* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

DeSENSORtised: Why the 'Internet of Things' will FAIL without IPv6

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: is this what.....

"the decimalisation debate was like back in the 60's....?"

no, it's more like proposing the opposite- or changing from metric back to imperial measures...

RIP net neutrality? FCC mulls FAST LANES for info superhighway

hplasm
Megaphone

Re: A Very Strong Stink of Corruption

"There is a vital alternative media on the Internet"

For now- they will be the first targets of the New Media.

Tooled-up Ryobi girl takes nine-inch grinder to Asus beach babe

hplasm
Happy

Re: It's the pliers versus side-cutters polemic all over again.

She's clearly using a Chacka Demus, then.

So, just how do you say 'the mutt's nuts' in French?

hplasm
Happy

Re: How about in Thai?

ไข่หมา - literally meaning 'egg dog'

With noodles?

Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

hplasm
Coat

Ah Kilkenny-

To be renamed 'South Park'...

hplasm
Alien

Re: @ Winkypoop @Don Jefe

"What's wrong with the Royal Family?"

That's a whole new kettle of worms.

hplasm
Happy

Re: Village?

Isn't a hamlet a baconated piglet?

Oh no, Joe: WinPhone users already griping over 8.1 mega-update

hplasm
Devil

Re: RTFM

TFM says This is a Developers Version.

Then- We've done as much as we can with it. See what you can fix for us. Thanks. MS.

Apple fanbois eat static as Beeb, Sky web stream vids go titsup on iOS

hplasm
Meh

Re: At the risk of being downvoted

"...just as long as it works for them"

So not at the moment then?

Microsoft reissues Windows 8.1 Update for enterprise customers

hplasm
Devil

Re: Windows 8.x is used in the enterprise?

Yes, but only the one with Captain Archer.

You want an IT course? Welcome to QA Training's Week of Free

hplasm
Happy

" Microsoft best kept ITPro secret: SCOrch"

Hahahah... Nice one.

Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, Already obsolete

hplasm
Devil

Re: Waitwhat?

In other news: Win9 ALREADY obsolete!

You use Office 365, SQL Server or Azure, right? Great, you're invited to Microsoft's data insights

hplasm
Meh

There are a lot of these MS 'Insights'

Do they all end with "Exit through the bridge shop"?

Be prepared... for your Scouts-loving sprog to become tiny spin doctor

hplasm
Facepalm

New motto!

B-Ark Prepared!

SpaceX Falcon tests hovercraft tech – despite ISS outage

hplasm
Happy

Re: At last!

And a checkered band- it needs a checkered band, just below the nose cone!

Spy-happy Condoleezza Rice joins Dropbox board as privacy adviser

hplasm
FAIL

Re: What's the big deal?

Got a toilet door, AC?

USB reversible cables could become standard sooner than you think

hplasm
Happy

Re: 100W?

I want a USB oven!

hplasm
Facepalm

Re:the bottom of the port

Which might be on the left, or the right hand side..or the top; which may be underneath.

Anatomy of OpenSSL's Heartbleed: Just four bytes trigger horror bug

hplasm
Windows

Re: A bug in a library is always worse, but...

"Who in their right mind is still running web sites on Windows 2000?"

Who in their right mind is still running web sites on Windows ?

Solar-powered aircraft unveiled for round-the-world flight

hplasm
Boffin

re:That's why the top speed is limited to 86MPH

To avoid time-travel problems!

hplasm
Happy

Re: Moody Planes

It's not gravity, it's the ground trying to kill you.

Ancient Earth asteroid strike that dwarfed dinosaur killer still felt today

hplasm
Joke

Re: Wiped out species in existence?

"... they would have been clustered around smokers in the deep ocean..."

So after the apocalypse, life will begin again outside offices and in shelters outside of pubs.

UFO, cosmic ray or flasher? NASA rules on Curiosity curiosity

hplasm
Alien

Re: "or similar..."

Sadly the other camera fell right in the dark centre of the other of the two luminous rings,which were briefly projected at the rover from a strange rocky projection on the far hilltop.

Together with the luminous circles was a very deep audio signal that was also unfortunately missed by the onboard microphone, apparently wittering on about something concerning 'Mysterons' or some such gibberish... probably just the Martian wind...

Now back to NASA spokesperson, Captain Black, in Mission Control.

Internet is a tool of Satan that destroys belief, study claims

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Alleluia, he's Saved!

Repeat after me:- The Web is not The Net.

Beat it, freetards! Dyn to shut down no-cost dynamic DNS next month

hplasm
Meh

Re: Meh.

I had the free service- it worked, then stopped.

I started again, and paid. It stopped working. I contacted them.

