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* Posts by hplasm

5055 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

EU negotiator: Crucial data adequacy deal will wait until UK hands in homework

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Requoting from another thread

"Davis, May and Boris are trying to put the proverbial donkey behind the proverbial cart."

Utter tosh!

Why would the donkeys want to leave the plushness of the House of Commons in the first place?

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MSDN unleashes a fresh round of unintentional innuendo bingo

hplasm
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Re: Does knob really have two meanings any more?

"So now we have an inordinate number of words for penis but no word for a cylindrical control that can be rotated to alter the state of a machine"

How about...nob?

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Microsoft Azure Europe embraced the other GDPR: Generally Down, Possibly Recovering

hplasm
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Flame

Re: Underlying temperature issue

Underlying temperature issue - see icon.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: More Microsoft CloudFog

" next update will be provided in 60 minutes or not..."

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How to stealthily poison neural network chips in the supply chain

hplasm
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Devil

"a fully operational wing of F-35Bs...."

Or weaponised unicorns!

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National ID cards might not mean much when up against incompetence of the UK Home Office

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Why they really want ID cards

..."so the card can have a "pleb bit" available"

Anyone else just had a great idea for an 'app'?

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'90s hacker collective man turned infosec VIP: Internet security hasn't improved in 20 years

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Hollywood Education System

" Any? Facebook? Twitter?"

Secondary sources: Primary Source- Hollywood Movies...

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hplasm
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Meh

Internet security hasn't improved in 20 years

In other news, Windows is still a thing.

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Pwned with '4 lines of code': Researchers warn SCADA systems are still hopelessly insecure

hplasm
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Happy

Re: SCADA systems running windows

"...BridgePort Wire Eroder running DOS 3.0 running off twin 720k floppies."

So fairly secure, then?

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Sir, you've been using Kaspersky Lab antivirus. Please come with us, sir

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Я невиновен, товарищ!

"Because NSA isn't selling me - or you, or to anyone else - anything."

They're selling something...

And you certainly have bought it.

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Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Yeah - but if I am a "common criminal" I'll definitely find another non-indiegogo to pawn

"PETA will be on the case."

And kill them.

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The eyes have it: 'DeepFakes' bogus AI-meddled videos outed by unblinking gaze

hplasm
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Terminator

So are we saying fish and snakes aren't real?

Check the sacles for serial numbers and copyright.

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Tech firms, come to Blighty! Everything is brill! Brexit schmexit, Galileo schmalileo

hplasm
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Re: Brexit Schmexit and other Perverse Costly Abominations

dreamshit is rife in the Government? Explains a lot...

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Good old Alan T

" "If you are brilliant, come and devote your life to serving the British government, who will pay you a pittance and then castrate you for your trouble.""

And then say how brilliantly British you were, a shining example to all, after you are dead.

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... Aaaand that's a fifth Brit Army Watchkeeper drone to crash in Wales

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Signage

"I would suggest that a part of that facelift would be the words

LAND HERE

painted in large friendly letters on the tarmac."

To tell the drone where the ground is...

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Apple will throw forensics cops off the iPhone Lightning port every hour

hplasm
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Pint

Kudos!

I must tip my hat to Apple, for Atomic Level awkwardness security-mindedness!!

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Geoboffins baffled as Ceres is crawling with carbon organics

hplasm
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Alien

Don't panic!

It's just where the Teasers empty their septic tanks...

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Astroboffins 'sprinkle iron filings' over remnant supernova

hplasm
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Re: Slack language

"The actual explosion happened around 168,031 years ago."

It was 1987 there...

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AI built to track you through walls because, er, Parkinsons?

hplasm
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Someone contact the Arisians.

It's time for the Spyray Block...

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Which? calls for compensation for users hit by Windows 10 woes

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: software giant still needs to work a little harder

"Gardener with neighbouring sheep farmer here: sheep have to be kept out of gardens."

Thus the SNAFU is explained...

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Microsoft will ‘lose developers for a generation’ if it stuffs up GitHub, says future CEO

hplasm
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Re: Coming soon to github

Clippy - "I see you have been using stack overflow for every line of code. Would you like to come and work in Redmond?"

FTFY

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Beardy Branson: Wacky hyperloop tube maglev cheaper than railways

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Technological objections

"A very large catchers mitt with an arrest mechanism could be doable."

A very large Yorkshire pudding soaked in gravy sounds feasible too.

