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* Posts by Locky

338 posts • joined 7 Apr 2010

Page:

LESTER gets ready to trundle: The Register's beer-bot has a name

Locky

Re: In loving memory

The last thing Lester will be doing is RIP'ing

He'll be cooking a massive fryup on B. L. Z. E. Bub's own BBQ, and then flying paper planes on the thermals.

19
0

Sysadmin shut down the wrong server, and with it all European operations

Locky

Could be worse

My old boss stood on both the powerleads to our AS/400. They don't like unexpeted shutdowns. 4 hours later it was still booting...

We were very sympathetic and supportive

14
0

Slap visibility beacons on bikes so they can chat to auto autos, says trade body

Locky

Re: Why not...

There's a simple answer to that. School holidays....

2
1

You must be yolking: English pub to launch eggstravagent Yorkshire pudding

Locky

Anything south of me while standing on the North Pole, southern.

8
0

Elon Musk invents bus stop, waits for applause, internet LOLs

Locky
Gimp

Is Elon "Lyle Lanley" in disguise

Monorail!

1
0

Brexit to better bumpkin broadband, 4G coverage for farmers – Gove

Locky

Re: Sigh

We don't want him back in the Shire. Send him to Mordor on some quest about a ring

25
0

UK.gov calls on the Big Man – GOD – to boost rural broadband

Locky

Slow internet connection

Sorry, that's an act of God now. Nothing we can do.

3
0

UK mobile customers face inflation-busting price hike

Locky

Re: Abuse

The one thing I miss with giffgaff is WiFi calling. Not to save the minutes, but the outlaws live in a phone wilderness.

Are their any (reasonable) simm only with wifi calling? I can't seem to find one

0
0

Borked bog forces flight carrying 83 plumbers to bug out back to base

Locky

In flight movie

Shits on a plane

0
0
Locky

83 Plumbers

The collective sound of "What cowboy put that in? I've not got that part on my van, here's my call out charge invoice" must have been deafening

41
0

New Sky thinking: Media giant makes dish-swerving move on Netflix territory

Locky

Re: TV Licence?

If you can recieve BBC content, live or not, you need a licence

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37226030

They closed that loophole about 18 months ago

3
5

FYI: There's now an AI app that generates convincing fake smut vids using celebs' faces

Locky

On the plus side

It will remove the threat of revenge porn

"That's not me, move along" becomes the defacto response

6
0

STOP! It's dangerous to upgrade to VMware 6.5 alone. Read this

Locky

Upgrading?

For major versions in VMware, I find it's rarely worth it.

Build new and migrate. Then nuke from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

19
1

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

Locky

Missed opportunity

We know he can count the number of buttocks he thinks he has, but that doesn't mean that this the actual number he has.

A second, public visible pants down counting session will be required. In front of his whole team

65
0

UK exam chiefs: About the compsci coursework you've been working on. It means diddly-squat

Locky
Boffin

Re: So it all hinges on exams

Q1)

You have a roll of carpet, a bag of quicklime and spade

What IT problem are you equiped to solve?

8
0

Yahooooo! says! its! email! is! scrahoooo-ed!

Locky

The Register has contacted Yahoo! for comment

You did it my e-mail, right?

9
0

Skynet it ain't: Deep learning will not evolve into true AI, says boffin

Locky
Terminator

Deep learning?

Don't talk to me about deep learning

15
1

Meltdown, Spectre: The password theft bugs at the heart of Intel CPUs

Locky

Re: Oracle caught napping ?

They are trying to work out the costing model for the patch. One that is per core effected

29
0
Locky
Boffin

Note to El Reg and commantards

Someone has spent a lot of time on the branding of this to create some cool images, please make sure use them. This is clearly more important than actually trying to fix the thing, obviously;

https://meltdownattack.com/

Seems VMware have been sparked into life too, and have released some patches for ESXi Workstation and Fusion;

https://www.vmware.com/us/security/advisories/VMSA-2018-0002.html

4
0

Brazil says it has bagged Royal Navy flagship HMS Ocean for £84m

Locky

Re: Serious Question

We'll leave it just outside of port, and get the buyers to sign a recipt with "Sold as seen" on it.

Then you just prey it starts up okay and gets out into international waters and cash cheque quick

2
0

The North remembers: York scraps Uber's licence over data breach

Locky
Coat

Uber?

Uber?

We used to dream of catching an Uber....

2
0

So you're 'agile', huh? I do not think it means what you think it means

Locky

Agile

Project Management shister-speak for "Make it up as you go along"

45
4

EE drops packets but retains UK network champ's title

Locky

A simple rule of thumb

Comms companies. They are all as bad as each other.

2
0

London mayor: Self-driving cars? Not without jacked-up taxes, you don't!

Locky
Big Brother

Re: I'd like the public transport to be viable replacement to cars ...

Maybe not in that there London, but Leeds is the largest city in Europe with no mass transport. This is potentially viable here.

