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* Posts by David 132

916 posts • joined 1 Mar 2010

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Today in bullsh*t AI PR: Computers learn to read as well as humans (no)

David 132
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Re: What is the name of the border to the south?

Burma!

(I panicked.)

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Ohio coder accused of infecting Macs, PCs with webcam, browser spyware for 13 years

David 132
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Flame

Aaaargh

"Cyber skills"

"cyber hacker"

...can someone please tell the FBI (also other federal agencies, the UK government, etc) that it's not 1996 any more?

It cyber-gets on my cyber-tits.

(even if we can only drag them into the early 2000s by getting them to use the ePrefix - "e-skills", etc - it'll be progress, I suppose)

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Beer hall putz: Regulator slaps northern pub over Nazi-themed ad

David 132
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Joke

Re: Hilarious

IIRC Godwin's Law is not applicable when the article's subject is something to do with the Third Reich.

For obvious reasons.

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Hold on to your aaSes: Yup, Windows 10 'as a service' is incoming

David 132
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Pirate

Re: ability to innovate

You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means. </bad spanish accent>

Sorry, I've known too many Spaniards to take your word on that.

The icon is for the Dread Pirate Roberts -->

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David 132
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The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.

Hands up who didn't hear that sentence in the voice of Montgomery Scott.

If you now have your hand up, you're a liar and fooling no-one :)

Trivia: in that same film, the elevator on the Excelsior was voiced by Leonard Nimoy. And with that factoid, your life is now complete.

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Oracle WebLogic hole primed to pump Monero

David 132
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"Imaginary money"

.."Fantasy coins"... thank you, I thought I was the only person in the entire world who hadn't been swept up in tulipblockchain mania.

Mind you, it could be argued that traditional fractional reserve banking is no less "imaginary".

I used to invest in old rusty Italian cars - Tipos, Pandas, Stradas - until I realized that fiat currency is no good either.

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Windows Store nixed Google Chrome 'app' hours after it went live

David 132
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That Store screenshot is depressing and alarming

If Microsoft's store curators can't (or won't) even weed out obvious shitware like "GoGo Chome" and "Saffari Browser" then what are the odds that they're thoroughly scanning the apps for malware?

I mean, "curated, safe, trustworthy" are pretty much the only reasons a user might download from an app store rather than a website.

Frankly, looking at that screenshot, I'd feel safer downloading my windows software from the Pirate Bay (which has a pretty effective peer review system*)

* so I've heard. Allegedly. I wasn't there, you can't pin anything on me.

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TalkTalk banbans TeamTeamviewerviewer againagain

David 132
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Re: Hmmmm

Funny story - many years ago my grandmother was reviewing our new house with a critical eye.

"What this room needs," she said imperiously, "is one of those dildo rails around the walls..."

She couldn't understand why we were all sniggering fit to burst.

(she meant, of course, "dado rail", for those who don't get it)

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Brit film board proposed as overlord of online pr0nz age checks

David 132
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Trollface

Re: Suitable alternatives

if my only alternative to porn was a Dali or Picasso, then I shudder to think how I would have turned out. That stuff is definitely not normal.

You don't find elephants with 40-foot long spider legs, melting pocket-watches, or screaming horses, sensual and erotic? You weirdo. Now if you'll excuse me I need to take a cold shower.

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Former Intel EMEAR sales director takes Chipzilla to tribunal

David 132
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Re: Self-representation?

@Voland's right hand ...in a blue chip company.

Ho ho. I see what you did there.

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UK's map maker Ordnance Survey plays with robo roof detector

David 132
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Millions of moaners vindicated: Man flu is 'a thing', says researcher, and big TVs are cure

David 132
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Re: Expect better than this from the reg

Teiwaz Monty Python Accountant : ' Not in this part of Escher.'

Esher = town in Surrey, often the butt of Python jokes

Escher = artist specialising in dimension-bending optical illusions

Me = pedantic spelling pedant

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IBM to expunge over 500 people in latest redundo round

David 132
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Lies, damn lies and PR quotes

" IBM currently has about 25,000 job openings around the world"

Translation: 1 security guard job in Hursley to prevent looting of the empty building, and 24,999 "service delivery specialist" jobs in Bangalore/Lagos/Ho Chi Minh City.

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Coventry: Once a 'Ghost Town', soon to be UK City of Culture

David 132
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Re: Derek & Clive "unidexter"

PhilipN "One of the best one-liners in history."

