* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Olympic athletes compete in RAYGUN SHOOTING for the first time

hplasm
Childcatcher

Re: It's the 21st Century...

"Besides, it's harder to enjoy reloading and working up loads for a laser."

Only if it's a namby pamby laser...

I agree with Matt (!) though- where's our Mary Poppins Icon?

Boffins puzzled over impossibly fast ice avalanches on Saturn's moon

hplasm
Coat

Re: Not natural

"I've run the message thru the ICU- Mother doesn't think it's a message- she thinks it's a warning.-

Something about Instant Mash..."

Twitter airport bomb joke conviction binned in common-sense WIN

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Would this be the same CPS

Corrupt Prosecution Service?

Yep- that's them.

Natwest freezes debit cards, online banking in fresh cock-up

hplasm
WTF?

Re: Err...

How's the vertigo at the moment, then?

IT departments are BRATTY TEENAGERS

hplasm
Devil

Re: 6 months ago I couldn't even spell architect now I are one.

Infrastructure architects tend to know what they are talking about. Anyone with 'Corporate' in their title is probably a hot air generator.

Neal Stephenson on swordplay, space and depressing SF

hplasm
Stop

Re: update HG Wells...?!

Don't! Tom Cruise might do War of the Worlds II.

Nationwide DOUBLES card payments in fresh banking gaffe

hplasm
Devil

Re: IT outsourced?

Worse yet.

Old-timer Odyssey to babysit Curiosity's Mars landing

hplasm
Coat

Re: About a million to one......

That's what *they* said...

hplasm
Pint

Re: Who are you, really?

Hopefully, the future.

hplasm
Alien

Re: Bent pipe...event tones?

OOOOOOOLaaaaaaaaa!

Apple CEO: Frothing fanboi iPhone 5 hype screwed our sales

hplasm
FAIL

Re: Entirely Apple's own fault

"And the number of iPad3 unit sold keeps getting higher and higher."

Well it couldn't go lower could it?

Or do things work differently in Fanspace?

hplasm
Gimp

Fanbois!

Even the Mothership finds you annoying!

Microsoft unfurls patent lasso, snares Linux servers

hplasm
Linux

Re: ...that you will be legally allowed to own

Then only outlaws will have decent kit!

Ten... PC games you may have missed

hplasm
Linux

Re: Perhaps 2012 will be the year mainstream gaming comes to Linux?

But then there will be no need for Windows- the gaming OS.

UK Border Agency to create 'national allegations database'

hplasm
Devil

Re: Really Dave

They roll it back to get a good run up to roll it out very quickly.

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Good good

That would be ' doubleplus good.'

EMC's creepy challenge: Give Big Data a 'human face'

hplasm
Boffin

Give Big Data a Human Face

And Rat-Jellyfish tentacles.

And Bat-Lizard wings

And....

MWHAHA!

Smart meter hack framework goes open-source

hplasm
Happy

Re: waste of time

I have one from EBay. P&P is a killer though. 3 stars.

Windows 8 'bad' for desktop users - Gartner's one-word review

hplasm
Happy

Re: Balmers Reaction?

Isn't he still busy killing Google?

Microsoft promises Metro developers 'fame and fortune'

hplasm
Happy

Bloody stdents.

Get a Job's product.

(I jest!)

Where there's brass, silver and gold ... there's also muck

hplasm
Boffin

Re: horse shit cubes?

Feed them on oaty bars.

Ocean-seeding experiment re-ignites geo-engineering debate

hplasm
Pint

Re: Do it

You attitude intrigues me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Home Office doc 'not qualified' to assess McKinnon suicide risk

hplasm
Happy

When

is your debut?

Expert: EU Microsoft competition fine could reach $7bn

hplasm
Windows

I'm fed up with this crap too

But they keep selling new and crappier versions that are holding back progress.

Raspberry Pi rolls out speed surge Raspbian OS

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Daft twats

You were shifting an empty box hence box-shifter.

Christ.