0
0
Locky

Driverless cars reduce the number of cyclists

Indeed they do :(

Googles driverless car confused

1
0

Gulp. HPE's InfoSight self-repairs and makes 'proactive decisions'

Locky

Deleting that Archive LUN for you

This is how SkyNet started isn't it....

2
0

Nathan Barley blamed for global GDP slump

Locky

TV Commessionair

It seems that Nathan Barley is also creating programmes again, I'm sure I saw Ant and Dec presenting "Daily Mail Island" last night

8
0

Ex-TalkTalk chief grilled by MPs on suitability to chair NHS Improvement

Locky
Coat

Re: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Oh, I don't know

I mean, she's No Angel....

Yes. I did come here just for that.

8
0

15 'could it be aliens?' fast radio bursts observed in one night

Locky
Alien

Are we sure

it's not just some bloke in Lancashire mowing their lawn?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/08/24/false_northern_lights_alert_issued_to_entire_uk_caused_by_lawnmower/

10
0

Stephen King's scary movie reboot provokes tears from 'legit clowns'

Locky

Re: Survey

There are 2 types of people in the world. Those who are scared of clowns

And clowns

32
0

Azure Stack will need special sysadmins, says Microsoft

Locky
Headmaster

Operationalizing?

What?

2
0

TalkTalk fined £100k for exposing personal sensitive info

Locky

Oh, they mean there's no proof that those calls came from THIS breech. It could have been from one of many...

19
0

Commonwealth Bank: Buggy software made us miss money laundering

Locky
Flame

Re: It took three years

@Pascal Monett

Blame the developers? Has someone already exhausted blaming the network already?

5
0

IBM killing off its first go at cloud object storage for Spark – 30 months after launch

Locky
Mushroom

"Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM"

Unless it was to use their mushroom cloud

0
0

Trump backs off idea for joint US/Russian 'impenetrable Cyber Security unit'

Locky

Impenetrable Cyber Security unit?

What makes me think that it's a Windows 3.1 laptop with a broken floppy drive?

4
0

Nothing could protect Durex peddler from NotPetya ransomware

Locky

Unconfirmed reports

That the AV software was still in its wrapper. Apparently, it didn't feel right when they used it last time

20
0

UK Parliament hack: Really, a brute-force attack? Really?

Locky
Coat

Re: Classic.

Horse, battery and staples, shirley?

14
0

Live blog: Fired FBI boss spills the beans to US Senate committee

Locky
Joke

Title of the day

James and the Giant Impeach?

34
2

Lloyds finally inks mega 10-year cloudy outsourcing deal with IBM

Locky

10 year deal

That's 4 years of transition, 2 years of legal discussions and 4 years of bringing back in house.

The time will fly by

52
0

First-day-on-the-job dev: I accidentally nuked production database, was instantly fired

Locky

@wolfetone

Indeed.

So day 1, you are given a docuemnt and told to follow that. Yet it's your fault that guide is wrong?

No wonder they were told not to come back, showing what a shower the current setup is....

41
0

Enterprise patching... is patchy, survey finds

Locky
Coat

31%?

That many people accidently clicked the upgrade now button.

Poor souls

7
5

Edinburgh Uni email snafu tells students they won't be graduating

Locky
Childcatcher

Full marks

For at owning up and not trying to blame it on external forces.

Reminds me of the time I discovered a powershell feature, and scripted everyone's out of office to say "I have now left the company" in the process

14
0

Capita payments service Pay360 goes TITSUP

Locky

Something about a power issue in a data center not paying the bill

There, fixed that for you

0
0

UK hospital meltdown after ransomware worm uses NSA vuln to raid IT

Locky

Who would have thought that NHS systems would have been vunerable to a ransomware attack?

How's that XP migration project going by the way?

53
1

Try not to scream: Ads are coming to Amazon's Alexa – and VR goggles

Locky

Alexa

Send an email to faceless Ad man saying he can shove this advert up his .....

1
0

Uber is a taxi company, not internet, European Court of Justice advised

Locky

But

Are Jaffa Cakes biscuits?

4
11

Agile consultant behind UK's disastrous Common Platform Programme steps down

Locky

Re: Agile and government do not mix

Damn,

I had "sprint" and "Did you snapshot all the servers last night? We've had an unexpected result and need to roll back" left on my card...

11
0

Netgear says sorry four weeks after losing customer backups

Locky

Re: "the outage lost all of his photographs"

I think you'll find it's not "at any point"

It's at the exact point you stop paying the subscription....

6
0

IT error at Great Western Railway charging £10k for 63-mile journey ticket

Locky

Re: small city

Careful now

5
0

Computer games to become medal sport at Asian Games

Locky

Re: Track and Field?

Track and Field? Peasant magic

I give the 1985 classic Daley Thompson's Decathlon. Hundreds of Spectrum keybords gave their lives for the skills we have achieved

4
0

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