Posts by David 132

Re: Excel for dodgy databases

Dare I suggest that it was rueful laughter because you’d discovered her cunningly hidden slush-fund/overrun padding?

ie the Scotty approach: “I always tell you a repair will take three times as long as I know it will… how else can I maintain my reputation as a miracle worker?”

Re: what will freemium look like?

And all tiers come with Genuine People Personalities™!

"There, I've finished and made the final code commit. Oh man, users are going to adore this new AI feature!"

Next day, colleague walks in with a sombre expression: "Uh, Tim, bad news I'm afraid. The first telemetry is in, and users are disabling your AI thing in droves."

Blood drains from Tim's face.

"But... but..."

"Yeah, sorry. Oh, and regarding your other past projects, Kin and Zune and Bob... uh, we never really updated you about those after they launched, did we? Come on, let's take a walk..."

Re: Promise

"Hey Bing, which company has the motto 'Do No Evil'?"

...

"You asked for a list of local chiropodists in Little Rock Arkansas. Here's a link to the collected writings of Kevin Keegan. By the way, would you like to switch to using Edge?"

Re: Promise

Been reading XKCD too long. I knew which one that would be before I even opened the link!

Aaaaaaaaargh bad 80s flashback alert

Nick Berry, deelyboppers, Kia-Ora "orange" "juice"... aaargh you bastard! :)

"Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose..."

Re: Promise

"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons" - to quote Ralph Waldo Emerson.

In other words, a properly decent person or company wouldn't need to say things like "do no evil" or "we promise never to do X", because it would go without saying.

It's like hiring a baby-sitter who makes a point, unasked, of promising you she's not a murderer. Why, isn't that reassuring?

Re: Mem'ries...

> Who remembers trying to run Vista?

“My name is David 132, and it’s been over 20 years since I last ran Windows ME.”

(rest of rehab group murmurs approval and support)

Re: PC is good enough for now.

“Hunt The Hidden Registry Key To turn Off Annoying Feature <X>”?

Re: How long?

Considering that this same story gets published every year (“Despite looming end-of-support of previous Windows version, customers reluctant to move to newest version”) I just assumed this was next year’s version of the article, that had slipped through a temporal wormhole.

…“A Certified ‘B’ Corporation, LLC”

Re: My only question is WHY?

> When they dropped nukes on the Nevada desert, anyone living in an inhabited area who wasn't manufacturing photographic film was mostly fine

Also anyone hiding in a fridge.

No no, you’re thinking of the Secret Gay Jewish Nazi Lizard Freemason Illuminati.

They’re just a bunch of wannabe poseurs who couldn’t organize a One World Government in a brewery.

Re: No 5G initiated Zombie Apocalypse...?

Yes, that’s totally how it works. When their fever-dream conspiracy theories are shown to be wrong they are well-known for humbly apologizing and keeping a very low profile from then on.

Nurse! My pills!

The best comment on this I saw was on Reddit, and was along the lines of “several of my cow-orkers believe the vaccine conspiracy theories, so when the alert goes off, I’m going to clutch in pain at my arm, fall to the floor, then stand straight up and in a blank robotic monotone, praise Joe Biden.”

Good, Good. Keep stamping on the Truth wherever it leaks out. You have done well, agent #467-••¥z.

Signed,

The Secret Gay Jewish Nazi Lizard Illuminati Freemasons.

(icon shouldn’t be necessary, but some people...)

Re: Monitors need monitoring

Could be worse - on a subreddit I follow, someone who's a mobile heavy equipment mechanic recently posted a tale of the time he was called out to a construction earthmover that wouldn't start. Customer screaming, job unable to proceed, etc etc.

So he drove for two hours to the customer's jobsite... moved the machine's gearshifter out of Drive (interlocks prevent start when in gear) and into Neutral, started it without problem, and got back in his car to drive two hours back.

And did, at least, get to bill the customer the ID10T tax of 5 hour's callout charge.

Re: The cops also reportedly discovered at the home an IS application form,

"[Section 4]

For statistical purposes and to ensure that we comply with the Equalities Act, please indicate below your ethnicity, gender identity & preferred pronouns, and your religion (if applicable). This section is optional."

Or admire their multi-thousand £/$ NFT GIFs of monkeys in glorious immersive 3D. That’s the killer application that the entire world’s been waiting for, right there.

Re: Hilarious

ISTR that at least one of the Roman emperors employed a slave to stand next to him at state functions and whisper into his ear “Remember, thou art mortal”, as a guard against the adulation of his hangers-on making him too complacent.

Perhaps a modern equivalent for Zuck, Musk, and their ilk.

“Remember, thou art a clueless cockwomble etc…”