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* Posts by Anonymous South African Coward

1840 posts • joined 6 Jan 2010

College PRIMOS prankster wreaks havoc with sysadmin manuals

Anonymous South African Coward
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lucky bastards

we only had a couple of apple]['s which later got upgraded to i386PC's (unfortunately not networked)

But all the students loved the i386 as pr0nz got copied and passed around a lot (and also viruses).

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'Say hello to my little vacuum cleaner!' US drug squad puts spycams in cleaner's kit

Anonymous South African Coward
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But does it sucks like an Electrolux?

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Anonymous South African Coward
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1984 called and they want their Big Brother back, together with Miniluv, Miniplenty, Minipax and Minitrue.

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Amazon robot fingered for bear spray leak that hospitalised 24 staffers

Anonymous South African Coward
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Awkward... Revealed Facebook emails show plans for data slurping, selling access to addicts' info, crafty PR spinning

Anonymous South African Coward
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FB on my Android devices?

Zuck on man... I have no FB crap on any of my Droids, and prefer to keep them Zuckerborg-free, kthanxbai.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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The lesson we can learn out of this is that once you send your CEO/CFO/COO over into international territory, said territory may be hostile and may attach any data devices (laptop/usb memory stick/etc) said CEO/CFO/COO may have on their person, or have with them.

Expect a lot of paranoia to erupt all over the place, and CEO/CFO/COO-types to request danger pay.

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Adobe Flash zero-day exploit... leveraging ActiveX… embedded in Office Doc... BINGO!

Anonymous South African Coward
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ActiveX = CaptiveX

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Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

Anonymous South African Coward
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Politicians politicking as usual.

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Waymo's revolutionary driverless robo-taxi service launches in America... with drivers

Anonymous South African Coward
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<kirk voice>WAAAAYYYYYMOOOOOOOOOO</kirk voice>

Or what about "I' m sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that".

Or any memorable one liner.

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Surface Book 2 afflicted by mystery Blue Screen Of Death errors

Anonymous South African Coward
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From the Usenet Oracle :

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.

Your question was:

> O great Oracle, the one who sees all and knows all, please accept

> this humble question from thy grovelling supplicant...

>

> Why is Windows 95 Beta so bug-ridden it's not funny?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} THE SCENE: A dark antechamber of the Gates estate, dimly lit by three

} 20" monitors suspended from the ceiling. In the middle of the room is

} a Pentium/100Hz, sheathed in a black casing. Three programmers dance

} around the machine, chanting horribly. Their pale, clammy complexion

} is cast hideously by the light of the monitors, rendered even more

} repugnant to the watchful eye bye the 60Hz flicker of the monitors.

}

} FIRST PROGRAMMER: Thrice the brinded net hath mewed.

}

} SECOND PROGRAMMER: Thrice, and once the Warp-pig whined.

}

} THIRD PROGRAMMER: MacHarpier cries. 'Tis time, 'tis time!

}

} FIRST: Round about the terminal go;

} In the poisoned upgrade throw.

} Code, which by a student done

} In minutes numbering sixty-one.

} Run-time error, protection fault,

} Crash ye first, crash ye shalt.

}

} ALL [as they dance around the Pentium]:

} Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Tempers burn and data bubble.

}

} SECOND: Fillet of a Sound Card bake,

} In the Pentium no sound make;

} Point of arrow, click of mouse,

} Scream of user, frightened spouse,

} OS/2's net use appeal,

} Steve Jobs' look and Wozniak's feel.

} For a charm of powerful trouble,

} Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

}

} ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Tempers burn and data bubble.

}

} THIRD: Click "Start" button, speed of slug,

} You would think you forgot the plug.

} Multitasking, ha ha ho

} If just one worked you'd be good to go.

} This should grab those straggling few

} Who aren't using DOS 6.22.

} Now we shall the Mac eclipse,

} While curse words cross our users' lips.

} Leave the errors in so we can fix

} And sell more...Windows 96!

} And so we will release the Beta

} For corruption of their data.

}

} ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Users buy, our profits double.

}

} SECOND: Compile it with errors through,

} Since the users have no clue.

