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* Posts by Scott 53

181 posts • joined 16 Dec 2009

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Brit startup plans fusion-powered missions to the stars

Scott 53

Re: Mission energy requirements....

"an artificial island in the Pacific"

called Serendip?

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Microsoft hopes it has a sequel better than Godfather Part II: SQL Server 2019 previewed

Scott 53

One nice (and overdue) feature

SQL Sever 2017 error

Msg 8152, Level 16, State 14, Line 8

String or binary data would be truncated.

SQL Server 2019 (trace flag 460 enabled)

Msg 2628, Level 16, State 1, Line 8

String or binary data would be truncated in table 'Sandbox.dbo.Customer', column 'CustomerName'. Truncated value: 'Is this th'.

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UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

Scott 53

XTC got there before all of us

We're only making plans for Nigel

We only want what's best for him

We're only making plans for Nigel

Nigel just needs this helping hand

18
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Scott 53

Caption

Always well lubricated

2
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Scott 53

UKIP do things differently

Everywhere else the condom goes on the prick

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As one Microsoft Windows product hauls itself out of the grave, others tumble in

Scott 53

Wait until the last sentence

I use the Snipping tool almost daily. Are Microsoft about to break it?

10
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Fat chance: Cholesterol leads boffins to discover world's oldest animal fossil – 558m years old

Scott 53

Re: So what does Cholesterol do in the body that's so important the genes are unchanged in

"I think you'll find that is 1/2 a treellion years"

I think you'll find that is 1/2 a billion years. "e"s optional.

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UK networks have 'no plans' to bring roaming fees back after Brexit

Scott 53

Re: UK networks have 'no plans' to bring roaming fees back after Brexit

" I never fucking apologise for anything I write."

Even if you find out you were wrong or have inadvertently upset someone you cared about?

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US Democrats call in Feds: There's something phishy going on with our voter database

Scott 53

Re: "This fake website was spam-vertised using bogus emails"

You nearly had me with "outloook.com" but I'm savvy enough not to click on links like that.

3
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Some Things just aren't meant to be (on Internet of Things networks). But we can work around that

Scott 53

No...

Wi-fi uses photons, not electrons. We are not swamped with beta radiation.

12
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Fake prudes: Catholic uni AI bot taught to daub bikinis on naked chicks

Scott 53

What a relief

Male nudity is obviously not a problem for Catholics (surprise!). This will make Sunday's service much more comfortable.

1
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Boffin botheration as IET lifts axe on 20-year-old email alias service

Scott 53
Headmaster

Could have been much worse

Reprinting the stationary cards isn't nearly as expensive as reprinting the moving ones.

20
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Sky customer dinged for livestreaming pay-per-view boxing to Facebook

Scott 53

Re: THAT Price for one View?

American

Americanisms

'Train

0
0

Creepy software knows what you are about to do... to that poor salad

Scott 53

Predicting the future...

doesn't get tougher than this!

1
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Every bloody gadget in the house is ringing. Thanks, EE

Scott 53
Joke

Re: in time any internet device with audio in and audio out will work

In this case it will be very important to distinguish between ringtone and ring tone.

24
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My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

Scott 53

Wireless technology

The IT department manager (an accountant) once phoned the help desk to find out why his wireless mouse wasn't working while he was working from home. We eventually asked whether the receiver was inserted properly, to be told it was definitely plugged in - to the docking station on his desk. In the office.

35
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Danish Navy expert finds no trace of exhaust gas in private submarine

Scott 53

"out on a limb"? I hope that was unintentional.

1
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Cyborg fined for riding train without valid ticket

Scott 53
Headmaster

Re: Did he pay the appropriate fare for the journey?

"just tinkerers from other preffesions?"

You're obviously not an English preffesor.

8
2

Boffins find sign of water existing deep into Earth's mantle by looking at diamonds

Scott 53

Speed of ice formation

Is this a real life occurrence of Asimov's "Time Pussy" story in that the ice is formed so quickly that it is still warm?

1
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This job Win-blows! Microsoft made me pull '75-hour weeks' in a shopping mall kiosk

Scott 53

Staff?

Skeletal staff would actually be useful if all they had to lift was the occasional software package. I suppose they wouldn't want long lunch breaks either.

11
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A tiny Ohio village turned itself into a $3m speed-cam trap. Now it has to pay back the fines

Scott 53

A novel suggestion

How about "observe the speed limit"? As another poster observed, nobody is above the law.

11
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Just can't catch a break, can ya, Capita? Shares tumble 40% amid yet another profit warning

Scott 53

"In a shit sandwich, containing very little bread"

Well done there

27
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What do we want? Consensual fun times. How do we get it? Via an app with blockchain...

Scott 53

Wait, scroll back a bit

...sextech?