Also in the running... Police Squad's

"I know this is a difficult time for you ma'am - we'd have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then."

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Shady US sigint base upgrade marred by stolen photograph

David 132
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Coat

There's a flock of sheep graze in the grounds.

It's not the gormless sheep that they worry about around there - it's the cagey bee.

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Oregon will let engineer refer to himself as an 'engineer'

David 132
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Re: Oregon is a nanny state

Beaverton: Is it safe to make jokes about the town's name?

At least interesting stuff happens occasionally in Beaverton. There's at least one Oregon town that's... Boring.

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David 132
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Re: Oregon is a nanny state

Gene, I respectfully disagree! Given that the natural climate here in Oregon (well, the western part at least) is cold/damp and miserable for half the year, I am happy to have someone pump gas for me while I stay in my nice warm car. In years of living here, I've never heard anyone complain about not being able to pump their own. In fact it's the reverse - when we go out-of-state we grumble about having to do it.

Every so often it comes up on the state ballot sheet, pushed by the oil companies: "would you like to switch to self-service gas? it'll result in cheaper gas prices!". And everytime, the good folk of Oregon look across the state line to Washington, Idaho or California, see equal-or-higher gas prices there, and realize that self-service would just pad the oil companies' profits. So the measure gets consistently voted down.

Anyway, the real reason this story happened is because it's Beaverton. It's a very anti-motorist municipality with crazy strict speed limit enforcement and cameras. Almost like being in the UK, in fact - a place that really does deserve the term "nanny state".

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'Drunk' developers delay software vendor's release

David 132
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Pint

Sounds like

...they've adopted the Scrum(py) development model.

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No, BMW, petrol-engined cars don't 'give back to the environment'

David 132
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Re: Nice to see some backbone here

Like the BMW the LEVC is electric with a "generator" acting as a "range extender"

Well, on that principle, my car is also green. It has a 12v battery that gives it limited electric-only range (as long as I crank the starter motor with it in gear) and an inline-6, 3-litre, 325hp range extender motor.

No need to thank me, Mother Gaia. Just happy to do my bit.

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Apple iOS 11 security 'downgrade' decried as 'horror show'

David 132
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Re: Apple's security model is utterly broken

@Snorlax

No, my point was that I COULD prove to them who I was, but they still need 2 weeks to decide whether to grant me access.

But hey, if you get off on insulting complete strangers over the internet, bully for you.

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David 132
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Mushroom

Apple's security model is utterly broken

Posting this here because it's vaguely relevant and I've been looking for an excuse to get it off my chest.

Earlier this week I needed to download an update for my Mac. Realized I'd forgotten my iCloud password. Went to apple.com to initiate a reset... apparently, although they have my email address, my d.o.b, my phone number and much else...the only way they would allow me to reset my password was by giving them the number of a credit card, which expired 2 years ago and I hence don't have.

Step by step I went further into the quicksand swamp that is apple's security pages.

Long story short - I have been emailed by them to tell me that they might deign to reset my password and unlock my account on the 14th of this month. Yes, that's right, they are making me wait TWO FUCKING WEEKS to get access to my account.

Grrr.

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That 70s Show: Windows sprouts Sets and Timeline features

David 132
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Trollface

Re: the 70's? *ANYTHING* but the 70's!

Geoffrey W - we seem to be turning this thread into our own version of the Old Grey Whistle Test.

Jack Johnson is a contemporary singer/songwriter. The track I mentioned sounds rather like mid-70s Paul Simon ("Mother and Child Reunion", etc.), for better or worse - it's on Youtube if you care to listen. And I agree re Melanie! Besides, everyone knows Brand New Key was just a rip-off of the Wurzels. (...trollface icon for a reason...). Fairport Convention also excellent (Matty Groves, Rising for the Moon, Fotheringay).

Other good-but-lesser-known? 70s tracks I'd suggest you might check out: Medicine Head ("Rising Sun"), Labi Siffre (listen to "I got the..." from the 1m49s mark and reflect on how much royalties he's earning from Eminem), Bob Seger ("Turn the Page"), Don Fardon ("Indian Reservation"), Tanya Tucker's version of "Blood Red and Goin' Down", and J.J.Cale (whose version of "After Midnight" I think I prefer to Clapton's cover).

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David 132
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Re: the 70's? *ANYTHING* but the 70's!

