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* Posts by Locky

393 posts • joined 7 Apr 2010

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Alibaba pulls dust covers off its new London cloud presence

Locky

Secure

Protected by best in class great firewall, unless someone says the magic words

Open Sesame

3
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Don't make us pay compensation for employee data breach, Morrisons begs UK court

Locky

Re: English Idio.....

As an elderly, scruffy Yorkshireman, I approve

6
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Self-driving cars may not have steering wheels in future, dev preview for PyTorch 1.0 is here, etc

Locky
Mushroom

Turn left here please

I don't want to insist on it, Dave, but I am incapable of making an error. That road does not exist

3
0

One Project to rule them all: Microsoft plots end to Project Online while nervous Server looks on

Locky
Coat

Re: Is it git-based?

I find that most PMs are git-based

3
0

Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Locky

Apparently my Alexia is feeling "fine" when I asked

God I'm in trouble

40
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Holy macaroni! After months of number-crunching, behold the strongest material in the universe: Nuclear pasta

Locky

Re: Always used to be buckminsterfullerene

That pun was soba-d

7
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Like tax? Love networks? UK taxmen have a job just for you

Locky

Pay AWS?

Couldn't they just knock the costs off their tax bill?

Oh

6
1

Milton Keynes: Come for roundabouts, stay for near-gigabit broadband

Locky

Re: Openreach

@Steve K

I'd tell you a UDP joke but I'm not sure you'd get it

17
0
Locky
Coat

An impressive challenge undertaken

To make Peterborough look attractive

Previous efforts have only been made by makers of rear view mirrors

14
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Brit armed forces still don't have enough techies, thunder MPs

Locky

Recruitment

Who would have thought they would be struggling to recruit competent techies when they use such stella adverts as this to promote them;

Royal Navy Recruiting Advert - Weapon Engineering Submariner

5
2

So what's Microsoft's counter-AWS cloud strategy? Don't be evil

Locky
Big Brother

Microsoft's counter-Amazon strategy...

"is to play up its trustworthiness credentials"

I'm sorry, have I been redirected to The Onion?

30
4

Cock-ups, rather than conspiracies, top self-reported data breaches

Locky

plead ignorance or successfully blame the previous COO

FTFY

6
0

Google is 20, Chrome is 10, and Microsoft would rather ignore the Nokia deal's 5th birthday

Locky

Ask Google? Ask Microsoft?

What about ask Jeeves? How quick we forget

22
1

Excuse me, but your website's source code appears to be showing

Locky
Coat

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

285? No member of the Corp should report for duty in a ginger toupee?

How would that help

25
0

Detroit sh*t shifter's operating costs waste away with Oracle's cloud

Locky
Mushroom

Going the wrong way

"DWSD can focus business strategies and priorities toward their number one priority – their customers."

I'm pretty sure most customers want their priorities to go away from them, not towards them

18
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Butcher by name, Butcher by nature? Capita finds new CFO

Locky

Pat Butcher?

Duff duff duff duff da da duff

9
0

As it turns out, no, you can't just run an unlicensed Bitcoin money exchange

Locky

Re: Why not use a Mexican Bank?

The smart ones don't need tax breaks. They just transfer the money every few hours

As long as the sun doesn't set on the balance, you don't pay the tax

0
0

Connected car data handover headache: There's no quick fix... and it's NOT just Land Rovers

Locky

Good news!

The software on my Fiat is so diabolical even I can't connect. The chance of someone else being able to is minimal

39
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Gartner's Great Vanishing: Some of 2017's emerging techs just disappeared

Locky

BS Bingo

Too many CIO's have their snouts in the Trough of Disillusionment I fear.

Most of these projects have been sent to the Abattoir of Ambiguity to be turned into the Bacon of BOFH

22
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Who was it that hacked Apple? Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, boy boy boy!

Locky
FAIL

Nothing worse

Getting done over by a disgruntled employee - regrettable by difficult to avoid

Infiltrated by a state sponsored cell - Fair enough

Hacked by a 16 year old script kiddie for lolz - FAIL

23
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Three more data-leaking security holes found in Intel chips as designers swap security for speed

Locky

Re: Looking at the wrong holes

The important thing here is to quickly register a cool name and image for the media to jump on.

They already have L1FT, so I propose https://ibb.co/ebfPi9

3
0

Hi-de-Hack! Redcoats red-faced as Butlin's holiday camp admits data breach hit 34,000

Locky

Inside job

My money's on Peggy. She always knew too much

14
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Stress, bad workplace cultures are still driving security folk to drink

Locky

Re: Self-medicating with booze is no answer

How about coffee?

