nav search
Data Centre Software Security DevOps Business Personal Tech Science Emergent Tech Bootnotes
BOFH
Lectures

* Posts by Symon

2250 posts • joined 18 Aug 2009

Brit bomb hoax teen who fantasised about being a notorious hacker cops 3 years in jail

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Don't mess

The singer was Carol Decker. You can (just about) see her in this Dom Joly video with 'something' in her hand.

https://youtu.be/tseDxo8QD5A

p.s. As any fule no, the real T'Pau was in that Star Trek.

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Hand Holding

"I'd go into her office"

Enter Sandman. Sorry ---->

Symon Silver badge
Facepalm

"he had plugged the network cable into the modem"

Well, that won't work nowadays as the modem would probably have an RJ11 connection and the network an RJ45. But you can still plug the modem cable into the network hole should you so desire. Or so I'm told. Ahem...

Here's 2018 in a nutshell for you... Russian super robot turns out to be man in robot suit

Symon Silver badge
Terminator

Re: Roboflop

DIRECTIVE FOUR: A Russian PRODUCT SHALL NOT ACT AGAINST Russia'S BEST INTERESTS - A Russian PRODUCT SHALL NOT ACT AGAINST ANY SENIOR Russian OFFICIAL.

Vlad, you're fired!

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: good margin

"More like 67:33 "

"It is more than the 66% majority"

It was 200 to 117. Or about 63 to 37. Just sayin' for the record.

OSIRIS-REx space probe catches a whiff of water on asteroid Bennu

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: There's no mystery

Yes, the water definitely maybe came from a Manchester Oasis. --->

Symon Silver badge
Childcatcher

Just be careful...

...not to nudge that third of a mile diameter rock too much in the wrong direction. It currently has a cumulative 1-in-2,700 chance of impacting Earth between 2175 and 2199, and Bruce Willis is already getting on a bit...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101955_Bennu

China on its way to becoming the first nation to land on the far side of the Moon

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Dark Side, Shirley?

"cannibus"

Sure, as long as you pay the driver the fare.

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Hooray. Not the "dark side"

"What comes after that?"

It's turtles all the way down.

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Dark Side, Shirley?

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/dark

Adjective, definition number 13. Hidden. Secret.

Cf. Dark Ages.

Anyway, we all know that there's no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact...

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/life-unbounded/the-dirtiest-lunar-mystery-of-all/

In 2018, Facebook is the villain and Microsoft the shining light, according to techies

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: MS and FB are two sides of the same coin.

And nor have they ever been...

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Xmas dinner?

"Cranberry sauce is shit."

It won't even fix your cystitis.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/cystitis-uti-relief-cranberry-juice-treatment-does-it-work-no-its-a-myth-says-research-a7384346.html

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

Symon Silver badge

Re: Which is better?

"proper bacon doesn't require cooking"

Does curing the meat kill the Trichinella cysts?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichinosis

You're legit and you know you are... Thanks to chanting racist footie fans, linking to dodgy stuff isn't necessarily illegal (well, in Europe)

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: Messy business

But Vancouver is a long way from Quebec, in more ways than one.

Brits' DNA data sent to military base after 'foreign' hack attacks – report

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Strange

"the data is anonymized"

But, it's DNA. And, partly thanks to the Mormons* and other credulous numpties, there's open source genealogy and DNA all over the internets. So, it's not beyond the wit of man to see it's possible to link the DNA in this database to gullible family members. Ask the Golden State Killer.

https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/gyma7m/dont-sequence-your-dna-golden-state-killer

*LDS members like to baptise dead relatives. So, they love ancestry.com and ancestryDNA. The fact that these companies are based in Utah is blind coincidence.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/21/mormons-holocaust-victims-baptism-lds-church

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancestry.com

p.s. I'm not making this up.

Tesla autopilot saves driver after he fell asleep at wheel on the freeway

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Plan A

"I'm amazed the Highway Patrol haven't pulled over a couple in the back seat of an auto-drive Tesla yet."

So that when they meet the lane divider they'll be going out with a bang?

Mystery sign-poster pities the fool who would litter the UK's West Midlands

Symon Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: I seem to remember

Yep. I went to the (old) MCG once and saw the Richmond Tigers. They were sponsored by the Australian anti-drink&drive campaign. The players shirts had 'Drink Drive Bloody Idiot' on the back. Sadly, I think the sponsorship ended when a bloody idiot player got pissed up on booze and crashed his vehicle. A bit like Alastair Burnett and his 'Police, camera, action' road safety TV shows. He was subsequently banned from driving for 23 months and fined £3000 after being arrested, charged and convicted of drink driving because he crashed into a hedge and telegraph pole while 3 times over the drink drive limit.

