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* Posts by hplasm

4819 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

DXC execs: Here's ANOTHER deadline for skills profiling

hplasm
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Angel

"What about ticking everything, or at least everything that you could bullshit your way through?"

Isn't that standard procedure for such things?

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BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

hplasm
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Headmaster

Ahem.

Might 'have'...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Ahhh!

Hardly- just taking it easy in the pre-xmas lull, I suspect... got to lull the mooks...

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hplasm
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Ahhh!

Back to form! 2018 is looking up - at last!

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Remember those holy tech wars we used to have? Heh, good times

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: S**t!

" If you want to say shit, say it."

Agreed. Even the POTUS says shith**e.

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hplasm
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Re: S**t!

Your ideas intrigue me, and I should like to subscribe to your newsletter.

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PowerShell comes to MacOS and Linux. Oh and Windows too

hplasm
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Meh

Next up-

Tits on a fish.

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US Senators force vote on Ctrl-Z'ing America's net neutrality death

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Likely won't pass, but...

"Who's 'we', kimosabe?"

The Cowboys in charge of the 'Western Culture'.

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Memo man Damore is back – with lawyers: Now Google sued for 'punishing' white men

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Funny how...

Sounds like something an 'SJW' would say...

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US border cops told to stop copying people's files just for the hell of it

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: CBP is committed to preserving the civil rights and civil liberties of those

"CBP is committed to preserving the civil rights and civil liberties of those

who carry US passport. "

Strictly speaking, that means the majority of US citizens can F.O. too, not having a US passport...

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Jocks in shock as Irn-Bru set to slash sugar and girder content

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Lateral Thinking

"Even OXO cubes seem to lack any salt nowadays."

So does my salt cellar! This explains that!

(although it may just need filling...)

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: sachet of sugar... do the trick.

"It'll be fun when the government eventually realise artificial sweeter is linked to dementia."

Yep. They won't like the competition for their jobs, that's for sure.

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hplasm
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Re: Lateral Thinking

Have you ever tried putting sugar in a fizzy drink?

It should be tried once, in a pub, with a packet of sugar from the coffee bar area.

In someone else's pint.

Then run.

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The healing hands of customer support get an acronym: Do YOU have 'tallah-toe-big'?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Computers fear me!

I had a sticker for years in my wallet that said something along the lines of:-

"Never let this equipment know just how important and essential it is to the workings of the company, as it will immediately cease working for no reason."

I was given it by a hardware Eng, (DEC I think) who used to stick them on kit that behaved oddly...

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Azure VMs borked following Meltdown patch, er, meltdown

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: BOFS! What are they like?

"BOFS! What are they like?"

Literate?

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Microsoft patches Windows to cool off Intel's Meltdown – wait, antivirus? Slow your roll

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: FUD

This confirms to me that using 1709 build of Windows 10 creates more problems than solutions.

There you go.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Someone cue the goddamn carousel music.

"Please. Thanks. I'll bring enough voodoo rattles so everyone can get in on the dance."

Thanks! I'll bring the dead chickens from the Unix fridge.

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hplasm
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Coat

Aha!

"Also, people installing the Windows Server patches should ensure they are enabled, too. They are disabled by default due to the potential performance hit involved. "

Discrimination!

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Huge Baby Huge

"Yes, it appears to be a rewrite of most of the core pieces of the Windows directory "

For real this time?

Not just "rewritten from the ground up" like all the New Versions?

Blimey!

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How we fooled Google's AI into thinking a 3D-printed turtle was a gun: MIT bods talk to El Reg

hplasm
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Unhappy

"...images clearly recognizable as a cat"

What if the cat is covered in guacamole? What then???!!??

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Nice pets

I find pet gaucamoles hard to hit with the mallet.

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Now that's sticker shock: Sticky labels make image-recog AI go bananas for toasters

hplasm
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Childcatcher

Re: Philosophically intriguing.

Aha- BLIT

By David Langford. Quite Creepy.

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hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Ahah!

You know too much, Citizen...

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Big shock: $700 Internet-of-Things door lock not a success

hplasm
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Happy

It doesn't even make juice?

Quite the opposite- you need the door open so you can jam the 'juiceable' packet into it and close to squeeze out the 'goodness'. This is purely to stop you rotting your teeth on 'juice'.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Bah!

Sounds like you need the prototype Otto - An Otto-cycle 2hp engine on a series II Landrover gearbox. That should shift your bolt...