}

} [Enter BillGate to the other three programmers.]

}

} BillGate: O, well done! I commend your pains,

} And everyone shall share i' the gains.

} And now about the program get,

} But NEVER use it on OUR net.

} Security is scarce put in.

} [Beeps of PONG heard in the background.]

} [Exit BillGate.]

}

} SECOND WITCH: By the usage of my UMBs

} Wicked Windows this way comes.

} Open locks,

} Whoever knocks!

}

} [Fade to black.]

}

} Remember, Obsolescence isn't an accident, it's an art form.

}

} You owe the Oracle a signed, handwritten manuscript of MacBeth, and a

} copy of the Windows upgrade for the P6.

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Wanna save yourself against NotPetya? Try this one little Windows tweak

Anonymous South African Coward
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Interesting. Need to set this up on a lab network and test.

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Giraffe hacks printers worldwide to promote God-awful YouTuber. Did we read that one right?

Anonymous South African Coward
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9100 is closwd. Yay.

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Mystery sign-poster pities the fool who would litter the UK's West Midlands

Anonymous South African Coward
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The face and number plate of a McDonald's Drive-Thru customers are printed on the burger packaging at times of purchase. If said customer doesn't dispose of their rubbish responsibly they'll be easy to hunt down.

Also for any takeaway place.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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But with the scourge of fly-tipping being what it is, it's probably worth a go. Perhaps someone in Doncaster, Southampton or Sunderland will put one up with the added option of "I am a lily-livered landlubber" to address their problems with dumped boats on the roads.

Excellent!

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Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

Anonymous South African Coward
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Had one user who fessed up on clickee onna linkee inside a very suspicious email - but who deemed it fit to only let IT know a day or two after that incident.

I went full retard when said luser did not want to hand in his laptop for "processing" and went all the way to the top, and luser was forced to hand over his laptop. He was not too happy.

Boohoo. I don't care. If *you* don't take care, I won't be able to help you if your laptop get cryptolocked.

Unfortunately salesweasels are a nice, plump target for ne'er-do-wells as salesweasels will open any email from any sender, even if it looks highly dodgy, and click on allsorts of links just because of shiny and flashy stuff.

It's been a long while since and nothing bad had happened yet. Think my anal sphincter can take a rest now.

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It's a patch bonanza as Microsoft showers its OS platforms with update love

Anonymous South African Coward
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C:\WINDOWS

C:\WINDOWS\CRASH

C:\WINDOWS\B0RKS

C:\WINDOWS\ADMINS\COMMIT\SUICIDE

C:\OS2\RUNS

\dev\sda1\linux\runs

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We all fall together. Azure MFA takes a tumble for the second week running

Anonymous South African Coward
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Did somebody forgot to apply the MFA patch? Or was the patch also buggy?

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Microsoft reveals terrible trio of bugs that knocked out Azure, Office 362.5 multi-factor auth logins for 14 hours

Anonymous South African Coward
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Reminds me of when OS/2 on a single CPU totally outperformed NT running on a quadprocessor setup.

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Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Howard

Who is Howard?

Ask Taneleer Tivan.

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Excuses, excuses: Furious MPs probe banking TITSUPs*

Anonymous South African Coward
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When a bank starts up, it have a simple system. Which requires x amoint of people to maintain.

Over time it is discovered that this system only offer functions A, B, C and D.

And it needs extra systems to offer extra functions. So these got added duly.

Unfortunately said new systems also needs its own maintenance, so therefore extra people.

Which brings us to the here and the now. People have forgotten why there are so many people requires in order to maintain the system, and is lured by the outsourcing siren, and start outsourcing.

Now systems are failing, people don't know why, the outsourcer(s) don't give a damn about your SLA... and the people who have an intimate knowledge how the system works have been chased away, never to return.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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All the old trees have been cut down and the soil is eroding away.

IBM?

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Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe

Anonymous South African Coward
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I had visions of a pasta-covered c*t chasing a mouse through the mainframe, covering everything inside with pasta.

And dried pasta is very, very difficult to remove.

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Malware scum want to build a Linux botnet using Mirai

Anonymous South African Coward
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Most probably already pwned and running riot somewhere. Or borked solid.

