* Posts by hplasm

5611 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Rocket Lab wants to break free, hopes next mission is more 'A Kind Of Magic' than 'Another One Bites The Dust'

hplasm
Happy

Re: Here's the deal, NASA

A Boing! Rocket?

Cruel and Unusual Punishment.. so denied!

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

hplasm
Devil

Re: "a cynical streak so wide they could land an A380 on it."

I have a cynical streak so wide they could land Steve Austin AND all of his missing bits on it...

hplasm
Facepalm

I assume there is a good reason.

Ahem.. I think not, little puppy....

Drones must be constantly connected to the internet to give Feds real-time location data – new US govt proposal

hplasm
Happy

Re: No problem.

You can clearly see the ass (arse) of the FBI agents - the fact they can't find it with both hands is not your fault.

FTFY

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

hplasm
Happy

Re: Optional

5HP? How big an arsehole are we talking about here?

The Ghost of Windows 10 Past shrinks back as Microsoft's axeman tiptoes ever closer

hplasm
Devil

Re: "1809 update for Windows 10"

"W10 Morphing into Ѡ10"

Arse 10? Sounds about right...

Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

hplasm
Coat

Re: I'd rather have a Quarter-Pounder scented candle....

Filet-O-Fish Candle?

Life in plastic, with a classic: Polymer £20 notes released into wild sporting Turner art

hplasm
Coat

Re: 141 Double Decker Buses

Bin Laden?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Offensive?

"Why not use the left-overs from liposuction?"

Imagine Whirled Peas!"

Hey, Brits. Your Google data is leaving the EU before you are: Hoard to be shipped from Ireland to US next month

hplasm
Devil

Re: Convenient BS from Google...

"Google US are taking advantage of their 3rd World Count. status."

FTFY

I'm sorry, Elon. I'm afraid I can't do that... SpaceX touts robo-rides for orbital vacations, lift-off in 2021-ish

hplasm
Happy

Re: Sounds like a trial of the first B Ark

"I hope they leave us with a few telephone sanitisers."

But- you can sanitise your phone by putting it in the microwave oven for 2 minutes!

It also charges it!

Do try and keep up!

Call us immediately if your child uses Kali Linux, squawks West Mids Police

hplasm
Coat

Is a punch in the scrum-

worse than being picked up by the fuzz?

hplasm
Happy

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

"I went to school with a girl called Kali."

How many arms did she have?

Huawei to the danger zone: Now Uncle Sam slaps it with 16 charges of racketeering, fraud, money laundering, theft of robot arm and source code

hplasm
Terminator

Re: Stolen robot arm....

"We all know why that was nicked!!

One word: Wolowitz"

Two words - Sarah Connor

Internet's safe-keepers forced to postpone crucial DNSSEC root key signing ceremony – no, not a hacker attack, but because they can't open a safe

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Yep.

"Really?....)

Most Firearm 'safes' can be opened in under 30 seconds, with a bit of string or a twig....

hplasm
Happy

Obligatory-

"the tradesman's entrance round the back"

Oo-er, Missus!!

hplasm
Devil

Re: Ironic yes

Cold Iron -keeps out the daemons.

(Or in, in this case...)

Astroboffins agog after spotting the first repeating fast radio burst that pings every 16 days from another galaxy

hplasm
Alien

Re: Aliens? Or something more prosaic? We're hoping for aliens

oh shit. Cosmic Influencers...

Raise Shields and harden the IPS!

Jeff Bezos: I will depose King Trump

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: To be honest ...

"Do you worship his blessed senility?"

Government by the senile, for the senile.

q.v. senate...

Fed-up air safety bods ban A350 pilots from enjoying cockpit coffees

hplasm
Coat

Re: Put coffee in non-spill containers

Or break the tradition of the steaming Stewardess knocking on the door with a tray of open coffee cups?

Bow chick a wow wow...

I know, i'm going now!

Microsoft reorg places Surface evangelist Panos Panay as boss of Windows too – report

hplasm
Coat

Re: Will touch-screens become mandatory?

"...do I want ripple or smooth toilet paper?"

Or used, in the Win 10 case.

Outlook more like 'look out!' as Microsoft email decides everything is spam today

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Windows Search is down, too.

Are you certain? It can take some considerable time before it decides it cant find things that are right in front of it...

Bada Bing, bada bork: Windows 10 is not happy, and Microsoft's search engine has something to do with it

hplasm
Holmes

B.I.N.G

Bing Is Not Good.

Things I learned from Y2K (pt 87): How to swap a mainframe for Microsoft Access

hplasm
Coat

Re: help!

"Not easily. They're deposited in an HSM."

Steganography in High School Musical songs?

(I hoped HSM was long gone... erk! )

Quick, get the popcorn: Amazon Web Services says Microsoft's benchmarks for Azure are a load of stripe

hplasm
Happy

Re: 3.4 times faster and up to 87 per cent less expensive

"...a picture of my balls"

Basically a Microsoft press release then?