3
0

It's a phone with a peel, but you'll have to wait a bit more for retro Nokia

Locky

Bogus copies to be replaced

Keanu Reeves will undoubtedly find this news most excellent

21
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Greybeard greebos do runner from care home to attend world's largest heavy metal fest Wacken

Locky

Don't fear the Reaper

33
0

Edge, Azure and Windows Phone receives a Telegram. Yup, it's the week at Microsoft

Locky

Re: Sad owner of a Surface 3 tablet here

"Also when plugging in an iPhone, it power cycles the USB every 2 seconds"

That is a fully supported feature. Have you tried a Windows Phone?

3
0

Ever seen printer malware in action? Install this HP Ink patch – or you may find out

Locky

The only good feature on a HP printer

Changing the "Ready" message to "Out of cheese"

4
0

Yellowbrick reckons its all-flash data warehouse array is a wizard idea

Locky

Buzzword bingo

A turnkey, hyperconverged, all-flash box

I'm guessing it's admined by Oz the Great and Powerful

0
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Early experiment in mass email ends with mad dash across office to unplug mail gateway

Locky

A fine town in Cleckhuddersfax

6
0
Locky

@Aladdin Sane

And who among us has never used expertsexchange?

17
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Microsoft devises new way of making you feel old: Windows NT is 25

Locky

16MB?

I used to dream of 16MB...

All we had was himem.sys and a cardboard box in the middle of the motoway

55
1

Put WhatsApp, Slack, admin privileges in a blender and what do you get? Wickr

Locky
Flame

Re: Two small steps

I was thinking Wickr Man, and you are Edward Woodward in this scenario

6
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AAAAAAAAAA! You'll scream when you see how easy it is to pwn unpatched HPE servers

Locky
Flame

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

rse

20
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Hardware rumours, goat-spanking search engines and plenty of Azure. It's last week in Redmond

Locky

He turned into an annoying paperclip

Drugs are bad, mkay

3
0

Bill Clinton's cyber-attack novel: The airport haxploit-blockbuster you knew it would be

Locky

Re: Widower

To be fair, he's done worse...

3
0

'No, we are not rewriting Office in JavaScript' and other Microsoft tales

Locky

Re: Hello to Jermery Irons

Dead amaze and totes emosh

0
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IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

Locky

When the Big Boss came up from the smoke to the frozen northern outpost we ordered in a fish lunch and went to the local for the pub quiz

He liked the cut of our jib

21
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So woke: Microsoft's face-recog can now ID more people who aren't pasty white blokes

Locky

Clippy ICE

I see you're having a heart attack. Would like some help with that?

1
1

Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Locky

Coding inspiration

Will the give out the source code for Elite?

7
0

Have YOU had your breakfast pint? Boffins confirm cheeky daily tipple is good for you

Locky
Pint

I'm not sure I trust health advice from Sally Hawkins

She seems to approve of sleeping with fish and having bears live in your house. A beer seems safer than those

12
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Office 365 celebrates National Beer Day by popping out for a pint

Locky
Mushroom

Office 358

Put it all in the cloud they said.

It'll be resilient they said.

8
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Woman sues NASA for ownership of vial of space dust

Locky
Facepalm

"Armstrong - who was the first person to set foot on the Moon"

Thanks El Reg, it's these insightful editorial nuggest of information that keep us all coming back for more

6
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British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update

Locky

Pointless emojis

I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat salad....

59
2

Crappy IoT on the high seas: Holes punched in hull of maritime security

Locky

This does sound very familiar

Isn't this a combination of Die Hard 2 and Speed 2?

Someone call Willis and Bullock to sort it out

1
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NHS England fingered over failure to forward patient correspondence

Locky

Don't be ridiculous.

They put them in storage, and charged back with an inflated admin cost

2
0

Un-bee-lievable: Two million Swedish bugs stolen in huge sting

Locky

You asked for miracles

I bring you the F Bee I

7
0

Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

Locky

Re: six-pack

I have an awesome 6 pack, but I've lost the little plastic thing that holds them all together

19
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T-Mobile owner sends in legal heavies to lean on small Brit biz over use of 'trademarked' magenta

Locky

Re: Come the revolution

** Squares of ground my go up as well as down

4
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Texas residents start naming adopted drains

Locky

Re: @ Locky

Completly missed that, there was me thinking I was being all satirical and everything...

9
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Locky
Coat

Stormy Drainels

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