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Tech sector unites in attempt to avoid Oz's anti-crypto push, again

Anonymous South African Coward
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If you outlaw encryption, only outlaws will use encryption.

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In Space, Still: 20 years since Russia hurled first bit of floating astronaut hostel into orbit

Anonymous South African Coward
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Happy

Skyhooks

Willy Wonka ought've patented 'em.

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Reverse Ferret! Forget what we told you – the iPad isn't really for work

Anonymous South African Coward
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I've "inherited" an iPad from one ex-mangler. It just sits in my drawer playing with itself whilst I use my laptop for work.

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What the #!/%* is that rogue Raspberry Pi doing plugged into my company's server room, sysadmin despairs

Anonymous South African Coward
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Had a device dishing out rogue DHCP packets on our network once.

I bricked it with the wrong firmware.

Whoops, ahahahaha.

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Finally a platform for train puns: IBM Halt station derailed

Anonymous South African Coward
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I seriously doubt that IBM will be the big corpo that they once were.

Only time will tell.

And all the good puns have been taken, lets conduct an orderly exit to our houses instead.

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Congrats to Debbie Crosbie: New CEO at IT meltdown bank TSB has unenviable task ahead

Anonymous South African Coward
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Just shut it down.

It's dead, Jim.

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Oz lad 'fell in love with' baby meerkat, nicked it from zoo, took it out for a romantic Big Mac

Anonymous South African Coward
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All meerkats are cute unless it is the vodacom moerkat.

Only Saffers will understand this :)

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OK Google, what is African ISP Main One, and how did it manage to route your traffic into China through Russia?

Anonymous South African Coward
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Joke

Proud to be African - we can still bugger up the rest of the world. :)

Now, Pinky, here's what we do next...

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Scumbag who phoned in a Call of Duty 'swatting' that ended in death pleads guilty to dozens of criminal charges

Anonymous South African Coward
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Hostage situations...

Put yourself in the cops shoes.

What would you've done if you get a 911 call regarding a hostile hostage situation, you go out to try to defuse that situation.

Of course you'll have to ASSUME that ANYBODY walking out of the door is part of the hostile party, and if said person do things quite contrary to your orders (dropping hands when ordered to place his/her hands up) you'll shoot, questions asked later.

In this case the police merely acted as a proxy - so the person who originally did the swatting is guilty of "pulling the trigger by proxy". (If such a term do exist in law).

And IANAL.

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NBN satellite user waiting for extra gigabytes? Keep waiting

Anonymous South African Coward
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At the recent MyBroadband 2018 an advertisement was aired about some new satellite internet SP hitting town - and they promised that lag is taken care of with certain *ahem* protocols and optimizations.

I beg to differ - have had the experience of 2000ms ping at three sites using satellite Internet to link the three together due to cable theft. We had to tune Informix to compensate for the latency.

When I demonstrated that 3G was faster and had better latency, we switched the sites over to 3G - and the satellite guys was not happy about that.

And at long last, fiber has come to the rescue, now we have 3G as a fallback option should a backhoe decide to nom nom nom some fiber cabling.

Unfortunately for some folks out in the sticks/boondocks/whatever the only feasible option is satellite Internet, and that's what they'll have to use. My sincere sympathies go with them.

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That amazing Microsoft software quality, part 97: Windows Phone update kills Outlook, Calendar

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Simple business...

Simple business...

Microsoft have a choice of...

1, invest in proper QA and development, keep customers happy and lose very few customers.

2, save money on QA and development, piss customers off but still lose very few customers because most of them have no choice.

Shareholders will force them to choose 2, the users are locked in and they can't go anywhere - why would they bother offering a better product if the users are still buying the shoddy one?

This....I think we're looking at an option 2 future :(

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Fixed

Microsoft seem to have fixed the problem this morning.

More fun is coming to every M$-based platform and Orifice installation. Better disable or block windowsupdates until they got things sorted out properly.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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More fun to come yet. And it may take a while to resolve as people now will disable windows updates front, left, right and center.

