* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

How many pre-loaded Win 10 PCs did disties have 7 days after release?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Speculation

That just happened- and so did that!

EU clears UK to give £50m to SABRE space launcher engine

hplasm
Mushroom

"... but at least, if Skylon takes off, we can try nuke them from orbit..."

FTFY

BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!

hplasm
Pirate

Re: IR35

"Careful, you're at risk of being considered an employee under IR35 legislation!"

I think you forget just who you are dealing with here...

Two weeks of Windows 10: Just how is Microsoft doing?

hplasm
Windows

"So many Linux fanbois hating on MSFT!"

Is that a tiny tear in your eye?

Reddit caves to Russian fungus censorship demands

hplasm
FAIL

"On Protecting Children from Information Harmful to Their Health and Development".

There goes all Russian Government propaganda down the tubes then.

Cheers, Bill Gates. Who wouldn't want drinking water made from POO?

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Turdwater

How about- "Don't shit in the well!"

hplasm
Happy

Re: second verse that no-one remembers

Or- "Drink, piss and live!"

hplasm
Pint

Re: Not too long ago

Beer is water made WITH poo - Yeast Poo!

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: nice

"...people drinking sludge out of a ditch..."

Since the dawn of time, people have been drinking water from natural sources.

Suddenly they are 'drinking sludge out of a ditch'.

When did Humans become so stupid? It must have been quite recently.

And why?

Flying Spaghetti Monster spotted off Angolan coast

hplasm
Unhappy

Monday morning design

Whoever designed Monday mornings wasn't intelligent...

hplasm
Happy

"Jones’s colleague Philip Pugh then nailed the creature..."

Blasphemy!

hplasm
Happy

Re: BFD.

"We have those in the public pools here."

I think you call them 'churches'...

Also - Yarr!

Have an iPhone? Mac? Just about anything else Apple flogs? Patch now

hplasm
Pint

Re: I could bash Apple

It's never too early in the morning to be making cider.

Drinking it, perhaps... just.

Dell, Google dangle Chromebooks over IT bosses sick of Windows

hplasm
Meh

Re: It is not Windows

It's starting to look more like 'Out of the smouldering pile of suspiciously petrol soaked rags and dynamite into the frying pan...'

Want Edward Snowden pardoned? You're in the minority, say pollsters

hplasm
Devil

Re: If you only watch Faux News and CNN....

"Hah! Fooled them - I don't have any children."

Ha! Fooled you! They don't have any Terrorists!

It's 2015, and someone can pwn Windows PCs by inserting a USB stick

hplasm
Devil

"... the same problem may exist in both vehicles, but they are different..."

The problem is the same- in that case 'Ford'.

In this case...

FAIL: Windows 10 bulk patch produces INFINITE CRASH LOOP

hplasm
Devil

Film @ 11

Windows 10 -Fifty First Updates.

It's a comedy.

Pi-eyed: Microsoft ships slimmed-down Windows 10 IoT Core for gizmos

hplasm
Meh

Look!

A hippopotamus riding a bicycle!

How useful...

Texas senator Ted Cruz serves up sizzling 'machine gun bacon'

hplasm
Happy

ITYM...

This genital has beclowned himself.

Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
Holmes

I asked a nice Aussie girl once...

...why there were so many nice Aussie girls in the UK.

She replied- "Have you seen the state of Australian men?"

Windows 10 climbs to 3.55 per cent market share, Win 8.1 dips

hplasm
Windows

Re: Hard sell, hardly selling, selling hard

"Windows 10 is a no brainer update"

Got no brain? Then update to Win 10.

Surprise! Evil-eyed cats MORE LIKELY to be SNEAKY PREDATORS – boffins

hplasm
Meh

Re: Stop right there !

"The most successful hunter and destroyer of species in Earth history had round pupils, the human race."

Only successful because they made cats small...

hplasm
Stop

Re: Yes, but...

The mantis shrimp will destroy you.

Do not taunt mantis shrimp!

All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: I predict

I want one, right now.

With a tentacled silhouette underneath, preferably.

Windows 10 is FORCING ITSELF onto domain happy Windows 7 PCs

hplasm
Pirate

Re: YOU WILL HAVE WINDOWS 10 AND LIKE IT.

A:You will be assimilated:

Q:The Reg contacted Microsoft for comment. We will update you with their response.

How many Win 10 PCs were in distribution the week before launch?

hplasm
Devil

Re: Belly Button

Win 10, like the belly button, only has a use when connected firmly to the mothership.

If not, it's just a curiosity.