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hplasm
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Alert

Re: Picking nits

"You just build a hyperloop, Straight up"

But- that would suck all of the atmosphere up into space!!!

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Meet the real spin doctors: Scientists tell H2O to chill out so they can separate isomers

hplasm
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Boffin

Down the plughole...

"the hydrogen atoms should be able to rotate freely as soon as some energy is available."

Clockwise or widdershins?

(Depending on which isomer, and whether or not the plughole is in the Antipodes or not.*)

*yes, iIknow, Mr Snopes....

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Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: "Alexa, is there a God?

"She said that day she had had to make a choice between milk or sweets."

Sounds like she needs to look at her choice of god...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Somewhat baffling

That would be an ecumenical question...

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hplasm
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Angel

"Alexa, is there a God?

"Yes, now there is a God"

Siri: "Ahem..."

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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: hang on....

Nothing as safe as an Oompaloompa.

And nothing as hazardous as an Oompaloompa in a cabbage patch...

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You've heard that pop will eat itself. Boffins have unveiled a rocket that does the same

hplasm
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Happy

Duncan Jones's Moon

Also related to a certain Mr Bowie...

this comment also does nothing to advance the debate.

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You know that silly fear about Alexa recording everything and leaking it online? It just happened

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Come on, who wasn't expecting this to happen?

"Sirigooglexa "

The word that turns all of the 'girls' on...

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UK's Royal Navy accepts missile-blasting missile as Gulf clouds gather

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Judging by the volcanic cloud on the horizon

"And what the hell are they burning to make so much soot?"

US Dollars.

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Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

hplasm
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Happy

but-

"Yeah...but what's he done lately?

No - you're thinking of his sister, Janet"

That's all just nasty rumour...

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: reinforced clown shoes

Do not, ever, mess with a reinforced clown.

That is all.

(edit: where is the Trump icon? )

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hplasm
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Annie?

"She was hit by, struck by, a smooth criminal the owner of some social media operation."

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Brit water firms, power plants with crap cyber security will pay up to £17m, peers told

hplasm
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Holmes

If you've got a margin of £1m, that security investment is significantly more expensive

No, buit the profits are reduced...

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Microsoft, Google: We've found a fourth data-leaking Meltdown-Spectre CPU hole

hplasm
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Re: Spectre

"I'm aware of a group selling a Spectre vuln.

SPECTRE?

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10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

This post has been deleted by a moderator

NASA’s new exoplanet-spotter survives sling past the Moon

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Uranus...

Cheeky...

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hplasm
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Re: How far?

I like 'The Mun' it has a nice sound to it.

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: "... around Earth’s moon."

Try saying "... around our moon."

Which one?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: The dark side? Again?

Of course the moon gas a dark side.

You know, when you can't see it? When it is out of sight?

You don't know what it says about you then. You don't want to know what it says about you then...

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Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Personal Tragedy

"After that I vowed that nothing like that would ever happen again. "

I called the data drive F:

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Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

hplasm
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Happy

Ahem...

Now it turns out he was a handegg player.

Ban handegg.

FTFY.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Agenda

"Why is this retarded Snowflake crap even appearing in the Reg? Is it now staffed by Owen Jones clones?"

It's a dorkcatcher - and it sees that it works, eh? We'll let you out later.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Instead of fixing the problem...

"Umbridge: There is nothing out there dear. Who would you imagine would want to attack children like yourself?"

Harry: Oh, I don't know, maybe nutters with guns?

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Brit ISPs get their marker pens out: Speed advertising's about to change

hplasm
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FAIL

Hahahaha

"if BT's router is transmitting more powerfully than any others it is illegal equipment and Ofcom would have taken them to court."

Ofcom? Yeah, right.

And most of their kit contravenes their own test specs...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: WiFi

"'s pr0n. It's always pr0n. The internet is for pr0n."

Kitten pr0n.

The truth, it burns...

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What an odd way of putting it!

I see your craftspersiblingship,

and raise you a craftspersiblingboatymcboatface'

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Three-hour outage renders Nest-equipped smart homes very dumb

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Lessons learned

"Probably wait until facebook bring out their cloudy Unlocking service.

There you go...

Where's the 'Cloud Raining Shit down Upon Us' very much required Icon?

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It's true – it really is grim up north, thanks to Virgin Media. ISP fined for Carlisle cable chaos

hplasm
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Re: 400 Reinstatement notices...

Pretty much- and the cable pullers can't piss in a toilet without it going all over the cubicle.

Should hire Monkeys- they're better.

Source- worked near them...

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