Nothing happened.

I gave up on Dying DNS.

NASA's LADEE: A Great Gig in the Sky, now on a death dive to the Dark Side of the Moon

hplasm

Re: yes, I do know vacuum cleaners don't function in, er, vacuum.

But they do... clean it, right?

Five-year-old discovers Xbox password bug, hacks dad's Live account

hplasm
Devil

Re: Good on the kid for figuring this out, but

Isn't that the same technique that gave us TIFKAM?

Nothing's as SCARY as an overly aggressive SOFTWARE PIMP

hplasm
WTF?

Re:"Try them both on a 13" retina display..."

You have 13" eyes? Are you a squid?

In three hours, Microsoft gave the Windows-verse everything it needed

hplasm
Windows

Re: None of this changes anything

"We are not the modern equivalent of car-fiddling 20 somethings who brag about tiny inconsequential tweaks that took hours to sort out."

So stop installing 3d party fixes for W8's shortcomings and bragging about it.

BEHOLD the HOLY GRAIL of TECH: The REVERSIBLE USB plug

hplasm
Happy

Re: We have all experienced Schrödinger's USB stick

All cables have the plug on upside-down. It's a natural law.

Puking! protester! forces! Yahoo! 'techie! scum!' to! ride! vile! bile! barf! bus! to! work!

hplasm
Happy

Re: Die Techie Scum

Ha- beat me to it- German techno Band...

Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: Please make it optional... some people aren't idiots

Original desktop too hard for some people, it seems; love W8...

Back off, Siri! Microsoft debuts Halo beauty Cortana

hplasm
Devil

Re: You MS haters are amusing!

MS- you are just being Siri now.

hplasm
Meh

"Cortana is powered by Bing,"

Holly has an IQ of 5000.

We all know how that turned out.

El Reg's Deep Outback XP upgrade almost foiled by KILLER ARACHNIDS

hplasm
Happy

Re: Just to be pedantic

So- are the leggy fuckers toxic, or not?

Hotmail-gate: Windows 8 code leaker pleads guilty to theft of trade secrets

hplasm
Devil

Re: Russian national?

" Which will look amazingly like Win 8.1 but without the suck."

The look is a major part of the suck. It is tightly integrated...

How Microsoft can keep Win XP alive – and WHY: A real-world example

hplasm
Linux

Re: WHY because Why waste that old Hardware, its bad for Planet Earth.

"Can Ubuntu control a lathe?"

Yes, it can.

Windows 8 BREAKS ITSELF after system restores

hplasm
Meh

Re: Stay with Win7

The Win9 Start Button will probably just be a PayPal button that says "Give cash to Microsoft".

And you'll have to press it on a daily basis.

hplasm
Devil

Re: breaking news

It's breaking, bad. (ly)

Apple vows to add racially diverse EMOJIS after MILEY CYRUS TWITTER outrage

hplasm
Thumb Up

Well-

"We have filed a request with the government in the hope of launching our own petition demanding that British politicians ban the use emojis altogether."

This!

As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

hplasm
Windows

Re: Are you insane?

"Like performance and security features - yeah what a waste of time."

Well it's not like they actually did anything...

The plot to kill Google cloud: We'll rename Windows Azure to MICROSOFT Azure

hplasm
Happy

Re: The comments posted here should be on SNL in the US. You Brits ROCK!

You're welcome. Please pass on our complements to your countrymen in Redmond for their comedy stylings also.

hplasm
Devil

Re: When will the next name change be?

$500,000 would get them the Smart Price or Tesco Value branding- that would be better.

It's 2014 and you can pwn a PC by opening a .RTF in Word, Outlook

hplasm
Windows

"... compatibility with previous versions..."

MS Office- Crap yesterday, crap tomorrow. You can rely on it.

EE...K: Why can't I uninstall carrier's sticky 'Free Games' app?

hplasm
Happy

Because there is nothing on my Lumia...

apps wise.

What does people-centric IT mean, anyway?

hplasm
Windows

People-centric IT

MS version:-

Round up all the users in the centre of a field and put a big chain around them.

Microsoft exec: I don't know HOW our market share sunk

hplasm
Devil

Re: Choice versus forced...

"It was pretty obvious that Microsoft software was designed"

Ah- I can see your problem right there...

Tornado-chasing stealth Batmobile set to invade killer vortices

hplasm
Happy

Re: What is it with Americans

It'll be fine unless a Trenco or a zwilnik's bomb gets under the leading edge...

'Arrogant' Snowden putting lives at risk, says NSA's deputy spyboss

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Right...

My list of people who can Fuck Right Off grows daily.

Ledgett is on it.