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Ubuntu 17.10 pulled: Linux OS knackers laptop BIOSes, Intel kernel driver fingered

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Accidental Aardvark

I shall, in the meantime, continue to run Windows, and grin. :)

That's not a grin - that's you gritting your teeth.

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Poor NASA sods sent to spend Xmas in Antarctic ahead of satellite launch

hplasm
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Linux

Polar bears live in Africa.

As do penguins!

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FCC douses America's net neutrality in gas, tosses over a lit match

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Politics

This ^^^^^^^

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Next up...

Thank you for choosing Comcast long Distance Internet...

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5 reasons why America's Ctrl-Z on net neutrality rules is a GOOD thing

hplasm
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Devil

Re: If we can't trust corporations....

"whom else could we trust?"

Well, the US trust someone called InGod, but I think they might be a corporation that prints dollars?

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

What goes through someone's head when they do that?

Sometimes a projectile.

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Funnily enough, no, IT admins who trash biz machines can't claim they had permission

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: I've, umm... done most of that stuff

"Do I need to get written permission..."

Yes. It is, though a pain, called Change Management.

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Please, please, c'mon, just... please, pretty please, just, like, please use our AI – Microsoft

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Machine learning....

"I still don't understand ..."

Bend over...

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Auto auto fleets to dodge British potholes in future

hplasm
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Devil

"Like the ones that can buy Range Rovers and simply ignore potholes."

Ignore potholes? Range Rover drivers slow down to single figures for bloody level crossings. Hitting a pothole in one would probably kill them.

Supersized Shopping Vehicles. Pah.

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How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

hplasm
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Devil

Re: For the next experiment.

Fill a bag with salt water and see if it can replace a BT manager.

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hplasm
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Coat

"...IP over Rab C?"

That will make him mad. Pass him a towel and run!

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hplasm
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Happy

Only if you're 2 metres from the exchange.

Nobody is - hence the slow speeds...

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Microsoft asks devs for quantum leap of faith

hplasm
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Devil

Re: instead of writing in C#, devs use a language called Q#.

"In which all code will be both terrible crap and a work of genius at the same time.

Until you observe it. Then it'll just be terrible crap."

Isn't that already true?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: ... a computer that computes in a billion parallel universes at the same time... -- NOT

"What if we're in a sub-universe?"

A ravishing evernew place called Underverse.? Threshold! Take us to Threshold! No, not Redmond...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: To enable traditional coders to transition to new concepts more easily...

"...they've retained the same format of error message we are all familiar with e.g.,"

"An Unknown Error has Occurred Somewhere Unknown."

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hplasm
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Coat

Cat Test

"I ran the code while my cat was snoozing under the monitor and now I can't tell if he's alive or dead."

Try moving the mouse...

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hplasm
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Boffin

No Slurp?

"If it helps them find a version of Windows without slurping and TIFKAM, I'm all for it."

Hardly - they'll know everything about you instantly, and have infinite places to hide the start menu.

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Tired of despairing of Trump and Brexit? Why not despair about YouTube stars instead?

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Despair over Brexit and Trump?

You had me up to : "Despite all the leftist media propaganda".

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Despair over Brexit and Trump?

"And people actually voted for him on purpose??"

They heard him say the quote above, and decided that he was much smarter than they were.

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Elon Musk finally admits Tesla is building its own custom AI chips

hplasm
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Angel

Re: God-like

God-like.

Run people over for no reason. Refuse to start and then explode if you look at anther model.

Encourage owners of marque 'A' to war against owners of marque 'B'...

And so on. see the Owner's Bible* for further examples...

* Holy Haines, King James version.

Sounds God like to me. The past becomes the future?

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Disk drive fired 'Frisbees of death' across data centre after storage admin crossed his wires

hplasm
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Mushroom

"In WWII the bomb disposal squads never got a do-over when they made that mistake."

"Cut the red wire..."

"Now is a bad time to admit that I'm colour-blind..."

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Meet the woman with a supernatural affinity for stiff lovers

hplasm
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Devil

"She sounds batty all right."

Nah, she's just a Creepy fucker.

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hplasm
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Happy

First excuse...

What's this goo on the bed!?!

Er, ectoplasm...

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Spy-on-your-home Y-Cam cameras removes free cloud storage bit

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Been warning of this since long before...

" Air is invaluable, but I don't pay anything to breathe."

Get your ass to Mars!

Then get back to me.

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Intel Management Engine pwned by buffer overflow

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Who is behind all this? and government spies...

"You buy, we sell. #shadobrokers is being back in spades.""

Can I buy an Interceptor and a purple wig?

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