Geoffrey W "While it may be true there is a lot of dross in every decade, there are few decades that can compare with the highs of the 70's except maybe the 60's. "

Agreed. Plus, I'll argue that by the 70s, recording technology had pretty much reached a great standard, after the crackle-and-fuzz of the 30s-early 60s.

But what would I know? My friends would say that having me opine on matters of music is like asking Dwayne Dibbley for his guidance on power-dressing.

I offer as proof my last 3 music downloadslegitimate purchases:

Melanie - Lay Down (Candles in the Rain)

Cat Stevens - Father & Son

Jack Johnson - My Mind is for Sale

Stop sniggering. Anyone else here brave enough to offer their own list?

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David 132
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Re: the 70's? *ANYTHING* but the 70's!

Phew. For a moment there, Stevie, I thought you were going to give some examples of bad 80s music.

Just kidding. And yes I know the pop/rock distinction thank you. My point was that there was a lot of utter dross in the 70s.. just like every decade before and since.

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David 132
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Re: the 70's? *ANYTHING* but the 70's!

John Lilburne Lets just say that the decade started with "Bitches Brew" - now let the millennials top that.

Counterpoint, or "hot take" or whatever the kids say these days: Terry Wogan and The Floral Dance. Middle Of The Road. Boney M. Dan The Banjo Man. Demis Roussous.

And that's just a small selection of the more cringeworthy stuff from my MP3 70's folder!

But on the other hand, The Undertones, Strawbs, Motorhead (can't do the metal umlaut on my current keyboard, sorry), Fleetwood Mac's golden era.... hmm. I am conflicted.

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David 132
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Re: Oh so THAT'S what Hypercard was for

Thank you. I thought I was the only one.

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David 132
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Neolithography?

I'm reminded of the Discworld, with its 33-MegaLith stone circle computers.

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Hey girl, what's that behind your Windows task bar? Looks like a hidden crypto-miner...

David 132
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Charles 9 It's the Poper Blocker homepage I'm complaining about.

Go easy on it, being able to block Popes is useful, they're always pontificating about things.

Oh, wait, I might have mis-read.

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Want a new HDMI cable? No? Bad luck. You'll need one for HDMI 2.1

David 132
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Windows

Re: Desire...

I'm sure plenty of people will, for the inevitable 8K re-release of Star Wars, Blade Runner, etc.

Whether there'll be any noticeable difference in those "digitally re-re-re-re-re-mastered" upsampled, Deckard-shot-Greedo-first directors' cuts is of course debatable.

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The End of Abandondroid? Treble might rescue Google from OTA Hell

David 132
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Let's hope...

...Treble helps boost the user bass.

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Vanity, thy name is: M1SCO company car reg plates for sale

David 132
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Re: Depressing place to work?

Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as (forklife!)

Curse you, I now have that stuck in my head. Modern life is rubbish, modern music more so.

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David 132
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Happy

Re: You try to post as AC, but...

Viz Top Tips circa 1992:

"Dear sir,

Why pay lots of money for a personalized plate? Simply change your name by deed-poll to match your existing licence plate.

Yours,

KBW 300 P, Derby."

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Bulletproof Coffee lacks bulletproof security: Nerd brain juice biz hacked, cards gulped

David 132
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Re: Buttered coffee?

A pun like that is grounds for dismissal. You've bean warned.

(edit: I see someone has already done the "grounds" pun, several comments further down. Serves me right for not reading the entire thread. You may all now point and laugh at me if it makes you feel better. Ah well, I can't Kona the market in weak coffee puns)

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David 132
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Buttered coffee?

How nasty-sounding.

Anyway, serves them right for trying to run a website based on Java.

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HPE GreenLake: Enterprise takes another splash at pay-as-you-go private cloud

David 132
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Windows

When I were a lad, it was common to buy one's TV, sofa etc on the "never never"... hire purchase, renting, whatever you call it, but a nice man from Granada would come round each week for the money.

I thought such poverty-spec practices were a relic of the past, but it seems today's companies can't wait to embrace the same thing for their vital IT infrastructure.

Bah. Crotchety old man icon because, well.

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156K spam text-sending firm to ICO: It wasn't us, Commissioner

David 132
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Facepalm

Call me Mystic Meg

Sometimes I can see into the future.

I present to you Register stories from the near future...

