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* Posts by hplasm

5163 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Developer goes rogue, shoots four colleagues at ERP code maker

hplasm
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Happy

Re: A gun is involved in every single mass shooting.

What's in a name? That which we call a barmcake

By any other name would still be a barmcake.

It's barmpots I'm worried about, particularly if they have a gun.

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Microsoft's Jet crash: Zero-day flaw drops after deadline passes

hplasm
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Happy

Access

"One of our clients has an Access DB for something horrible"

All Access DBs are something horrible.

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Flying to Mars will be so rad, dude: Year-long trip may dump 60% lifetime dose of radiation on you

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Artificial magnetosphere

"Hah! If I had a cold fusion reactor for every one of those I've heard of, I'd be laughing my 3 heads off and glowing!"

FTFY

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: And given the shielding level of and lander you'll get the radiation workers annual dose

"drones to find caves, do a bit of LIDAR to establish depth of said cave...."

Find abandoned alien craft/slime/weird tentacle monster. Escape barely with life and be sold down the river by deranged Android. Die in horrible circumstances.

Yep -sounds about right.

oh - Avoid sequels...

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hplasm
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Terminator

Re: Anti-ageism

"Two Weeks!!"

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National Museum of Computing to hold live Enigma code-breaking demo with a Bombe

hplasm
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Coat

...participants in the conference will hear papers...

Rustle rustle...

ssh!

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Holy macaroni! After months of number-crunching, behold the strongest material in the universe: Nuclear pasta

hplasm
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Happy

Re: It's alive!

Damn- beat me to it...

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Apple hands €14.3bn in back taxes to reluctant Ireland

hplasm
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Pirate

Aye!

Yarr!

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Planning on geeking out at CA World this year? Think again

hplasm
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Happy

Next yaer -

Register to go -then don't book tickets...

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Microsoft: Like the Borg, we want to absorb all the world's biz computers

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Ha!

"Software is only as good as the humans configuring it."

Unless Microsoft, ,then the inverse applies.

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App-y, app-y, joy, joy: Pain-free software installer Flatpak (kinda) works on Windows Subsystem for Linux

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Pulseaudio not present on WSL

"..As typical of the Linux crowd..."

Poettering is not typical of the Linux crowd...

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Boffins ask for £338m to fund quantum research. UK.gov: Here's £80m

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Quibbling

"I know what I'd choose, but politicians and civil servants don't think."

FTFY

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Funding based on historical precedent

"You'll never be able to just experiment in the same way."

Thinking outside of the shed at the same time?

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NHS smacks down hundreds of staffers for dodgy use of social media, messaging apps

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: deeper than that

"... the health professional might not loose their job on first offense...."

Unless they are using Slack?

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Russia: The hole in the ISS Soyuz lifeboat – was it the crew wot dunnit?

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Astronauts did it? Bullshit

Aha! an outside job, then!

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hplasm
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Boffin

...suction clamped to the surface...

Erm...space?

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Redis does a Python, crushes 'offensive' master, slave code terms

hplasm
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Devil

Or..

1% and scum.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Truly-

Leftpondian guilt, wrote large.

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Guess who just bought Maplin? Dragons' Den celebrity biz guy Peter Jones

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: More Powa!

"Anybody know who started it?"

Same fuckers that are scared of mercury thermometers breaking.

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Boffins don't want to burst your bubble – they create them with sound

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

So that is why-

The Enterprise has spherical shields...

/showerthinking

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Brit armed forces still don't have enough techies, thunder MPs

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Dear Military...

I lowbid you, as I only need to fly a Huey -all else remains the same, but I get to keep the copter.

And fuel card, please.

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Ever wanted to strangle Microsoft? Now Outlook, Skype 'throttle' users amid storm cloud drama

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I NEVER get tired of posting this

"Perhaps it's time we (IT) take a good hard look at our own performance,"

Who are you calling 'we' Paleface?

/get back in your meeting room...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Sharepoint also hosed

"At my work, Sharepoint, Outlook & Skype were all hosed."

So, it's not all bad news!

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Microsoft sharpens its claws to cut Outlook UI excess, snip Ribbon

hplasm
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Alien

Re: With no competition for miles ....

"Sounds exactly like much "enterprise" software to me!"

It's called "Enterprise", because it might work by the 23d Century!

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Microsoft Azure: It's getting hot in here, so shut down all your cores

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Reputation Damage

Azure wish I'd chosen AWS!

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Experimental 'insult bot' gets out of hand during unsupervised weekend

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Bank Holidays...

It will rain on them - you can bank on it...