CubeSat buddies, like those sent to track Mars InSight landing, can be used in future missions

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Indeed, shouldn't it be 'softball sized'? The planet Mars is softball shaped.

Australia to build a pirate-proof fence: Brace yourselves, Google

Symon Silver badge
Pirate

You need myxomatosis. Viruses work better than fences, which is why all that pirated content is full of them.

p.s.

https://youtu.be/2Hc8tm57vQs

Boeing 737 pilots battled confused safety system that plunged aircraft to their deaths – black box

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Hey software, get the fuck out of the way!

Re Denarius :- "I will have to think about seaborne travel more positively."

https://www.dw.com/en/why-are-ferry-accidents-common-in-indonesia/a-44403800

I think you'll find that you're better off avoiding travelling in Indonesia. Altogether.

p.s. https://youtu.be/0wxp-NxJny8?t=81

NASA's Mars probe InSight really has Mars in sight: It beams back first pic after touchdown

Symon Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: "Jim Bridenstine said the device could detect how often Mars gets bombarded by asteroids."

Where is this planet Mar?

" you don't see many shooting stars."

Au contraire.

"Scientists think four times as many comets dust Mars with their tails compared to our home planet, as a high proportion of comets hang out near Jupiter, the red planet's next-closest neighbor. So there could be many more meteor showers visible from Mars than from Earth."

https://www.space.com/5199-shooting-star-shower-spotted-mars.html

https://www.space.com/1155-shooting-star-mars.html

It's true that there aren't as many people there to see them though...

Symon Silver badge
Go

MarCo

These things worked as well. Little flyby CubeSats that relayed back the landing telemetry. Neat.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Cube_One

NASA has Mars InSight as latest lander due to arrive today

Symon Silver badge
Alert

Re: Dusty

https://youtu.be/aBrMCUEemrE

These guys have an electrostatic cleaning system.

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Exam question.

1. Read everything before doing anything.

2. Put your name on the upper right hand corner of this paper.

3. Circle the word "name" in sentence two.

4. Draw five small squares in the upper left-hand corner of this paper.

5. Put an "x" In each square.

6. Put a circle around each square.

7. Sign your name under the title.

8. After the title write "yes, yes, yes".

9. Put a circle around each word In sentence no. 7.

10. Put an "x" in the lower left hand corner of this paper.

11. Draw a triangle around the "x" you just put down.

12. On the reverse side of this paper multiply 703 by 9805.

13. Draw a rectangle around the word "paper" in sentence number 4.

14. Call out your first name when you get to this point in your paper.

15. If you think you have followed directions up to this point In the test, call out "I have".

16. On the reverse side of the paper add 8950 and 9850.

17. Put a circle around your answer.

18. Count out loud In normal speaking voice backwards from ten to one.

19. Now that you have finished reading, do only steps one and two.

http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?t=24333

Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Burroughs/Unisys...

Screwdriver? You need a bobby pin.

https://youtu.be/OeLnS8O08ng?t=24

Using a free VPN? Why not skip the middleman and just send your data to President Xi?

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

"China's President"

Since the fifth plenary session of the National People's Congress, that'll be Emperor Xi to you, sonny Jim.

Wombats literally sh!t bricks – and now boffins reckon they know how

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Actually very interesting to some people...

"we all need a hobby"

If the scatman can do it, so can you. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope...

Bright spark dev irons out light interference

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Triggers broom = Ship of Theseus

Symon Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: It's called a choke.

Mate from the pub lived about 4km from the local exchange that he got his ADSL from. He had all sorts of problems with it. One day, after a thunderstorm, his modem was dead. I gave him a clip on ferrite and told him to loop the incoming wire to his new modem through it. Common mode impedance = turns squared and all that. All was well for a few years, until his data rate started getting worse. They sent out an 'engineer' who told him to remove the ferrite, because it could affect the signal. As if. Anyway, two weeks later, another thunderstorm, another dead modem. And then they finally fixed the corroded connection up a pole...

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61pzG0wFnUL._SY355_.jpg

Brits shun country life over phone not-spot fears

Symon Silver badge
Megaphone

Microwave links.

Out here in the sticks, my office is about 600m from my house. We have fibre to both, but we also kept the old ADSL for backup. We run servers at both sites. Then I bought two of these, £160 the pair exc. VAT :-

https://www.4gon.co.uk/ubiquiti-powerbeam-m5-400-pbem5400-p-6260.html?osCsid=f9a285b5230fd9e9221e64c812ca316e

Redundancy is now via the microwave link, stay under 1W and you don't need a licence. One of them is bolted to a fence at the office, the other screwed on up a beech tree at the bottom of my garden. You need line of sight. It's meant to work over 25km, so the 600m link is rock solid. Even when the UPS man parks in front of the dish. Reminds me, must get the ladder out...