What do you use the bloody Arduino for without other stuff? Scratching your arse?

Get back under the bridge,dozy twat.

Bloody Arduino lovers, worse than Dremel fanbois.

hplasm
Coat

Re: Bill Smith

You're just a box-shifter then?

WTF is... WiGig

hplasm
Happy

Re: More importantly...

wigigigigig.

Like bananananana

Ice island snaps off Greenland: Just a fifth the size of 1962 whopper

hplasm
Meh

Re: The Register needs a filtering system

The Register needs a filtering system for trolls at least.

McDonalds staff 'rough up' prof with home-made techno-spectacles

hplasm
Happy

Re: Hey, it's international cuisine alright

Merde Grand- inna bun.

iPhone 5 to be skinniest Apple yet SHOCK

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: I could not care less

1.5D graphics. They're so thin!

Microsoft 'didn't notice' it had removed Browser Choice for 17 months

hplasm
Windows

Re: Which joyless wankers

If IE brings you joy, you are a sad fucker indeed.

hplasm
Coat

Re: BDG

Strange though it may be, there is a certain truth in what you say...

Nasa guides Mars Rover with Kinect

hplasm
Happy

RROD?

Isn't this already built in?

E-Cat pitching cold fusion to Australians

hplasm
Meh

Buy one-

and prove it to us, then.

Raspberry Pi used as flight computer aboard black-sky balloon

hplasm
Meh

Re: Wind blows in wrong direction.....

Yeah- it might make a nasty POP!

Seize your moment, Microsoft: iPad is RUBBISH for enterprise

hplasm
FAIL

Meet Richto-

The Win8 of MS trolls.

Door creaks and girl farts: computing in the real world

hplasm
Gimp

Is it me...

or are there a lot of snarky barista types on here today?

I'll have a black coffee, with milk- when you can spare a minute from pouting.

Computer error triggers mass rocket launch

hplasm
Coat

Re: Visible from the moon?

So *thats* what happens when you press the 'TURBO' button on the PC...

Numbers don't lie: Apple's ascent eviscerates Microsoft

hplasm
Happy

Re: Why Paris?

You can, but you have to remove her ports to do so.

Ten... alien invasions

hplasm
Happy

Re: Daleks – Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D.

London never really recovered from the 2012 Olympics...

/retcon

Boffins pull off room-temp quantum computing with home-grown gems

hplasm
Devil

Re: Will they

Not unless they want the data to be corrupt.

Bill Gates: iPad is OK, but what Apple really needs is a SURFACE

hplasm
Happy

Re: The crucial question...

Will it Surface, or Dive?

hplasm
Go

Re: He's dead wrong...

Indeed; Nobody knows what the next BigThing will look like- but it won't be a 'Surface-like Device.'.

Japan Anonymous aims to fight download law by picking up litter

hplasm
WTF?

Re: Anti-nuclear?

No nuclear power, no cyber networks to attack. Seems a little at cross-purposes to me...

GPS spoofing countermeasures: Your smartphone already has them

hplasm
Devil

Re: The Rise of the Neo-Luddites

My map is mostly blank, apart from a 'X' and some text at the bottom about 'here be monsters'.

Could be Seattle, could be Cupertino; can't tell.

CERN catches a glimpse of Higgs-like boson

hplasm
Devil

Re: Gazillions

Doesn't the M25 already have an accelerator for Evil particles built into it?

Do you work in IT at RBS? Or at the next place to get hit ...?

hplasm
Devil

Re: Help your manager look good?

If you haven't worked in Banking, you won't understand...

Dimming the lights on smart(arse) TV

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: All those functions?

True, so true.

Netflix makes it worse.

Half the team at the heart of the RBS disaster WERE in India

hplasm
Mushroom

Re: Reeks of Daily Fail

The problem being is that the Execs ARE plug-compatible empty suits. That's why they can fuck up, fuck off and wander into a new position and carry on.

Kill them all with fire.

hplasm
Devil

Re: in management terms

But IT guys can talk shit too!