0
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Leftover Synaptics debugger puts a keylogger on HP laptops

Scott 53

Can't fix it

The download from HP consistently stops between 60 and 70 MB (of 181 MB)

0
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YouTuber cements head inside microwave oven

Scott 53

Someone else had a better headline

YouTuber tragically survives after cementing his head into a microwave

https://thenextweb.com/media/2017/12/08/youtuber-tragically-survives-after-cementing-his-head-into-a-microwave/

2
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A certain millennial turned 30 recently: Welcome to middle age, Microsoft Excel v2

Scott 53

CSV files

When someone complains that the data in a CSV file has been corrupted the only question you need to ask is "Have you opened it in Excel?" as Excel knows best when it comes to dates, telephone numbers, etc. My standard format specification when receiving data from third parties is "Anything other than Excel".

4
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WPA2 KRACK attack smacks Wi-Fi security: Fundamental crypto crapto

Scott 53

Says a lot about me

...but I'm having difficulty getting past "nonce reset".

4
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Software update turned my display and mouse upside-down, says user

Scott 53

Re: Every day's a school day

I remember an advert in PC Plus in the mid 80s for an IT training company which showed someone using an Amstrad PC1512 mouse the wrong way round. Funny how things stick in your mind.

4
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It's 2017... And Windows PCs can be pwned via DNS, webpages, Office docs, fonts – and some TPM keys are fscked too

Scott 53

Re: Future headlines

2XXX

FTFY

5
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Outage at EE wrecks voice calls across the UK

Scott 53

Re: Kevin Bacon @m0rt

And as the plane crashed down he thought

"Well, isn't this nice."

is the only quotable example in that song.

0
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Attention adults working in the real world: Do not upgrade to iOS 11 if you use Outlook, Exchange

Scott 53

Re: Works fine here

Fnarr? Are you channelling your inner Finbarr Saunders? I'm looking for the double entendre but you must have slipped it in while I wasn't looking.

2
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Hey, remember that monkey selfie copyright drama a few years ago? Get this – It's just hit the US appeals courts

Scott 53
Headmaster

Re: Devil's Advocate

"Best expansion of the acronym EVAR."

It would have been slightly better with a double g.

1
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It's the iPhone's 10th b'day or, as El Reg calls it, 'BILL RAY DAY'

Scott 53

Re: New Sales unit for Apple

I thought it was one DUP

2
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Blighty's first aircraft carrier in six years is set to take to the seas

Scott 53

But

What would Lewis have had to say?

9
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Smart burglars will ride the surf of inter-connected hackability

Scott 53

Back from the dead

Kenny Baker is in there, isn't he?

0
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AWS launches celebrity-spotting-as-a-service: What a time to be alive

Scott 53

Will it auto-cancel when the 'celebrity' dies?

I'm hoping so as my entry on the looky-likey board has always been Ian Brady

1
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Has AI gone too far? DeepTingle turns El Reg news into terrible erotica

Scott 53

Please no

Don't let it search El Reg - no telling what it will do with the phrases "Chocolate Factory" or "Purple Palace"

11
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UK vuln 'fessing pilot's great but who's going to give a FoI?

Scott 53
Headmaster

"flaws that ought to be swiftly and discretely resolved"

Surely if someone wants to resolve several flaws all at once they should be allowed to do so.

0
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Honor phone for paupers goes upmarket, assails flagships

Scott 53

Re: Worst.strapline.ever

"I give you the Austin Allegro "

I further give you the Mini Metro, where the steering wheel wasn't directly in front of you but offset a bit (I think to the left). As this was the first car I ever drove I didn't realise how odd this was for a while.

0
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User jams up PC. Literally. No, we don't know which flavour

Scott 53

Re: Good design my a***

I've still got a scar from a Compaq desktop in 1999. Went septic, that one.

5
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If fast radio bursts really are revving up interstellar sailcraft, here's the maths

Scott 53

2015?

Niven and Pournelle got there in 1974.

2
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Lawyer defending arson suspect flees court with pants on fire

Scott 53

"shandy drinking southerner"

The correct terminology is namby-pamby shandy-drinking Southern b*stard. With a hard a.

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Success in the bedroom breeds success in the boardroom – research

Scott 53

"daily grind"

I see what you did there. Fnarr.

5
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HSBC Business internet banking goes TITSUP*

Scott 53

Re: HSBC

Trying (and failing) to make sense of the apostrophe in "c***'*"

7
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IT guy checks to see if PC is virus-free, with virus-ridden USB stick

Scott 53

Re: I use to work as a tech in the education department

"have a quick squizz"

You might want to consult urbandictionary before giving that advice again

7
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Forget Tony Stark's Iron Man – exosuits of the future will be spandex

Scott 53

Iron man?

Definitely do-not-iron man if Spandex is involved

3
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MH370 hunters call for new search of extra 25,000km2

Scott 53

Re: Congratulations!

"And you Sir win the needlessly pedantic comment of the week award. I'm sure someone somewhere who knows you will be very proud."

No, they are just data. Data is a plural.

Do I get a prize?

1
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Stupid law of the week: South Carolina wants anti-porno chips in PCs that cost $20 to disable

Scott 53

Re: Anonymous

Johnr

It's "succeeded", which I think proves your point.

3
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Sysadmin 'fixed' PC by hiding it on a bookshelf for a few weeks

Scott 53
Headmaster

Re: IT Slight of Hand

Donald Trump is Slight of Hand, among other things. People like us employ sleight of hand.

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