We covered the cost in 3 months, we were paying for business broadband on the ADSL with static IPs etc.

Oz lad 'fell in love with' baby meerkat, nicked it from zoo, took it out for a romantic Big Mac

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Re: He got off lightly compared to Tufty.

"Or did I miss yet another meaningless Internet meme?"

Nope, you're suffering from a mild dose of etymological fallacy disease, whereby you hold that a word can only have its historic meaning, rather than a different present day definition. For example, I imagine that you think "since" and "while" can only be used as temporal connectives, not as logical ones (meaning, roughly, 'because' and 'although'), as (since?) that was their original meaning.

http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/001256.html

Symon Silver badge
Devil

He got off lightly compared to Tufty.

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/meerkats-eat-squirrel-bristol-zoo-2190676

Turns out that they are nasty little bastards.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/meerkats-revealed-as-the-most-murderous-mammal-known-to-science-a7335741.html

p.s. OK, Tufty was a red squirrel. BTW, it's illegal to release a grey squirrel back into the wild, so, even if the thing had been saved at the zoo, they'd have had to kill it anyway.

Up to three million kids' GPS watches can be tracked by parents... and any miscreant: Flaws spill pick-and-choose catalog for perverts

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Why does the server need any details about the child?

"Offspring 1"

Perhaps 'Kid A' is a suitable moniker to keep everything in its right place, unless the child knows how to disappear completely.

Douglas Adams was right, ish... Super-Earth world clocked orbiting 'nearby' Barnard's Star

Symon Silver badge
Go

Re: Getting a proble there?

"The fastest man-made moving object is currently Voyager, "

No it isn't. Parker solar probe is faster. 60km/s vs. 17km/s for Voyager.

http://parkersolarprobe.jhuapl.edu/The-Mission/index.php#Where-Is-PSP

https://www.space.com/42283-parker-solar-probe-closest-to-sun-record.html

FYI NASA just lobbed its Parker probe around the Sun in closest flyby yet: A nerve-racking 15M miles from the surface

Symon Silver badge
Alien

Re: Brilliant stuff!

That'll never happen. Wait...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maunder_Minimum

Symon Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: 5-4-3-2-1

We might as well mention the 'real' Parker I suppose.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_Parker

Symon Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Talk about the gates of Hell !

Is it spiraling inwards? No, it's ellipsing inwards with the help of Venus!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Animation_of_Parker_Solar_Probe_trajectory.webm

FWIW, it's not just a case of "setting the controls for the heart of the Sun". You need a lot of delta-v.

https://space.stackexchange.com/questions/13396/do-any-current-icbms-have-the-delta-v-to-target-the-sun

p.s. Careful with that axe, Eugene Parker. IGMC.

Can your rival fix it as fast? turns out to be ten-million-dollar question for plucky support guy

Symon Silver badge
Alert

Interrupt service routines.

Where million-to-one shots happen every day! (or night, more likely)

Astroboffins spot one of the oldest, coolest stars in the universe lurking in the Milky Way

Symon Silver badge
Alien

Re: Hydrogen is a *good* coolant

"Unlike metal-enriched gas that efficiently cools via dust and metal-line emission, metal-free gas can only cool significantly via atomic (H), molecular (H2), and deuterated (HD) hydrogen emission. Hydrogen can only cool gas down to temperatures T < 10^4K, and H2 is a poor coolant at T < 200 K. While HD can cool gas below T ≈ 200 K, the small cosmological ratio of deuterium to hydrogen limits its contribution to cooling. "

In space, a gas cloud cools by radiation. There's almost no gravity, so there's no convection, and there's no conduction as there's nothing to conduct to. Hydrogen might be a good coolant in some circumstances, but not in this one.

Symon Silver badge
Stop

Re: up to 1,000 kelvin (726.85 degrees Celsius).

My beef is with the phrase "up to". If only the Advertising Standards Authority would ban these two words in any commercial, we'd be up to a million times better off.

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

Symon Silver badge
Coat

More Babybell?

Google logins make JavaScript mandatory, Huawei China spy shock, Mac malware, Iran gets new Stuxnet, and more

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Quis custodiet

People called Romanes they go the house?

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: "uranium subterfuges", O Joy

Not 'ducks and runs'. Dead or alive.

Which scientist should be on the new £50 note? El Reg weighs in – and you should vote, too

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: James Clerk Maxwell

His coffee was crap though!

Symon Silver badge
Boffin

Maxwell

https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2018/11/02/nikola_tesla_stupidity/#c_3646366

The Register - Independent news and views for the tech community. Part of Situation Publishing