"HDSL (formerly known as Hamilton Digital Services Limited) has filed for bankruptcy leaving them unfortunately unable to pay ICO fines"

Followed closely by:

"A new marketing company, 'Halimton Digital Services Limited' has purchased the assets of the former HDSL and is coincidentally trading from the same premises, with the same contact details and same directors. Totally unrelated."

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Clone poster girl Dolly the sheep's arthritis was 'normal for her age'

David 132
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Happy

Re: Really?

I already submitted that one via the "tips and corrections" link. It appears that at least one of us had an effect - it's now fixed. I hate egregious homophone errors. Queue much rejoicing. (see what I did there?)

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'Gimme Gimme Gimme' Easter egg in man breaks automated tests at 00:30

David 132
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Re: Aha!

One Of Us is crying (with laughter)

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AT&T wants to bin 100,000 routers, replace them with white boxes

David 132
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I totally trust them on this.

Who better to drive this initiative, than AT&T? With their long proven track-record of adherence to open standards, willingness to foster competition, and customer-centric attitude?

Gosh. I managed to type all that with a straight face.

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Connected and self-driving cars are being sent to Coventry

David 132
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Boffin

Re: RE: Article picture

1.21 gigaflops... when this baby gets to version 88.0, you're going to see some serious sh*t....

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Dick move: Navy flyboy flings firmament phallus for flabbergasted folk

David 132
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Joke

Top Brass quoted as saying,

"This wasn't deliberate, it was a cock-up in the sky".

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David 132
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Dammit.

I posted a highly amusing pun, only to realize that it had been used IN THE FRICKING ARTICLE as the sub-head. Serves me right for skim-reading (and over-estimating the Reg team's sense of maturity). Withdrawn, with due sense of shame & humiliation.

Props to the pilot concerned, though. Takes some serious skill to draw something so, ahem, accurately, at jet speeds.

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True Telecom busted by Ofcom for 'slamming', misselling and more

David 132
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Seems that OFCOM are still running at 2400baud...

"Our investigations work at a rapid pace...

...a Pace Linnet 1200/75, to be precise. We hope to upgrade to V.22bis by 2025."

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World Vasectomy Day: 15k men line up for live vent-blocking

David 132
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Re: I'm a wimp

..I had a general for the op :-)

My, that IS macho.

Most people have a surgeon.

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US Homeland Security says hardly any Kaspersky software left on federal networks

David 132
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Unhappy

Re: MS' Windows 10 conduited baked-in 'slurped' malware uploads work in exactly the same way.

Firefox's built-in screen-grab tool is just another example of their annoying bloat. It's a browser for goodness' sake, please make it view web-pages as well & as quickly as possible. Nothing else.

"Oh, but our users often need to screen-shot webpages while browsing, so we put this in for their convenience!"

Yeah, you know what else people tend to do while browsing the web? They listen to music. They work on documents. They conduct IM conversations. They do background rendering tasks. But surely, Mozilla, you wouldn't think it reasonable to add a music player, spreadsheet, IM client and Blender to Firefox?

Aw, shoot. I just gave them ideas, didn't I.

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How can airlines stop hackers pwning planes over the air? And don't say 'regular patches'

David 132
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Oo-er

"Two days later, I was successful in accomplishing a remote, non-cooperative, penetration"

mumblemumble fnarrr mumble harvey weinstein mumblemumble

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Openreach fibre plan for 10m premises coming 'before Christmas'

David 132
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Re: Isn't Wifi/5G a viable and cheaper option

Khaptain - for reasons that others have pointed out, this isn't really an option - even so, your question was a perfectly reasonable one so I'm not sure why you're deep in downvotes. Have an UV from me to compensate.

Folks - can we try to reserve downvotes for comments that are factually wrong, trollish, offensive, off-topic or otherwise don't advance the conversation?

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The NAKED truth: Why flashing us your nude pics is a good idea – by Facebook's safety boss

David 132
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Happy

@Pompous Git In 1970, I was the undraped model at the Launceston Art School.

That's hilarious (although I have to point out that given the ubiquity of long hair on both sexes in the early 1970s, it's amazing they could see ANY flesh to paint...). Have an upvote.

And you've reminded me of this take on the T-Rex "tiny arms..." trope by the Oatmeal:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/tiny_arms

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Alexa, please cause the cops to raid my home

David 132
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Terminator

Re: So is Alexa now the.....

"Waltz with me if you want to live."

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