My colleague has just returned from Excel training...
And wants to use the fantastic features he's been told about. But he can't find any of them on his desktop. He produces his training manual. Excel 2013 on a Windows 8 machine - one version behind the official company build, which is odd seeing as though the course was delivered by a company trainer in a company learning suite.
"Where's the view panel in the ribbon?"
"You don't have one. Use the view menu instead."
"But I want it to be the same as my manual..."
"You have a Mac running Office 2010. The functions are all there, but they will be in slightly different places."
"But why isn't it the same as my training manual?"
"Because you are using a Mac with Office 2010. This is for a Windows 8 PC running Office 2013."
"Oh, Ok. But look at this... I can see all the formulae at once if I just... Where's the alt-key? And where's that key with the little bar with a tail at the right hand end?"
"You're using a Mac. The keyboard has subtle differences."
"But I want it to be like it is in my training manual."
"You're 57 years old. You have a PhD. You have been using a Mac for over 10 years. You have been using Excel for over 10 years. Why did you want to go on a training course to learn how to use Excel?"
"I didn't think I knew enough to be getting the best out of Excel."
"You are currently getting no use out of Excel. You've come back in a worse state than when you went. All the basic ideas and concepts you've learned these last two days are valid. The options are there, but they might be in a slightly different place."
"Why isn't it the same though?"
"Bec... Oh FFS. Here, have a PC."
"I don't want a PC. I like my Mac."
etc etc etc until I was rescued by someone who had managed to remove some wires from the spaghetti explosion behind the videoconferencing unit. Again. And bending over upside down with a torch clamped in my mouth, straining my weakened back muscles and compressing my lunch-filled stomach, whilst reaching into the electronic equivalents of the intestines is far, far preferable to trying to explain why some people shouldn't go on training courses.