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IBM slaps patent on coffee-delivering drones that can read your MIND

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Hello

"You want dried leaves in boiling water?2

Possibly- what sort of leaves are they...?

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hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: What could possibly go wrong?

"Jarvis! Double Absinthe, water - chilled, over sugar, please!"

"At once sir,"

I accept the future, with caveats*.

* 14 Tb text file enclosed.

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Everyone screams patch ASAP – but it takes most organizations a month to update their networks

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Do you prefer being burnt at stake or quartered?

And now I have my new Sig.

Woe to the pot.

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It's official – satellite spots water ice at the Moon's chilly poles

hplasm
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Alien

Re: However the race is now of to see who can dump the first plastic on the Moon.

Don't forget the bog bags , overshoes etc under the landers...

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Japan finds long, deep tunnel on the Moon

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Just supposing everyone goes through with it...

"But what are they going to _do_ up there?"

Look down on us!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Clanger holes And there I was about to ask if...........

"So, what flavour was the Soup Dragon's Soup?"

Clanger Shit, or on Tuesdays, Bin Lid Scrapings.

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Most staffers expect bosses to snoop on them, say unions

hplasm
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Happy

Re: pretty please don't use your work email for personal shit.

"documents associated with his divorce witch"

I see what you did there!

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Go Zuck Yourself: Facebook destroys patent suit over timeline

hplasm
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Linux

Re: Win, settle... or sublimate

"And eventually they evaporate into nothingness."

And yet, somewhere, an SCO atom is still fighting on...

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Home Office seeks Brexit tech boss – but doesn't splash the cash

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Awesome!

"Probably at least a year's supply of publishable On-Call stories."

Or the ultimate in Who, Me?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Not Enough if you ask me

"I don't think £100k is enough to persuade anyone competent to link their name to that crap."

But there are dozens of incompetents available...

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TSB takes on 250 complaint-wranglers to absorb £200m outage fallout

hplasm
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Devil

To be fair...

"54 people who maybe sort of know what they are doing, trying to supervise 250 people who know nothing."

...it's usually the other way around.

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Windows is coming to Chromebooks… with Google’s blessing

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Pulling a freight train with a tricycle

"Windows 10 should run passably on premium hardware like a Pixelbook, but it will be bitterly disappointing on the zillions of $200 Chromebooks."

No change there then, Win 10 performance wise...

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Criminal justice software code could send you to jail and there’s nothing you can do about it

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Open justice should mean open decisions

'Open justice'? where did you see that?

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Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: OCR, seriously?!?

Excuse me Doctor, is this a word you have written , or an EEG trace..?

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Space, the final Trump-tier: America to beam up $8bn for Space Force

hplasm
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Meh

Biased whiney babies -

Should not be in positions of power.

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Microsoft's cheapo Surface: Like a netbook you can't upgrade

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Linx 12x64

"Even the actual compilation won't take that long as you let it run overnight unattended."

So -shorter than a Win10 update then...

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Dear alt-right morons and other miscreants: Disrupt DEF CON, and the goons will 'ave you

hplasm
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Happy

Goons-

"...kicked into the fetid hell of the August Las Vegas sunshine with a boot mark on their backsides."

"Oh Neddy! You've deaded me!

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'Unhackable' Bitfi crypto-currency wallet maker will be shocked to find fingernails exist

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The universal law

"...And the Gods of the Copyrights, I notice, outlast them all."

FTFY

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The wheel turns slowly, but it turns: Feds emit IoT security tip sheet

hplasm
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Facepalm

Now the 'G-Men'

Are the 'Cyber-men' ?

How quaint!

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Alaskan borough dusts off the typewriters after ransomware crims pwn entire network

hplasm
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Windows

The attackers gained Active Directory admin access

"Only criminal negligence, or deliberate criminal intent of an insider, could allow that to happen, surely."

Sounds like policy decision to me.

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First low-frequency fast radio burst to grace our skies detected at last

hplasm
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Holmes

Fatline Squirts-

Usually accompanied by Low Frequency Bursts.- and gaseous clouds...

Is that a peg on your nose, Holmes?

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The End for Fin7: Feds cuff suspected super-crooks after $$$m stolen from 15m+ credit cards

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The USA ...

"It is against US law to contaminate food intended for human consumption, LD or not."

Unless a US food conglomerate of course...

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Now that's a dodgy Giza: Eggheads claim Great Pyramid can focus electromagnetic waves

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Too many assumptions made.

nd the whip, and the floppy hat...

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: And...

"Have your own opinion by all means, but don't claim your own reality."

I live in my own reality...

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