the First in Line".

Talk in Trump's tweets tells whether tale is true: Code can mostly spot Prez lies from wording

chivo243 Silver badge
Devil

too much credit

He doesn't know the difference between truth\reality and false\daydreams. He has graduated from the George Costanza University of lying. If you believe it, it's the truth!

What the #!/%* is that rogue Raspberry Pi doing plugged into my company's server room, sysadmin despairs

chivo243 Silver badge
Devil

Burn it, Burn it with fire!

Then nuke from orbit. Failing that, get a hammer! If it doesn't have our company asset tag, it gets removed, and I've never seen it, wink!

Symantec execs cooked the books to protect their fat bonuses, investor lawsuit alleges

chivo243 Silver badge
Coat

Re: Cat's out of the bag!

@Winkypop

Garfield and Felix in the same court case! Felix would win, he as a bag of tricks!

Yes, my coat, right behind you!

Behold, the world's most popular programming language – and it is...wait, er, YAML?!?

chivo243 Silver badge

@Glen 1

I heard some kid talking about personal mobile phones, pffft, has to be a fad...

Washington Post offers invalid cookie consent under EU rules – ICO

chivo243 Silver badge
Meh

Re: Other solution

@alain williams

I've done the same in the past. Some sites I never visit anymore, either due to new privacy regs, adblock nag, or a horrible website refresh that makes your eyes water... I'm looking at you Wired...

We asked the US military for its 'do not buy' list of Russian, Chinese gear. Surprise: It doesn't exist

chivo243 Silver badge
Big Brother

Sorry, Not on the list, but they you are

Not on the list to obtain the list, but since you asked, you're now on a list.

Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location

chivo243 Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: As someone who currently designs chip-enabled cat interface devices...

@herman

I wish my cat flap had Hal's voice. I'm sorry kitty, I can't do that. What are you doing kitty.

chivo243 Silver badge
Pint

Re: As someone who currently designs chip-enabled cat interface devices...

@Neil Barnes

My cats love to sit next to the door. The locking mechanism going snick, snick, snick, snick at 4 in the freakin AM! I think you owe me a beer or two ;-}

If at first or second you don't succeed, you may be Microsoft: Hold off installing re-released Windows Oct Update

chivo243 Silver badge
Boffin

@Adam 1

yes, yes, Q&A but what about the QC part of the equation? Assurances can be made, but if there's no control behind it, fugetaboutit...

Japanese cyber security minister 'doesn't know what a USB stick is'

chivo243 Silver badge
Trollface

the 68-year-old Luddite appeared vexed?

No, he was just used to the thin air way up there where he lives... He was drunk on oxygen!

In another question, he was asked what TP was? He was clearly vexed as he's never wiped his own ass either...

Open the pod bay doors: Voice of HAL 9000 Douglas Rain dies at 90

chivo243 Silver badge
Big Brother

Open the pod bay doors Hal

Lara Means would like that...

chivo243 Silver badge
Thumb Up

My fav sci-fi saying

And I thought they smelled bad on the (gasp) outside!

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean hackers won't nuke your employer into the ground tomorrow

chivo243 Silver badge
Coat

How does the saying go?

You're only paranoid until they get you?

I would hate to live like that.

Now where's that tinfoil hat icon?

Scumbag who phoned in a Call of Duty 'swatting' that ended in death pleads guilty to dozens of criminal charges

chivo243 Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: If someone wants one bad enough

@ac

I used to live in Chicago, people are killed by getting kicked to death, beaten with what ever is at hand, chains, knives etc. In NY, people get pushed in front of trains... I think the real problem is ANGER!

chivo243 Silver badge
Meh

Guns vs Laws

If someone wants one bad enough, no law is going to stop them. I live in a country with pretty strict gun laws, and I know there is a big black market for them.

Google's data-transfer boxen hit beta in Europe

chivo243 Silver badge
Devil

Jonesing for Google Cloud Zeta

There's a joke in there somewhere!

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