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* Posts by Rich 11

2109 posts • joined 8 Jul 2009

Android snoopware Skygofree can pilfer WhatsApp messages

Rich 11
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The Vatican confessional.

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Frenchman comes eye to eye with horror toilet python

Rich 11
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A python is unlikely to bite.

A bite is the python's main defence. It's not nice.

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China's first space station to – ahem – de-orbit in late March

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Re: Coming home

That's what Swindon wants you to think.

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Childcare is a pain in the bum and so is HMRC's buggy subsidies site

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Re: Where there's a blame there's a claim

And while you're at it, pay for your own education, you annoying little sprogs, and stop being a burden on the taxpayer. Pay for your own damn vaccinations as well. And I don't see why I, the great British taxpayer, should have to shell out on Social Services to stop your fag-junky parents from beating the crap out of you and starving you to death, or for the police to arrest you or for the courts to try you, and definitely not forty-three grand a year to keep your lardy arse in prison for twenty years. God, look at what this country has come to...

In other words, fuck off AC, you ignorant twat.

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Rich 11
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Then pay through the nose for it.

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Rich 11
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Joke

something to look forward to <crying face>

Children or childcare?

Nah, kids are fine. Anyway, legally speaking you only have to look after them until they leave home -- and then they're the responsibility of Social Services.

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UK taxman told to go easy on transformation with Brexit in headlights

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Re: Ms Hillier may have been right yesterday ...

"... you’ll develop the insight and networks needed for the UK to successfully leave the European Union ..."

What typical insight and networks will they need? Skimming the Daily Heil and stamping their foot?

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Rich 11
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Re: So

Strange you should mention that. The HMRC's Psalmodical Imbibition Transformation Project has been underway for several years and reportedly is making good progress.

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Rich 11
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I'd planned to offshore all my finances to Lichtenstein until I realised that I didn't know how to spell it.

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Boffins closer to solving what causes weird radio bursts from space

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OTT

"We can not rule out completely the ET hypothesis for the FRBs in general."

Surely a civilisation capable of generating such massive amounts of power could find better things to do with its time.

Maybe the ET hypothesis can't be ruled out completely (in the sense that absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence), but the odds against it being correct here are, well, astronomical.

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Astroboffins say our Solar System is a dark, violent, cosmic weirdo

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Re: If anyone had a doubt we live in a weirdo world...

simply go shop for groceries.

Good idea. I'm out of bread. I knew I'd find an answer if I read enough comments here today.

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WikiLeave? Assange tipped for Ecuadorian eviction

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Re: "a very respectful way"

Smuggled out in Pamela Anderson's cleavage?

Alright, alright. Calm down. Don't tell me you weren't thinking of it too.

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MPs sceptical of plan for IT to save the day after UK quits customs union

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Re: Problem solved

Particularly when chasing a bloke from Luton who's just smuggled in a van load of cheap fags from Bulgaria.

And once the AI has identified the contraband, it activates the nearby T-200 to gently detain this enemy of the people.

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UK exam chiefs: About the compsci coursework you've been working on. It means diddly-squat

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Re: Put a lot of effort into something that'll never see the light of day ?

You missed a third thing:

No-one who knows what they're doing should on any account be allowed to talk to the actual users. Skilled intermediaries will be employed to fuck up this part of the project.

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Your connection is not Brexit... we mean private: UK Tory party lets security cert expire

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Re: El Reg is more influential than you would think

But these people aren't interested in public service, just the concentration of influence and power in the right hands.

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Rich 11
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Re: "Your connection is not private."

And a https connection will be confirmed by a BLUE padlock in the address bar, just like what we used to have before we joined the internet and had to have OUR rules dictated to us by FOREIGNERS.

We can't have our electricity running through those foreign blue, brown and green and yellow wires either. Red and black was good enough for my dad and it's good enough for me. We must make a stand and take back control of the wires by seizing the opportunity in both hands. Who is with me? Vive la resistance!

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If Australian animals don't poison you or eat you, they'll BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE

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Re: But how do they spread fires?

I, for one, welcome our new Black Kite overlords.

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How much will Britain's next F-35s cost? Not telling, says MoD

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Re: Welfare over warfare

The Great Depression, WW2, the 70s oil crisis, the winter of discontent, the dotcom bubble, the 2008 financial crisis. these are issues that the conservatives faced comming into power, the previous labour government caused many of them.

Many of them? Just one of them. Read a fucking history book - five of your examples had global causes! Only the winter of discontent was caused by a Labour government policy, and strangely enough pay restraint was a policy which the Conservatives supported.