Microsoft vacates moral high ground for the data slurpers' cesspit

hplasm
Meh

If you've done nothing wrong, you've nothing to worry about

Where wrong == Installed Windows 10.

Windows 10 wipes your child safety settings if you upgrade from 7 or 8

hplasm
Devil

Re: Windows 10 as a service

Windows 10 as Microsoft's Requiem Mass...

Cop shops mock cop for cop stop flop: He'll cop it for copping it up - top cop

hplasm
Happy

Re: well cop that for a headline

Wow indeed!

Should be an award for that one.

The headline was also longer than the story...

OFFICIAL SCIENCE: Men are freezing women out of the workplace

hplasm
Coat

If it's too hot-

try blowing on it...

If you installed Windows 10 and like privacy, you checked the defaults, right? Oh dear

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: I wonder....

Just because they can is no reason for you to roll over.

When you are on your knees, they can ask to to do other things...

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Guess I'll stick to 7 until 2020...

"Oh, Another Systemd dig..."

Yep- keep digging until the hole is big enough to bury the bastard* like an old white dogshit.

*systemd or it's 'creator' - you choose.

Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

hplasm
Devil

Re: Wheezer

"Does Windows 10 come with a nice song?"

One Direction?

BAD things happen to GOOD robots in America: hitchBot DECAPITATED

hplasm
Devil

Re: Looking at the picture...

Or the Yankees...

'White hats don't want to work for us' moans understaffed FBI

hplasm
Big Brother

Don't they just-

present 'grey'hats with a job offer they can't refuse?

That's what TV tells us...

Sun? In Blighty? Nah, just build that rooftop data centre, it’ll be fine

hplasm
Flame

Re: Little-league stuff

On a larger scale- a VAX 11/730 ( IIRC) test machine in a little office.

When the aircon failed over the weekend, the disk drive (huge box the size of a washing machine, about 50Mb...) started to squeal. Eventually the disk stopped rotatating, just as we came in.

Fearing the worst, a quick shutdown was in order.

After the AC was fixed, the VAX started up without any complaint and kept running thereafter.

Servers? Wimpy little tin boxes... :)

Magnet-wobble wireless charging system dishes out a respectable 10 kW

hplasm
Coat

"...a way to use this technology while the vehicle was moving,..."

Magnets in the road, coil on the vehicle!

Google sneaks out new clip-on tech goggles for saddo Glassholes

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Oh that's just great Google!

"Any chance of getting the functionality into a tie pin?"

Or clipped to a ring, or cufflinks... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069125/

German spooks want to charge journalists with TREASON for publishing spy plans

hplasm
Happy

Re: Oh Barbara ...

"What are you two on about?"

Roshambo...

Edge out rivals? No! Firefox boss BLASTS Microsoft's Windows 10 browser brouhaha

hplasm
Devil

Re: And when you've find your browser has changed...

"For users, it's a minor irritation."

Sounds like a good Win 10 description!

'Fix these Windows 10 Horrors': Readers turn their guns on Redmond

hplasm
Happy

"Home users, who are dumb and stupid...

..and Enterprise users, who can pay volume licensing fees and can be treated like cash-cows."

FTFY

hplasm
Windows

" Are you feeling self-doubt? Or are you just a dick?"

Are you still posting on your Surface, dogged? Does the touch screen actually work when covered in flecks of foamy spittle?

Where's the poodle icon?

hplasm
Happy

Posts by Comic Book Guy

Worst Update EVAR!!!

hplasm
Devil

Re: Close but no cigar

"It was shit."

Cortina Mk2 or Cortana Mk1?

hplasm
Thumb Up

Welcome to the World of Windows 10-

a world of "endless, pointless knobbing around..."

UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Hang on

"Or just a street come to think of it) where they can mingle with each others and leave the filthy heretics and their sinful ways alone."

Downing St?

hplasm
Holmes

Re: I wish politicians would learn...

"Think I'll go smoke some more crack now."

Go and ask foir some at 10 Downing St- I think they have loads.

This is TRUE science: Harvard boffins fire up sizzling BACON LASER

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: standard comment in laser physics:

You could have used the Paris icon!

hplasm
Happy

Everyone's been concentrating on the 'Fricking Sharks'...

Is the pigs they should have beenwatching.

Now we'll need to nuke them from catapults, with mutant Birds, that are artificially stimulated to Angryness...

Microsoft Edge web browser: A well-presented mea culpa

hplasm
Coat

Why the long face?

Surely it's evident- an apology for an OS would be accompanied by an apology for a browser...