Won't it be a real hoot if M$ inadvertently causes some critical servers to crash and burn badly due to some dodgy server updates? (Bound to happen sooner or later, given the lack of QA).

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Can your rival fix it as fast? turns out to be ten-million-dollar question for plucky support guy

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: I'm just going to say...

Pester the Jester's new job?

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Ahhh assembly language - you need to keep really, really close tabs - and lots of comments - on the source otherwise it'll trample all over you.

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Arm kit vendors snuggle up around the Windows 10 Autumnwatch bonfire awaiting supported OS

Anonymous South African Coward
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Activation server(s) = Achilles heel of all things Microsoft. Corrupt it and Microsoft products dies. :)

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This just in: What? No, I can't believe it. The 2018 MacBook Air still a huge pain to have repaired

Anonymous South African Coward
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Something like this...

https://pi-top.com/products/pi-top/

Gah. Now I wants one. :(

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Trollface

And yup, quite an impressive amount of downvotes going on here...

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Can't somebody produce a standard size laptop case into which you can then put your own motherboard, SSD, RAM, monitor etc?

Then whenever something fails, it's simple to just replace that part. And if the motherboard need replacement/upgrade, it can be done easily.

Case broken? No sweat. Just buy a new one, transfer all the components, and send the broken case for recycling.

Oh and make it Linux friendly too, so that any Linux/Unix-based OS/distribution can be installed on it without major hassle....

Or am I too optimistic to think that laptop companies will work together to make that a reality?

Money talks, the less money that can be wasted on the consumer and more that can go into manglement and shareholders nasty pocketses, the better...

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Samsung 'reveals' what looks like a tablet that folds into a phone, but otherwise we're quite literally left in the dark

Anonymous South African Coward
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Just open it enough times and the display will start to degrade...

Nah. I'll rather have a device that is not bendable. Sad truth is that bending devices will replace everything just because it can break and need to be replaced.

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Windows 10 Pro goes Home as Microsoft fires up downgrade server

Anonymous South African Coward
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Happy

Billywindows fun again, I see.

Now we wait for Bombastic Bob to have a go at them :)

We got one laptop with the clap at the moment. Waiting for the user to come back from wherever so that I can have a prod 'n poke at said laptop and see what's going on.

Thanks M$ for the extra work. Now go away.

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Uncle Sam, D-Link told to battle in court over claims of shoddy device security: Judge snubs summary judgment bids

Anonymous South African Coward
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I miss groklaw.net

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Cisco swings the axe on permanent staff – hundreds laid off worldwide this week

Anonymous South African Coward
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Cisco going the way of IBM?

Or is this just a pre-emptive cost-cutting measure in light of His Trumpness' global trade antics?

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Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention

Anonymous South African Coward
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Coat

Turning Planet Earth into the Ultimate Death Star.

Darth Vader's on his way, pissed by the constant light bombardment.

And I'm outta here.

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Solid state of fear: Euro boffins bust open SSD, Bitlocker encryption (it's really, really dumb)

Anonymous South African Coward
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

theskyisfallingtheskyisfallingtheskyisfallingtheskyisfallingtheskyisfalling

wegottadosomethingquickquickquick

<font=500size>MEH</font>

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Heart Internet stops beating, starts Monday with big portion of FAIL

Anonymous South African Coward
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And this is where "cloud services" fall flat on its face.

Face it, you're at the mercy of your ISP once you've outsourced every.single.server (including Exchange and file storage) to the cloud - and if your ISP should go TITSUP* there's nothing you can do.

Except wait for services to be restored.

Should your services be on-prem, your users can still work on their spreadsheets, documents and so on, but emails (should you also be wise and have an on-prem Exchange/Linux email server) will simply spool and wait for a chance to escape the server's clutches.

However, in both cases with emails, you won't be able to receive - unless your workforce is equipped with mobile phones, which (hopefully) is working and you can get access to emails that way.

Next time some beancountery type suggests going cloud-based, have them factor in a two-three day full internet outage into their calculations.

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Planet Computers straps proper phone to its next Psion scion, Cosmo

Anonymous South African Coward
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I do want one - but finances and my budget gives a resounding "Nein".

:sadfaceguy:

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