Very little helps: Tesco flashes ancient Windows desktop on Scan-As-You-Shop device

hplasm
Coat

Re: "May I be the first to welcome Tesco to the 21st century"

"My kitchen garden's just outside the tradesman's entrance ..."

Makes for easy fertilizer delivery...

hplasm
Mushroom

I honestly cannot conceive of the mindset...

I can't believe you don't have an underpaid lackey to do your shopping for you.

Oh the shame!

Microsoft Teams starts February with a good, old-fashioned TITSUP*

hplasm
Holmes

On the job training...

"You did your job. So what."

" Never mind that I spent half the weekend of my own time and own equipment at home, unpaid, testing things to make sure I'd get it right first time. :("

Here endeth the first Lesson.

/ConneryVoice

At last, the fix no one asked for: Portable home directories merged into systemd

hplasm
Holmes

" And if it turns out to be someone OVER IT's head, like an executive?"

Cattle Prod.

Remember those infosec fellas who were cuffed while testing the physical security of a courthouse? The burglary charges have been dropped

hplasm
Meh

Re: State is not county

"Lest we forget, Sheriff Big Pants could have said "oh makes sense" and just left"

Now, jest hol' on there Deputy Dawg!!

/Cletus Rides Out

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Measuring the speed of Justice?

"They move slowly when they're eating."

So do the Lawmen...

Need 32-bit Linux to run past 2038? When version 5.6 of the kernel pops, you're in for a treat

hplasm
Holmes

Re: CLOCK_MONOTONIC

Thinging the grand/children is deprecated.

If only 3 in 100,000 cyber-crimes are prosecuted, why not train cops to bring these crooks to justice once and for all, suggests think-tank veep

hplasm
Facepalm

"Trump & pals listening to her "

"To that end, building diplomatic ties and getting cooperation from law enforcement in other countries will be critical."

nuff said...

US government grounds drone fleet (no, not the military ones with Hellfire missiles) over Chinese espionage fears

hplasm
Facepalm

Return of the Yellow Peril!

The Red Menace is over- all good comrades now - the best!

Back to the 1930s!

/covfefe

Remember when Europe’s entire Galileo satellite system fell over last summer? No you don’t. The official stats reveal it never happened

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: WTF?

Bi percent. tThe biggest. Bigly available.

Star wreck: There's a 1 in 20 chance a NASA telescope and US military satellite will smash into each other today

hplasm
Coat

Re: it would be like a car hitting a shopping cart

Less hairy?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Pittsburgh, Philadelphia?

Slough.

It has dibs.

needs a big target painted on it though...

hplasm
Happy

Re: Recycling

Cue Peakies with a horse with a rocket up its arse...

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Recycling

Curses- wheer is my BOX!

Verity Stob is 'Disgusted of HG Wells': Time, gentlemen, please

hplasm
Boffin

Re: "Consequently I had to halt the vehicle and obtain some mercury to effect a repair."

Forthunately, the Daleks were not around...

Windows takes a tumble in the land of the Big Mac and Bacon Double Cheeseburger

hplasm
Coat

Re: They would use audio for non sighted customers.

"Expect those big white bouncy balls chasing you any moment."

A #metoo icon?

Cisco Webex bug allowed anyone to join a password-protected meeting

hplasm
Devil

Re: Webex -- you mean the app that gobbles my CPU?

Annoying that Unauthorised Attendists ( :) ) can join a Webex session, when the invited users have a 50% chance of logging in correctly.

Still better than Lync though...

It's good to talk: Union says IBM failed to consult system support techies as Scottish Power contract nears end

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Well IBM is one problem

"I agree but it does get all those expensive employees off your balance sheet."

Whilst paying out twice as much, as OpEx...

Tea tipplers are more likely to live longer, healthier lives than you triple venti pumpkin-syrup soy-milk latte-swilling fiends

hplasm
Coat

I drink mate, to match my desktop.

A lot of people drink, then mate.

Alcohol causes children!

hplasm
Coat

Re: Builder's tea

"Hmmm, what else comes in pints? --->"

Elephants?

hplasm
Happy

Re: I reject this story

"I don't like the cut of your trousers, my good man!"

I don't like your Tweed, Sir!

hplasm
Coat

Re: Nothing new here

"...heroes had hot black tea with a knob of butter"

Not EES, but a story called "Man of Steel, Knob of Butter"?

(I jest)

Alan Turing’s OBE medal, PhD cert, other missing items found in super-fan’s Colorado home by agents, says US govt

hplasm
Coat

Re: Ironic

"Turing deserved to be made an earl at least "

he should have had both!

Alan Turing - EARLOBE!

hplasm
WTF?

This is oddly sad.

Still, at least her heart was in the right place, sort of- even if her brain was wandering somewhere odd...

Glad the things are back.

US court rules: Just because you can extract teeth while riding a hoverboard doesn't mean you should

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: .hoverboards do not exist outside of fiction

"All you need to do is paint the bottom of the board with Cavorite."

I opened my tin of Cavorite, and it all buggered off into the sky.