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Re: Welfare over warfare

i may loath the lefts inability to balance a check book

Really? Then I have some news for you.

I'll leave it to you to determine which party has the better record in government of funding the social security safety net.

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Re: There's something I don't get

and is too small to be a proper occupying force after it's utterly destroyed the opposition.

Is there really such a thing as a proper occupying force anymore? Look how many troops the US put into Afghanistan and Iraq -- that all went swimmingly. I doubt even the Chinese military could spare enough soldiers to rotate through such a mission and be effective.

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To Puerto Ricans: A Register apology

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Re: Every day

Naturally a Democrat politician is exempt from such trickery, no matter how culpable.

On the contrary, Democrats are also fair game. They're far too right-wing for me to give them a get-out-of-jail-free card*.

* Something your beloved Chump-in-Chief will likely be needing soon.

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Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

Rich 11
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Re: Went looking for a suitable quote...

That Leeds to the dark side

Bloody hell. It's been almost fifty years yet people are still having a go at Don Revie.

*walks off muttering about those fookin Chelsea fans*

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Rich 11
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The Internet is teeming with pictures of what you can do with these things. Or so I'm told.

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Surveillance law slip-up in sight for staff stalking citizens on socials

Rich 11
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Re: Checks and balances are required

I used to have a WORM wife. Once she'd got an idea in her head you'd never hear the end of it.

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Rich 11
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...I was beginning to think no one was stupid enough to trot this one out anymore.

It's even been a while since a politician said it. Maybe as much as a week or two, at least.

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Hancock's hour: Minister of fun makes quips as GDPR questions cover old ground

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Fame at last!

Yesterday he had the chance to entertain the House of Lords EU Home Affairs Sub-Committee

And who amongst us would not relish such a heaven-sent opportunity?

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Magic Leap blows our mind with its incredible technology... that still doesn't f**king exist

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Your head.

I must have the latest model, since mine contains eight (arguably nine) sensors to evaluate external conditions and many, many more to measure internal inputs.

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'Please store the internet on this floppy disk'

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This apocryphal story has been doing the rounds since long before The IT Crowd, just like the CD tray/coffee cup holder one. Having met users, I don't doubt it was inspired by real incidents.

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Rich 11
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Brings back bad memories

"He had resized his Eudora window down to the point where it could not show the full message and did not know how what horizontal scrollbars are for," Andre told us.

Lots of people in the early 90s had computers plonked on their desks and were never shown or never managed to work out how to use the GUI properly. It was even worse when their company was too tight to provide proper training for particular software packages.

Customer: "Why do you never put headers and footers in the Pagemaker documents you send me?"

Me: "Why do you never use the page view and magnification controls?"

(I was a bit short-tempered that day. I think I apologised later.)

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Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the data centre temp's delightful

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Re: Um...

Yes. It's not far from New Hampshire, with New York sandwiched uncomfortably in between.

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Cloud-building alien space rays altered Earth's climate – boffins

Rich 11
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Anyone who claims either 0% or 100% with religious fervour is almost certainly wrong.

Or was joking...

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Rich 11
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Re: The bad news

We've just been waiting for slow freights like you to get a clue.

Says the clueless conspiracy-monger.

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Re: Science is awesome...

Than your Corolla alone? Yes, I expect that all those 'space rays' would have a greater effect. But than all the Corollas on the planet, over all the years they've been chugging away -- seems less likely.

(And I agree with you regarding Bells.)

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Oh good, half of Defra's Brexit projects involve IT

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Guess the response

“Defra’s track record of failure in implementing a new system of farm subsidy payments, which the Committee examined in 2016 and 2017, hardly fills me with confidence in its ability to replace EU programmes with home-grown successors.”

Guess the government's likely response. Will it be a or b?

a) Ensure that scoping is completed soon and is not overridden by later policy changes, then invest in sufficient resources to ensure that all work streams can be developed, tested and implemented in time, fully communicating any procedural changes and data requirements to guarantee that farmers can complete their submissions and applications on schedule to avoid bankruptcy.

b) Abandon the promise to continue paying subsidies at EU level.

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Hacks, bribes and bugs: Uber accused of illegal snooping on rivals

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Re: Kalanick

Corporatism at its finest.

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Google asks browser rival Vivaldi to post uninstall instructions

Rich 11
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Yeah, but by then Google will have slurped up more personal data than the NSA and Sergey Brin will have moved himself out of any country's jurisdiction, probably to a volcano lair in the middle of the Pacific.

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Another AI attack, this time against 'black box' machine learning

Rich 11
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The AI has only been trained to recognise emperors who are wearing clothes.

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PHWOAR, those noughty inks: '0.1%' named Stat of The Year

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Re: 80% artificial...

The resolution is 25 metres, apparently, so the basic unit is 625m^2 rather than streets.

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'I knew the company was doomed after managers brawled in a biker bar'

Rich 11
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Re: It's all fun and games until someone's toes freeze solid and shatter,

or the spoon was sticking out straight up out of the soup

At my school the dinner ladies ensured this would happen even without the aid of liquid nitrogen.

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We need to talk about mathematical backdoors in encryption algorithms

Rich 11
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Joke

Or did I prove myself over-qualified by getting his name right?

Your application for a seat has been rejected on the grounds that you listened to an expert who is not just clearly an expert but also clearly foreign.

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Which distant Mars-alikes could we live on? Ask these Red Planet data-sifters

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Re: You're doing it wrong

I will try to avoid kicking off a small war as a result of my breeding with the best looking alien.

You promised that last time, Ripley.

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How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

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Re: hmmm

In other words, an ADSL signal carried over salt water and not so much the string.

Think of the string as the water's waveguide.

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Brrr! It's a snow day and someone has pwned the chuffin' school heating

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Re: Lucky little sods

We used to set fire to a first-year, preferably one who hadn't yet lost all his baby fat.

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Millions of moaners vindicated: Man flu is 'a thing', says researcher, and big TVs are cure

Rich 11
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Re: Expect better than this from the reg

This the Reg, not the Daily Mail/Express etc.

And you should know that El Reg will happily print stuff for a joke (unlike the Mail and Express, which are a joke).

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UK lacks engineering and tech skillz to make government's industrial strategy work – report

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Re: All the jobs were sent offshore to get it for cheap....

with the caveat that liberal majors above an "essential" centrally tendered national quota pay full price. Not the 9k they pay today. The full one (which is more).

As strongly as I agree with the rest of your sentiment, this part is both incorrect and wrong. Humanities subjects tend to be cheaper courses to run than science and technical ones. Also we don't want to cut our noses off to spite our faces -- if we want a rounded and rewarding society, we need those medieval historians and sociologists and creative writing graduates. A quota system would not work, because if anything the fuzziness of these subjects makes it harder to determine who would go on to advance the subject and society in some worthwhile fashion. By all means offer bonuses to encourage people to commit to STEM subjects, but don't undermine the other subjects. Law of unintended consequences, and all that...

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Rich 11
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Here we go again

"We must now bring businesses, academia and government together and strengthen their working relationships to ensure that the next generation of talent has the right practical and technical skills to meet future demand.

Reports have been saying this for eleven years or more. Universities and colleges (and many schools) have worked with business to produce courses which meet the demands of business, but far too few businesses have been willing to put serious amounts of actual money into it or to provide decently-paid jobs which will attract young people and encourage them to invest two, five or seven years of their lives in such schemes, starting at a time of life when many of them -- to be somewhat hyperbolic -- struggle to think beyond the next pill or the next shag. Get off your arses, you lazy business cunts, and invest in your own future instead of expecting society to bear the burden of doing it for you and then moaning that you "just can't find the staff these days".

"We are urging more businesses to provide more quality work experience opportunities for young people and more apprenticeships, enabling employees to earn while they learn and develop their work-readiness."

And that would be proper three- or five-year apprenticeships, not two weeks spent watching someone else fiddle around with a CNC machine and reporting to a beancounter who ticks a box marked 'Levy'.

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Tired of despairing of Trump and Brexit? Why not despair about YouTube stars instead?

Rich 11
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Re: Despair over Brexit and Trump?

I think the Americans decided to vote for the better one of two very bad candidates.

The lesser of two evils is still evil.

Mike Pence is probably just biding his time, waiting to take over the presidency.

And this hate-filled religio-smurf is just as capable of evil.

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New Capita system has left British Army recruits unable to register online

Rich 11
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Where did the spec sheet go? did someone lose it?

Since the is the Armed Forces we're talking about, I expect a very senior officer left it on a train.

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Rich 11
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Re: How much? How long?

Don't forget the flagpoles for the politicians who actually decided that outsourcing was the best answer to keeping the Civil Service budget down. Just remember how many Commons' debates we've seen over the last 25 years which turned into willy-waving contests over who could cut the most bureaucratic "waste".

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HMS Queen Lizzie formally joins the Royal Navy

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Re: re: vessel named after such a Lady.

Pete, you must have been on the beer early. Today is a Thursday.

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